Desired and Dominated (4 page)

The first girl has the intelligence and maturity level of a 5 year old. I can’t tolerate her high pitched giggling and hair twirling for more than three minutes before I have the bouncer outside of my room escort her off the premises.

Girl number two is hot, long legs, a perfect ass, and gorgeous long blonde hair that I could wrap around my arm as I hold her down and fuck her. Unfortunately, her looks are her only redeeming quality. In the thirty minutes that she spends in my playroom, she tries to undress for me at least three times, offers to give me head twice, and repeatedly tells me how much she likes anal. She has zero class, and I don’t think she fully understands the lifestyle she’s trying to get into.

If I wanted her naked, she’d be spread on my table already. If I wanted her to give me head, she would be on her knees with her mouth full. And, if I wanted to take her up the ass, she would be up on all fours, screaming my name as I ride her. I breathe a sigh of relief when she leaves and put some music on my iPod through the speakers in the room, to alleviate my agitation before the last woman of the evening arrives.

When I hear the knock on the door, I can barely muster the enthusiasm to open it, but the girl standing behind it, is breath-taking. I open the door wide and invite her in. Everything about her is delicious. She has the physique of a dancer, toned, slender and petite. She has beautifully tanned skin and lush black hair that falls down her back in a sea of waves.

My heart slams into my chest at the sight of her.

She looks like…Sofia.

My dick twitches in my pants, and I find myself drawn to this girl without even hearing her speak.

“It’s nice to meet you. My name is Master Callaghan, but I’m sure you already know that.”

She takes my proffered hand giving it a firm shake. The sweet smell of her perfume beginning to fill the room.

“The pleasure is all mine, Master Callaghan. My name is…” I cut her off.

“No need for names tonight, angel.” I place my hand at the small of her back and lead her over to the couch. “Please, sit.”

We discuss her likes and dislikes, her expectations and why she wants to be trained by me. She knows how to flatter a guy. “You are without a doubt, the best, and the hottest Master in New York. Every submissive that knows the lifestyle, knows that you are
the
expert in shibari, which is something that I have wanted to try for a long time now.”

“It’s obvious to me that you aren’t new to the scene, or to being a submissive, so my question is – why do you feel the need to go back into training?”

Her gaze drops to the floor, her discomfort apparent in the shifting of her feet.

“I need full disclosure. I can’t be your Master if you don’t trust me. I realize that you don’t know me yet, but unfortunately, in my position as a trainer rather than a long term Dominant, I need my submissives to open up to me immediately. I know it’s a huge leap of faith at this stage, but I won’t be able to make an informed decision as to whether or not I can help you. I need you to understand that you have the power here. It is your choice entirely. You don’t have to tell me anything, and you can leave at any time with no hard feelings.”

Her demeanor softens at my last words, and I can see the moment she decides to confide in me.

“I had a bad experience with my previous Dominant. He made the decision for me, that I no longer needed a safe word. He…” I can see this is difficult for her. “He took too much pleasure in punishing me…a long way past my hard limits.”

I feel so angry for this girl. Men like that give BDSM a bad name. A Dominant’s sole purpose is to ensure that his submissive is happy and healthy, satisfied and
never
pushed beyond what she can handle. She should have absolute control when it comes to her hard limits. Any man that doesn’t respect and honor the strength that it takes for a woman to submit herself completely, is
not
a true Dom.

As a rule, I don’t train subs that look anything like Sofia. I’ve always felt that it would be disrespectful to the woman in question, and would feel like I was betraying Sofia somehow. A pale imitation would never satisfy me.

I really want to help this girl get past what happened with her previous Dom, and restore her faith in our lifestyle, but she looks so much like Sofia, it’s almost eerie.

“I’m so sorry that you had to live through that. I can assure you, that a true Dominant would never treat you that way.” Her small smile is so endearing. I wonder if I could get past the physical similarity and train her.

“I know, Master Callaghan. That’s why I’m here. I don’t want to let him win. I believe I can still find happiness with a Dom that treats me properly. I just think that I need the safety of some training to restore my confidence before I try to find a suitable long term match.”

“You’re a very sensible woman. I think you’re doing the right thing, and I would love to help you.”

I see the spark in her eyes at my words, and I feel my cock hardening as I drink in the sight of her.

“I would like to know a little more about you before we take this any further.”

“Anything.”

“What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a ballerina. I’m in my final year at Julliard and I’m hoping to find a ballet company to tour with after I graduate. It’s been my dream since I was 5 years old.”

My stomach drops. I know I can’t do this. I was kidding myself to think that I could. The similarities are just too much for me to get over. I scrub my hands up over my face, annoyed at myself for being so pathetic.

“Is something wrong, Master Callaghan? Have I said something to upset you?”

I stare up into her questioning eyes as I answer. Hoping that she understands that this is in no way a reflection on her.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t train you. I would love to. You are extremely beautiful and any man in his right mind would want to explore every last inch of your gorgeous body.”

“But…?”

“But, you remind me too much of someone I know.”

“Someone you loved?”

