Denying Heaven (Room 103) (7 page)

“Why do you think so low of yourself?” he asked with a
sad countenance as he traced the edge of my hairline on my forehead with a soft
finger and brushed a rebellious strand of hair away.

“Because I’m lower than the devil’s minions, Bulk, that’s
why.”

“You’re not a bad person, Spirit. Even I can feel that in
you.”

I swallowed back the tears that wanted to flow with this
sweet man’s words but he didn’t know, neither could he ever know. “I
am
bad, Bulk. I…”

I placed my palms on his shoulders and lifted myself up and
off him, wincing at the burn before he took a step back and gently lowered me
to the floor, “Spirit, whatever you think makes you bad, it isn’t…”

“Stop it!” I spat out as I grabbed at my knickers from
the floor. “You don’t know… you don’t know!”

A horrible realisation imploded in my brain when I felt
Bulk’s cum start to slide down my thigh. “Oh My God…”

I froze as I stared wide eyed at him, panic starting to
detonate around my senses as I fought for my next breath. “You… you didn’t use
a condom, you didn’t use…”

I couldn’t breathe, everything was starting to swim
before me in a terror, “Oh no, no, no.”

“Hey, calm down. I’m sorry, I should’ve...”

“You stupid fool,” I raged as my fists connected with his
chest and I winced as my knuckles bounced off his iron muscle. “I can’t be
pregnant… Oh God… Noooo…”

My chest heaved as I gulped at the lack of oxygen in the
air.

Oh fuck, this was bad; this was bad in epic proportions.
I couldn’t get pregnant, I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t allow it, God wouldn’t
allow it. He would make me pay. Pay horribly for my past…

“Honey…” Bulk protested as he went to take hold of my
hands.

“GET OUT!!!” I screamed as horror iced its way through my
bloodstream.

“Spirit?”

“Noooo” I cried as my tears won the fight and started to
track their way through my misery and out of my eyes with a torrent of
frightened and anguished cries.

“Spirit!” he repeated, “It’s okay. I’m sorry, yes it was
my fault. I got carried away but…”

“No buts, you stupid twat. Do you even begin to realise
what…”

He just stared at me with wide eyes and a lax jaw. Stupid
fucking man.

Oh fucking fairies, what the hell was I gonna do?

Chemist! Yes, I needed a chemist quick.

I scurried around, finding my skirt and pulling random
things from the drawers as I looked for some socks so my boots didn’t rub.

“Spirit, would you listen…”

“No, you fucking listen. I can’t get pregnant Bulk, I
just can’t. God hasn’t forgiven me enough…”

“What the fuck are you on about?” he growled as he tried
to make a grab for me but I shook him off and pulled on my boots.

“I… I killed her…. I killed her…” I rambled as I stared
through the window. My thoughts taking on a complete new pattern from five
seconds ago as Danny swam in my mind. His face, his crumpled face… then his
fist and I winced as pain exploded through my receptors and caused a bleed to
my heart.

I shook my head as I turned to grab my bag and shot
through the door, completely ignoring Bulk’s startled gaze on me. His eyes wide
and full of query and what looked suspiciously like hatred.

‘Feel it, the heat, the blaze,

It’s coming fast, trying to burn, to sear, to corrupt,

Oh, oh, ohhhhhh,

Give up the chase, it’s gonna get ya’ anyway,

Gonna burn straight through your soul.’

I swallowed as my body reacted to Spirit’s movements on
stage. She was pure sex, pure sin with her fingers on the Fender and her spirit
raising the roof on the place. Her whole essence drove me wild as her tight
arse in her even tighter black jeans rocked my brain and hardened my cock.

She leaned back against Kenny and I growled as I eyed
him. His black eye and split lip bought a smile but the way he rubbed his arse
against Spirit’s drove my gut into turmoil.

I was gobsmacked at the way she grinded against him as
she played and he roared out the lyrics. Could she not remember what he had
done not twenty four hours ago? Did she not hate him for trying to get his dick
in her pussy without permission?

Holy fucking Christ.

I wanted to kill him.

‘There’s nothing left to take,

Nothing left to give back,

I’m an empty shell, purged with the corruption,

Hardened with the hatred,

Surviving through the atrocity,

Decaying with the brutality.

Fear it, the hate, the anger,

It’s taking over, trying to win, to claim, to corrupt,

Oh, oh, ohhhhhh,

Give up the dread, it’s gonna petrify you anyway,

Gonna intimidate your soul.’

I felt Romeo approach me as River’s Ink went into another
chorus, but I couldn’t take my eyes from Spirit as she rocked out in front of
Janey, the music taking her to the level we all craved; the parallel place that
shook our souls and ignited the fire in our blood.

The whole stadium was going mad and I could hear the
frequent shouts of ‘Spirit’; ‘
Spirit, fuck
my face’
, ‘
We love
you, Spirit
’, ‘
You
rock my fucking world, Spirit!
’

These people loved her, even the girls as I watched them
remove their shirts and shout Spirit’s name, practically fucking my little
sinner with their eyes.

