Delayed Penalty (31 page)

"You didn't know."

I never knew Callie would be so affected by what happened to me, just the same as Evan was, but anytime something happened to someone else, it wasn't always easy to look at yourself and ask, "Could this have happened to me?" The thought never usually crossed your mind until it was too late.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet. Evan didn't really talk, and I didn't force any conversation. What would I have said anyway? If I tried to speak, my voice shook and tears threatened to fall, so I stayed quiet.

Evan's hand, the one not in a splint, rested on my knee as we rode in the town car with Callie, Leo, and Remy, none of us saying a word. Remy and Leo had their own battle wounds from various fights throughout the night, as well.

Leo kept looking at Callie, who stared out the window, lost in her own thoughts.

Evan's knee bounced lightly, an indication of the nerves he had. I glanced over at him, questioning, but he simply gave me a weak smile, his hand squeezing my hand lightly.

When we pulled into the drive, Leo and Remy got out and went separate directions with Callie in tow, Leo's arm wrapped around her. Evan and I went the other way to our condo. Nothing was said by anyone. I think we were all kind of in shock over what had happened, and I didn't think they knew what to say.

Back in our room, that was when I lost it. My lip was between my teeth, my arms cradled around me, as I stared at Evan moving through the room looking for water.

It was coming—my break down. I knew it would eventually hit. As I watched him, I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling, and what this meant for us now.

Maybe he was nervous about what would really happen to Dave now. Or maybe he was upset that it happened on the ice, a place where he was comfortable was now a place that would hold a bad memory for him.

Maybe the drama of everything I brought with me was just another burden he didn't need: a girl that was too much trouble for a guy with all that responsibility.

"Stop," he demanded softly, turning to face me. He stepped forward, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip when I released it.

"What?"

"I can see you thinking. This doesn't change anything. I'm not going anywhere. I never was. From the moment I found you, I was never going anywhere again without you," he explained with a pained expression on his face, his eyes bloodshot and glossy, but swollen from the fight. He was wrecked, both physically and emotionally.

I cried for hours, and I didn't even know if I was even crying over my attack. I was crying for what Evan must have seen. Now I finally realized how horrific that must have been for him.

I cried for my parents and Andrew. I cried just to cry. I cried because in hockey terms, the zone had been cleared, and I felt like I could finally move on.

We lay there with only the sound of the rain and the sound of our breathing and beating hearts. Eventually, Evan tucked me back in his arms and I fell asleep. I heard him whisper he loved me, and I had no doubt he did.

After what felt like an eternity, I felt him shift beneath me, and I realized he was getting up. Unconsciously, I clung to him, protesting with a muted whimper.

"Honey, I need an ice pack for my shoulder. I'll be right back."

I didn't really have the energy to agree, but he must have understood, and moments later, just like he had promised, he returned.

He scooted closer again, folding me into his arms, fitting my head to the curve of his shoulder, a place I remembered being. I remembered the smell of him, the sound of his voice, and for once, I remembered that cab and him holding me, repeating, "Everything's gonna be okay."

I knew with time the memories of that day would come back, but I never thought the good ones would, too. The ones where my knight in shining armor rescued me.

My feelings for Evan ran deeper than any word I could put with the emotion, and though nothing was said, our touches, our unspoken words, were enough to let me know that I was worth being saved.

"Do you feel…relieved?" he asked, and in a way, in a really big way, I was. The thought hadn't crossed my mind until now.

"Are you?"

He breathed against my cheek, his lips pressing gently to my temple. "Yes."

Sometimes I thought that Andrew had brought Evan to me, and in more ways than one.

He brought him to find me, protect me, love me, defend me, and most importantly, make me believe in love. He brought him to me to show me that not everything was lost.

You could have your life ripped apart with no shred of what it was before. You could think to yourself you'd never find that again. That you had your chance and it was taken from you.

That wasn't the case.

Andrew used to tell me there were angels on the moon. It sounded crazy coming from a guy like Andrew, who was fairly macho for guy standards, but he would say things like, "It's not luck that I have Ami. It's an angel on the moon."

I never understood that statement. I always just thought maybe he'd took too many line drives to the head.

When I looked at Evan, I understood what he meant. The moon had a gravitational pull, one that couldn't be ignored. The moon was a place where when the sun had dried up all the good, when you couldn't see it anymore, the moon, with its reflecting glow, gave you a light when nothing else did. It guided you through the darkest nights.

Evan was my angel on the moon.

Evan didn't leave me alone that night. He insisted, despite that pain in his hand and shoulder, on holding me all night. No matter how many times I told him I was fine, he didn't let go, and deep down, I was glad he didn't let.

The memory brought me back to when my family died and Josh had held me all night. I told him I was fine and he let go. He let go all together eventually, but this time, with this all-heart boy holding me, it didn't matter if I was fine or pretended to be fine, he wasn't letting go.

His arm draped over me, pressing his chest into my back, and his warm sleeping breath fanned the hair behind my ear and soothed every ache in my heart no matter who put the ache there to begin with. In his arms, I felt safe and content. Here, in these arms, I trusted that he would do anything to keep me here and do anything to keep any harm from happening to me ever again.

