Degrees of Hope (19 page)

Alas, that seemed to make him angrier and my punishment even more severe. I do not understand it, since I know that he wants an heir.

Then he had marital relations with me again, even although I am pregnant. I thought that the point of marriage was to have children and I confess that I had hoped these encounters would stop for a while as I was with child. I have ceased fighting but it still hurts. Sometimes I think that he wants to hurt me, that he enjoys it. Still, I do not understand why he would keep demanding that right when I am already carrying a child.

I sometimes wonder what James would say but I am too fearful of his rebuke to ask him.'

The housemaid brought his dinner tray and he paused his reading. He ate a little but he really had no appetite and soon returned to the journals.

'James has arrived but he still believes me to have some contagious illness and so has not tried to see me. He does send me notes through the staff, but it is hard to answer in a jovial tone.

Then, just when I began to think that I could not endure much more of this, Hope turned up in my room! She didn't believe that I was unwell and somehow she managed to persuade the staff that she must see me. She couldn't stay long, obviously, but just seeing her, hearing her tell me that everything would be all right... You cannot imagine how wonderful that felt. She truly is the dearest woman that I have ever met.'

James threw the book away from him and buried his face in his hands. How could he have been so blind?

He walked to the window to look out on the immaculately landscaped lawn, the same lawn that Honoria must have looked upon each day, while she wallowed in misery, trapped in a marriage with a cruel man, who abused her good nature and subjected her to such vile, unspeakable things!

Nevertheless, he knew that he must return to the journals. Reading them felt like a punishment, but it was nothing like he deserved for having let his dearest sister down so badly.

He continued reading, then found there was a gap of almost two weeks. Sometimes she missed a day, perhaps two, but so far he had never come across such a large gap before and his heart sank before he even began the next entry.

'The baby is dead, killed by Malcolm's hand, murdered before he even had a chance at life. He called me all sorts of wicked and vile names whilst he beat me this time. It seems that James had been to see him in London but I do not know what was said. I can only think that James was trying to help me.

In one way I am grateful, for my child is with God now and shall never be subjected to the horrors that I have endured. I don't believe that I could have borne it had my child suffered as I have. He is safe now, but that is small comfort when I am forced to continue living in this Hell.

On the other hand, the baby would have at least been company for me during the week, when Malcolm is in London. I know this is selfish of me though, to want to bring a child into this vile marriage, just to ease a little of my loneliness.

I fear it is hopeless.

I want to be with my child, protected from this brutal existence, safe in God's loving arms.

I pray each day for some deadly disease to strike me down but my prayers are never answered. Sometimes I wonder if Hell could really be any worse than what I am enduring?'

She was talking of suicide, he realised. Malcolm had brought her so low that she was willing to risk eternal damnation just to escape.

And this might all have been avoided had he listened to her early letters, when she spoke of her doubts about marrying Malcolm. He had dismissed her as a foolish child who was unable to understand the realities of life. He was so proud of the man he was becoming, proud of the knowledge and supposed wisdom that he was gaining, that he forgot to listen.

'My dear friends visited today and made me feel a little better. For the first time I told them everything, including how I had been locked in my room until my wounds healed, kept prisoner in my own home.

I saw no scorn or shame in their eyes. They did not try to tell me that this was my fault and that I must endure and be a good wife. They just listened, without judgement.

I do not know what will happen now, but I have hope once again, hope that this nightmare might one day be over.

I thank the Lord for bringing these ladies into my life, and if that makes me wicked or sinful, then so be it.'

That was the last entry. He tore the final page out, where she spoke of Hope and Martha, for although he didn't know what hope they had given his sister, he did know that Malcolm would take it as proof that she had run away.

James on the other hand, had to consider the possibility that she had harmed herself. Perhaps the hope she had been given came in the form of poison, or a method of killing one's self. Perhaps her cuff was found by the small river because she had thrown herself in.

Still, as much as he worried for his sister and her fate, at the moment he had to decide what to do with Malcolm. That monster simply couldn't be allowed to get away with it.

Chapter Eighteen

Hope smiled as she entered the ballroom and looked around. Almack's Assembly Rooms were the only place to be seen in London and only those deemed worthy by the Lady Patronesses of Almack's were allowed entry. At one time, entry to the rooms without a title was almost impossible but in recent years, they had begun admitting more of the
nouveau riche
. Each Wednesday they gave a ball, which is what brought Hope and Mrs Cooper here this evening.

Hope had written back to Mrs Cooper, asking if it was convenient to stay with Mrs Cooper, or if she should book into a hotel. The Beaumonts always visited high end clients in person and most insisted on accommodating them. Mrs Cooper not only welcomed her but offered to escort her to two society balls that were being held that week. Like most people, Mrs Cooper thought that Hope should choose herself a husband and settle down, and it seemed that she wanted her chance to forge such good union.

Usually Hope would have eschewed such an invitation but at the moment, she was finding London society to be a great distraction and Mrs Cooper had been nothing but a kind and gracious host. Martha thought that a change of scenery would do Hope good and Hope had to admit that her mother had been right. Getting away from Marchwood Hall and its drama, not to mention that insufferable James Ashdown, she felt better than she could remember in an age. The only thing that might cheer her more, was hearing that Mary and Honoria had arrived safely in New York.

Hope actually liked balls and dancing, so she was looking forward to this evening; it was just the clumsy introductions to unsuitable or fortune hunting men that she disliked.