Okay, that did not get a reaction from my dick… honestly!

‘Let’s run, escape it, evade it,

We’re pushing it, living it,

Laughing and conquering,

Oh, oh, ohhhhhh,

Give up the pain, we’re gonna survive it finally,

Gonna live it up and triumph,

Corrupt the corruption.’

All my band mates surrounded me, readying themselves for
our stint on the stage, “Bulk?”

I turned to Boss who had his eyes on me inquisitively and
I shrugged, not caring that he was watching me ogle Spirit, or even the fact
that I had a raging hard on in my jeans. “I said we’re all going to Domino’s
after, you coming?”

“Sure. River’s Ink going?”

Boss flicked his gaze to Spirit then Kenny before looking
back at me, “Dunno, but save the heroics tonight, eh?”

I scoffed and smirked at him, “Like you did for Jen?”

He sighed heavily and grabbed my arm as he pulled me to
one side. “Listen mate, I know she’s got you by the balls but I also don’t like
how… how you’re affected by this.”

“What the fuck are you on about, Boss?”

He looked troubled and his throat moved as he tried to
find a way to voice his next words, “Bulk, she’s a mess, fucked up on life and
coke. Are you telling me you’re really ready for a relationship like that,
constantly pulling her out of hell and bandaging her up. Don’t get me wrong, if
she’s good for you then get the fuck on that train but she… you’re both too
broke to fix what you both need.”

I glared at him as my gut started to boil. “You know,
Boss. Who the fuck helped Jen when she needed help? Me, that’s who and my
heroics
were all fine then.”

His face darkened but he relented with a nod, “I know,
mate. I know all that, but…”

“But what?” I snarled as he paused to shift his gaze over
to Spirit who had just exited the stage. The crowd were going wild for them,
chanting, stamping their feet and whistling and I almost missed the words that
left Boss’s mouth next.

“Kenny owns her, Bulk, and there’s no way he’ll give her
up. He… he’s involved the law after you beat the crap out of him. Great move.”

He didn’t give me chance to question his words as he
stalked back over to the stage and climbed the stairs with the others, leaving
me stood alone and contemplating what the hell was going on.

My eyes shifted to Kenny as a fury overtook. What the
fuck was going on?

I charged at him, my anger and indignation controlling my
brain and the hatred for this fucking prick saw my hands tightening around his
throat as I slammed him back onto the wall.

“How the fuck do you justify bringing in the cops after
what you did?” I snarled at him.

“Bulk! Bulk!” Spirit appeared beside me and wrapped her
tiny hands around mine as she tried to prise me off the knob, “What the hell
are you doing?”

I stared at her, was she fucking stupid? Then it clicked
and I realised she couldn’t remember.

“He didn’t tell you? Well I am surprised!”

“Tell me what?” she asked as she flicked her eyes between
the pair of us. I could read the confusion in her face as she tried to figure
out what was going on between us.

I dropped the twat and turned to Spirit as I gently took
her forearms and stared through and into her heart. “He hurt you, honey.”

She stared at me with a look that said she thought I had
gone crazy. “What? No” she snorted as she shook her head in denial and turned
to Kenny.

“I told you” he said with a smug smirk and my brow
pleated in puzzlement as I switched glances between Spirit and Kenny.

Spirit’s expression darkened and I quirked an eyebrow at
her; daring her and needing her to bring this out in the open, “He told you
what? What exactly did he tell you?”

She sighed in a heavy breath and rolled her lips, her
obvious discomfort had me narrowing my eyes on Kenny and observing how
different Spirit was when he was near. “Come on, he told you what, Spirit?”

“He said you would blame him. I just…” she paused and
tipped her head slightly at me. “I don’t understand why you would do that
Bulk?”

“What? Why I would do what?”

I glanced at Kenny and felt a slight roar in my chest
with his smug smirk. What the fuck was happening here?

“Why you would hurt him like you did, why did you hurt
him Bulk?”

I slid my tongue between my teeth to hold back the need
to pummel this fuckhead as I drew in a gutsy breath. “I beat the bastard to a
pulp because he tried to rape you, Spirit. Did he tell you that, no? Well fuck
me, I really thought he would.”

Her brow pinched and she turned to Kenny who shook his
head slowly with a fake innocence and shrugged.

“Can we talk?” I asked her as I desperately tried to reel
in the anger and concentrate on her stunning face. The last thing I needed was
to smack the twat again, especially in front of Spirit.

“I… You have to go on.”

“Later… and don’t say no cos’ it aint happening, honey.”

I didn’t give her chance to decline as I turned and
bounced onto the stage. I needed the buzz to take away the astonishment of what
Kenny had done. Trying to get Spirit to see was going to be hard, I could read
it in her. Although she hated Kenny, she trusted him and that was the problem.
I needed her to trust me. I needed her to… take what I could give and I knew I
needed to man the fuck up to get her out of this shit forsaken relationship she
had with Kenny.

