Desperate and Daring 01 - Desperate and Daring (6 page)

Fallon wanted to cringe at his oversight but instead he settled on a menacing frown to intimidate her. “And if I did?”

“What right have you to discuss me at any point, at any time?”

“Aren’t you going to finish that with a withering
‘How dare you!’?”

“Why are you discussing me with other gentlemen?” She poked his chest with a finger.

“I was simply trying to get the lay of the land. To find out why your only option for marriage is to the duke.”

“You have humiliated me. No wonder Lord Draven thought to toy with me as he did. You’ve made a mockery of me.” Heather crossed her arms over her chest and turned away. She looked out over a hedge of dormant roses and fought tears.

There was a scuffle of feet before Violet rounded the corner. “What’s become of you two?” She looked back and forth between them with a frown.

“Nothing,” Heather growled.

Fallon didn’t have a ready excuse for why Heather was clearly upset. He struggled for something to say as her sister looked at him suspiciously. He shrugged.

“Is it about the duke?” Violet ventured. “Is he worse?”

Fallon jumped on the opportunity. “His ankle still pains him. He may not arrive for some days yet.”

Violet’s face crumpled. “What does that mean?”

“We were going to discuss it with your mother now. Here, take the list and go on with your sister. Keep a sharp eye on Lord Draven and Lady Lucy.”

Violet took the list without question and turned. She looked back once before rounding the corner and then they were alone again.

“I have nothing I wish to say to my mother,” Heather said with her back to him.

“I don’t think you should continue on in this state. You are upset.”

She spun around. “You think you know me so well? You act as if you have some claim to me. I do not belong to you or the duke, Mr. Calder. You are trying to manage me like I am some property or thing—”

“No.” He stepped closer and grabbed her arms. “I’m trying to protect you, I’m trying to understand you and heaven above, I’m trying to resist you at all costs, and I’m failing.”

Heather’s mouth went slack. “Excuse me?”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards the house, then took a path to the left that led to a gazebo surrounded by dense evergreen shrubbery lined up like tall sentinels around them, enclosing them completely. He pulled her up the steps and turned to face her. “I want to kiss you again, Heather, but I won’t. Not unless you give me permission.”

“I won’t.” Heather was quick to say, though her heart was beating alarmingly fast and a burst of pleasure filled her when he said her name.

His jaw clenched, but he didn’t move closer. He stayed perfectly still and just stared at her. “You don’t want me to kiss you? Truly?”

Heather shook her head weakly. “I like the way you say my name.”

His face softened and his eyes suddenly a vivid blue behind his spectacles. “Heather.”

Heather had the urge to reach out and touch his coat suddenly. To walk her fingers up the lapel to his neck. She curled her fingers into her skirt instead. “What is your name?”

His lips turned up at the corners ever so slightly. “You wish to know my name?”

She nodded, her lips curving in a return smile.

“It’s Fallon.”

“Fallon,” she said, feeling the weight of it on her tongue.

“I have to kiss you right now,” he begged, and then he removed his glasses and stepped closer.

Heather put a hand on his chest to push him away, but then she became preoccupied with the feel of it, the warmth she could feel through his clothing, the obvious hard muscle underneath. She looked at her hand against his chest. Mesmerized, she spread her fingers using various amounts of pressure to test the hardness of his chest. She had never felt this way about a man before, never desired to kiss him or touch him as she did now. This feeling was dangerous, much more so than any teasing rogue who wished to toy with her. The danger was he and the danger was she, because with him, she forgot what she was about, and another part of her took over.

“Fallon,” she said again, pausing to swallow, “why are you talking about me to the other gentlemen?”

He swallowed too, his Adams apple moving up and down with it. “I was curious to see what they thought of you. If they found you as enchanting as I do.”

She spread her hand out again, sliding it slowly up to his shoulder. He inched closer to her. “What did you find out?” she asked huskily.

“I was right. The only thing standing between you and a proper marriage is the lack of dowry. But to some here that may not matter anymore. My interest—I mean, the duke’s interest, has spurred the interest of others.”

“Interest you wish to dissuade on the dukes behalf?”

