Denying the Wrong (14 page)

Katherine

I looked at my phone again, thinking I should call Alissa. I called Mary instead. Neither of us had heard from her. After talking to Dillon, I’d decided I should call a truce. I didn't have a speech ready, but not having her in my life would be much worse than putting up with a stupid boyfriend who would eventually show his true colors.

“Everything will be fine.” Mary knew how upset I was after an hour of talking about everything.

“I hope so.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I talked to Alissa and I think she’s going to stop hanging out with Scott. She needs to be the one to tell you the details, and please don’t tell her I said anything.”

“I won’t. Thank you for telling me, though.”

“Can you believe finals are this week?” she asked, with a huge smile.

“I can’t, actually. This semester flew by. Thank you for understanding when I switched my cooking class. Conner was making me sick the way he treated you,” I said. “By the way, you look fantastic. How much weight have you lost?”

“Thirty pounds. The first twenty came off fast but the rest has been a bitch.”

We hugged goodbye and I declined her offer to drive me home. I needed the fresh air. Summer weather was trying to bring sunshine, but the spring didn’t want to let go.

Walking into my apartment, I knew something was wrong. My mom was standing in the kitchen still in her work scrubs, wiping her nose and crying.

“Mom, what's going on?” My voice shook, because if she was crying, I knew it had to be bad.

“Sweetie, we need to go to the hospital.” Her eyes were bloodshot.

I turned around and walked out the front door as fast as I could. My whole body was shaking and I couldn’t form the words to ask what was happening.

My mom's car was parked just outside. She was right behind me and unlocked the car just as I was reaching for the handle. The wind was blowing and I looked up at the gray sky before getting in my seat. My mom got in and handed me a box of tissue.

The suspense was too much, and knowing what was going on was better than guessing. “Okay, what's wrong? You have to tell me now.”

“It’s Alissa. I'm taking you to the hospital.” She didn't say anything else during the ride there. It wasn't very far, thankfully. Tears were still running down her face.

I was a coward for not asking for more details.

We pulled up outside the ER entrance and my mom handed the keys to the valet. I didn't want to walk in alone. I waited until she took my hand and led me inside. The front desk clerk saw my mom flash her badge and the double doors leading into the ER rooms opened up.

The first person I saw was Alissa's mom. She was sitting outside a room, crying. Her dad was kneeling down next to her crying and trying to console her at the same time. My body felt weak, like my legs were going to give out. I held on to my mom's hand tighter as she led me to the room. Dillon was sitting next to a bed, with his face in his hands, sobbing.

I couldn't look at the person lying on the bed, covered in a white blanket. There was a chair just inside the door and I sat down, letting go of my mom's hand. She walked over to Dillon and put her arm around him, whispering something I couldn't hear. He nodded his head a little but cried harder. She walked back over to me and reached out her hand. I knew she wanted me to take it so she could lead me over to the bed, but I couldn't do that. This couldn’t be real.

I finally found the ability to speak. “Is she dead?”

“No,” Mom responded, “but it doesn’t look good.”

I sat in the chair for I don't know how long. Dillon eventually got up and walked out, kissing me on the cheek but not saying anything. Alissa's parents came back in and sat by the bed, crying. A nurse came in and asked if they needed anything. I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel anything.

A while later Doc and my mom came into the room. He knelt down so he could look into my eyes. “Sweetie, do you need anything?”

I shook my head.

“Maybe you should try talking to her?”

“Who the hell would do this?”

My mom walked over to me slowly. “Walt. He shot Scott in his office and then shot Alissa. When the EMT's showed up, she was breathing but not responding. Scott was dead.”

The tears stopped as my anger replaced them. “Where is Walt?”

“He was taken into custody. I don't think you'll ever have to worry about seeing him again.”

“I should have testified, and none of this would have happened.” I stood up and walked over to Alissa. Her skin looked so pale. She looked nothing like my best friend.

“Sweetie, don’t start blaming yourself. She’s got the best doctors in the hospital working on her.”

“I’m so sorry, Alissa.”

