Destiny Mine (23 page)

After five days on the move, the second camp was set up near several water sources and a safe distance from a large herd of buffalo. Chores and rest consumed that day and the following one.

The eighth morning of the journey, the fourth hunt for the Cheyenne and third for the Hanueva occurred. They took much meat and hides, but lost the oldest son of Chief Bear’s Head. The body of Gray Fox was hauled to camp across his horse, after an enraged bull had unseated him from behind and trampled the man to death.

The Hanueva gathered to mourn their loss and to bury Gray Fox beside trees near a creek bank, for the use of scaffolds was not their custom. Big Hump sent words of sorrow through a short visit by Five Stars, but his people stayed away to give the other tribe privacy to grieve.

Kionee did not like the gleam she witnessed in Night
Walker’s eyes as he gazed at his older brother’s dirt mound or the look he focused on her afterward. The man who was now in line to become their next chief soon approached her.

“Come with me to walk and speak,” he whispered.

She did not glance at him as she said, “I have many tasks to do.”

“Come, or I will say words aloud others should not hear.”

Kionee was stunned by his near demand, though he smiled and his tone was gentle as he spoke it. She had no choice except to go with him to a place where they could not be overheard but where they would remain within sight of others to prevent shame.

As he gazed across seemingly boundless grasslands, he murmured, “My brother is with
Atah
in the stars and I will become our next chief.”

Kionee knew the obvious fact he stated, and dreaded the motive behind it. There would be no vote for who would take Bear’s Head’s place, for it was their custom for the oldest son to do so. Only if a chief did not have a son or have one old enough to take his position after death or an injury was a vote taken to select another man and to pass the honor to another family.

She responded to Night Walker when he did not continue. “That is true. To survive to lead and protect our people, you must be careful on the hunt,” she cautioned. “You also must avoid battles with the Crow which could bring your death or a disabling injury like my father’s.”

Night Walker turned to face her and smiled. “Your words are wise, and the same ones entered my head as we covered my brother with Mother Earth’s blanket. I will take no risk with the Bird Warriors. My prowess is known to all, so I do not need Crow coups to prove it to
them or to others. For my children and people to live, we must be a tribe of peace.”

Kionee suspected he was not being honest. How, she mused, could a man change his thoughts and feelings so quickly? Did he only seek to deceive her with words? She pretended to believe him. “That is true and wise, Night Walker. I am pleased your wits have unclouded and you now accept the value of peace.”

“A leader cannot think of himself first; his people’s needs must rise above his own desires. I must prepare to become our chief, for Father could join
Atah
as swiftly as my brother did. I must choose a woman, join with her, and give her seeds to grow the chief who will walk after me. The highest ranking woman of our tribe is the best choice for a leader’s mate. Only the
Tiva-Chu’
skills match yours, but Regim is too old to bear children and cannot be considered. Kionee and Night Walker will make great leaders.”

She looked at him, like the last time, as if he had lost his wits. “I am a
tiva;
a Hunter-Guardian, son of Strong Rock and Martay. You must not approach me in such a manner.”

“If your
kim
is broken, you can become a woman again, as you were meant to be. I can fulfill our laws to free you from your rank.”

“With Gray Fox gone, you must become the Hunter-Protector for your parents. You have many skills and much courage, Night Walker, but you cannot be the provider and defender for three families. You must choose a female who will not bring her parents to your tipi to add to your duties.” She silently apologized to Taysinga for making that desperate excuse, for it might also exclude the other
tiva
from consideration.

“I will be the Hunter-Protector for our family and for your parents, and I will do so for my parents when needed. Have you forgotten: our people show their
gratitude, love, and respect for past chiefs by providing their needs and protecting them?”

Yes, that reality had eluded her panicked mind. She sought another path to discourage him. “To be Hunter-Protector for even two families is a hefty task for a man who also bears the rank and duties of a chief.”

“By the time I step from the shadow of Bear’s Head to stand before him, I will have sons to help me hunt, and to fight if necessary.”

Her heart pounded as she reasoned, “Even if your mate bore a son before the next buffalo hunt, he would be too young to help hunt and fight when your father gives up his rank and you take his place. What if you have only daughters as my mother and those of other
tivas
did?”