He had been watching her hand, but at that, he looked at her. Heather looked up to meet his eyes.

“I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted anything. I don’t know where it came from, or if it can even be satisfied, but I want you, and I can’t stop it. I’m in a difficult position, Heather. I came here as a steward. I’m beneath you.”

“You are so much more than a steward,” Heather whispered.

He closed his eyes. “Please, let me kiss you.”

Inside, Heather thrilled at the need in his voice. No man had ever wanted her so badly or spoke to her with such desire. It was a new experience for her, one she was dying to explore. Would he be the first and last man to desire her? If she married the duke that would be a certainty. For all the interest with which he spoke of from the other gentlemen, Heather knew it would never come to anything. She didn’t have the time to be courted. She needed a husband by the end of the party. She needed a place to go for her family. Only the duke could offer that. If he agreed at the end of the week to a marriage, they would immediately file for a special license and return with him to his home. That was her only choice, but for right now, in this gazebo, she had a muscled chest beneath her hand, and a handsome and kind man begging to kiss her. She closed her eyes. She wished she were dreaming so she could let him kiss her, and desperately kiss him back.

His arms came around her and pulled her against him. She opened her eyes with a gasp but didn’t fight him. Instead, she reveled in the warmth of his body, the strength of it. He was such a large man, but he was inherently kind in almost everything he did. She wished she could have met him in another life, where he could be the man she needed to marry, or she could be a stewards wife. She looked up at him. His eyes were examining her face tenderly. She brought a hand up to his cheek, stroking the line of his square jaw.

“Kiss me, Fallon.”

His eyes snapped to hers, and then he swooped down and stole her lips in a kiss that was vastly different from the night before. His large hands spanned her back, pulling her tightly against him. His lips were firm and demanding. All Heather could do was tip her head back and let him do as he wished. At the insistent pressure of his mouth, she opened hers and shivered as his tongue swept in triumphantly.

She clung to him now, her nails digging into his coat as her mind scattered in all directions and her body took over. This was her first true kiss, her first taste of desire and dalliance. She should have been shocked into shame, but instead, she gloried in the way her heart tripped and skipped in excitement and her skin came alive. Suddenly, she could feel every part of herself, her toes curling in her slippers, the brush of her chemise against her now sensitive nipples.

He pulled away and Heather took a much needed gasp of air. His face was very stern, and his chest heaved with breath as if he had just accomplished a great physical feat.

“This is a horrible idea,” he said gravely.

Heather nodded, not yet able to form words.

“You must make a choice, Heather. I fear I can’t.”

She looked up at him then, the joy singing in her veins fading. “A choice? I’ve never had a choice. This… this is something I’ve never felt before. I know I am missing something, I know what I am losing, but the duke is still my only choice. I may have nothing else, but I will have this moment. If I had a choice, Fallon, I would very much choose a man like you.”

His eyes changed at that moment. They thundered with emotion and Heather couldn’t look away. “You would choose me?”

Heather nodded and her heart beat painfully. She couldn’t believe what she was saying, but it was the truth. “I would, but you must see that I can’t.”

“Yes,” he backed away from her.

Heather wanted to reach out to him, but she couldn’t read him. Was he upset? Hurt? “I need you to understand that my family has endured so much already. I have to do this for my sisters and my mother.”

“Because I am only a steward,” he said oddly.

Heather frowned in confusion. She was panicking. The pleasant gallop of her heart before was now a painful staccato. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

He seemed to be looking down, and yet not seeing anything at all, then he shook himself and his gaze refocused on her. “Would you allow me to woo you until the duke arrives?”

“Woo me?” Heather said in astonishment.

“Yes, it’s all that can happen between us. It’s all I can offer you.”

“You want to woo me?” Heather couldn’t believe her ears.

“I want far more than to merely woo you, but as you said, there is no other choice. For a brief moment, we can pretend that what we have between us is more than just a dream. For a little while, it can be real.”

Heather wasn’t sure if it was her heart that stopped or time, but his words resonated to a deep part of her, the part that had made her dream of him, think of him, and crave him as she had no other. She suddenly had the urge to cry. She looked down at her hands as her fingers tangled together anxiously. “Wooing, I suppose that would be all right, but what happens after the duke arrives?”