“Something like that. Trust me when I tell you that this is all my issue. You are a lovely girl, and I know that when you find the right Dom, he will worship the ground you walk on.” I watch as her cheeks begin to blush. “I would still like to help, and if it’s okay with you, I would like to speak with some of the other Masters, discuss your situation, and choose a trainer for you that I feel would be a good match. You deserve someone that can give you the training, and attention you need to regain your confidence in yourself, and in our lifestyle. Will you let me do that for you?”

“It’s true what they say about you, Master Callaghan. You really are a gentleman. Stunningly handsome, with a beautiful soul. I would be honored if you would choose a Master to train me. I won’t lie and say that I’m not disappointed. You really are even more gorgeous in the flesh. I would have relished the opportunity to submit to you.”

“Thank you for the compliment. I don’t take any woman’s willingness to submit to me, lightly. I’m humbled. I will make the necessary arrangements, and be in touch when I’ve found someone for you to come and meet with.”

As she stands to leave, I offer her my hand, which she grasps with both of hers, holding my gaze. “Whoever it is that I remind you of, she’s a very lucky woman. I hope she appreciates that someday.”

“Thank you.”

She lets go of my hand and strides out of the room, turning to give me one last smile before she leaves.

How did I get here?

Three women who could have been a great distraction for me. Three women who offered themselves willingly to me, and I sent all of them away. Increasingly, I’m beginning to notice that it’s becoming more and more difficult for me to switch off and repress the feelings I have for Sofia.

She’s not a part of my everyday life, and yet she
is
.

Ever since the last time I saw her, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. The way her body moves on stage, her smile when I make her laugh, and so many little things, too numerous to count.

I don’t know how to get past this. The one night stand didn’t help in the slightest. Work is a fantastic distraction, but only while I’m working. Training submissives has been my way of coping for years now, and it has served me very well up until recently, but lately, it just doesn’t hold the same satisfaction, and if I needed any more proof, then tonight has confirmed it.

I need to find a way to get Sofia Mantovani out of my system for good. I know that I have to cut ties with her altogether, but first, I need to get through this wedding. It’s not going to be easy knowing that she’s sleeping in a hotel room down the hall from me, and I can’t do a damn thing about it. It’s going to be fucking torture.

I leave Andromeda feeling worse than when I arrived. I don’t think this has ever happened to me before, so from now until the wedding, I’m going to throw myself into work, teach some master classes, and do some shibari demonstrations.

It’s a sad realization for me, that there are two things I am passionate about in my life, both of which I have had to sacrifice and make do with an alternative. My dream was to be a musician, to sing, play guitar and write songs. My own stupidity and anger made sure that, that will never happen, and so I became an agent. I started my own label, and I make that dream come true for other people. I love what I do, but there will always be a part of me that wants more.

I found BDSM and it let me channel all of my conflicting feelings, and become a Master of my craft. I will never regret that, but I will also
never
be able to share it with the one person that truly means something to me. In that respect, I will never achieve complete satisfaction as a Master. Again though, I love what I do, but a part of me will always want more.

My life will always be a series of second choices.

Bands, bondage, music and master classes.

I hate weddings. Single women are always desperate to hook up and tie you down, and not in a good way. I know the ladies love me. I’m not an ugly guy, I work out, take care of myself, and I dress well. Women are drawn to my dominant nature without realizing it, and even when I try to disguise it, it’s still there. It speaks to them on a molecular level – a deep unspoken desire to submit to a strong confident man.

I will have no end of willing victims this weekend; easy girls that just want me to make them feel better about the fact that they’re single. And that’s the problem; it’s
too
easy. I like my women compliant, but I don’t want them to just give it up for nothing. I relish the seduction. I thrive on it. The thrill of anticipation. Making a woman so hot for me that she would do anything for my touch, my kiss, and my lips against her quivering naked flesh. I want a woman to give herself over to me completely, to do with as I please.

It’s Brandon’s wedding this weekend and we’re in Verona, Italy. The past three days have been a killer and I really need to just get the hell out of dodge already. It’s been great spending time with everyone, but it gets tiring having to put on a front for them all the time. No one knows about my…lifestyle, and it can be difficult to rein in that side of myself at times, especially around Sofia, but people wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t accept it.

I met Sofia about eight years ago when Simon invited me to spend thanksgiving at his parent’s house, and from the moment I first laid eyes on her, I’ve wanted her. I want to fuck her, to own her, to dominate her; I want her complete and total submission to my deepest, darkest desires, and I’m also completely in love with her. That’s why I can’t be with her. She is so good and pure and innocent, and what I want from her…well, I’m aware that a girl like her
does not
need what I have to offer. She deserves better, she deserves the best of everything, and if I thought for a second that I could give it to her, I would have made her mine a long time ago.

I’m not into corrupting shy inexperienced girls. I need a woman who knows her own mind, and
wants
to submit to my command. Sofia could never be that woman, she’s too…perfect.

I don’t think Simon knows how I feel about her. I’m pretty sure if he did, I’d be buried in the woods somewhere by now. I’ve done my best to avoid her over the past few days, but it’s getting increasingly more difficult. I’m drawn to her like a moth to a flame. We hadn’t seen each other in months before she arrived in Verona. She’s been out of the country touring with a top ballet company so it made it easy to avoid her.