Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (23 page)

March 5th

Alana,

You left before giving me a chance to explain. I never meant to hurt you - you’ve got to believe me. What Hawk was doing, I wasn’t a part of it, not in the way you think. I did things I’m not proud of, but you were never in jeopardy. I swear on my life that I would never let any harm come to you. After everything we’ve been through, you should already know that.

Just give me a chance to explain. I promise – no more lies.

Paul

March 9th

Alana,

Why are you ignoring me? You at least owe me the chance to explain myself. All I am asking is for you to come visit, or at least write me back and let me know you are alive.

Paul

March 12th

Alana,

Are you really going to hold one mistake over my head for the rest of my life? I fucked up! I know that now. If I could turn back time I would.

I was there for you when no one else was. That has to count for something! I took care of you all these years and you’re just going to ignore me?

I should have told you the truth. I’ve already admitted that, but we had a good thing and we can have it again if you will just hear me out. I am begging you, please come see me.

Paul

March 16th

Alana,

I have never felt more alone in this world than I do at this moment. You were my life and you still are. Why are you doing this to us?

I took care of you for all these years, was a friend to you when you had no one.  Now that I need you, you are turning your back on me over mere words. You still don’t know the whole truth.

Yes, I made a mistake by not telling you who I was, but the rest was only to keep you safe. If you really think about it, you know it’s true.

Just ten minutes is all I need. If after that you never want to see me again, I will let you go.

Paul

March 20th

Alana,

Obviously promises are one sided with you. How many times did you promise to never leave? We are a team, you said, but it was all a lie. Does it make you feel good to know that I am locked up in here while you are nice and cozy with your new man?

I bet Jax is loving this. He finally turned you against me. That’s what he’s wanted from the start. I thought we would always stick by one another, or at least that is what you always told me. Guess you meant until something better came along.

I hope he makes you happy because I am miserable and it is all because of you.

Paul

March 24th

Alana,

I know I should give up, but for some reason I can’t stop trying to get through to you. Maybe it’s because I need you as much as you need me.

Do you remember the time you got the flu? You were so sick and there was no way we could afford to take you to the doctor. So I stayed up for three days straight taking care of you until your fever broke.

Every single time you felt bad, were upset or just needed someone, I was there for you, taking care of you. I want you to think about all those times and tell me that I never cared about you. I want to hear you say those words and actually mean them. I know it will never happen because it would be a lie and you know it.

Please just talk to me Alana. I may be guilty of a lot of things, but I am not the monster you believe me to be. I am the same Paul I have always been - the friend you confided in about your past, the one who consoled you when Jax walked back into your life and the only person to ever love you unconditionally. You know why? Because you deserve it - every bit of it.

What you didn’t deserve was for me to not be completely honest with you about my past and my involvement with Hawk.

All you have to do is come talk to me, and I will tell you everything. That is a promise.

Paul

March 28th

Alana,

I guess I should be grateful that you showed up at all, but I’m not. What has he done to you? Gone is the sweet girl I adored and in her place is someone I don’t even recognize.

You say you never needed me, but we both know that is a lie. You do need me and I will prove it to you one way or another. The only good thing that came out of your visit is knowing you haven’t given yourself to him. That means there’s still hope for us.

Just walk away from him Alana. He never deserved you. He will use you and when the timing is right, he will leave you again. Do you want to go through that again? We can work through this. Just give us a chance.

Paul

April 2nd

Alana,

Life isn’t fair, but you already know that. You’ve made your decision and you will soon regret it.

I won’t make this easy on you. Walking away from me is no longer an option. You and I belong together and I refuse to let you go.  You need me and now I’m going to prove it. You have a choice to make and if you’re smart, you’ll make the right one.

Paul

“He’s threatening her,” I seethe, finding it difficult to contain my anger.

“That’s not all. Look at the last page,” Alexis orders. Flipping to the back, I pull out a bank statement showing several cash deposits followed by a transaction the same day the letter is dated of six hundred dollars. “JPay is how you send money to an inmate’s account.”

This doesn’t make sense. There is no way Alana would empty out her account to help him. He did this. Somehow, he got access to a computer and transferred the money. And since Paul is on the account, she can’t press charges against him.

“Old habits die hard, Jax. If she feels she has no other option, she might...”

“Don’t say it,” I warn her. “You said she just left. Was she alone?”

“Yes, but she spent a lot of time with those guys over there,” Alexis says, nodding towards the table in the far corner. “I don’t know for sure, but I think she’s meeting up with them later.”

Rising from the barstool, I pull out my phone and quickly punch in Deuce’s number. When he answers on the second ring, I breathe a sigh of relief.

“I need you to track down Alana,” I bark into the phone.

“Not a problem, since she’s already with me. We’re heading back to the bar in a few. Wait for us,” he says before the line goes dead.

Slamming the phone down on the top of the bar, I look over at Alexis, whose eyes widen with shock. “Everything OK?”

“She’s with Deuce” I say, unable to hide the hurt in my voice. She went to Deuce and not me.

“At least she’s safe,” Alexis says, trying to be comforting but it only angers me more.