“We will cross that bridge when it comes.”

They stood nervously apart, both yearning to touch, but afraid of that yearning.

“We should return to the house,” Heather offered.

Fallon nodded. “Tomorrow, I’m going to make a case with Lady Endervale and your mother that you will have to be excused in the festivities. I’ll make up something ridiculous that will fit in with the dukes rumored eccentricity. We shall spend the day together if that pleases you.”

Heather tentatively smiled and exhaled slowly to release the emotional tightness in her chest. “That sounds lovely.”

“Good.” He offered his arm. “Shall I return you to your mother as we said?”

Heather placed her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes. Excitement and a new emotion filled her. “No, let’s rejoin the hunt and find our group.”

He smiled at her warmly in return. “Whatever you desire.”

Heather let the rest of the day distract her from thinking about Fallon and what he had said. He meant to woo her. She didn’t know what that encompassed, surely not rides in Hyde Park, or escorting her to the theater. So what did it mean? This she pondered as she retired to her room after a rousing game of lawn bowling. She was having fun, something she hadn’t had in a long time. She was choosing not to think about the end of the party because instead, she had a handsome steward to think about. As she collapsed on her bed, Violet’s soft voice humming in the background, she thought of him in the gazebo, staring at her, wanting her, kissing her. She could feel the warmth of a blush filling her cheeks, but she didn’t care. She was mad—mad for agreeing to be wooed and mad for wanting him.
Him!

A steward who was wooing his employers intended bride. They were both mad it seemed, but Heather didn’t care. Like a thief, she was going to steal the moment and cherish it. If she was going to spend the rest of her life married to a man who was as old as her grandfather, she should be allowed this moment. What was so wrong about a little wooing? It wasn’t as if she would run away with him, or heaven above allow herself to be seduced. She would allow only kisses, and perhaps allow him to hold her against him like he did this afternoon. It felt so wonderful to be held by him, caged by those strong arms of his, and pressed intimately against his hard chest. She sighed.

“What is that about?” Violet’s voice broke into her fantasy.

“Hmm?” Heather refused to open her eyes. She was picturing his eyes when he had removed his glasses, the vivid blue as they consumed her.

“That sigh, it was a very content sigh,” Violet persisted.

“You are in no position to judge my sighs. It was merely a sigh of relaxation,” Heather mumbled in growing aggravation.

“It sounded dreamy,” Violet continued.

To Heather’s dismay, she realized that Violet was quite perceptive. Heather opened her eyes and sat up. “Perhaps because I was on the verge of dreaming and would presently be blissfully asleep without your pestering.”

Violet narrowed her eyes as she took down her hair in the mirror. “I was surprised to see you return to the hunt with Mr. Calder. You looked terribly upset when we first parted.”

“Yes, well, he assured me he would make every effort to bring the duke before the end of the party. I realized I didn’t want to miss out on the fun so we returned.” She kept her face turned away from her sister’s shrewd gaze.

“He is very handsome.”

“Beg pardon?” Heather twisted back to her sister.

“Mr. Calder. Who knew stewards could be strapping young men.” Violet giggled salaciously.

“What do you know of strapping young men? If Mother heard some of the things you say…”

“But she doesn’t. I’m sixteen. I have grown an appreciation for the male physique and Mr. Calder has quite a pleasing one.”

“I don’t wish to hear anymore, Violet,” Heather groaned.

“Why not, do you not like him?”

This felt like a test of some sort. “I find him perfectly amiable,” Heather answered blandly.

“He likes you, you know.”

Heather pinned her sister with a glare. “You know no such thing. You shouldn’t even say that, Violet. What if someone heard you? What would happen if gossip spread that the steward of the man I can only hope to marry
likes
me? You may have grown an appreciation for the male physique, but what you need to grow is some maturity. This is not a game to me, this is our future.”

Violet grew somber. “I’m sorry, Heather. I was only trying to have fun with you.”

“Please don’t.” Heather lay back down and covered her eyes with her hand.

“But, Heather… I really do think he likes you.”

