Desired and Dominated (8 page)

Her hands travel up and down my back, clawing at me, and it drives me wild. I grind against her, my tongue tangling with hers in a frenzy, and I’m lost in the moment until I hear a familiar voice.

“What the fuck?!”

I pull away; the loss of her taste, her smell and her body tight against mine, making me ache. I stand in front of her in a defensive stance, my instinct, to shield her from the abuse I’m about to hear.

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“The fuck it isn’t. It looks like you’re groping your best friend’s little sister against a wall. Am I wrong?”

“Brandon…” I hate the way he describes us, like it’s something dirty. “You’re so fucking wrong I don’t know where to start.”

“How about starting at the beginning? How about telling me what the fuck is going on in your head? You know Simon, you know he’s having a really hard time right now, and if he finds out about this, all that rage he’s feeling, will be getting channeled into beating you to death. You know that, right?”

I turn to Sofia. Her head is lowered to the ground in shame. I close the gap between us and lift her chin to look at me before I whisper in her ear. “I’ll deal with this. Go home and I’ll call you later.”

She throws her arms around me. “I don’t want you getting into trouble for me. I’m not worth it.”

I cup her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me and hear every word I say. “You
are
worth it. Don’t ever think otherwise.” I give her one last kiss before hailing her a cab and watching her get further and further away from me…again.

Brandon is still standing on the sidewalk with a look of disgust on his face. “What the fuck are you doing, man?”

The tone in his voice really pisses me off. I know they all think I’m some kinky sex pervert that can’t commit, but they don’t really know anything about me. “It’s none of your business, Brandon. She’s not
your
sister.”

I’m caught off guard when he grabs my shirt and slams me back against the wall. “I’ve known her my whole fucking life. She’s as much a sister to me as she is to Si, so don’t fuck with me. She’s been through…more than you could ever comprehend, and she doesn’t need a guy like you to fuck with her head. She’s not the type you have a one night stand with, or a few weeks of fun. She’s the forever girl, Nate.”

I push him off of me. “DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT??? I’ve known it since the moment I met her. Why do you think I’ve never settled down with anyone?” Understanding dawns on him, his face softening as he realizes what I’ve been carrying around all these years. “I love her, Brandon. I’ve always loved her. She’s…everything.”

“Holy Fuck!” He rubs his hands over his face. “How long has this been going on?”

“I kissed her at your wedding. I thought I could handle letting myself have one kiss, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t anticipate that she would feel something for me in return. She wanted more, but I walked away, and it just about killed me. We’ve spoken since, but that ended in disaster, and tonight is the first I’ve seen her. I didn’t mean to maul her in the middle of the street, but I seem to lose all control around her.”

“Well, shit. Who knew that Nate Callaghan could fall in love? You poor bastard. Si’s going to kill you.”

“I know. That’s why I walked away in Verona, but I can’t ignore it anymore. This could be my one chance to be happy, to have what you have with Lily. I owe it to myself to at least try.”

“I understand. I became a demanding dick when I met Lily, but she got past that and saw the real me. I want to punch you in the face right now because Sof is family to me, but I can’t fault you for wanting what I have. Lily is my world. She’s everything I didn’t know I needed. If you truly believe that Sofia could be that for you, then you have to go for it. But, you need to be absolutely certain. If you’re not, then walk away. You could lose Simon’s friendship over this, and you need to know that it’s worth it.”

“She’s worth it. She’s so fucking worth it. I can’t even look at another woman now.”

“Then you need to tell Si.”

“I will. I don’t even know if she still wants to try. I caught her off guard tonight. She’s angry with me for walking out. She’s out of the country most of the time, and I travel a lot, so before I tell him, I need to know that she feels the same way. I need to know that I can make this work. She deserves so much better than me, and if I was less selfish, I would let her go and find someone else.”

“You’re a good guy, Nate. I always thought you just couldn’t commit to one woman. Now that I know how you’ve felt about Sofia all this time, it makes sense to me. You were trying to be the good guy and sacrifice your own happiness. You coped the best you could. You deserve her, man. She’d be a lucky girl to have you, and I don’t say that lightly. I love her.”

“Thank you.”

“But know this. If you ever hurt her, you won’t just have Simon to deal with, I’ll be right there with him, ready to dig your shallow grave. Got it?”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Go and talk to her. I told Si and Lily I would be back in ten minutes with Chinese food. They’ve probably starved to death by now.” He gives me a slap on the back and a smile. “I won’t say anything to anyone. It’s yours to share, when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, man. You’re a good friend.”

“I know. I’m fucking amazing.”

“And so modest.”

I hear him laughing as he heads down the street, flipping me the bird.

I stand outside his building for a moment longer, staring at my phone. I pull up her number and wait for a few minutes, knowing that what I’m about to do could change everything. When I finally hit the call button, she answers on the first ring.

“Nate?”

“We need to talk.”

“You’re sending me so many mixed signals. I don’t know which way is up anymore.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I need to see you, I need to explain. Can I come over?”

“I…I need to be at the airport in an hour. That’s why I was leaving Brandon’s earlier. I won’t be back for a while. I’m sorry.”

Fuck.

