Delilah's Flame (44 page)

“I don’t think there’s anything selfish about you, Lilah.”

“Oh, but there is. I was thinking only of me and my family. I tried to come up with a plan to make you go away. I wouldn’t have told you the truth. I would have sent you money and an apology—as Delilah. When Papa offered to show you his stable that night, I panicked. I thought if I threw myself at you and then told you I would be penniless if Papa knew, that you would fly.”

Within his misery Tabor found a wry smile. “You can’t be foolish enough to think any man would fly if you threw yourself at him. You were so sweet and convincing, I thought I would find angel wings on your back.”

“When did you look there?” Lilah queried without thinking.

Tabor’s smile left. She had led him on in the conservatory simply to create a reason to send him away. But in his memory her caresses were more convincing than the slap she had given him.

“One thing still puzzles me,” he said. “After you sent me away that night, why did you invite me back the next day?”

Lilah took a long, deep breath.

“That picnic was Dinah’s idea. She got it in her head to play Cupid. I’ve no idea why. I knew nothing about that invitation until you arrived at the house.”

“So you used the occasion to reaffirm your wishes to have me leave.”

“I wanted to prevent you seeing the stallion, but of course Papa thwarted my success at that.”

“And then you couldn’t get rid of me.”

“No,” Lilah said, wanting to add that she was glad to have failed. “After that I couldn’t see that I had any choice but to do as you asked if I was to prevent Papa from finding out what I had been doing.”

“You must hate me for doing that to you.”

“No—” Lilah started, but he interrupted.

“After what my father had done to your family, I’m surprised you didn’t just shoot me.” He shook his head. “I don’t know any way to tell you how sorry I am, Lilah. I could hate myself for making it worse for you.”

“No,” Lilah said. “I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you for what your father did. From what I’ve heard you and Sarah say, you suffered as much from him as I did.”

But Tabor’s mind was no longer on his father or the rights and wrongs of his life. He was thinking of Lilah and how the time they had made love, it had seemed as if they were one. It rankled him to know she had given him her body to protect her secrets. It rankled him more to know he had demanded that price from her. He had taken her virginity and he could see that she still wasn’t ready to admit he was the first man to make love to her. He could understand that. She had pride. She preferred he not know he had taken such a precious thing. The least he could do was allow her to keep that secret safe.

“How soon will you be ready to leave the ranch?” he asked abruptly.

“Tomorrow,” Lilah answered quietly. “If there’s a stage I can catch.” Her heart sank to her stomach. He was anxious for her to go. He regretted what he had done, but then, he hadn’t asked to be involved. And after she had stolen his horse and had him put in jail, he had every reason to want to settle the score. He wanted her out of his sight. How could he look at her now without feeling worse about his father?

She understood his dilemma. She reminded him of things he preferred to forget. He might be able to reconcile himself to the fact that she had sought revenge against her father’s attackers, but in his eyes she was still a loose woman who had taken advantage of being Delilah to sample fruits forbidden to Lilah Damon. Sally Ann loved him, and Lilah didn’t doubt that in time Tabor would settle down and marry the girl.

Tabor was right to want her to leave as soon as possible. The sooner they were out of each other’s sight, the sooner they could forget all the dreadful things that had transpired between them. And, she added sadly, the sooner her heart could start to mend.

“There’s a morning stage,” he told her. “I’ll send one of the boys in with you.”

“Oh?” She barely heard what he was saying.

Tabor nodded. “One of the boys will ride along as bodyguard. I want to be sure you get back to Damon House safe. I owe you and your father that and more.”

“Tabor—” Lilah made one last try to say what was in her heart.

He cut her off. “There’s just one more thing I want to ask of you, Lilah.”

“Yes?” she asked hopefully.

Tabor went on. “If I had known any of these things, I never would have asked of you what I did. I can’t change any of that now. I can’t bring back what my father took from Clement. I can’t erase all the suffering he caused you. What I can do is even up things with the Penn brothers you mentioned. It won’t undo what was done, but maybe it will put to rest all that hurt you’ve lived with because of what happened to your father.”

Lilah stared in amazement. “I can’t let you do that. You have no quarrel with the Penn brothers.”

“You’re wrong. You said the others kept my father from helping when he saw Clement hurt. Maybe if he could have done one decent act then, he wouldn’t have stopped being a man. Maybe he could have been the one to see justice brought to those other five men.” And maybe I would have had a father and my mother a husband, he said to himself.

Lilah started to reach for his hand, but then drew back. “Even if that’s true, I can’t let you take on my fight. I’ll find a way to get the Penn brothers.”

“I don’t think you understand me, Lilah.” Tabor’s voice went harsh. “I’ll keep your secret about being Delilah. I’ll keep everything you’ve told me today a secret. But only if you agree to my stipulation.”

“Which is?” she asked warily.

“Which is that you never again become Delilah.” Tabor’s grim face belied the tenderness in his heart. He might never hold Lilah again. He might never get used to the idea that she would wed another man. But neither would he allow her to put herself in danger again. Knowing she was both safe and happy would make it a little easier to live without her.

“That’s preposterous,” Lilah said after a moment of silent astonishment. “I have to—”

“No!” Tabor insisted. “You don’t ever have to be Delilah again. The Penn brothers belong to me. I promise you they will get what’s coming to them. You promise me you will never again assume the identity of Delilah. Be Clement’s daughter. Be Barrett’s wife. Be happy. But don’t ever be Delilah.”

“But why do you insist...?”

He couldn’t tell her the reasons. He couldn’t tell her he couldn’t bear the thought of other men ogling her, that he couldn’t stand the thought of other men sitting in her bedroom even if it was only for a card game. He couldn’t tell her the Penn brothers hadn’t grown soft and fat like Hoke Newell. He had heard of Jasper and Thurlow Penn. They were still a mean pair and not worth the risk of her lovely neck.