“Enough, Violet.”

“It’s the way he looks at you.”

Heather’s pulse began to throb in her temples. “You shouldn’t pay any mind to how he looks at me.”

“But if I notice, someone else might notice.”

Heather sat up and looked at her sister again. Violet had spun around on the stool and was watching her. “All the more reason why you need to behave as if nothing is amiss. Mr. Calder is helping me. I will have to spend lots of time with him in preparation of meeting the duke. The duke is a very peculiar man, and Mr. Calder is going to help me be everything the duke wishes me to be.”

“Like a tutor?” Violet said in dismay.

“Yes, like a tutor.”

“Is all courtship like that?”

Heather’s irritation softened. “No. You will have a season. You will dance in grand ballrooms, and go to the theatre. Gentlemen will drop at your feet as easy as the leaves in fall. They will send you flowers in the morning and beg to take you up in their phaetons for a drive around the park… That is what courtship will be like for you.”

Violet wiped away a tear and sniffed. “But not for you?”

Heather simply shook her head. “Not for me, lovely. But don’t you worry about that. I will have a grand time watching you find the man of your dreams.”

“As a duchess.” Violet attempted a smile.

Heather laughed. “With ropes of diamonds around my neck and a ridiculous feather in my hair.”

Violet stood and presented her back to Heather. Heather was silent as she undid the buttons and her sister slipped out of her dress and under the covers. “Thank you, Heather. I shall name a daughter after you,” she said sleepily.

Heather smiled and rubbed her eyes. She wanted to laugh and cry. Would jewels and fancy feathers replace the feeling of a passionate embrace? She was suddenly not tired, and she couldn’t sit for one more minute pretending she was perfectly fine with her chosen path. “I’m going to find Mother and ask if I can wear her peacock shawl to dinner.

“M hm,” Violet mumbled with her eyes closed.

Heather hurried from the room, taking the servant stairs one flight down to the hall she hoped harbored Lady Endervale’s sitting room. It was a shot in the dark, but Heather hoped a certain steward had work to do after spending the afternoon playing lawn games. The hall was empty. All the guests had retired to rest before dinner. She tried to remember her surroundings from last night, but it had been dark then, and now the hall was filled with afternoon light.

She was almost to the main stair when she stopped at a door. It was closed. Should she knock? What if it wasn’t the right room? She took a deep breath and turned the handle, prepared to pretend total confusion about her location. The door opened and she saw him at the desk, a letter in his hand. He looked up in utter surprise. Heather bolted into the room and closed the door, leaning against it in relief as her pulse beat frantically.

“Is something wrong?” He slipped the letter in a ledger as he stood.

“No, I… uh.” She pushed away from the door and bit her lip. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, and all she wanted to do was run into his arms, perhaps even cry. “Am I interrupting you?” She inwardly cringed. She was obviously interrupting him.

He slowly came around the desk, and before she could find a word to utter, he was before her. He brought a hand to her cheek, his large hand cradling her jaw. He took her mouth without question, stealing her wits from her with the seal of his lips. This is exactly what Heather needed, no more thinking, only feeling. She opened her mouth eagerly, hungry for the taste of him that was still so new, and the rush of liquid heat that would spread through her skin like bath oil. He didn’t disappoint. His tongue thrust into her mouth, exploring and teasing. A moan escaped her. He pulled away, and she shivered as she sucked in a breath and looked into his eyes.

“Was that what you wanted?”

She nodded, a sensual smile curling her mouth. His eyes darkened with desire, the vivid blue now almost midnight. He walked around her, trailing his hand across her lower abdomen. He stopped behind her and swept the curls aside that had fallen to her shoulder. He leaned close, his lips brushing her ear. “Is that all you wanted?”

Heather shook her head. Her breath was coming in excited little pants as anticipation skittered over her nerves. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her back against him. His other hand he brought slowly up and rested on her collar bone. He dipped his head and set his lips to the sensitive skin behind her ear.

