Destiny's Path (5 page)

It was said simply and quietly, but he could sense the deep sadness behind the words.

‘They’re starting to reduce the travel time now that steamships are coming into their own, and once the Suez Canal is finished, it’ll be even easier to get to and fro. If they prosper, and from what you’ve told me they sound very capable, I’d guess that one day they’ll come to visit you here.’

Her face lit up. ‘Do you really think so?’

‘I do indeed.’

‘Then you’ve given me a bright hope to comfort me.’

Fenella Maguire sat stabbing at a piece of needlework, bored with her own company and wishing she hadn’t quarrelled with her son. Ronan would come back, though, she knew he would. Didn’t they always make up their differences?

When she heard a carriage outside, she went to peep out of the window and saw Kathleen Largan get out, her black clothes fluttering in the breeze.

Fenella hurried to greet her in the hall. ‘Are you all right? I thought you’d be resting after the funeral.’

‘That was over a week ago.’

‘What shall you do now?’

She shook her head, frowning. ‘I don’t know. Kieran has told me he doesn’t want me staying at Shilmara. He’s offered to buy me a house wherever I like, Dublin, Belfast or England even, but I’d be among strangers and I don’t like that. I’ve always lived near here. I like living in the country. Why should I leave and go to live in a town, where I’d not be able to ride?’

Fenella wondered what to say to this. Kathleen wasn’t an easy person to live with, so she didn’t blame Kieran. James Largan should never have made his son marry her, because any children of the union might be like their mother, but everyone had supposed she’d brought a large dowry with her.

Kathleen hadn’t had any children, which was perhaps a good thing, but Fenella felt sorry for the younger woman, she did indeed. She’d once promised James Largan that if he died she’d keep an eye on his daughter-in-law. Strange how kind he’d always been to Kathleen. The younger woman didn’t have the knack of making friends, or even of getting on with people. Perhaps that was because of how her parents had treated her, keeping her always at home with a very strict governess. Children needed kindness and love, but Fenella doubted she’d ever had any.

Kathleen scowled down at her clasped hands. ‘There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about. Mr Largan’s wife won’t know he’s dead so I thought I might go and tell her.’

‘Go to Australia?’

‘Why not? It was his dying wish that his wife come back where she belongs and Kieran refuses to go and tell his mother or even to write to say she must come back, and cousin Michael won’t go, either. So . . . I thought maybe I could go. I’d do anything for Papa Largan. He was always so kind to me, kinder than anyone else ever has been. What do you think, Mrs Maguire?’ She began to fiddle with the material of her skirt, pleating it then smoothing it out.

‘You could just write to her.’

‘I don’t like writing letters.’

‘I could write for you.’

‘No. My mind’s made up. I want to go and see her myself, persuade her to help me.’

‘You know she’s living with Conn. You said you never wanted to see your husband again.’

Kathleen’s fingers stilled for a moment. ‘I don’t want to see him, but I must if I’m to see her. Since Mr Largan died, people have started treating me differently, as if . . . I’m a divorced woman or something terrible like that. It’s all because of Conn being a convict. I hate being married to a traitor.’

‘You are in a difficult position,’ Fenella admitted. Only James Largan’s influence had made sure that Kathleen was still accepted in the houses of the local gentry after her husband was transported.

‘So I’ve decided to go to Australia, see Mrs Largan, tell her what her husband wanted and try to persuade her to come back and live with me. That’d be more respectable, don’t you think? People would talk to me again if I was living with her.’

‘What about your husband?’

‘Conn can rot in hell for all I care!’

Fenella didn’t know what to say to that. If Kathleen moved out of the district, she didn’t think anything would make up for the fact that her husband was a convict who’d been transported to Australia. Socially, her young friend was ruined and would remain in a sort of limbo unless Conn died and she remarried. Even then, some people would refuse to socialise with her.

Fenella too would have looked askance on a convict’s wife if she hadn’t known the family and Kathleen all her life. She’d never been able to believe that Conn was a traitor. ‘Australia. That’s a long way to travel on your own.’

‘That’s why I came to see you. You told me your son wrote to tell you he’s going to Australia and you’re all on your own here now. You said last time I saw you that you were bored, so I thought perhaps you’d like to come with me, to make it all respectable.’

Fenella stared at her in shock, unable to speak or move for a few moments, then slowly the idea began to seem . . . possible . . . interesting even. She’d never travelled, never really wanted to until now, but she didn’t enjoy being a widow, particularly now that all her children had left home. In fact, life had become rather tedious and without Ronan to cheer her up, she couldn’t see it improving.

She sat and thought about it, vaguely aware of Kathleen staring at her, grateful that her companion didn’t say anything to interrupt her thoughts.

Should she go? Dare she go?

The alternative was to stay here and die of boredom. She’d had more than enough of that.

She was only mildly surprised to hear her own voice, sounding to come from a long way away. ‘Yes, I’ll do it. I’ll go to Australia with you. Why not? What have I got to keep me here at Ardgullan?’

Maia went to sit on the front veranda on her own. She felt too restless to sleep and since the night was mild with a full moon shining, she went to stroll round the gardens, which were only half-finished. They didn’t have proper flower beds yet, but there were paths winding among the remaining trees and a few bushes had been planted, some of which were in flower. There was always something in flower in Australia.

She didn’t try to stop the tears tonight. She tried not to weep at the thought of being separated from Xanthe, especially in front of her twin, but sometimes she just couldn’t help it. They’d always been so close, she and Xanthe.

After a few minutes she ended up on the far side of the stables and went to lean on the rough fence, made from sapling trunks alternating in a zig-zag pattern, each one set on top of another. She didn’t realise someone else was there until a man moved forward and she couldn’t help crying out in shock.

‘It’s only me.’

