Desired Affliction (5 page)

After the third ring he picked up…

‘Kole, what the hell man what are you up too…it’s
been awhile’

I knew if they found out I was calling Matt things would
turn even worse if that was possible but no one was giving me answers and I
needed to know what I was missing.

‘Hey fuckhead…how’s Cali…and college’

Matt just laughed I could sense the freshman cockiness in
his voice

‘It’s great but you know that…hell the amount of
pussy a guy gets from being in college on a full athletic scholarship in
fucking insane man…but hey hit it all you can right.’

Okay ready to get on with this conversation Matty was
always a little too arrogant for his own good and I only had one reason to call
him…

‘I got a question for you…did you date a girl named
Lexi Warren?

He was silent for a minute and I almost asked him if he
was there.

‘I wouldn’t say we dated. More like she followed me
around my entire senior year and then showed up to this party after we
graduated and let’s just say she went a little wild. I fucked her a couple
times…but hell I wasn’t the only one. So date her…no. Just banged her…she’s a
little whore Kole. If I were you I wouldn’t get wrapped up in that but hey
she’s a pretty good fuck so whatever.’

I hated hearing him talk about her like that…there was
more to the story the girl he was describing didn’t sound right.

‘Nah dude…I think I’ll pass she just came to a few
parties here at the fraternity and one of the guys was um…he was asking about
here. I thought I would ask you since you went to the same school’

He laughed lightly

‘Well tell your friend she likes it rough…hey nice
hearing from ya…catch ya later’

Something was off about the whole thing. The phone call
just pissed me off and I still had no idea why she was so guarded.

I started my car and went to look for Lexi.

(Lexi)

“Come on…no more,” I was so drunk and if I drank anymore
shots I felt I might get sick. I could feel them starting to rise back up into
my throat. I didn’t want to puke…I just wanted to forget about what had
happened earlier. “I think I’m done…I won’t be much fun with my head suspended
over the garbage will I,” here I was in a damn bar doing just what I told Megan
I wouldn’t do. Then again she did share secrets about my life she swore she
never would so…hell with it.

“Let’s get out of here,” I was ready to lose myself yeah
I know tomorrow I will regret it but tonight I could for a short time pretend
that it didn’t make my skin scrawl when a man touched me because…I was numb and
when I’m numb I can handle it…

About ten thirty I stumbled through the door of the
Fraternity and I wasn’t alone. Zack and I had been having a little party of our
own and I was completely wasted as he held me up. One of the other guys in the
house hollered over his shoulder in our direction as he was leaving, “Dude you
seriously want to get your ass beat don’t you…better hope Kole isn’t home.” I
was coherent enough to hear Kole’s name and I looked at Zack as he threw me up
over his shoulder and began climbing the stairs.

I knew the moment I was on the bed because he had
basically dropped me and then pulled his shirt off before he fell onto the bed
himself. I was so messed up and knew it. I barely realize he was even kissing
me. I felt like I was fading in and out. I could feel my shirt being tugged
off, “Damn you are so fucking hot.” I wanted to tell him to stop talking I
didn’t want to hear him…but once again I faded. This time when I opened my eyes
I felt his hand going into the front of my pants which had been unzipped and
were now barely up. I was numb fading into darkness.

There was a pounding coming from the hallway and someone
yelled, “Unlock the fucking door now or I’ll bust it in.” After a few more hard
hits I knew it was Zack’s door someone was beating on. “Stay here…right like
that. Seriously don’t move…damn...I’ll be right back,” He crawled over me and
went to the door. When he opened it someone pushed passed him hard and light
spilled in from the hallway. I felt myself being lifted and moved. Someone had
wrapped something around me and then I was again put down carefully onto a bed.
A large cover was brought over my body then I felt the bed shift next to me
like someone had sat down. I was fading again and had no energy to look in that
direction.

I fell into the darkness…

(Kole)

“She’s asleep…she can stay in my room. Someone better
tell Zack to stay away from me because I seriously feel like beating his
fucking ass right now,” I ran my hands threw my hair.  Radley laughed, “He
left real fast Kole, when he saw the look on your face after you found Lexi he
bolted, I have this feeling we won’t see any more of him tonight.” Radley
placed his hand onto my shoulder and squeezed before he led Megan to his room.