Delay of game – This happens when a player deliberately causes a stoppage of play. Player is penalized with a minor penalty.

Nightmares. I'd been having them for months. When I closed my eyes, I saw white snow splashed with red and a girl, my girl, broken. Only now, those nightmares had a face with them, and he was my friend. He was my fucking friend, someone I trusted, someone who I never imagined could do something so horrific to another person. Then Ami was there, screaming, begging, blood pouring from her, handing me her broken heart. As sick as it was, it was a dream I had often.

With a jolt, I was awake, gasping. That was when the pain returned. My shoulder and hand were both screaming.

That was when I noticed Ami wasn't in my bed. Immediately, I jumped up and looked around the room, terrified she was gone.

"Ami?" I called out, searching the room.

That was when I heard the shower and the crying.

Rushing in there, I found her on the floor of my shower in a fetal position, her arms wrapped around her knees, crying.

The vision reappeared, the one of her covered in blood in the snow, followed quickly by the one of her in that bed, tubes and wires connected to her, and then finally the one of Dave. My hands and body were shaking, begging to release the anger that consumed me, but there was a bigger picture here: the girl.

"Baby, it's okay." I pressed my lips into her hair. She moved, crawling into my lap as I sat on the floor of the steaming shower in my underwear, rocking us back and forth. I had absolutely no idea if I was helping her, but fuck, I was trying.

The anger and emotion had still been building inside me and brought a wave of tears I had no intention of letting her see, so I turned my head, thankful for the water masking the sadness.

She smiled and took my doubt, resentment, and anger with her. I stroked slowly over her cheek with my right hand, moving to her lips.

"You know, there's a place I go in my head. My dreams are there, my hopes, and…you. You're there. You've always been there lately, and I could never figure it out, but then I got it. I finally understood it." Ami smiled, soft and sweet. "When I was out of it, I remembered a voice. I remember being drawn to it. It was calming, soothing, and telling me to fight, holding my hand when no one else was there to hold it. I fought for you…" she said through tears, and I had to swallow back my own. "I knew whose voice it was when you walked into the hospital that day." Her hands moved to touch my face and my chin quivered. I was annoyed as fuck I couldn't get my shit together. "I knew then it was you who got me through it."

The following morning, the fight was all over every news broadcasting station, NHL site, and all the social media websites. There was no hiding from it. What happened, what Dave did, was out in the open for all to see. The NHL suspended both of us for the remainder of the series, but would allow me to play in the next round. Dave, however, wouldn't be playing. He had been arrested and was about to be charged with attempted murder. The DNA came back a match. It would more than likely be months before everything was final and he was officially charged with anything, but the fact that we finally knew was a relief.

Turns out when news broke, three more women came forward and said they'd been raped by him, too. Who knew if it was true or not. Given his status, some people would say it just for the money. After I found out about Callie, it wasn't about the money. Dave really was a piece of shit.

Leo went to the jail and had a conversation with him, mostly fueled by him finding out Dave had roughed Callie up and how close Callie came to being hurt as bad as Ami had been.

I later asked Leo what he said to Dave, and he replied with, "I needed to know why he did it. Was it because he's just an ass who goes around beating women or was there a real reason."

"And he said?"

Leo let out an annoyed snort. "He said Callie needed to be knocked down a peg or two and Ami..." Leo swallowed and looked at me, his eyes narrowing. He was about to tell me something I didn't want to hear. "She had blown him off when he asked her to have a drink with him. I guess that was his revenge."

It figured it was something like that. He had no real reason. Not only did that have me seeing red again, but I was suspended that very same day Leo told me.

I was pissed about being suspended.

One by one, the games went by. Some were easier than others, like the ones we won, but when we lost it was difficult.

Ami tried everything to get me to cheer up, but I was hung up on it pretty bad.

My mind immediately went back to all those nights I spent sitting beside her bed, talking to her even though she wasn't awake, forgoing sleep just because I couldn't leave that girl.

One night, she tried to get me to have sex with her, as if that would be the distraction I needed. It wasn't. I wasn't ready to give in. Though the discussion wasn't over, I wasn't ready to say anything else. And I wasn't sure that she was either.

"Ami, a lot has happened to you in a short amount of time. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay for us to struggle a little," I said, sounding a bit exasperated. She flinched slightly. I caught the movement and continued, "I just want you to know that if you need time, I understand. Ami, look at me, will you?" I lifted her chin gently to meet my gaze. Those same beautiful, bright blue eyes that met me that day she woke up found mine, familiar and full of trust. "It's just me. Just you and me, and if you don't want that, I need to know. Don't think you have to—"

Her kiss cut me off, which was fine by me.

When she pulled away, I breathed. "Okay," I said after a moment, physically making myself relax and reaching up to lightly touch her cheek.

"Okay," she repeated, placing her hand over mine. "I know that it seems like we've just kind of been together because you were there for me, but if I wanted to leave, I would have."