Deliverance (The Maverick Defense #1) (18 page)

Two bottles of wine later, we hadn’t figured much out. Lyla had joined us, and the three of us drank away the afternoon. At some point, the young girl Sherri had told me about—whose name I’d discovered was Arianna—had crept into the room. She didn’t look a day over sixteen, with her long golden hair and slender frame, and guilt sliced through me at the fact Donnie had brought her into this life. She was too young, and from the way she was sitting in the corner of the room mute and hugging herself tight, she was too damn innocent.

“Stop with the pity stares, Lys.” I rolled my eyes, annoyed with the constant looks she’d been throwing me ever since she arrived back at the house.

“Shit, my bad, but it looks so sore.” Lyla snatched the bottle from the table and topped off her glass. “Does it hurt?”

“What do you think?” I snapped catching Arianna’s eye across the room. I quickly averted my stare.

“Lys, don’t tell me a john never roughed you up?” Sherri said as if it was the most normal question in the world when all I could think through the wine haze was ‘how is this my life?’

“Well, yeah, they get grabby now and again, but I’ve never ended up looking like I went ten rounds with Tyson.”

“It’ll happen one day. Perk of the fucking job,” Sherri mumbled, and Lyla and I shared a look. Sherri didn’t talk about her past often. It was no secret she’d started just like the rest of the girls working for Donnie, only she’d worked for his uncle, Franco. Thinking someone as tough as her ever ended up at the hands of someone like Donnie made me uneasy.

Clearly uncomfortable with the tension, Sherri leaped up from the couch and dusted herself off. “You know what we need, a little smoke. I’ll be right back. Ari, you need anything, darl?”

The young girl shook her head as she smoothed down a stray lock of hair. As soon as Sherri disappeared, Lyla whispered, “Sorry about earlier. I wasn’t thinking. Are you okay?”

I nodded stiffly casting Ari another sideways glance.

“It was Donnie, right? He did this to you?”

I grimaced not wanting Arianna to hear this.

“Stupid question. Sorry. Listen, Joy, you-”

Sherri burst back into the room her hands full of papers and a small tin. “While the boss is away, the girls can play.”

As Sherri kneeled by the coffee table and started to prepare the joints, a seed of guilt began to take root in my stomach. What would Dawson think of me right now, at this moment? Okay, it was just a bit of weed, but he knew about the pills, the coke. He’d seen the aftermath. And then there was Ari. What did she make of all this? She must have been terrified.

“Joy, you want?” Sherri offered me the joint, frowning when she noticed my hesitation. “Everything okay? You look like you might puke any second.”

And then I pictured Donnie returning to find out about Dawson visiting my apartment. The rage etched into his face. His fists connecting with my skin.

“Fine.” I forced a smile and took the joint from her, bringing it to my lips and lighting it. The high wouldn’t be enough to forget, or even numb me, but it might curb the darkness inside me—the hunger for something stronger. But as soon as I inhaled a lungful of smoke, I knew it wasn’t going to be enough. As long as Donnie was buried in my mind, so too was the craving. The two came hand in hand, and I didn’t know how to escape one without the other.

I didn’t know anything anymore.

Sometime around six, Lyla left us to get ready for her shift at Shakers. Ari had long retired to her room. She didn’t move from her seat the whole time she was downstairs with us; the girl was already traumatized, and she hadn’t officially started working for Donnie yet, not in the ways that counted.

Sherri had been watching me like a hawk, so I eventually closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, unable to bear seeing her concern any longer. After I ‘woke,’ she was busy with paperwork at the kitchen table, so I made myself comfortable on the couch and switched on the television to try to shake off the thick head. So absorbed in the moving images on the screen, I almost missed the buzz of my cell phone. Dread filled my stomach but a fluttering quickly replaced it when I scanned the message.

Is everything okay?

Dawson

I typed a short reply letting him know I was okay.
For now.
I didn’t need him doing anything rash. What I needed was time to figure stuff out without him charging in all guns blazing.

“I take it that wasn’t Donnie?” Sherri joined me in the living area.

“Dawson just checking in.”

“That’s real sweet, but I have some bad news.” The dread from only seconds earlier slammed back into me. “Donnie’s back and he wants us at the club. He’s sending Troy.”

“What? It’s Wednesday and I thought you said he was out of town.” My voice quivered.

“Well, he’s back, and don’t fret, darlin’, I’ll be right there with you.”

As if it was some kind of cruel joke, there was a knock on the door. Sherri went to open it and Troy stood unmoving on the other side. “Car’s here.”

“No shit, Troy. Give us five, yeah? Don kind of sprung this on us with short notice and I need to change.”

Troy’s eyes drifted over to me and flashed with what looked like sympathy. “Sure thing, Sherri.”

Sherri closed the door and rubbed her forehead. “Okay, up you get. We need to work fast.”

“Work fast?”

“You can’t show up looking like that.”

I frowned, looking down at myself. Sherri was right; Donnie wouldn’t appreciate it if I showed up in my worn skinny jeans and baggy blouse, and the last thing I needed was to anger him anymore.

Listen to yourself.

It was as if Dawson had flipped a switch in me, and a piece of myself—the old Joy—had splintered off and was now questioning everything I did. Before, I’d just done what I needed to in order to survive, but now, a small part of me insisted on reminding me what I’d let my life become. Because, at the end of the day, we were all capable of free will, were we not? And even in the direst of circumstances, we could make better choices. Couldn’t we?