I slowly opened my door and went back into my room. I
could barely see her under the big cover. I slowly lowered myself onto the bed
next to her. She was passed out and there wasn’t anything that would wake her
from the current state. The room was barely lite from the fish tank light but I
could see the side of her face. Lexi was lightly snoring and I had to admit it
was really cute…she wouldn’t think so I’m sure. I let my mind wonder back to
the earlier phone conversation.

I was starting to put things together and had a sick
feeling that I already knew what had happened with Matt. The thoughts that ran
through my head since I hung up actually had my stomach in knots. I knew I
wanted her to talk to me…I wanted to hear it from her. I also realized that the
chances of that happening were slim.

I finally fell asleep after watching her and listening to
her breath for over an hour. She was really a beautiful girl. I let my mind
wonder back to when we were younger and I would give her piggy back rides to
the ice cream store right down the road from her house while our mother’s sat
on the porch talking.  Back then she seemed so small and young. I guess
the three year difference really didn’t seem like much now. The little crush
she had on me then was so innocent. Now the attraction was definitely mutual…I
could feel it every time I looked at her. I don’t know if it was lust or
something more but for the first time I found myself feeling protective of a
girl…I wanted to keep her safe and that was a new feeling.

(Lexi)

I woke up and looked around the room…where the hell was
I? I crawled in bed again with some guy and remembered nothing! I turned to
look over to the stranger lying next me as I always did and I almost screamed.
Kole…oh shit! I guess I could forget about not wanting him to know this side of
me…he had seen it firsthand. I couldn’t believe I slept with him…out of all the
times I had screwed someone and woke up blank…this would have been the one time
I wanted to remember. The next few steps I took were entirely too
familiar…sneak out of the bed-find my clothes…wait I still had on my pants and
my bra.

What the hell happened? Maybe we didn’t sleep together. I
stood at the end of his bed looking down at him silently admiring his muscular
back and how the tattoo ran all the way down his arm. His arms were so defined
and sexy. I wish I could remember last night were those around me...did we
kiss…anything?

I turned to grab my shirt off the floor and was startled
by Kole’s scruffy voice, “You don’t have to sneak off.” I kept my back to him
as I released the breath I was holding in, “I wasn’t trying to sneak…I was just
leaving.” He didn’t say anything but I could hear the movement of the sheets on
his body as he crawled out of bed. I suddenly felt him close behind me. I could
smell his cologne, “Nothing happened between us Lexi. You just slept here. I
didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.” I hated the thought of him seeing
me last night I knew I had to be ridiculous considering I remembered nothing.
 I was embarrassed I did not want him to have that opinion of me. I would
not admit it to anyone but myself but I cared what he thought of me…that is why
I can never get to close because then he would know just how horrible I am.

I knew I needed to get out of there, “You shouldn’t worry
about me Kole. I don’t need you to. I don’t really need anyone too.” I walked
for the door as he came up quickly behind me. I felt his arms wrap around my
waist and he buried his nose in my hair, “Its’ okay to let people in Lexi…you
can trust me. Just talk to me.” I pulled against him trying to get free, he
slowly released me. After I had the door open and was able to let go of the
entrapped feeling I turned to faced him, “I made the mistake almost six months
ago of trusting the wrong person…I won’t ever make that mistake again.” I
turned quickly and left.

I kept myself busy over the next couple days. I tried to
avoid Megan and once she figured that out she started staying at Radley’s. I
can’t say it didn’t make things easier but deep down I really missed her. I
wasn’t ready to forgive her yet. I was hurt by the feeling of being betrayed by
my very best friend the one person I trusted with my secrets.

I was lounging in my pajamas on Tuesday night watching
some really bad reality TV when my phone beeped indicating an incoming text. I
crawled slowly out of bed and walked over to the desk were it was charging.
When I opened it I immediately felt ill…

‘You made one huge mistake bitch! You opened your
mouth and you’ll be sorry!’

