Destroy You (Destroy #3) (13 page)

Amazingly, Reed still had faith in the system. I, however, was bitter and jaded on his behalf.

“Toni, we won’t depend on them for your protection, but we need to follow all the steps,” Reed persisted.

“You guys can’t waste all of your time watching over me,” I replied. It was weird that we were talking about my safety with Miguel still thrashing uselessly under Reed’s hold, but danger had become ordinary for us. It was a sad truth that I only hoped we could remove from our lives along with Miguel.

Jeremy kissed the side of my head and led me into the house as Reed instructed. “Taking care of you is not wasting time. Besides, I bet Trent would pitch in if he knew what was going on.”

“No,” I shrieked. “You can’t tell him. I don’t want to get his attention by using this bullshit.” I lowered my voice. “He chose her, Jer. Not just one time, either. I really needed him last night, and he still chose her. I won’t use this to change his mind.”

“If that’s what you want.”

I shook my head. “It isn’t what I want, but I think it’s what I need. I can’t be with him unless I know that he’ll chose me. I want what our friends have.”

Jeremy held my hand all the way down the hall to my room. He pulled back the covers for me and sat next to me while I settled in bed. “I understand. I want what they have, too. You’ve stood by me through my broken heart, and I’ll always be here for you. I do hope Trent pulls his head out of his ass before it’s too late. For a moment before everything went to shit yesterday, you were the happiest I’d ever seen you. I want that for you.”

Me too, for both of us. I hoped we would both find our epic love someday, but I knew logically not everyone got one. If I didn’t, I’d be okay, at least as long as I had Jeremy.

Chapter 18

Trent

I wanted to rush straight to Toni’s house after I got off the phone with Jeremy, but I needed to talk to Trinity’s doctor first. The longer I had to wait, the more impatient I became and started pacing aimlessly.

Trinity’s gaze followed me. “Would you sit down? You’re making me dizzy.”

I exhaled and stopped for a second. “I’ve got places to be, Trin.”

“Where do you need to be when I’m in the hospital? You aren’t going to stay with me?” she asked anxiously.

The doctor entered the room, saving me from answering for the moment. I looked at his hospital badge. “Dr. Johnson, can I speak to you for a moment?”

He scowled at me and went back to studying the metal clipboard that held Trinity’s chart. “Patient confidentiality prevents me from discussing Ms. Simms with you.”

I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I had concerns, and I needed help. I stepped outside the room to give her privacy with the doctor, but I wasn’t going to move until I had all of my questions answered.

He glowered when he saw me waiting outside of her room. “Mr…?”

“McKenzie,” I supplied.

“Right, well, Mr. McKenzie, I’ve already told you I can’t discuss her medical information with you. If you were a relative, there would be certain things I could discuss with you, but since you aren’t, I have to follow the legal guidelines. I’m sorry. I sympathize that this is a difficult time, but Ms. Simms deserves her privacy.”

Dr. Johnson stepped aside and made to continue down the hall. I stepped in front of him again. “Trinity doesn’t have any blood relatives. She was my foster sister, and my mom and I are the closest thing to family she has. Doc, I’ve been at the hospital for almost two days now. I only have a couple of questions. Cut me a break. Answer them or don’t, but at least allow me to ask.”

He stopped trying to get around me and nodded. He would listen; it was all I could ask for.

“Yesterday, Trinity couldn’t get in touch with me, and after leaving me three messages, she reacted by taking a handful of pills. What happens the next time she can’t reach me? She expects me to always be available to her, but that isn’t reasonable. What do I do?”

Doctor Johnson took his wire-frame glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “She told you she tried to kill herself?” he asked tentatively.

“My mom did. I’m not sure if Trinity told her that or she assumed, but Trinity implied it when I spoke to her.”

“Mr. McKenzie, Ms. Simms overdosed on heroin. She’s the third person my team has treated for opiate overdose in as many months. I can’t advise you on how you should use that information. Heroin addiction is extremely hard to break, and you can’t do it for her. She has made her own decisions, and you shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for them,” he stated more sympathetically.

“What if I don’t answer the next time she calls or rush to her side the next time she needs me?” I asked again.