“We need to let her rest. Her parents are going to stay the rest of the night, but promised to call if anything changes. Are you ready to go?”

I nodded yes, afraid to say anything. The tears started pouring out of my eyes. I didn’t want to say goodbye, but I wasn’t sure if I could be strong enough to watch her die. I would want to die too. “I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

My mom and Doc led me to the car. I couldn't see anything through the tears so I closed my eyes and held on to my mom.

I stayed in my bed the rest of the day. My mom wanted to go check on Alissa's family, but I couldn't get the courage to face any of them of yet. I knew Dillon needed me to be strong for him, but I didn't have the energy. I went through my phone, wishing I hadn't erased all her text messages. I had two voicemails saved. One was her singing happy birthday to me last year, and the other was a silly message I never could bring myself to delete.

I found one of her back-up jackets hanging by the door. She left one here just in case she needed it. It still smelled like her favorite perfume. I put it on and went back to lie down in my bed. I cried for hours, thinking about everything she would miss out on if she died. College, children and every other event we always swore we would go through together, no matter what. Neither of us ever thought about the other dying.

Doc brought me some sleeping pills the next day so I could rest. Every time I had tried the night before, all I saw was Alissa lying there hooked up to tubes. I woke up around dinnertime and there were no updates. I took another pill. I wasn't ready to face reality just yet.

The next morning I found my mom sleeping next to me. When I moved, she woke up.

“Hey, sweetie,” she whispered as she stretched.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I came in here to sleep next to you. You kept screaming, but you wouldn't wake up. I rubbed your back and you stopped. I didn't want to leave you.” She smiled at me, but there was so much sadness in her eyes, I had to look away.

“Anything new?”

“Not really. Dillon wants to see you and asked me to bring you by the hospital. I think it would be a really good idea for you to talk to her.”

“I want to go. I’m ready.”

“Let's eat first.” My mom stood up and left the room. She came back with coffee and a box of doughnuts. We ate in silence.

I took a shower and threw on a sweatshirt. It wasn't cold outside, but it protected me somehow. My mom called the hospital to make sure it was okay for us to stop by.

Alissa was in the ICU. I’d never been to that part of the hospital before and wasn’t ready for the darkness. There were beeps coming from every part of the long hallway. I saw her parents sitting outside of the room, looking through the window. Dillon was standing at the end of the hallway looking out the window.

“Hey.” I didn’t know what to say to them. Her mom gave me a hug and began crying. Dillon turned around and smiled at me. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been here with you.”

“Don’t apologize. We are only allowed two people in at a time, and we’ve been taking turns. I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.” He pulled me in for a hug. I inhaled his scent of body wash and kissed his cheek.

“Are you ready to go in?” he asked.

I looked for my mom, who was standing at the nurse’s station looking through a chart. I assumed it was Alissa’s and didn’t want to interrupt her. I didn’t want Dillon to see me cry, but swallowed my pride and followed him in.

We walked in together and sat down on opposite sides of the bed.

“The nurse said her heart is getting stronger. Her body must have gone into shock after losing so much blood. The bullet didn’t hit anything important. We’re more hopeful now.”

His words echoed through me but I didn’t dare look at him. I found her hand under the blanket and held on tight. “Alissa, don’t you dare leave me.”

Katherine

I looked at my phone again, thinking I should call Alissa. I called Mary instead. Neither of us had heard from her. After talking to Dillon, I’d decided I should call a truce. I didn't have a speech ready, but not having her in my life would be much worse than putting up with a stupid boyfriend who would eventually show his true colors.

Alissa

My body wouldn’t move and my eyes wouldn’t open. I didn’t have the strength. I heard voices and desperately wanted to know where I was. My back hurt. I wanted to roll onto my side but my muscles wouldn’t cooperate. I decided to focus on opening my eyes.

I was able to open my right eye enough to see Kat. Tears were falling from her eyes. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I couldn’t. My eye closed again and I fell back to sleep.