“My seeds are strong enough to make sons.”

Kionee looked insulted. “Do you say
tivas
come from weaker seeds?”

“No, but
Atah
will bless me with sons, for I have been true to Him.”

She sent him an expression of annoyance, one which did not have to be faked following his arrogant words. “Do you say those who have no sons were not blessed because they were weak or false?”

“That is not my meaning, Kionee. I saw my sons in a dream.”

“Our people do not follow dreams unless they are sent to our shaman from
Atah,
so your dream means nothing but what you desire. Do not ask me to join with you, for I cannot. I look upon you as a friend and brother, not as one to be desired as a man.”

“If I but hold you in my arms and put my lips to yours only once, I can change your thoughts and feelings for me.”

Kionee observed the sparkle of desire in his eyes. “No, Night Walker, you cannot, for we are like brothers.
I have no woman’s feelings for you, and you do not possess the power or magic to create them within me. I am a
tiva,
and I will remain a
tiva.
I do not seek to wound your pride and heart, but I must speak the truth. Ask another who will and can accept your offer. Taysinga is of high rank: she has taken many buffalo this season; she has fulfilled her vows to the families of Tall Eagle and Sumba; she has slain a white buffalo and given its hide to you. Perhaps those are signs from
Atah
she is a worthy mate for a chief, for you.”

“Do you say Taysinga desires me as a man?”

Kionee witnessed his surprise at her bold suggestion. “I cannot speak for her, but I believe it is true. She is a good match for you. She would do all you ask of her to make you proud and happy. Her female spirit is strong and it craves freedom. Without her paints and male garments, I have seen no female in our tribe who has greater beauty of face and body,” Kionee asserted, knowing that stretched the truth very little. “She would please you greatly in all ways.”

“You say this to turn my eyes and heart from you. Kionee wastes time and words, for she is my choice. You have always been my choice; that is why I waited for you to approach freedom. After the last buffalo hunt, I will come to you for your answer. Until that sun, think much on the great honor I offer you. If you come to me, I will use my wits and rank as chief to end the
tiva
custom. With more women free to become mates and mothers, our tribe will grow larger and stronger. We can make new laws and customs to help parents without sons. Do this worthy deed for your people by becoming the mate of their chief and the mother of their next chief. I will speak no more of such things until after we chase the provider-of-life for a last time this season.” Night Walker smiled, turned, and walked back to his father’s tipi.

Kionee felt trapped in a whirlwind. She was being pulled between two men, two different roles in life. Stalking Wolf offered love, passion, respect, excitement, and protection—but he was out of her reach. Night Walker offered her the chance to have a mate, her own tipi, children, honor from her family and people, safety from perils on the hunt and in battle, and the rank of being a chiefs wife. She admitted that Night Walker could be the hunter and protector of their family and her parents with one hand bound behind his back, so great were his skills; and he was within her reach if she agreed. But she suspected his feelings leaned more to lust and control and obtaining a woman of high rank as his seed-grower than they leaned toward love and passion and equality.

Yes, she reasoned, it would be an honor and joy to bear a child who would become their chief and leader. Perhaps even bear other children who would hold high positions, perhaps even a warrior who saved their tribe from total destruction. Her children also would bear other children to help her people survive. And there was a chance he would keep his promise to help strike down the
tiva
law so future daughters would not have to become “sons” and endure the anguish and denial she was experiencing. Could she make a final and binding sacrifice of herself in order to help other unfortunate women? Though Night Walker was handsome and virile, could she ever surrender to him in fiery passion and total abandonment as she had done with Stalking Wolf? Was it possible to learn to love and desire someone? She did not think so.

Kionee’s heart felt crushed in a tight grip. She had to stop hoping, even praying, for release. She had two choices: remain a
tiva
for life and be unfulfilled as a woman, or join to Night Walker.

The only way she could have Stalking Wolf was to
defy all she was to share his destiny. If she escaped into his arms, they would be forced to leave this territory to save her life, and probably his—if any man or group had the ability to capture and slay him. Would Stalking Wolf give up his whole existence to have her? Was she worth that much to him? She could not ask him that question without revealing her grim jeopardy, and she hated to let him learn how many times he had imperiled her. Also, her escape would endanger the needed alliance between their tribes.