Dr. Johnson shrugged. “It seems to me you’ve rushed to her side or been available to her many times, and yet there has always been a next time. Mr. McKenzie, I’ll tell you something every doctor needs to learn. You can’t save everyone, especially not the ones determined to destroy themselves. She, however, does have the power to drag you down with her if you give it to her.” He patted my shoulder and continued with his rounds.

I wandered the hall for a few minutes before I made my way back to Trinity’s room. I couldn’t bring myself to enter it.

“Don’t lurk there like a creeper, come in,” she snapped.

I shook my head and remained in the doorway. “Heroin?”

Her shoulders slumped. “I needed something to make me feel good. I missed you, but you didn’t have time for me. You’d rather be with her.”

I stared her in the face until I knew I had her attention. I’d ignored her crush on me for too long. I thought if I didn’t acknowledge her feelings, they would disappear. “I love her.”

I hadn’t told Toni yet, because even though my feelings had been growing for a long time, I knew she’d think it was too soon for me to feel that way. I wished I’d told her first, but Trinity needed to know I’d never feel for her the way she wanted me to.

Toni was the most wonderfully frustrating woman I’d ever met. She had a sarcastic sense of humor, a smart mouth, and a fiery temper. She was also the most fiercely loyal, warmhearted, and loving woman I’d ever met. Her dark eyes shone with love and mischief. I never knew what she was going to say or do, and I was hooked. Not because she was a challenge, but because I was made to love her.

She never looked at me like most of the women who came into the bar did. The majority of them saw my tattoos and lip ring and decided I existed to give them a night of fun. I’d taken many of them up on what they offered me, but I forgot all of them nearly the moment I walked out their door.

Toni was different. I knew the moment our eyes met that I wanted to remember her. She challenged me, and I liked it. More than liked it, I thrived off it, until I realized it wasn’t the only thing I loved about her. It took almost a year to work my way close to Toni’s heart, and now I’d probably lost her thanks to Trinity.

I was standing in the doorway of a hospital room, offering my support to a selfish junkie while another man was comforting the woman I loved. I was a stupid prick, but it was my fault. I’d love to blame Trinity, but I should have made a different choice.

“What about me? You don’t care what happens to me, do you?” Trinity said, bringing me back to the moment.

“Trinity, you don’t care about yourself. It’s exhausting caring about someone that is hell-bent on ruining their life. I keep running to your side, but it’s like running to one accident after another. I’ve proven over and over that I care about you, because like a dumbass I keep showing up when you say you need me.”

I knocked my head against the doorframe a few times. “Last night, your actions forced me to choose between you and the woman I love. I chose wrong. I’ve blamed you all night for my own stupidity. I won’t do it again. This dynamic between us where you screw up and I swoop in to fix it is messed up. I don’t think I’m helping you, and it’s time I stepped back and let the professionals help you, because I sure as hell haven’t done you any good.”

I walked out of the room and walked the few blocks back to my apartment. As much as I wanted to go straight to Toni’s, she might be more willing to forgive me if I didn’t smell. I needed a shower and probably a biohazard bin for my clothes.

My head bouncer, Rocky, stopped me in the alley before I made it to the back entrance to my apartment. “Thank God you’re back, Mac. Things have been strange here the last couple days. I swear, it’s like all the crazies knew you were gone or something. I’ve had to toss several people out who were obviously under the influence of drugs. I haven’t found anyone dealing, but I’d like to increase security to be sure.”

“Do it. You know I won’t tolerate drug use here, so do what you need to do. Anything else?”

Rocky shuffled his feet, obviously trying to delay what he needed to tell me. “Trinity tried to get in last night. I turned her away at the door. Just before she stumbled away, I noticed a guy down the block seemed to be waiting for her. He wore a dark hoodie and never looked up. I never got a look at his face.”

“Thanks, Rocky. Let me know if there are any more strange occurrences tonight,” I replied.

One look at my desk reminded me I’d been gone a few days. I really needed to choose someone on the staff to delegate some of this to. My life had consisted mostly of the bar for the last few years, and it had paid off. My business had grown steadily to the point where I couldn’t continue working behind the bar most nights and doing the books. I still enjoyed interacting with customers too much to lock myself in my office, but the bookkeeping and administrative tasks were nearly a full-time job now.

I knew Toni hadn’t found a job yet since her parents cut her off, and I’d heard her tell Jeremy her savings account was running low. I’d hinted about her coming to work at the bar, but I was waiting for her to tell me she was ready.

