Desire in the Arctic (15 page)

“I’m serious, Ana. How far do you want to take this? Despite the fact I want you, I won’t put you in a bad situation.”

“I use the birth control ring,” she blurted. “It helps my system work better.” She cleared her suddenly constricted throat. “I’m not slutty, you know. The last ‘wolf’ came along a year ago. I liked him. Turned out he didn’t like me.”

“I don’t think badly of you. I’m sure I never could.”

“Thanks,” she said softly, her eyes round.

“Besides, if you’re into wolves, I can be one for you. I think you’ll find my teeth are quite sharp.”

She laughed. “Are you sure you can act like the Big, Bad Wolf? Huff, and puff, and blow this cabin down? With a nick name like yours, you could be Little
Redd
Riding Hood.”

His grin loomed large. “Nope, wouldn’t work. I’m not
little
at all.”

She giggled until she felt him kiss her again. Suddenly she found herself on her back, with him on top of her. Burying his face in her neck.

“Comfy?” he asked softly in her ear.

How he had managed to slip her underwear off, and get the coarse blanket underneath her, she didn’t know.
Maybe it’s all part of his Special Ops training . . .
“If I were on a bed of nails I wouldn’t complain.”

The sound of his laughter was muffled by her neck and hair. He balanced his upper body weight on his forearms as he slid down her length and nuzzled her belly. A tingling sensation shot through her, electrifying her nerves. And then her muscles tensed up when he started licking his way lower. A direct line down, starting from her navel. “Oh my—”

“You’re talking again,” he admonished, his words now spoken into her thigh.

“I want you to know that I’m healthy. You know, no, um, health problems of any kind . . .”

He laughed again, this time into the soft curls above her thighs. “Me, too. Glad we got that out of the way. Can we stop talking now? I’ve got other plans to pursue.”

“Finally! A man of action.”

“You have no idea.”

His laughter buzzed against her sensitive skin, electrifying her further.

I knew humor always paid off. I’ll be sure to include some in the production phase of the sh . . . Oh!
Ana bit her lip. Her mind was trying hard not to relinquish control to her body. Her body was doing its best to fight the sensation. She was now perspiring. “Is it hot in—”

“Shhh.”

He was right. She hadn’t needed to ask the question. Given what he was doing now, she was pretty positive the heat was coming from within. His mouth was making her hotter than the Sahara. The breath he seductively blew out against her upper thighs wasn’t doing a thing to cool her down.

He began kissing in earnest the soft flesh between her legs.

“Oh,” she exclaimed again, loudly this time.

“Shhh,” he said again, kissing her heated inner core.

Her body turned into a tangle of sensations. Still, the intimacy of the act made her try to scoot away.

“Nope,” he chastised. In a flash, he wrapped his arms around her legs, holding them wide open and immobile. When his tongue touched her again, inflicting its tortuously short, light strokes, she was too far gone to care what position he had her in. Or even embarrassed to find herself as slick and wet as the water dripping from their abandoned clothes.

He made a circling motion with his tongue and she bucked her hips. As the sensation built, she screamed out, “Holy—”

“Getting you to stop talking is not easy. Let’s try this.” Parting her legs, he sank his mouth deeper. His tongue exploring in more tantalizingly slow circles.

If my muscles were strung together any tighter they’d snap.
She bit down on the side of her lower lip to prevent herself from saying anything else. The tactic half-worked. She moaned.

“I think I made my point,” he said, raising himself above her and snapping off his towel with ease. The reindeers followed.

“Point made,” she panted.

Balanced above her on his forearms again, he parted her knees with his legs. But he didn’t enter her. Instead, he hung suspended over her, a clock waiting to tick. “You’re sure about this?” he asked.

Speechless, she simply nodded.
He must really care about me to ask.

He bent his head down, rubbing his nose against hers. The move stunned her yet again, it was so affectionate. Like a father bear caring for his young. Then he kissed her, but there was nothing paternal about it.

A glorious moment later, he was in her. At first he moved slowly, and she wrapped her legs tightly against his back. Then he moved fast. In time with her heart. In time with her quickening body. Until she bit down on her lower lip as she quaked. A tectonic shift from somewhere deep within her. Her eyes closed. Finally seeing the Aurora Borealis.