Kionee wanted to weep uncontrollably for the first time in her life. Agony ripped through her body like the sharp claws of a grizzly. Arrows of anguish, dipped in bitterness, pierced her heart. A sensation of utter hopelessness captured her soul. Was her brief time with Stalking Wolf over forever? Could Night Walker be her true destiny, whether or not she loved him? Had
Atah
sent her a message, a command, in Gray Fox’s death that she was refusing to hear? If she chose to join their next chief, she was convinced Stalking Wolf would not expose or harm her in any way; but he would be hurt deeply and painfully. A bitter betrayal of one side or the other was a certainty, she admitted in torment, but of which one?

M
ANY DAYS HAD PASSED
since Kionee’s intimidating talk with Night Walker. The warrior kept his distance but always seemed to be watching her. She prayed no one noticed his interest in her. As promised, Stalking Wolf kept away from her and the Hanueva camp. She longed to see him but knew it was perilous to seek him out. She hungered for his kiss and touch; her body ached to join with his.

She kept busy with chores, but her troubled mind was elsewhere. That disobedient part of her persisted in chasing dreams while she struggled to remind it of the futility and the agony those thoughts inspired. Yet, it was difficult not to think of love and passion when Runs Fast and Blue Bird could not conceal theirs. The same was true for her younger sister: Moon Child and Shining Star were spending much time together and sharing looks of love and desire. The joyous couples made her yearn for what they possessed.

Kionee told herself she had faced the harsh reality she could not have the man she loved. Either she could remain a
tiva
for life or she could join to Night Walker to help her people. She worried over what would happen to her parents if she were injured or slain; she knew Night Walker would be obligated to remain the Hunter-Protector
for them. Could she give Strong Rock and Martay that security at such a great sacrifice? She had been taught and trained not to think of or to yield to her wants and needs, only to be a captive to those of others. But must that role be a lifelong burden? Was there no time and in no way her feelings could come first for a change?

There was another factor to consider: who would do the female chores after her sisters were gone if her mother fell sick or when she became old and frail? If she chose to remain a “man” and either of those events occurred, Kionee could not do both the female’s and male’s roles for her family. Was it selfish and wrong, she pondered, to want only Stalking Wolf or no man, when joining to Night Walker would bring joy and help to her parents and others? Also, if she became his mate, she could help keep peace by discouraging him from seeking war and obtaining coups. If she rejected him, Kionee feared he might be influenced to act in a destructive manner.

There also was the possibility Night Walker could expose his desire for her and make his quest for her known to their tribe. That would make her refusal harder for others to understand and could cast suspicions on her and Stalking Wolf as the reason she rejected Night Walker. Whatever decision she made, it could not come while her head was clouded by confusion and her heart was suffering in anguish over her true love’s loss.

Kionee made a visit to the
Haukau.
Again, the blood flow and her sensitive breasts pointed out she was a female, one who wanted children, one who could have them only with Night Walker or with another Hanueva
male. Yet, no other appealed to her; nor did her pursuer, only the Cheyenne beyond her reach.

For several days after her return, a series of violent thunderstorms with downpours of blinding rain and streaks of brilliant lightning assailed the plains and forced everyone to take refuge inside their tipis. Outside chores were delayed. The hunt was put off until they ceased.

When the weather cleared, scouts reported bad news: the storms had frightened and stampeded the large herd to a location three days’ travel northeast. That distance was too far for easy hunting and travois trips to haul meat and hides back to camp, so another move was necessary. Other scouts were sent to check on the new location for Swift Crane’s Crow band to make certain the Cheyenne and Hanueva would not halt too close to it.

While that party was gone, Bear’s Head and Big Hump gave the signal to dismantle their tipis again, as they must follow the buffalo herd.

Their third camp was set up within distant view of tall and majestic buttes. Despite the late-summer heat, wildflowers and grass were plentiful after nourishing rains. The herd had settled down to graze in contentment a half-day’s ride beyond them and near another prairie-dog village, the type of site which they favored. They ate and drank, dust-wallowed, tended their offspring, and romped in ignorance of the impending fates of many of the huge beasts: to become meals, garments, shelters, and more for the nomadic Indians.