I hadn’t really pushed it, because I wasn’t looking forward to her being hassled by drunken men all night, but if she worked in the office, that wouldn’t be a problem. If I couldn’t get her to forgive me, maybe I could buy myself some time by convincing her to work with me.

I ran upstairs and showered. Then I took care of the most pressing business. I had to sign for a delivery, submit the payroll to the bank, and send in another order for beer. Everything else would have to wait until after I’d seen Toni.

When I was done, I snuck out the back and jumped on my bike before my staff could approach me with any other issues. I had to remind myself to stick to the slow, residential speed limit, but even crawling through the streets, I still made it to her house in a few minutes.

Jeremy opened the door before I even made it to the porch, and Reed stepped out of his front door at the same time. I got the sense they were on guard, and it sent chills down my spine.

“What’s going on, Jeremy?” I demanded.

He looked back inside. “I can’t tell you.”

I wanted to shove my way past him, but I hesitated. “Is she okay?” I asked, feeling panicked.

Reed stomped across the ground toward me, glaring at Jeremy. “The hell with this. We aren’t going to play these stupid games,” he growled at Jer, then turned to me. “Do you care about Toni?”

“Yes,” I answered easily.

“Has your head been removed from your ass?” Reed demanded.

“This isn’t our decision, Reed,” Jeremy intruded.

Reed pointed to the corner of the front porch. His eyes burned with anger. “You saw that shit today, Jeremy. She can’t be left alone, and he loves her. He’ll fight for her. Do you want to exclude him when he might help keep her safe?”

My gaze darted back and forth between the two of them as I tried to understand what the hell was going on. “One of you better fucking tell me something,” I growled.

“Jer, tell him already,” Reed ordered through clenched teeth.

Toni walked around the corner and stopped when she us. Her dark brown eyes drilled holes into Reed. “Reed Martin, what the hell are you doing?”

He glared at her for a moment before we all entered the house.

Toni continued to glare at him, and he relented. “I’m trying to skip the part where you ignore him and pretend to be Superwoman when we all know these situations can escalate fast.” He rubbed his shoulder. “Trust me, none of us are bulletproof.”

I wasn’t sure what the action meant, but it seemed to change Jeremy’s opinion. “He’s got a point, Toni. I respect your decision but not at the risk of your safety.”

She dropped her head down and nodded. Whatever Reed’s signal meant, it hit Toni hard as well. Finally, she lifted her head and looked at me, resigned. The distance between us was back. “Miguel was waiting on the porch when Jer and I got back.”

She continued to detail the bizarre conversation she’d had with Miguel. I hadn’t really given the guy much thought. As far as I knew, they’d broken up the night I met her. I knew he tried to talk to her occasionally, but I thought he’d move on eventually. Honestly, I thought her parents were more upset about them breaking up than Miguel was.

It certainly hadn’t crossed my mind that he’d felt such a strong sense of ownership over her, and I definitely hadn’t imagined he’d stalk her. She wasn’t his to keep tabs on.

As Toni finished filling us in, she was trembling violently. Jeremy halted any thought I had of comforting her by grabbing a blanket off the couch and wrapping it around her. Other than a brief glance, Toni hadn’t acknowledged my presence.

“Toni,” I said to gain her attention.

Her chin jerked up, and she turned her head away from me.

“C’mon, Wildcat. Don’t ignore me. I know you’re pissed, but I need to hold you,” I told her, not worrying about Reed and Jeremy seeing my desperation.

Her head snapped back toward mine. “I needed you to hold me last night, but you chose her. I never made a big deal out of it before because we weren’t together. Not like I thought we were a couple of nights ago.”

“We still are. I know I screwed up,” I admitted. “I should have come back here with you last night. I thought something might happen to Trinity if I didn’t help her and it would be my fault. It took me too long to see that I couldn’t be responsible for the poor choices she makes. I fought for her when she was too young to look after herself, and it became a pattern she grew to expect, and she never learned to take care of herself. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t stand back and watch her destroy herself.”

“You can’t save someone that doesn’t want your help, and you can’t make someone love you the way you need to be loved,” she stated.

“Please, let me make this up to you,” I begged.

Her eyes met mine again, but this time they were flooded with unshed tears. “I—” She cleared her throat. “I don’t want to end things, but I’m not sure how to move forward, either.”