***

“Open the God damned door, Spirit before I tear the
fucker down with my bare hands!”

I had been stood, pounding on her hotel room door for the
last fifteen minutes and now I was angry, too angry to deal with what I would
do when she did eventually open the bloody thing.

“No, you’re scaring me.”

At last, a voice and I took a calming breath and rested
my forehead on the door, palming the wood as though I would be able to feel her
through it.

“I just wanna talk, that’s all” I said as calmly and
softly as I could.

“But you’re angry with me.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled back the need to kick the
shit out of the door and shake this bloody woman until she saw what was in
front of her.

“I’m not angry with you, Spirit. I just want a chance to
tell you my version of events. I think you owe me that much.”

“I don’t owe you fuck all. Why do I owe you?” I could
feel her indignation through the huge hunk of tree between us. The plush hotel
fixtures and fittings were the embodiment of expensive and luxury but why the
hotel felt the need to fit twelve inch thick doors, I had no idea.

“Spirit,” I blew out a heavy breath and closed my eyes. “You’ve
heard Kenny’s side, why won’t you let me give you the answers to what really
happened. Or are you frightened you know I’m telling the truth?”

The door bolts moved and I smiled to myself when she took
the bait.

“The truth, coming from you, that’s a bit rich!” she
snarled before the door was even fully open.

“Good evening to you too” I kind of barked as I pushed
past her and made my way into her room. “Why do you think I have a problem with
telling you the truth?”

She glared at me as she fisted her hands on her hips.
Holy fuck, my cock stirred at the sight of her feistiness and I decided right
then and there I was gonna spank some manners into her.

“You lied to me” she said quietly as though frightened of
my answer to her statement.

“Nah, I don’t think so, honey. There’s one thing about me
you should know… I never lie.”

She snorted and turned away before walking over to the
bottle of Jack Daniel’s already half empty on the side and filled her glass.
She cocked her head to me and I nodded; might as well help the bottle empty
without filling her too much.

“Come on then, how have I lied?” I queried again as I let
my eyes roam over her body. Fuck. It was the first time since she opened the
door that I noticed what she was wearing and I nearly choked on the lump in my
throat as my cock powered to life.

Her tiny arse was barely covered in little pink shorts and
her breasts were loose and bare behind the small nearly see-through cream vest,
the darkness of her nipples visible through the sheer material.

My mind filled with images of my lips wrapped around the
tight little peaks as my fingers sank into the plump flesh of her backside.

Shit, now I had a stiff a porn star would be proud of.

Fucking hell.

I turned and faced the window, desperation in removing
the erotic pictures from my mind saw me draining my drink and taking care of
the refill myself.

“Come on Spirit, fill me in.”

She narrowed her eyes on me, “You said there was no
reason you called me River the other night.”

I shrugged and nodded, not quite sure where she was going
with it.

“But you know.” It came out a near whisper and I had to
dip my ear to catch her words.

“Know what?”

She didn’t reiterate but just stood watching me with
apprehension and a slight stiffness to her body.

“Nah, still not with you, baby.” I repeated as I took a
step towards her. Those nipples were like homing beacons and my body was
impulsively drawn to her.

Her eyes flicked nervously over me, her gaze dropped to
my mouth as I got close but she took a step backwards and I growled low at her denial
to make things easy.

“No,” She whispered and I tipped my head, sucking air
through my teeth, both turned on by the chase and angry that she had the nerve
to deny both of us what we needed. “Don’t, Bulk.”

I stopped advancing but refused to let her gaze free,
“Spirit, you are practically fucking me with those damn hot eyes of yours, your
nipples are hard and dark and you keep rubbing your thighs together. I can read
every bit of your body, you want me so why… this?” I gestured to the imaginary
wall between us with my hands.

I was amazed I managed to contain the groan as I watched
her pull her bottom lip under her teeth and torture the plump flesh as she
obviously struggled to contain her own desire.

A strange strangled sound left her mouth and I frowned as
a tiny tear trickled down her cheek.

“Hey” I whispered as I took a step closer but she held up
her hands to halt me and took another step back.

“Don’t, please.” She shook her head tightly but rapidly
and my heart thudded at her distress.

“Why are you doing this? What is there to be frightened
of?”

She swallowed and turned her gaze to the huge window as
both pain and uncertainty covered her pretty face, “Everything. You. The
truth.”

“Honey, I don’t know what the fuck is going off in that
pretty head of yours, but this…” I said as I pointed to both of us again, “is
just a bit of fun, a release for both of us.”

She stared at me but then her eyes flicked, “Is it? Is it
really Bulk cos’ I don’t think it is. You’re getting too close. You already
know things.”

“For Christ’s sake Spirit, what the hell is it I’m
supposed to know cos’ really honey; I haven’t a bloody clue about what
‘truth’
you keep going on about.”

She frowned but then her eyes widened and she kind of
gasped as though a light had flicked on and her chest heaved heavily as she
palmed her throat, “You… you’ve seen it, haven’t you? That’s why you want sex
with me… you think I’m a whore…”