Near the camp, water for drinking, bathing, and other needs was abundant in creeks and catch-basins.
Countless buffalo chips provided ample fuel for cook fires and for drying some cuts of meat. Roots, bulbs, tubers, corms, leaves, flowers, and stems offered themselves as other sources of food. The sky was clear and blue, and a gentle breeze wafted through the verdant ground covering. Everyone liked the favorable site, which would be their last for this season. Everyone, except for Kionee and Stalking Wolf, who dreaded the end of summer and the necessary parting which would come with it. Both still prayed the Creator would find a way to let them join; but both feared nothing would change for them. If only they could see each other on occasion, their pains of denial would be lessened during those arduous days and nights when they were so close in proximity and yet so far apart.

The Cheyenne left on their fifth and final hunt. There was no need for Hanuevas to go, as they had sufficient meat and hides for winter. Yet, the small tribe stayed near the larger one for safety—among other reasons while completing its tasks. There were things they needed to gather in this area before they left the plains to return to their winter campground.

As Kionee did her chores or stood guard for women doing theirs, she wondered if it was only wishful imagination or if Night Walker was watching Taysinga closely during this busy time. Few things would please or calm her more than for the two hunters to fall in love and join. She whispered words of encouragement into the older female’s ears, who was thrilled to hear them.

“How can I pull him toward me when I live and look as a man?” Taysinga wondered.

“He knows you and all
tivas
are females. Tell no one, not even Night Walker, I heard him say he believes the
tiva
custom should be cast aside, for we are needed as
mates and mothers to make our tribe larger and stronger. There is no better match for him among us than you are, my friend. He has taken no mate, for he will accept only the best female among us; this season, you have proven your rank is high and your skills are great.”

“I have done so only with your help and good heart, Kionee.”

“But no one knows that secret, so the honor is yours. We must never reveal it to others. If only there was a sly way he could view your face and body, he would desire you. He would play the flute for you and ride you behind him many times during our coming journey.”

Taysinga glanced around to make certain no one was approaching. “How can I show him the woman beneath my mask and garments without getting caught and punished?” she asked.

“I do not know yet, but I will think of a clever way to do so without you taking risks. You must do the same, for my wits may fail me. Do you have the strength and courage to do anything to win him?”

“Yes. But what if he does not like and desire what he views?”

“He will, Taysinga,” Kionee said, confident of Night Walker’s lust, and her own desperation to elude it.

Kionee’s tension mounted every day as the moment for separation from her beloved grew closer. She decided to scout the buttes from which foes could spy on them or gather in for an attack. Swift Crane’s band had not been a threat since the trick she and Stalking Wolf had played on them. But, she worried, what about defiant raiders from other bands? She left camp with Maja, and no one seemed to take notice of her departure.

She galloped toward the cluster of three mountains
with flat summits and protruding bodies which were shaded like burnt ochre. Their odd shapes and sizes made them markers for travelers, as they could be seen for a long way as they rose above the mixture of flat and rolling terrain. She approached them with caution and looked for fresh tracks, but sighted none on this side. Maja sniffed the ground and discovered nothing suspicious. She dismounted to allow Tuka to rest before they checked the remainder of the area and headed back to camp.

“Maheoo
shines with favor on us this sun, my love, for He guided you to me,” a mellow voice said.

Kionee whirled and stared into the tender and glowing gaze of the man who consumed her thoughts and ruled her emotions. “Stalking Wolf! Why are you here? Why are you not hunting with the others?” How had he found her? What if somebody came and saw them together? Without being told, the astute Maja left them alone and went to guard their privacy.

“I made many kills and was returning to camp. I came to scout this place for enemies, but I saw you coming toward me. I hid so I would not frighten you away before you saw it was me. I watched behind you and no one trails you. If another comes, Maja will warn us.”

Kionee smiled and raced into his open arms. She laughed with joy as he lifted her and swung her around in playful delight, her body held snugly against his.
“Nemehotatse,”
she murmured her love for him after he lowered her feet to the grass.

“Ne-xohose-neheseha,”
he entreated her to say it again, his smile broad, his eyes sparkling, and his manhood aroused.