I’m not sure how much time had passed, but when I attempted to open my eyes again, it was much easier. The room was dark but there was enough light coming through the window to see I was in a hospital room. I tried to lift my head up. Loud beeps went off, echoing throughout the room. A nurse came running in to my side. She was saying something about me calming down.

How the hell am I supposed to calm down when I don’t know what’s going on?

“Alissa, my name is Robin. I’m your nurse. I need you to try to relax. Your mom will be here in a second.”

Thank goodness.

I closed my eyes, hoping they would stop watering. I heard my mom calling my name.

“Alissa, I’m here.” She grabbed my hand and with the other, stroked my hair off my face. “Can you hear me, sweetie?”

I tried to speak but my mouth felt so incredibly dry and my throat hurt like a bitch. I nodded, opening my eyes.

“Oh, Alissa. I’ve been so worried. Please just try to relax. Thank you, God. Thank you for bringing back my little girl.”

I wanted to tell my mom to stop overreacting but couldn’t. I squeezed her hand. The nurse came back in and gave me some medicine through the IV. I watched her flit around the room until I could no longer keep my eyes open.

~*~

A couple days and lots of sleeping later, I was able to sit up. My mom kept my mouth wet with a little sponge. I was extremely nauseous and couldn’t keep down liquids yet. My ability to talk was back, thankfully.

“When is Kat coming by again?” I asked Mom as she adjusted all my blankets. I’d just taken my first shower and finally felt like visitors.

“Dillon is bringing her by anytime now. They wanted you to be able to get cleaned up. Something about smelling like dirty socks,” she replied, smiling big at me. Mom hadn’t left my side since the first time I’d woken up. My dad was at home with his parents who’d flown in yesterday.

“I don’t care how I smell. I can’t wait to see them.”

Her smiled dropped, and I knew exactly what she was going to ask me. “Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

“No. I know what happened and I’d like to deal with it on my own.” I remembered every moment and had even dreamt about it, but I didn’t mention that because I didn’t want the lecture. I knew my mom would be forcing me into counseling, and I wanted to prolong the emotional recovery efforts for as long as I was in the hospital.

“Maybe Kat will get you to open up.”

“I doubt that. I have a lot to say to her, and it has nothing to do with what happened.”

Dillon and Kat walked in a few seconds after I said that.

“I’m glad you’re not in ICU anymore. That place was depressing as hell,” Dillon said.

“Watch your mouth, young man,” Mom said. She waved at me as she walked toward the door. “I’m going to go get some of that cheesecake. I promise to eat it out of the room so I won’t torture you.”

“So, how are you feeling?” Dillon asked. Kat was standing on the other side of the bed, not yet saying a word.

“Better. I know you just got here, but could you give Kat and me a moment alone?”

“Sure. I’ll go get some coffee.” Dillon left without arguing.

Kat looked at me like she did when she didn’t know what to say. I always talked for her when she gave me that look. “I know there is a whole lot of apologizing I need to do.” I tried to sit up and she had to help me adjust the pillows.

When she sat back down, I noticed tears falling from her eyes. “There is no apologizing necessary. I almost lost you. That whole experience made me realize that no matter what happens between us, we have to stick together.”

“But I’d like to at least apologize…”

Kat interrupted me. “No. No apologizing. What’s done is done. You almost died. No more talking about the past.”

I yanked on her arm and pulled her in for a hug. She was forced to sit on the side of bed because I wouldn’t let go of her arm.

~*~

One week later I was discharged from the hospital. I had a very long list of follow-up appointments and was going to have one bitch of a scar, but I looked forward to going home to my own bed. My mom got my therapy sessions all set with one of the best psychologists in town. I’d pushed all my thoughts about Scott to the back of my mind. Knowing I would have to bring them all forward was causing unneeded anxiety.

My grandma was sitting at the counter, drinking her afternoon coffee when I came downstairs after my shower.

“Hey,” I said.

She greeted me with a smile. “Hi, sweetheart. How ya feeling?” She’d been living with my grandpa in Texas for only five years, but had picked up on some of the accent.

“Better. I missed my shower and my bed. It was a challenge taking one with this sling on, but hopefully it won’t need to stay on much longer.”