“Just consider it a whim,” he growled. “I do insist. You listen to me carefully, Lilah. If Delilah ever takes to the stage again, I will personally ride to San Francisco and reveal her identity to Clement Damon. I’ll take out a full-page ad in the
Chronicle
and announce it to the world. And that after I’ve dragged you off the stage by the hair. Understand?”

“Yes.” Her voice sounded shrill. What had brought on the tirade? Why should he care if she became Delilah? She could think of only one reason, and that was that he associated Delilah with his father’s downfall. His memories of the elder Stanton were difficult enough without having learned what she had revealed today. If it bothered him that much, she was willing to comply. She would do anything in her power to make him happier. If only she could tell him so. “You’ll send me word when you’ve settled up with the Penn brothers,” she said.

Tabor agreed that he would, and asked her to tell him all that she knew about them. She revealed what the detective had told her and said that she would have the man forward a copy of his report. When she finished, Tabor rose to leave.

“I’ll be out on the range tomorrow,” he said. “Sarah will see that you get to the stage on time. Give your father my regards. Tell him I’m sorry about everything.”

“Everything?”

Tabor shook his head in the affirmative. “Yes, and I think now we’ve said enough about all of it, Lilah. As soon as the Penn brothers are taken care of, I’m going to start forgetting what happened with you and me and how wrong things went. You do the same.”

Lilah could only nod, knowing that if she spoke, she would burst into tears.

Lilah dressed in a gown of shimmering gold silk and wore an outrageous hat Papa claimed had more pheasant feathers than one of the birds who gave them up. As the weeks following her return from the Cooke ranch dragged by, Lilah filled her days with shopping, social calls, parties, any activity which could serve to keep her mind occupied. Today’s outing was to be a carriage ride to Woodward Gardens to witness the flight of a steerable balloon. Normally she would be excited about the advent of a new means of travel, but as she reluctantly admitted, since her return home nothing held her enthusiasm for long.

Not an hour passed that her mind didn’t drift back to the Cooke ranch and Sarah’s unique parlor or warm, cozy kitchen, or, as was more likely the case, to the oversize bed in Tabor’s room. Did Tabor ever think about her fondly? Or was he simply glad to have her out of his hair? It bothered her greatly to think those stormy gray eyes now locked rapturously with Sally Ann’s. She supposed Sally Ann was the kind of girl he could love. Certainly he had never made any pretense about what he wanted from her. And though he had made love to her with tenderness and adoration and had said the things lovers say, he had never uttered the words which would have held her heart in tow forever.

Sadly Lilah slid a hatpin into her bonnet so that it would rest securely on her head. Hearing the sound of someone on the walk out front, she hurried to her window and looked out to see one of the servants strolling in with the mail. Lilah started to rush downstairs but held herself in check. What was the use? With daily regularity she had met the post, hoping for a letter from Tabor. Always she was disappointed.

Letters arrived from Dinah and from Aunt Emily and even from Sarah. Sarah discreetly avoided mentioning her nephew, as he no doubt had asked her to do. She had slipped in a mention of Sally Ann Caufield’s engagement, which was clue enough to Lilah. In answering Sarah’s notes, Lilah used equal discretion, mentioning neither Tabor nor Sally Ann.

Surely, though, Sarah had told him that Lilah was completely recovered, that Ching’s treatment with a poultice of herbs had healed her wrists without leaving even a trace of a scar. And Sarah must have reported some of her activities, and certainly she had found a way to mention that Lilah had begun plans for a late-summer wedding to Barrett.

What a laugh Tabor must have had about that, knowing Barrett had been cuckolded before he even became a bridegroom. How despicable he must think her, believing she had indiscriminately bedded so many men.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
The old adage ran through her mind, a nagging reminder of the predicament she had put herself in. Nothing in her explanation of why she had become Delilah accounted for the promiscuity he believed her guilty of. And though it wasn’t true, Tabor thought otherwise.

Lilah sighed, toying with the thought of canceling the afternoon’s engagement. She didn’t really feel like going. Perhaps she should check the mail after all. Tabor had promised to let her know about the Penn brothers and had indicated he would see to the matter soon. She regretted agreeing to that. She should never have let him bully her into allowing him to bring them to justice. Only he hadn’t given her a choice. Oh, she supposed he had needed to do the deed. It was a kind of penance for him, something he needed to do so that he might clear his mind and wash his hands of the entire Damon family.

Listlessly Lilah descended the stairs, still debating whether or not she would go to the park. She might as well. With Dinah gone, the house was too quiet, and quiet led to too much introspective thought. Papa had informed her he would be busy all day. Trying to shake off a cloud of gloom, she stepped lightly into the hall. She was surprised when her father wheeled into sight and spoke to her.

“Lilah, there’s something we must discuss.”

“Is it urgent, Papa? I was just going out.”

“Call it off,” he said brusquely. “And come with me.”

Clement was so rarely disagreeable that it stunned Lilah to hear him speak gruffly. She put aside her parasol and followed her father into the library. Ching quietly closed the door behind them and took up his post in front of it.

“What is it, Papa? What’s upset you?” Lilah frowned, seeing by the direction of his eyes that the source of irritation was a letter open on his desk. A nervous chill ran down her back. Was her secret out? Had Tabor changed his mind and told Papa about her?

Clement handed her the letter, then cleared his throat loudly. “You had better read this and you had better do it sitting down.”

Bewildered, Lilah took the letter and took a seat. Most of her anxiety fled when she saw that it was from Dinah rather than Tabor. She silently read the curly writing while her father nervously drummed his long fingers on the arms of his chair.