She’d recognise Conn’s voice anywhere. ‘It’s – um – a beautiful night, isn’t it?’

‘Too beautiful to be crying. What’s wrong?’

She scrubbed at her eyes, not knowing what to say, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

‘Ah, Maia!’ He pulled her into his arms and held her close. ‘Are you fretting because your sister wants to leave?’

‘I don’t think I can bear it. We’ve never been parted before.’ She sobbed against him, unable to hold back the tears that had built up over the past few months.

When her weeping eased, he fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled handkerchief. ‘Here. It’s more or less clean.’

She tried to take it from him but her hand was shaking so badly she dropped it and when he picked it up, he clasped her fingers around it with his big warm hands and then stilled. She heard him suck in his breath sharply and looked up at him. The moonlight was shining down on them both like a blessing.

For a moment neither of them moved, then he pulled her close to him and said simply, ‘It won’t go away, this feeling between us, will it?’

‘No. Conn, I know I’m only a maid, but I lo—’

He pressed his fingers to her lips. ‘Shh. Don’t say it. I must tell you something. I should have done it before now, once I realised how you felt.’ He turned her to stand with her back to him, wrapping his arms round her, so that she fitted comfortably against his body. ‘Maia, I’m attracted to you, too, of course I am, but I’m already married.’

It was the last thing she’d expected to hear. ‘Married!’ she whispered, through lips that suddenly felt icy cold. ‘But you have no wife here, and you’ve never mentioned one. Nor has your mother.’

‘She’s in Ireland still and I hate her, hope I never see her as long as I live. It wasn’t a happy marriage – wasn’t really a marriage at all – but my father and hers were eager for it; and my father was upsetting my mother, blaming her for my refusal to consider the marriage. Kathleen seemed pleasant enough while we were courting, eager to please. Best of all, she had a love of horses to match my own. I thought that might be enough to get by with and I’d never met anyone else I’d had a fancy for, so in the end I said yes.’

His laughter was low and yet harsh, seeming full of pain. ‘It wasn’t long before I found out how badly I’d been fooled. Kathleen refused point-blank to let me into her bed. What’s more, she’s a shrew, treats her servants and everyone she considers beneath her badly. When I asked her not to be so harsh she began to quarrel with me. I was always hobnobbing with servants, you see, giving away my money to any fool who told me lies, not behaving properly. I think her idea of good manners had been beaten into her by her parents and she seemed unable to change any of the “rules” they’d set in her mind.

‘And then, when they arrested me, she immediately believed the worst. She didn’t come to see me once in jail, sending a message that she wanted nothing to do with a traitor.’

‘Oh, Conn! That’s dreadful. How sad you must have been.’

‘Yes. I should have had the marriage annulled. I had grounds for doing so. But once I was in prison I didn’t have any chance to do that and since I’ve been here, I’ve not seen any reason to bother. It’d take years and what decent woman would want to marry a convict, anyway?’

‘I would.’ She heard him suck his breath in sharply and wondered if she’d been too forward.

‘Oh, my dear, you’re the last person I’d burden with a convict husband. You’re young and unspoiled, and I pray you’ll stay that way. You deserve so much more.’

‘Not so young. I’m twenty-seven.’

‘And I’m several years older.’

‘What if I don’t change my mind?’

‘Then I’ll have to send you away, so that you can recover from your madness. I love you too much to mar your life.’

There was silence and she didn’t know what to say, how to persuade him that she’d never be able to forget him. Before she could think, he’d gone on speaking.

‘My father was as bad as Kathleen. He didn’t believe me when I told him I was innocent, I don’t know why.’

‘When did he die?’

‘He isn’t dead. Crippled as she is, my mother left him and ran away to join me here because—’ he hesitated.

‘Because she believed you were innocent,’ Maia finished for him.

‘Yes. She’s a wonderful woman, with a keen sense of justice. She knew I’d been wrongly accused. But my cousin Michael provided so-called proof and I was convicted out of hand.’

There was silence but they didn’t move apart, then he said quietly, ‘So you see, I can do nothing about our love without ruining you. And I won’t do that, my dear.’

She waited for a moment to be sure she meant it, because she knew what she said would damn her in most people’s eyes and perhaps in his, but she loved him so much, she couldn’t bear to think of leaving him, living without him. ‘I’d be honoured to become your mistress, Conn.’

‘
Honoured!
’ He pushed her away, turning her to face him as he did so and giving her a little shake. ‘Do you think I’d do that to a wonderful, decent girl like you? Maia, I love you far too much to ruin you. I’d have sent you away before now if my mother didn’t need you so much.’

She smiled and lifted one hand to caress his cheek, something she’d longed to do for months. ‘I’d not go, not now that I know you love me.’

‘Then heaven help us both, because if it was hard to keep my distance before, it’ll be a Herculean task now.’

‘I don’t want you to keep your distance, Conn.’

‘I must. I couldn’t live with myself if I ruined an innocent girl.’

He didn’t push her away, though, so she allowed herself to nestle against him. Once he sighed softly and a little later dropped a kiss on her hair, as ephemeral as a butterfly landing there.

She could have stood there in his arms all night, but she heard Xanthe calling from the kitchen door. With a sigh, she pushed away from him.

He pulled her back to press another of those gentle kisses on her cheek, then turned away and walked back towards the stables.

Drawing a deep breath, Maia took a moment to calm down, then turned towards the house.

4

R
onan and Bram boarded the steamship at Southampton on a stormy evening that had even that large vessel heaving up and down at its moorings. It was an auxiliary vessel using both steam and sail, but the masts were bare of canvas just now. The two men were immediately separated, he to go to a cabin he’d paid extra to keep to himself and Bram to go into the single men’s quarters in the steerage section below.