“Don’t apologize. I just wish we hadn’t been interrupted.”

“What happened with Brandon? He’s a little protective of me.”

“That’s an understatement. We talked, he slammed me into a wall. I shouted at him in the street, I explained how I feel, and he told me to treat you right.”

“Well at least
he
knows how you feel about me, because I sure as hell don’t.”

“Fuck! I wish I could come and see you.”

“I know. Me too. I’m going to Prague and then onto Vienna. I think they’re adding a few other cities onto the tour, so I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Maybe we could talk while I’m gone?”

“Okay. It might be good if we talk when we’re on different continents. I seem to lose my head around you. I shouldn’t have kissed you tonight. You were angry with me, and for good reason. I should have respected that.”

“Nate. I get it. Whatever this is between us, it…it takes over when we’re within 2ft of each other. I can’t speak for you, but for me, it’s been a long time coming, and now that I know how it feels to kiss you, to watch you come - I want it so bad it hurts.”

“Fuck me.”

“I want to, but you won’t let me.”

“You’re killing me here, Sof.”

Her laughter is so melodic, like music to my ears. “I’m not going to make it easy on you after you left me naked and frustrated at the wedding.”

“Frustrated? I’m pretty sure I watched you come, more than once.”

“You did, but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted to feel you inside me.”

My heart is racing as she speaks, her sexy voice telling me what she wants from me.

“You need to stop talking. I’m rock hard, and alone.”

“I need to go now, I’m already running late, but I’ll call you when I get settled at the hotel. You can go and deal with your…rock hard situation. I’m just hoping you’ll be thinking of me. Remember how I taste, what I sound like when I come; how I look naked and spread wide for you. Do you remember, Nate?”

She knows exactly what she’s doing to me. She’s feisty, and she doesn’t play fair.

“Every single night since it happened. I’m consumed by the memory of you laid bare for me. It haunts my dreams.” I can hear her gasp on the other end of the phone, causing a jolt of desire to course through me. “Travel safely. I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Bye, Nate.”

I put my phone in my pocket and hail a cab. I started tonight with the idea that I would go to Andromeda and lose myself in another woman’s pleasure, but instead, I find myself embarking on a long distance relationship with a woman I’ve never had sex with; the woman I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember.

I’m so far out of my comfort zone.

Two Months Later

Travelling used to be one of my favorite things, but now, I hate it. Every time that Sofia has been in New York over the past few months, I’ve been out of the country.

She was true to her word. The night she left to go on tour, she called me the moment she got to her hotel room, and we talked for hours. We talked about Verona, we talked about the kiss, and we decided to keep talking. To see where this takes us. To give ourselves a chance to see if we can be together. It’s been difficult being so far apart all the time, but it’s let us get to know each other outside of our normal roles of best friend and little sister. We’ve not told anyone, and that’s the way it needs to stay for now. Until I know if I can make this work, I don’t want to cause a fight with Si, or between him and Sofia.

I made the decision not to tell her that I’m a Dominant. I don’t want to bring that into her life, or make her feel like she needs to be a part of it to make me happy. It’s easy to make that choice when I’m not on the same continent as her. I’m not sure how it’s going to feel when she’s here, in my arms, and I can’t act on instinct, but I need to try. That’s why we have to take it slow.

I may not be able to have the type of relationship I want with her, but I would sacrifice the lifestyle to be with her. I just hope that I’m strong enough to do it. I would never forgive myself if I brought her into my world. No one should go into this lifestyle to please someone else. It has to be a choice that you make for yourself, because it’s what you want. If I asked her to do this for me, she’d probably say yes, and she might even like it for a while, but there would come a point when she would resent me, and I couldn’t deal with that. I made the decision to be a part of this lifestyle, and for her, I can make the decision to leave it. She’s worth it.

With every day that passes, and every call, text or email we exchange, I find myself falling even harder for her, which I didn’t think was possible. Talking with her for hours, unable to act on any physical chemistry we have, my desire for her body has become secondary to my desire to really
know
her. Not the girl that I’ve been in love with for years, but the real, down to earth beauty inside. Her hopes and fears for the future. What she loves to do with her time off. How she feels when she dances in front of thousands every night.

Last week she made me download the Snapchat app onto my phone. If Brandon and Si ever see that, I’m never going to hear the end of it. They would ridicule me until the end of time! I find myself doing and saying things that are so unlike me when it comes to her. She’s so funny, sending me crazy selfies from every city she visits; hot as hell videos that leave me more than a little frustrated; and some of the stuff she says in emails, cracks me up.

FaceTime has become our favorite way to keep in touch. Last night Sofia called me wearing a sexy black negligée, making out like it was nothing; talking to me about her day, with mischief clear in her eyes. I played along, but by the time we said goodnight, I was in physical pain.

This morning I’m getting ready to head to Berlin via London. I would normally relish the chance to spend a few days in a great city, but last night I found out that Sofia is flying back to New York for the weekend, and I’m not going to be here. I would have rescheduled my trip if she’d told me sooner, but she was trying to surprise me. To say I’m disappointed would be the understatement of the year.

As I pack my bag and get ready to head to the airport, my phone beeps with a message from Sofia.