The next text was worse than the first.

‘Don’t worry I let Kole know just what kind of person
he is dealing with…I nasty little Slut. Now I know where you are…Shut your
fucking mouth!’

I sunk to the floor and cried. It had been so long since
I cried so hard. I dialed Megan’s number and after the first ring she picked
up, “Lex…Lexi are you there?” I attempted to talk through the sobs, “Can
y-you…co-come home pl...please?” I held back as much as possible but I felt
terrified and knew it was only a matter of time before I lost it all over
again. “I am on the way now…Stay where you are Lexi,” she sounded out of breath
like she may have been running…

I heard the door rattle and I scrambled for the edge of
the room farthest away from the door. When Megan came in she looked around
finding me next to the desk. Immediately she rushed over and sat next to me.
She brought her arms around and pulled me into a hug. I cried on her shoulder.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I was shaking but I knew I needed to
calm down…I took a few deep breaths…in…out. Megan whispered in my ear that she
loved me. She said she wouldn’t leave me again, and told me that we would get
through it.

I kept my head rested on her shoulder without looking up,
“I’m getting text messages from him…he sent them tonight. He said he knows
where I am…he told Kole horrible things about me. What if he shows up here? I
can’t face him. He took everything from me Megan. He erased who I was…He made
me this horrible person and I can’t do it again. I’m scared.” When I pulled
back to look at her she looked a little shocked. I rose up a little further and
looked passed her and that’s when I noticed we weren’t alone. Just three feet
away both Radley and Kole stood watching and listening. My heart sank as I look
at Kole’s expression. I knew then that he knew what happened to me and I could
no longer hide the truth or at least that part of the truth.

“Megan…can I have a few minutes with Lexi? I just want to
talk to her if that’s okay?” Kole looked directly into my eyes waiting for a
response. I looked over to Megan and nodded my head. Before she got up she
hugged me and then took Radley out into the hallway closing the door behind
them.

Kole came over to me and reached out with his hand, “Let
me help you up…come over and sit on the bed with me.” I took his hand as he
pulled me up off the floor and I followed him to the bed sitting on the edge.
He slowly sat down next to me. A few silent moments passed, “Lexi, I want you
to know that what he did to you was not your fault…He is a sick bastard. Matt
will never get close enough to you to ever hurt you again…I will guarantee you
that. I won’t let him hurt you again.” I couldn’t speak as I stared at this
beautiful guy looking directly into my eyes.

I hated how he made me feel at that moment. I felt safe
with him and I hated it…I can’t feel safe with him. It would be a mistake to
feel anything toward him. I am not that person…I can’t be. I promised myself I
would never rely on a guy again. I couldn’t trust any guy…ever.

“Lexi you deserve to feel safe. You shouldn’t be hiding
yourself…don’t let him have that. He didn’t erase you…your just hiding and I
think it’s time you come back,” if only life was that easy. I let him take me
into his arms allowing myself to feel secure just for a moment.

My phone beeping startled both of us. I reached for it
when he took it from my hands…

I could see his jaw muscle flexing as the anger within
him built at what he read. When I looked over the phone I felt queasy…

‘Do all your new friends know how big of a slut you
are? Maybe they should!’

“Lex why don’t you stay with me tonight…I’ll sleep on the
floor if you want me to. I would just feel better if you were with me,” it was
really sweet of him to want to keep me close but I couldn’t let myself feel
anything for him. “I’m okay here I’ll just turn my phone off. I’m tired anyway
I really just want to go sleep and forget about today.” I knew I was lying to
myself like it would honestly be that easy.

Kole continued to watch me I knew he didn’t believe that
I was okay, “Since I’m already here and its’ late can I just crash.” Right like
being late was the reason he wanted to stay. “You need to clear it with
Megan…I’m pretty sure she isn’t going to leave tonight,” he was already
standing and walking to the door. After a minute both Megan and Radley appeared
and entered as Kole once again closed the door behind them but this time he
locked it. “So us guys are just gonna crash here if that’s okay with you
Megan?” I didn’t look directly at her because I knew she would have that HOLY
COW look on her face directed right at me…