His fast, piston-like pace suddenly stilled. She felt him release inside her, warmth filling her womb. Panting, he dropped his head so their foreheads touched. Instead of pulling away, he drew her close, embracing her with his arms. His mouth. Wrapping around her with his legs.

“Ana . . .”

She was surprised to see that for once she agreed with him. Talking was a wasted activity. She dragged her tongue over his lips until he opened his mouth.

“Hmmmmm?” she asked languidly.

“Are you all right?” he whispered. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Nope,” she answered lightly, kissing him again. Running her hand down his back to his rear. Enjoying the feel of his tight, muscular body. Suddenly afraid he would pull away, she ground her pelvis against his and kissed him harder.

Good Lord, Ana Bethany Davis! What has gotten into you?
Even a cat in heat would back off by now.
But she knew the answer. Redd was pure fire, and she’d been set ablaze.

Chapter 19

Redd woke several hours later with Ana in his arms and a big, dopey grin on his face. He didn’t know which factor was more surprising. He had been with many women, but none had tugged at his heartstrings. For a man who never allowed himself to become emotionally connected, he was feeling quite attached to her. Frankly, he didn’t know whether he was happy or scared about it.

The downside was having to expose himself to potential pain and redefining who he was. If he wasn’t a grumpy, standoffish lone wolf, then who was he? It was too hard to suddenly envision himself as a debonair playboy, ready to woo the woman he wanted with suave charm. And what if something happened to Ana? Either here in Gates of the Arctic, or later on if their relationship continued? After dealing with the loss of Hailey, could he ever handle that, too?

But the potential upside was tempting beyond compare. He hadn’t felt so . . . human in the longest time. In the military, it was all about the mission. In relationships, it was all about keeping things superficial. The more one got hooked into something deep and meaningful, the more one became exposed to potential pain.

The odd thing about Ana was that she made him feel more alive the more involved they became. She challenged his preconceived notions, outlook and way of life. The impact was enormous, he was actually seeing life in a different way. Maybe he didn’t need to be closed off, a fortress unto himself.

His sleepy mind conjured up the image of Ana leading an army, ready to seize Fort Redd. She rode a horse, both her and her mount in full body armor. A modern-day Joan of Arc. Aided by powerful weapons, a thousand pestering questions ready to launch. They’d be sure to hit him where he was most vulnerable.

Fortunately, he fully expected the battle to be short-lived. His defensive tactics were half-hearted at best. It’d take her no more than ten minutes to declare her siege a success. And take him as a willing prisoner. This was one instance where he was fully prepared to give up. And he’d enjoy every minute of it.

His smile grew even wider. The only thing that stopped him from laughing was his desire not to wake her. Carefully he moved his head a little to see to her better. She was sleeping peacefully in his arms. Her chest rising and falling slowly. Whatever she was dreaming, he hoped it was good.
She is so beautiful.
Maybe it’s time for me to tear my walls down.

Without realizing it, he gently rubbed her back. She sighed and stirred, turning to him. After murmuring something so softly he couldn’t make out her words she stilled again.

There was no doubt about it, she tugged at his heart. How could someone who challenged him so much be so . . . soft. Warm. Endlessly inviting.

For all her talk of her at-the-ready birth control, she didn’t seem too experienced. He hadn’t done anything too novel. He liked to think it was the technique more than the creativity that counted. Yet his intimate exploration of her lovely body seemed to make her embarrassed. If so, he gave her a lot of credit for learning to let go and give in to the pleasure she had so clearly wanted.

And him, too. Being with many women still hadn’t been adequate preparation for Ana. Her reaction to his touch wasn’t practiced, it was pure. No artifice, just enthusiasm. With Ana, there was pleasure in not only touching her, but knowing where he stood. From her mind to her body, her reactions were dead honest. When she exploded from his ministrations, he could have done the same from merely watching her do it.

Of course, he got to do so much more than watch. The feel of her skin was as explosive as a bomb. And yet soothed like a balm.

He was starting to wonder if he was really in a rush to have their twelve-day odyssey end. Sure, being out here in this wilderness, especially during this storm, was terrible. But it seemed a small price to pay to stay with Ana. In the cocoon of this cabin, they could be themselves, enjoying each other. Suspended in time.