“You better keep it on and do everything that doctor told you. I don’t want my granddaughter going back to that hospital anytime soon.”

“I will, Grandma. So how long are you two staying?” I grabbed a mug and poured some coffee, not that I’d needed it with my pain killers, but it smelled so good. Doing things with only one arm was much harder than I’d imagined it would be.

“Another week. I’m hoping to talk you into coming back with us.”

I almost dropped my cup when she’d said that. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, with everything that happened, I figured maybe this would be a good time for you to skip town and come live with us for a while.” She took a sip of her coffee, her eyes looking over the cup, staying on mine.

“I’ve only been to visit you and never thought about actually moving there.” Part of me wanted to scream
no
but there was a part that was jumping up and down at the thought of getting out of this town and seeing another part of the world.

“Think about it, hon. We have lots of friends out there who could help you get back on your feet.”

I walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “I’ll think about it, Grandma, I promise.” I carefully walked the stairs up to my room with my only good arm holding tight to my coffee. My legs still felt weak from lying in bed.

I sat on my chaise looking around my room. Kat was coming by, and I wanted to take advantage of the silence to think about my grandma’s offer. Moving would completely change every plan Kat and I’d agreed on, but I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement at the prospect. I’d loved visiting my grandparents, and the area of Houston where they lived was beautiful. It would give me a fresh new start, but I’d never pictured my future without Kat.

There was a soft knock on my door that jolted me out of my thoughts.

“Come in,” I said.

“Hey, I wasn’t sure if you were sleeping. How are you feeling?” Kat shut the door and walked over to give me a hug.

“Better now that I’m home. Do you want to sit here?” I started to get up but she stopped me.

“Stay put. You look comfortable. I’ll smack you later for stealing my spot,” she said, winking at me and sitting down on the edge of my bed. “So, what’s the plan going forward?”

“Funny you should mention that. I have a ton of follow-up appointments, but my grandma just offered to have me move with them to Houston.”

Her smile dropped and tears formed in her eyes. “Are you considering that?”

“Please don’t cry. She only just mentioned it an hour ago. I’ve been thinking about it, but haven’t made up my mind totally.”

“Wow. I don’t even know what to say.”

“Honestly, I’m not looking forward to the therapy sessions and all the talks about what happened. Moving would help with that process, so I’m not constantly reminded about everything that went down. I know we have plans and all, but would you hate me forever if I moved there to at least try it out?” I searched her eyes, looking for any indication of how she was feeling. All I saw was shock.

“Of course I wouldn’t hate you, but I feel like I just got you back. Moving would change everything. It’s always been just the two of us and our plans. I don’t even know what I would do without you.”

“You have Dillon now and he wasn’t exactly in our plans. He’s in for the long haul. I don’t want to get in the way of your two making plans for the future. Maybe it would be best to give us some time apart. It’s not like I can’t move back any time I want.” I put my coffee cup on my window ledge and got up to sit down next to Kat. She didn’t protest.

She put her head on my shoulder and cried. “I would miss you, more than you know. But you’re right, maybe it would be exactly what you need.”

We cried together. It was the first time I was completely unsure about what the future held. Excitement replaced the sadness when Kat pulled out my computer and we looked up all Houston had to offer.

“You know, I could always move there with you eventually,” she said.

“Of course, but I don’t think you’d be able to convince Dillon to move there. He doesn’t like dirt.” We laughed and cried again. Kat helped me change into a different shirt and we went downstairs for dinner.

I talked to everyone about my considered plans. The conversation went better than expected. Kat had to leave the room after my parents gave me their blessing. Dillon followed her, and I didn’t see them the rest of the evening until she was ready to say goodnight.

The next day, my mom stayed on the phone for hours trying to find a doctor to take over my care. It ended up there were lots of fabulous healthcare facilities to choose from, even more than was available in Rochester.

My grandparents made a few calls and found a bookstore and coffee shop that was hiring close to their home. Their friends owned the place and were looking for a new cashier. It was as though fate had planned for me to move. After only forty-eight hours, my life had done a one-eighty.