Deliriously Happy (29 page)

A career this long, even one this modest, requires its fair share of promoters, cheerleaders, and muses, and I number among them: Judy McGuinn, Jane Flynn-Royko, Randy Cohen, Sandy Frazier, Joanne Gruber, Cara Stein, Ron Hauge, Greg McKnight, Mike Judge, Dany Levy, Dave Eggers, Rory Evans, Lisa Birnbach, Nancy Jo Sales, Jessica Anya Blau, and Ariel Kaminer.

And since we've gone over onto the next page, it seems right to honor the
New Yorker
as an institution, for which I've always written, if not always published, and to thank the three editors who allowed me into their legacy—Robert Gottlieb, Tina Brown, and David Remnick, the last of whom I've actually met and who seems nice.

And I might as well acknowledge the writers I've appropriated over the years and cobbled together into something approaching a style: Woody Allen, Robert Benchley, Donald Barthelme, Thomas Pynchon, Michael O'Donohue, Kurt Andersen, et al.

And, finally, I'd like to thank my wife and children, whose adorable antics were the heart and soul of this book, before the edit.

About the Author

Larry Doyle is a freelance journalist living in Chicago. This is his first appearance in the magazine.

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Larry Doyle is a freelance writer. His article “Eddie Varner Says ‘Yes!'(Can You Hear Him?)” appeared in our November issue.

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Larry Doyle wrote “Cleveland Is Between Here and There,” which appeared in these pages last month.

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“Minneapolis–St. Paul Are What You Would Call Fraternal Twins” and “Nobody Lives in Gary, Indiana, by Choice” are two recent pieces Larry Doyle wrote for this magazine. He has often been sighted in Chicago, where he lives.

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Larry Doyle's work appears frequently in the magazine. This piece is adapted from “Chicago: City on the Take Out,” from the literary dining guide
Red Haute Chicago
, available from the Garlic Press.

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Larry Doyle's travel pieces for this magazine have been collected into the volume
Within a Day's Drive: Short Trips from Home
, available from Gulf and Western Press for $8.95, or 99 cents with a fill-up at participating stations.

•

Larry Doyle's wry observations on the Midwest and the world can be heard on National Public Radio's
Frequent Modulations
.

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Larry Doyle is our Heartland Editor. “The Kane County Summerstock Massacre,” about his recent foray into playwriting, was awarded the Plimpton Prize.

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Larry Doyle recently married and moved to Wisconsin. He is at work on a novel.

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Larry Doyle, whose “Put Another Pecan Log on the Fire: Cheeseheads at Home” in March generated more mail than any article in this magazine's history, reports that he has “returned to the relative civilization of Chicago.” He is at work on a novel.

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Larry Doyle's first novel,
White Guys, Big Shoulders
, will be published by Little Cat Feet Prints in February.

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Excerpted from Larry Doyle's first novel,
Wise Guys, Big Shoulders
, to be published by Polyhymn Press in October. It has been selected as an alternative selection of the Alternative Book of the Month Club.

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Larry Doyle is a special senior contributing writer-at-large to the magazine. His first novel,
Bright Guys, Big Shoulders
, is reviewed in this issue.

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Larry Doyle returns to these pages after a long absence. He is living in Los Angeles and working on a screenplay.

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Larry Doyle is a Chicagoan in exile. “Milk Chocolate Blondes on Fire,” which appeared in this magazine last June, won the Mailer Award for Reportorial Excellence.

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Larry Doyle is a misplaced midwesterner living in the land of fruit and nuts. The film
Big Shoulders
, starring Robert De Niro and Brad Pitt and scheduled for Christmas release, is based on his novel.

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Larry Doyle's most recent work for the magazine, “Lights! Camera! Ego!” appeared in November.

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Bright Guys
, starring Rob Schneider and Bruce the Wonder Moose, is available from World Premiere Video. The film is based on Larry Doyle's fotonovella of the same name.

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Guy Bright is a pseudonym for a well-known midwestern writer residing and earning a living on the West Coast. His wry observations on the film industry will appear from time to time in these pages.

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Larry Doyle teaches creative writing at the Extension University of Indiana at Gary.

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Larry Doyle, an associate professor of English, recently published his hypertextual second novel,
Alice Up the Glass Tower
, available in Lotus and Hypercard formats.

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Alice Up the Glass Tower
, Larry Doyle's second novel, is currently in its ninth upgrade.

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Larry Doyle has a new wife, a new home, and a new novel in the works in Connecticut.

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Larry Doyle, a regular contributor to the magazine, is currently working on his third novel.