The thought left me reeling, and I moved robotically letting Sherri pick out a dress for me, sweep my hair up into a messy ponytail, and gloss my lips with a deep red sheen. Even the cool air, as we made our way out of the house and into the Escalade, did little to penetrate my mood.

Sensing the change in me, she gripped my hand in hers. I didn’t need her words anyway. We both knew I could be walking into a trap—that Donnie could have discovered my visit from Dawson. It was, after all, his town now. It wouldn’t have surprised me if, since Dawson’s return, he had men watching me at all times. In which case, I was screwed.

When we arrived at Shakers, it was quiet; only a few regulars and a couple of Donnie’s men were enjoying the delights of Jenny and Lyla. As Shaun served us our drinks, I glanced around the club paranoid that people would see right through me—that they would take one look at me and see my guilt. Because, for as much as I loathed my situation, I had let Dawson kiss me when I belonged to Donnie.

In a former life, I would have pointed and whispered and judged along with the rest of Chancing’s gossip mill.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
No one liked a cheater, but when Dawson’s lips had pressed against mine, everything changed. The gaping hole in my heart rushed with blood, the strings tethering me to this pitiful existence weakened, and something in me awakened.

Lost in the memory of being back in Dawson’s arms, I almost jumped out of my skin when Donnie’s arm snaked around my waist and pulled me back flush against his solid chest, bringing reality crashing down around me. He brushed my bare shoulder chasing his fingers with his lips, and I shuddered, closing my eyes to prevent the tears from falling. When I opened them, Sherri had left me, at his instruction no doubt, but I caught her eye across the room and she nodded discreetly. She had my back; I just hoped she wouldn’t need to. Not tonight.

“I missed you.” Donnie’s words were off, a hint of hesitation there, and a sinking feeling descended over me. He knew, he had to have known, but when he spun me in his arms and I came face to face with him, I realized the source of his strangeness. He was drunk—again. The bitter smell of bourbon assaulted my senses, and I instinctively leaned back.

“You didn’t tell me you were going out of town?”

Something dark flashed in his eyes, and I silently cursed. Why was I picking a fight? Sure, if I pissed him off enough, he might not want me tonight, but I’d still be punished one way or another.

Donnie regarded me, his lips tugging up at one side in a smirk. “Don’t be mad, baby. You know how it is. People to see, places to be. I’m head of the DeLuca family, so I have responsibilities.” He leaned forward again and swept his lips across her shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Panic replaced my earlier nerves and I pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m not feeling so well, Don. I think I’m getting sick. Maybe I should head home.”

Maybe he doesn’t know after all.

“Sick? Poor baby,” he half mocked, half crooned. “Let me make you feel better.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the door leading to the back rooms. Sherri caught my eye and asked me a silent question.
What the hell are you going to do?
I rolled back my shoulders and pulled my lips into a tight line sending a curt nod in her direction.

I would do what I always did—whatever needed to be done.

Donnie wasted no time kicking open the door to his office and pulling me inside. His hands roamed and groped my body. “Fuck, I’ve missed you. Show me how much you need me, baby.”

Desperate fingers slid up my dress and clawed at my panties as stomach acid rushed up into my throat and I fought the urge to retch. The shame of letting him touch me after declaring myself Dawson’s again burned through me, but I had to keep Dawson out of this. He said he could keep me safe, but he didn’t know Donnie—the lengths he would go.

It was better this way. I could protect him. Buy us some time to come up with a better plan. I just had to find a way to keep Donnie happy while holding onto my last shreds of dignity.

“Donnie, Don, I’m really not feeling great. Maybe if-”

His hand stilled and he withdrew his head from my neck to come eye to eye with me. “You’re too sick to fuck your guy?”

Without thinking, I slid my hand up over his crisp white shirt. The planes of his chest were smooth underneath, and if I didn’t know the monster that lived inside, Donnie would have been every woman’s dream. “You know that isn’t true. I just thought we could have a little fun first.”

Excitement sparkled in his soulless eyes. “You hungry, baby?”

I nodded looking him at him through my lashes—never hating myself more than at that moment, but if I was to go through with this, I needed to be somewhere else.

Slipping his hand into his jacket, Donnie pulled out a clear baggie. My body hummed with anticipation, and I leaned into him like a moth drawn to a flame. And suddenly, the line between what needed to be done and what I wanted was blurred.

“This will make you fly, baby. Something special.” He dangled the bag in front of my face and my tongue darted out, sweeping over my bottom lip shamelessly. “Open up.”

Complying, my lips parted and Donnie dropped two pills onto my tongue offering me a bottle of water from his desk. I swallowed hard and didn’t think as I pressed against his body urging him to kiss me. I didn’t care if he got high too; all I needed was to be free of him, far away from this room. Far from what I was about to do.

We kissed and touched all while I locked myself in my own thoughts. Thoughts of Dawson and us and a future I wanted to have. It didn’t take long for the poison to spread, the warm buzz replacing the feel of Donnie’s lips on my skin with tingle after tingle. I was floating, high enough that all the guilt and shame and regret washed away.

“You’re mine, Joy, only mine. Forever,” a voice said as I flew higher and higher.

“Always.”

“Fuck me, baby. Show me how much you love me.”

No.

No!
Somewhere in the euphoria coursing through my veins, a voice screamed. I knew I didn’t want to do this—I couldn’t give myself to him again. Not now. But I could give him something else, something that would keep him happy.