“Safe with him, not me,” I mutter as I push myself away from the bar and storm out the door, not bothering to look back.

––––––––

“W
here is he?” Deuce asks the moment we step inside of Bar None, dragging me behind him as he stalks towards the bar.

“He left,” Alexis says, giving me a sympathetic smile. “I think you dropped these,” she adds, passing me the papers I thought were gone for good.

“Thank you,” I say as I take them from her extended hand, feeling relieved that I still have the proof I have been safeguarding.

“Head on into my office and wait for me. I’ll see if I can track down Jax,” Deuce says before reaching in his pocket and pulling out his cell phone.

Nodding my head, I make my way towards Deuce’s office. As soon as I step inside, I take a seat in one of the chairs facing the desk, letting out a ragged breath.

I should have gone to Jax sooner, but I thought I could handle this on my own. The first few letters I received from Paul were relatively harmless, and I thought if I ignored him, he would get the hint. What I didn’t expect is for him to try and manipulate me again, but that is exactly what he’s trying to do.

Going to see him was stupid, I admit it. Stupid me thought that if I was face to face with him, he would finally understand that I am through. I will never forgive him, nor will I ever trust him. I plainly told him that, but it wasn’t enough. Even telling him I hated him did nothing but add fuel to the fire.

In a few short days, my rent is due and I have a whopping three dollars and sixteen cents to my name. I am such an idiot for not taking Paul’s name off the account, or at the very least opening a new account, but I never expected him to stoop this low. I should’ve known better.

Making the decision to go to Jax for help wasn’t an easy one, but time is running out. If I can’t pay my rent, Mr. Gantt will kick me out without batting an eye.

Finding the Forgotten Souls MC was easier than I had thought. I was literally trembling when I approached the gate, only to find out Jax wasn’t there. Feeling defeated, I began the walk home, only to run onto Deuce as I was passing the gas station.

I trust Deuce. It’s hard not to when he has gone out of his way to be a friend to me, but then again, he never gave me a choice. He forced his way into my life, and I don’t regret for a single moment allowing him in. That being said, Jax was the one who offered to help me out if I needed it, not Deuce.

“Well the fucker didn’t answer,” Deuce says as he enters the room, startling me. “While we wait for him to call me back, why don’t you fill me in. You said Paul was contacting you?”

“Yeah,” I mutter. “I really should be talking to Jax about this.”

“Alana, stop with the bullshit. You and I are friends, so spill it.” To an outsider, Deuce would come across as a complete ass, but I know the other side of him. He’s a good guy with a big heart and he has gone out of his way for me.

Hesitantly, I pass the letters Paul has written over to Deuce. I watch as he reads each page, his face remaining solemn. When he reaches the last page, he lifts his eyes to meet mine. “You went to see him?”

“I thought he would leave me alone if I told him face to face, but it only made matters worse.” It was a stupid mistake, one I will never make again.

“And he wiped your account clean,” he says, stating the obvious. He lays the papers down, shaking his head. “You should have told us he was writing you. We could have put a stop to it. You going to see him was a dumbass move.”

“I know,” I mumble, feeling like a child being scolded. “I was trying to handle this on my own.”

“I know you were,” Deuce says, his voice softening. “But you aren’t alone anymore, Alana. Friends help each other without asking for anything in return.”

“Thanks,” I manage to choke out, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.

“So let’s start with the obvious. First thing tomorrow, you head down to the bank and open a new account. Then we get you moved out of that apartment.”

“I can’t...” I begin, only for Deuce to cut me off.

“You can’t afford a new place. I just saw your bank statement, Alana. Three dollars ain’t gonna get you much of anything, but you can stay at the club until you get on your feet.”

Vehemently, I shake my head. “No!” I shout, my emotions getting the best of me. My brief encounter at the gate of The Forgotten Souls compound was enough for me to know there is no way I am setting foot inside that place.

“I take it you met Beast,” Deuce chuckles. “He can be intimidating, but his bark is worse than his bite.”

If Beast is any indication of what lies inside the club, I have no desire to meet anyone else. Intimidating is an understatement. “I wouldn’t be comfortable there,” I say, trying not to be insulting.

“I get it. We’ll take it one step at a time,” he smiles, making me feel more at ease. “Most of the guys live on the compound, and those who don’t have families. Jax has been talking about getting a place outside the club, but he’s all talk, no action. Tell you what, you can stay at my place.”

My eyes widen at his invitation. There is no way I would consider moving in with Jax, let alone Deuce. No, I want my own place, but at the moment I can’t afford it so my options are nonexistent.

“Don’t look at me that way,” Deuce laughs. “It’s nothing fancy, but its four walls and a roof. I’m rarely there, so you’d have the place to yourself most of the time. It’s been years since it’s had a woman’s touch, and the place could sure use it. It’ll benefit us both.”

His offer is too good to be true, but before I can agree, there is one thing I have to know. “How much?”

“What?” he asks, a confused look on his face.

“How much per month? I’m kind of short on funds at the moment, but I can work extra hours at the bar until I get caught up.”