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Larry Doyle's third novel, currently in revisions, has been hailed as equal to his best work by those who have seen it.

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Excerpted from Larry Doyle's third novel, an as-yet-untitled work in progress.

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Larry Doyle recently lost 480 pounds. This piece is adapted from his inspirational vlog,
The Fat Gent Sings
.

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Longtime readers of this publication may recognize Larry Doyle's byline. For the past seven years he has been working for the U.S. Postal Service, researching a novel.

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Laurence Eugene Doyle wrote for the print version of this magazine, as well as a number of others. This is excerpted from
Lights Out, Bright Guys!
a novel he was working on at the time of his rampage.

Visit
www.AuthorTracker.com
for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

Praise

“[Doyle] is, as his credits suggest, wickedly funny.”

—New York Times Book Review

“If Earth ever needs an Interplanetary Humor Ambassador, Larry Doyle's the guy.”

—Washington Post

Go, Mutants!

I Love You, Beth Cooper

Credits

Cover design by Larry Doyle

DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY
. Copyright © 2011 by Larry Doyle. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

The following pieces were originally published in the
New Yorker
: Fun Times!; Me v. Big Mike; Sleeper Camp; May We Tell You Our Specials This Evening?; Disengagements; Life Without Leann: A Newsletter; Portrait in Evil: My Story; Adventures in Experimentation; I Killed Them in New Haven; Stop Me If You've Heard This One; Notes on My Next Bestseller; Let's Talk About My New Movie; Last of the Cro-Magnons*; Why We Strike; We Request the Honor of Your Presence at GywnnandDaveShareTheirJoy.com; Bad Dog; What Am I Going to Do with My Mega Millions?; Please Read Before Suing; I'm Afraid I Have Some Bad News; Is There a Problem Here?; You Won't Have Nixon to Kick Around Anymore, Dirtbag. In
Esquire
: Me: An Introduction*; My Heart: My Rules; You Asked for It*; The Larry Doyle Story As Told to Larry Doyle; An Open Letter to All Academy Members, Creative Artists, and Anyone Else Who Still Believes in Freedom of Expression; The Babyproofer; Freezer Madness. In the
National Lampoon
: Dating Tips*; Ask the Eight Ball; Are You Insane?; Media Culpa; Local Wag*; The Rest of the Story; Huck of Darkness; Then What?; Recent Supreme Court Decisions*; How to Handle Your Money*. On Popcornfiction.com: Whacking the Baby; Thank You for Considering My Cult. In
Tin House
: Freelance File. In
Kugelmass
: Eulogy for Bob. (*In a slightly, significantly, or dramatically different form.)

FIRST EDITION

ISBN 978-0-06-196683-5

EPub Edition © NOVEMBER 2011 ISBN: 9780062096814

11 12 13 14 15
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*
Fun Times!, formerly Fun Tymes, is not affiliated with Ye Olde Fun Tymes or the New York Times Company, and does not recognize their debts or financial obligations.

†
The Jolly Trolley is not operated by the Fun Times! Company, which makes no warrants as to its driver, Glenn, or to the final destination of the Trolley.

‡
Epileptics should not take a look around.

§
Ladies, please note: Dr. Lungtissue is not a licensed physician.

**
Goob™ is a proprietary peanut-based gel, which may contain traces of peanuts and whole peanuts still in the shell. People who are sensitive to peanuts and/or tree nuts should have read the waiver more carefully.

*
J. B. Daniels, contract player for Hot Streaming Angel, of Van Nuys.

1
. I would like to most gratefully acknowledge Vince Offer, the independent filmmaker who sued big Hollywood filmmakers Peter and Bobby Farrelly, accusing them of stealing jokes from his film
The Underground Comedy Movie
for their film
There's Something About Mary
. His lawsuit provided important inspiration for this article.

2
. Credit must go to professional jokester Sammy Haggis, whose comedic monologue contains this opening sentence, albeit in a slightly different form.

3
. Although at the time of its creation, this tavern name was fully a work of the imagination, it has since been pointed out that other drinking establishments with this name actually exist in Boston, Milwaukee, Chicago, and Champaign-Urbana, Illinois.

4
. See “What the Who Is at the Zoo?” in
Puppy Dog Tales
, fall 1964, “Wag Bag” page, submitted by Michael Schrage, age seven.

5
. Again: Haggis.

6
. Credit for creating and naming this specialty drink has been variously attributed to Sebastian Dangerfield, a mixologist at the J.P. Ginger's in Manhattan, and to Flo Wechek, owner of Babylon's Hanging Beer Garden in Fort Repose, Florida.
ⁱ