Mr Klein was escorting both ladies this evening and though not long acquainted, Hope thought him to be not only a very affable chap but also a good match for Mrs Cooper.

She was first waylaid by Bradley Johnstone, an old friend.

“Well, well, Miss Beaumont, I see that you're still single.”

“That's Lady Beaumont to you,” she smiled, and Bradley returned her grin.

“How are you, old girl?”

“Things have been a little tense back home but now that I am in your company, my mood is much improved.”

“Let’s get you a drink, shall we?” he offered her his elbow, without looking to Mr Klein to check if it was all right.

Bradley was what one might have called a lovable rogue. As well as being most handsome, he practically oozed charm, which meant that he was often forgiven things that others might not have been. He enjoyed thumbing his nose at convention, which is why he and Hope had become friends in the first place. Unlike many gentlemen, who looked down on her spirited behaviour but tolerated it because of her wealth, Bradley actually enjoyed her free spirit, and even encouraged her on occasion.

“I hear that you have chosen a wife,” she said, with no little amount of awe in her voice.

“Well I can't wait for you forever, my dear. A man has needs, you know.” He handed her a glass of punch.

“Like the need for a large bank balance?” she teased.

“Ah, yes. Well actually, Father is rather put out about that.”

“She's penniless?”

“Not exactly,” he smiled. “Far from it, in fact but nowhere near as wealthy as he would like.”

“So it's true love then?”

“I'm afraid so. Amelia is her name but unfortunately she could not be here this evening. If you are staying in town for a while, perhaps I could arrange an introduction?”

“Unfortunately I'm only staying for a week, I'm afraid.”

“That might prove difficult.” 

“Well, we should be coming to London regularly during the season. I would love to meet the woman who stole your heart, I was beginning to think that it would never happen.”

“You wound me!” he said clutching his heart theatrically.

“We both know that you never loved me,” she said. “Not that way, at least.”

Hope had admitted to herself that she could easily have fallen in love with Bradley and of all the proposals that she had received, his was the only one that she had her doubts about. However, it was the very charm that she found so attractive, that put her off such a union. As a friend, she could forgive his antics as everyone else did but were she his wife, there were some things that she was certain she would not be able to accept. His penchant for visiting gambling clubs (and often losing) for one, and his mistress for another. Although not even married yet, he kept a lady (or more accurately a series of them) in rooms that he rented on Bond Street.

At first she had not known who these women he was seen with were, and had accepted it when he said that they were his nieces or cousins or long standing family friends. Over time though, she had come to realise the truth.

Only when he proposed had she asked him about them and to his credit, he had not lied. He had promised to leave them behind and love only her, but Hope had decided that she could never be sure of such a silver tongued devil.

“Nevertheless, you remain the only woman in all of London worth dancing with.”

“You never seem to be wanting for a partner.” Hope answered with a smile.

“But they are all so stiff and formal.
You
understand that dancing is to be enjoyed, to be savoured.” He grinned at her like a little boy. “Save me from these austere women, say that you will save me at least three dances?”

“People will talk,” Hope reminded him, for to dance more than two with any one woman was a sign that you were more than friends.

“Since when have you cared what people say?”

“I don't especially, but I do care about the hurt it will cause to your Amelia.”

His smile faded and he nodded.

“Bradley, I realise that being serious does not come easily to you, but try not to hurt her.”

“I would never-”

Hope held up her hand to stop him. “I know that you don't mean any harm, but I also know how you enjoy your... shall we say, indulgences. All I am asking is that you be discreet, for Amelia's sake.”

“Of course.” He smiled warmly at her. “Two dances it is then, you may choose which ones.”

“How about a waltz and a polka?”

“Sounds perfect,” he agreed.

Just then Mrs Cooper approached with another gentleman.

“Hope, I would like for you to meet Edward Klein, my future step-son. Edward, this is Lady Hope Beaumont and Mr Bradley Johnstone.”

“Very pleased to meet you both,” he said.

Edward was a pleasant looking fellow, with hair the colour of chestnut, slightly bleached from sun at the ends and a slight tan. It soon emerged that he had recently returned from India, where he had been helping a friend to broker trade agreements.

“For your business?” Hope asked.

“No, his. After the recent troubles in America, he is importing more and more from India. I have some family out in India, so I offered to accompany him.”

“But the civil war in America is over now, is it not?” Hope asked.

“Indeed, though it will take them a while to recover.”

Hope bit her lip, wondering what she had sent Mary and Honoria into. An economy that was still recovering from war would not be good for them.

“Are you all right?” Edward asked.

“Oh, yes, quite all right, it's just the thought of the war, that's all.”

Edward nodded, knowing how distressing such things could be for women, whilst Bradley looked puzzled, for the Hope that he knew was usually not at all squeamish.

“If you'll excuse me, a friend of mine has just come in,” Bradley said, leaving the group.

“And I think I see Mrs Walsh,” Mrs Cooper said a few moments later. “If you'll excuse me, I just have to ask her something.”

And so Hope and Edward found themselves alone.

“I'm sorry,” Hope said. “Mrs Cooper is very much hoping to find me a husband whilst I am here, and it seems that she is not being very subtle about it.”

“You aren't married?” he asked. Although he was in his 30s and still unmarried, it was very unusual to find a lady in her 20s who was still single.

“I'm afraid not. I suppose I just haven't found the right gentleman yet.”