Heather gasped in shock and pleasure. Goose bumps erupted over her skin. She felt like shivering, but she was far from cold. His lips tickled in a wicked way, and she fought between the urge to squirm or press herself harder against him. She chose to remain still, afraid of where exactly this moment would lead, but also desperate to let go of her fear and just feel. She was tired of being afraid. Fear had been ruling her life for so long now and right now, she wanted this moment to be free of it. That is why she sought him out, she suddenly realized, because even though he caused a cascade of turbulent emotions inside her, with him, she would never know fear, with him she could defy the boundaries that had held her prisoner for so long.

She moaned. It was unbidden, a release of all her pent up frustration. He stilled, but then his hands began to move with determination and Heather cared not where they went, but only what they made her feel. The hand on her collar bone slid down over her bodice in a light brush first, and then returned to settle over and then cup her breast. Heather arched instinctively, pressing herself into his hand. The hand that had been so still at her hip slid down, fingers pressing into her skirt, searching for the natural hollow of her body and pressing firmly.

Heather jerked in surprise, the unfamiliar touch, and jolting pleasure something she had never experienced before. She never knew her body could feel like this and that a man’s hands could do such delightful things. He moved those fingers and Heather closed her eyes tightly as all her senses focused there, and she accepted the pleasure without reservation. She gave herself over to it. Slipping from her mental moors and sinking into the moment like a row boat with a leak. Pleasure filled her, pulling her deeper as the weight of it overcame her, and she sank into its depths, submerged in desire and sensation.

His hand squeezed her breast firmly, and then his wicked fingers slipped under her bodice and chemise to tease her skin without barrier. She gasped and then bit her lip, her excitement and eagerness burning through her veins. His full hand now cupped her breast, skin to skin, and he squeezed her nipple between his thumb and index finger. She cried out, the pain and pleasure of it breaking over her as she now gave her weight to him, and her body.

He groaned in response and came around her to push her back against the door. Heather’s eyes dragged open and she took a much needed deep breath, but then he was there again, pressing his hard body against hers. He stole her mouth in a vigorous kiss. His knee pressed between her legs until she opened them to accommodate him. She could feel him against every inch of her body, feeling the ridge of his manhood against her stomach. Now she felt the tiniest sliver of panic, the unknown that she was forging into. She resisted it, still unwilling to invite fear into this moment that was just hers and his. She mentally pushed it away and took another deep breath, taking immense pleasure in the way her breasts pressed against his chest. He was so strong, and safe, a guardian against the reality she wanted to forget—for just a little while. His hand came back to her breast, roughly pulling her bodice down until her breasts fell into his hands like a gift. They both looked down. Heather blushed modestly and looked away from her nakedness. She looked up into his face and her breath caught. He had such wonder in his eyes, reverence even. Confidence swelled within her and she reached up to touch his cheek softly. He looked up and met her eyes, and this time she kissed him, just like her dream, as if she knew what she was about.

Both his hands cupped her breasts this time, molding them as if he were sculpting art. Heather kissed him until her lungs begged for air and broke away.

Heather was delirious with sensation. Her hands fisted in the folds of his cravat and this time she did shiver.

“Tell me to stop, Heather.” His voice was strained.

Heather loved the sound of it. That womanly confidence surged again in her and she shook her head. “Please don’t stop.” She pushed her head back against the door in anguished anticipation.

“I must, little flower. I mean to woo you, not seduce you. What kind of man would I be otherwise?”

Internally, Heather screamed in frustration, but he was right, damn him. What was becoming of her? She blushed shamefully, tucking her chin down to avoid the humiliation of meeting his eyes and having him see too much. She nodded and untangled her hands from his cravat. He still held onto her, but there was an invisible distance between them—his self-control. After a moment, he stepped away, and Heather could look up at him with a semblance of integrity.

“You are right, Mr. Calder. I suspect you are right quite often.”

One corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile.

“I should be going.” She pushed away from the door and turned to open it.

“I will see you at dinner, but I look forward to tomorrow.” He held the door for her.

Heather didn’t look back as she made her way back from where she had come. She did not know what she was doing, she was lost in her feelings, a compass with no arrow to give her direction, but Mr. Calder seemed to know, and for some unfathomable reason, Heather wanted to trust him with everything, including her heart.