“I love you,” she complied with honesty and desire. Her expression and tone shouted her sadness as she said, “We leave soon.” She saw his sunny smile fade and
his gaze dull. She felt his fingers on her forearms tighten for a moment.

“Tonese?”

“In fourteen to sixteen suns.” She drew a deep and ragged breath before she reminded, “We can say and do nothing to help us be together until the Creator-High Guardian clears the path for us to join.”

Stalking Wolf felt as if his heart skipped a beat. “What if He does not?”

Kionee lowered her misty gaze and murmured, “That is the only way we can be together.”

The troubled warrior cupped her jawline and lifted her head to lock their gazes. “You are mine, my love; I cannot lose you.”

“I belong first to
Atah,
then, to my family, my tribe, my laws, and my rank. I cannot betray them for selfish reasons, though I crave to do so. I could not live with that shame and anguish or burden you with them. How could we be happy if we destroyed many and much to grasp our love? How can we risk endangering the alliance between our tribes? We cannot, my love.” She watched him conceal his anguish and dismay.

“It is true, but it knifes my heart. I cannot ask you to go against your beliefs and laws for me; if I did so and you obeyed, you would not be the special woman I love. You would not ask or expect such treachery and weakness from me, and I must not do so of you. For us to live in the light of Good, it must be with
Maheoo
’ blessing and by His freeing you of your rank and duty, without imperiling our tribes’ bond.”

Kionee’s eyes teared with gratitude and love for his understanding. She perceived how hard it was for him to say such things as it was different for women in his tribe. Cheyenne females and captives obeyed men and yielded to their wishes. She was glad and relieved he respected their differences.

Their lips fused in an intense, soul-stirring kiss. Each knew they had only a short time for one final and blazing bout of passion before they were parted. They knew it could be next summer before they saw and touched each other again, so this union might have to last them a long time.

With haste and eagerness, they joined in an almost desperation to seize every pleasure possible in such a short span. They reached ecstasy’s pinnacle, wavered there a brief spell, and plunged over its glorious edge with willing eagerness. Splendor captured and enthralled them until bleak reality returned.

Stalking Wolf stared into her eyes and said, “I love you, Kionee; you are my destiny, the air I breathe, the sun which warms me, the food which feeds my spirit, the water which sates my thirst. Use the power and magic of your name to blow back into my life and arms soon.”

“You are those things to me, my heart. I will do all I can to come to you. Now, I must wash and go before I am missed,” she said with reluctance.

He waited while she bathed, then resecured her garments. He held her and kissed her one last time before watching her ride away with Maja loping beside her. He murmured to himself, “Guard her for me, my friend and spirit sign, for she will become my mate, the mother of my son. Bring her to me before winter,
Maheoo,
or I will be forced to disobey and capture her.”

In the days which ensued, Kionee protected her mother and sisters and other females as they gathered chokecherries, prickly pears, mariposa bulbs, goldenrod, bullberries, beeplant leaves, berries, other edible plants, and many herbs for flavorings. She shot six turkeys for meat and plucked certain feathers for arrow fletchings. She brought home four slain pronghorns
and three deer for hides and food, and removed their teeth for use in adornments. As always, she shared any abundance with others and, in particular, with the elderly
tivas.

Some afternoons after the sun lowered and the air cooled, she sat on a rush mat with a willow backrest while she sharpened existing weapons or made new ones to use for defense during the impending journey. Not a day or night passed that she did not realize it was one sun and moon closer to a parting force beyond her control to halt and beyond her skills to battle.

How, she fretted, could she turn and ride away from the man she loved, perhaps forever? Yet, how could she escape into his life without—
Do not think of such a painful event, for you cannot stop it from coming.

The scouts returned to report that Swift Crane’s band was camped far to the northeast. They told of how the enemy was being raided and challenged by the Crow’s fierce rivals, the Oglala, known to Cheyenne as
Hotohkeso,
friends and powerful allies of the Strong Hearts.

It calmed the Hanuevas’ lingering fears to learn all their aggressors’ stamina must be used to battle the mighty Lakotas. Hanuevas delighted in the fact the Bird Warriors would have none left to focus on them.