But time would eventually win out. In eight days, their ordeal would be over. Suddenly he realized if he were lucky, he could be with her after the show.

Would she feel this way too? He could only hope that her affection for him was more than physical. He knew he wasn’t a personable guy. Could she take it? Would he, unwittingly, drive her away?

These questions were going to make him crazy if he let them. But he knew one thing for sure—if they didn’t stay together, the way she looked when they made love was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

“Redd?”

He frowned. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t. I want to give you a gift.”

He stared at her in confusion. “A gift?”

Oh!
Her lips, light and fluttery like a bird, descended on his. And then she moved lower down his body, her kisses becoming deeper. The path she followed to his groin, though invisible, was quite clear.

Until her mouth, usually filled with endless questions, was now filled with him. Her tongue swirled around in ways he never knew possible. The effect was hot, wet, and wonderful. “Ana,” he groaned.

“Shhh,” she said and gave him a playful wink. Then she leaned back down to give his manhood another long, lasting swirl of her tongue.

Using every ounce of willpower he had, he leaned forward to gently tug her to him. He pulled her up until she was flat on top of him, their faces nose-to-nose. He kissed her lips and then her collarbone. Until she let out a sweet-sounding giggle.

“Stopping what you were doing wasn’t easy,” he confessed, “but I don’t want this to be just about me.”

“Trust me, I was enjoying it, too. And you deserve a gift.”

“Ana, you are my gift.” The wide smile she gave him tugged his heartstrings. And an area lower down. “Sit on top of me,” he commanded, although in a gentle sounding tone.

Ana bit her lower lip and hesitated a moment. The light in the cabin was dim, but he could have sworn red streaked her face. After a moment she complied. With an agonizing slowness she positioned herself over, and then down, his length. “Holy—”

“I told you, you should follow my directions more often.”

“Damn straight,” she panted.

He let out a laugh until she moved quickly off of him, and then slowly back down. And then nothing was funny anymore as she repeated the move, speeding up the pace.

She must be celestial. I’m floating somewhere up in space.
The part of him that was left on Earth was rocketing toward his release. Hanging on until he felt her come down from the moon.

And then he let go . . .

The next morning, Ana opened the door to try to gauge the time. Since the sun was always up it was impossible to get an accurate idea. The wristwatch Devon had loaned her was lost. Good thing it hadn’t been expensive. In any case, Redd was still sleeping. Given what he went through to get them to safety, he deserved the rest. She went about making breakfast as quietly as possible. She also picked up their dried-out clothes, wearing some of hers and folding his carefully. All the garments were stiff and wrinkled, but wearable. Certainly, they were better than nothing. Sitting around in her underwear wasn’t going to work since they would have to film more today.

She tossed the cranberries into the pot and boiled them. Then she went to re-fold his shirt. She would have cooked up some fish, too, if there had been any left. In fact, when they were done with these berries they’d be completely out of food. She did her best not to worry about it. Redd had solved all their problems so far. She had to trust he’d fix this one too. All she could do was help out where she could and support him as much as possible.

It wasn’t as if she was trying to be in a domestic role. Playacting as Redd’s wife, and an old-fashioned one at that. She knew having sex with Redd did not mean they were in a relationship. Maybe they would never see each other after the show wrapped up. If the past dictated her future, Redd would be yet another guy to pat her on the head and wish her well along her way. Leaving her behind after she tried so hard to please. She knew to expect nothing from people. But it was still always downright depressing when the evitable happened. Her optimistic side wanted an alternative outcome, badly. But somehow, whatever she did, people dismissed her and moved on.

Would Mark dismiss her, too, when she came back from Alaska? Now that her boss had gotten what he wanted from her, would she be tossed away?

Worse, would Redd do the same? A sharp pain cut through her chest.
No, I’m not even going to go there.

She turned around from the stove to see Redd’s eyelids blink open.

“Hey,” he greeted her. Giving her a smile, he leaned forward, propping himself up on one elbow.

“Hey, yourself,” she answered softly, hoping the raw affection she had for him wasn’t apparent in her voice. The less he knew about her deep feelings for him, the better. At least when he dumped her later, she’d have her pride.

“How long have you been up?” he asked, rubbing his eyes and stubbly cheeks.

“A while. You slept late.”

“Little wonder for that. You wore me out,” he said, grinning wickedly. “I’m really hoping you wear me out again today.”

“Eager, aren’t you?” She shot him a look that was supposed to be stern but knew she failed miserably. When he laughed she gave up the pretense and laughed along with him.
Relax, Ana. Redd respects you.
“Any other dirty comments you want to make, Mr. Redding, do it now. I’ve got to turn on the camcorder.”

“Ana,” he said in a warning tone.

“Don’t be such a sourpuss. Taping this crazy show is something we’ve got to deal with sooner or later.”

He made a disgusted face. “Fine. Whatever. Let’s get on with it.”

She tossed him some clothes, waited for him to be decent and then turned the camcorder on. “Hello, all. This morning, I took some of the cranberries we’d saved and mixed it with snow to make cranberry tea. Or cranberry soup. Or whatever you call it when you’ve cooked up nothing but boiled cranberries and water.” She held up the pot to the camera, and then to him. “Want some?”

“Sure.” He reached for the tin mug he’d used last night and held it up for her to fill. The hot liquid poured out, filling the air with a fruity, acidic scent. “Thanks.”

“No problem at all.” She watched him hold the cup up to his nostrils and breathe deeply.
The poor guy does not know what’s going to hit him.
Sadly, she had already sampled some of her “tea” and knew the scent was way better than the taste.

Given the scrunched up look on Redd’s face when his lips left the cup, he agreed with her assessment. His “Yuck,” confirmed it.

“At least it’s got Vitamin C,” Ana said in a singsong voice. “Want some more?”

“No, thanks. I’ll have to force myself to get through this cup.”

In an attempt to play up to the camera, Ana made an exaggerated pout. “You don’t like my cooking.”

“No, but I sure as hell like you.”

Ana’s eyes went saucer round. She immediately went to the camcorder and shut it off. She turned to face him, hands on her hips. “I thought you said you don’t want any personal stuff on tape.”

“What’s so personal about my saying I like you?”

“Why mention how you feel about me at all?”

He frowned. “I thought women liked it when men express their feelings. Especially after sex. That’s what I’m trying to do.”

Her face felt flush, no doubt color was rising up in her cheeks. “I don’t need you to tell me what you think I need to hear.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m letting you know how I feel. Why so touchy?”

“Touchy? I don’t need anyone to placate me.” She tensed up, bracing herself for battle. “I’m sick of people feeling they need to stroke me because I can’t handle too much. Like I’m some kind of ninny. I don’t want you to be one of those people.”

His eyes narrowed. “Why would you think I am?”

“Because you’re the one who is trying to placate me with after-sex niceties.”

He shook his head a few times. Maybe it was an effort to shake off her words. “I don’t need this, Ana. I thought you were the one person who wasn’t going to give me grief.” He swallowed the rest of the cranberry cocktail, got up and reached for his clothes and cold-weather gear. In a second, he was out the door, gun in hand.

As the cabin door slammed shut, so did her heart.

See,
Redd said to himself,
this is why it’s best not to get involved with women.
Or anybody. Instead of being able to depend on people to stick around, they vanished. Whether they disappeared physically, like Hailey, or emotionally, like Ana, the end result was the same—false hope and a damaged heart. Who needed it?

It wasn’t Hailey’s fault she’d left him. But the same could not be said for Ana. One minute, they were having the best sex he’d had in his whole life. The next, she was practically driving him out the door. Even June up here in the Arctic couldn’t go as fast from hot to cold.

Worse, at least on his end, they’d done so much more than have sex. They’d made love. The way Ana had opened up her body to him made him feel like she had opened up her heart, too. She hadn’t been “putting out,” she had been gifting herself to him. He had been sure of it. She had even said as much. Was he a chump to have believed her?

Special Ops training included rigorous courses on how to tell if the captured enemy was lying. He had aced those tests because he knew to trust body language and not mere words. People’s physiological reactions were more revealing that anything a person said. He had carefully watched Ana’s body language last night. He had truly believed she cared about him, too. Maybe it was too early for love, but it was pretty damn close in his book.
I guess it wasn’t close enough in hers.
Good thing he had already retired. The military had no use for an operative who could be so easily fooled.