Destroy You (Destroy #3) (15 page)

“You’ve tried to micromanage my entire life, but you can’t control Miguel any more than you can control me. I will tell you like I told Miguel. I’m never going to marry him. I’m not ever going to talk to him again. After what you did today, I don’t ever want to see you again, either.”

His expression hardened, and a dark look passed over his face. It sent chills down my spine, and I hurried over to Reed to escape the outburst I could see coming.

Reed hugged me tight. “We’ll get you through this together. We’re all here for you. Understand?”

I nodded against his chest and stepped out of his arms. Together we hurried to his truck and left the parking lot quickly. I realized after a few moments that Reed was driving me to Trent’s bar.

“Reed, stop by the hospital instead, please,” I begged.

He quickly looked over at me before turning his eyes back on the road. “Trent is expecting you.”

I was forcing him to deviate from the plan. Reed liked order; I imagined that came from his past as a soldier. I appreciated that about him, but after this morning, I wasn’t mentally and emotionally ready to face Trent.

I hadn’t figured out if I could move on from my hang-up with Trinity. Part of me appreciated his loyalty, but I wasn’t sure he had room for me in his life. I wouldn’t ask Trent to choose, but I still expected him to. It had to be his decision, though, and if he picked me, I’d need him to prove it.

I was done being an afterthought to people I couldn’t get off my mind. If Trent wasn’t willing or able to make me a priority in his life, then I needed to at least make myself a priority in mine.

That’s why I needed to avoid him, because one look at his toned body or a glance from his stormy eyes, and I’d cave. I’d fall at his feet and take whatever attention he was willing to give, and eventually I’d hate myself for it. Hell, I pretty much already hated myself for putting up with Miguel’s shit for as long as I did, and I didn’t want to add any more blows to my self-esteem.

Reed blew out a stream of air. He was going to give in, but he didn’t like it. “Sure, I’ll take you to the hospital, but you can’t run forever, you know?”

I turned my head and stared out the passenger window. Was I running? “I know,” I finally responded. “I need to think for a while. I don’t know what I want.”

“Bullshit,” he snapped.

I looked back at him and narrowed my eyes. “Enlighten me, please. If you know what I want, tell me.”

Reed sighed. “You want Trent, even though you’re mad at him.”

I shrugged. “So what if I do? I’m not denying how I feel, I’m saying I can’t stand by watching while Trinity comes between us and he does nothing to stop her.”

Reed patted my leg. “It isn’t like you to give up.”

“I’m not giving up, I’m stepping back. I need a new perspective or something. Contrary to what my father thinks, I have grown up, and I’m not going to rush in fighting every time.”

“Your father was wrong to do what he did today. We all just want to keep you safe. There’s no restraining order, which means Miguel can drop by and see you whenever he wants to. I’m not going to lie, either. If he does start showing up, there isn’t a damn thing the court is going to do unless he actually hurts you. Shit, your father threw you under the fucking bus and then backed over you.”

“All the more reason to put some space between Trent and me. He’s got to figure out his issues, and I’ve got to do the same. Maybe our timing will be better someday.”

“Be careful, Toni. Sometimes life doesn’t give you a second chance,” Reed warned.

Chapter 20

Toni

Reed dropped me off at the hospital and told me he’d pick me up in two hours after he was done with class. I only had one night class on Mondays, Appreciation of Silent Film, but I was pretty sure I could catch up on what I would miss. My head just wasn’t into two hours of slapstick comedy followed by the pretentious overanalysis of the movie by moody art majors.

Still, I was glad I’d decided to save some of my easiest classes for the last two quarters of my senior year. There was no way I was going to be able to concentrate on difficult business classes with everything I had going on in my life right now. Originally, my plan was to enjoy the hell out of my senior year. Now it seemed I’d need the extra time I’d earned by working my ass off just to make it through to graduation.

Aiden had texted all of us earlier that Becca had been moved to the maternity ward on the second floor. It was closest to the NICU, where Hope would stay until she was big enough to go home. I stopped in front of the hospital directory and figured out which bank of elevators I needed to access her room. Why did hospitals have to be built like a maze?

I moved down the hallway and pressed the Up arrow. Trent was probably waiting for me at the bar, but considering his precious Trinity was still likely in the hospital, I was a little anxious that I’d run into him. My nerves didn’t relax until the elevator doors slid open and I was on my way up to Maternity. There wasn’t a single reason I should fear running into him here.

Following the room numbers, I finally found Becca’s and poked my head inside. Aiden rarely left her side in all the times I’d been there, so I was surprised when I found her alone. I panicked for a moment that something was wrong with Hope until Becca smiled at me.

“Don’t just hang in the doorway, come in.” She beckoned.

I walked into the room and sat in the chair Aiden usually occupied. “You look so much better. Your complexion has some color again. Deathly white is so not your look,” I joked.

She rolled her eyes at me. “I thought you said my face had no color in the first place.”

“I was wrong. I had no idea your usual glow-in-the-dark complexion was a tan compared to how you looked a couple of days ago. Seriously, though, you scared the shit out of us.”

Becca grabbed my hand. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

“Are you really okay with everything?” I asked. “I know you wanted a big family. How do you feel about not being able to have any more kids?”

“Like I ever want to go through this again.” She gestured with her free hand to all the machines still monitoring her. “I love my kids, but I think two is plenty. Aiden is the one that wanted a large family. I just want to be around for the family we have.”

She squeezed my hand before she let it go. “Enough of all this depressing talk. I’m going to be fine, and I even get to go home tomorrow. I wish we could take Hope with us, but she’s still too small. The doctors said she can probably go home next week.” Becca sighed and tipped her chin up. “I’m not going to let it get me down. She’s strong, and we’re both still here. I guess I just get a little extra time with my little boy before we’re all under the same roof.”

I smiled at her. “You’re pretty remarkable, you know that?”

“Me?” She shook her head. “Why? I didn’t do anything, really.”

“You fought for what you wanted. Against your past, Aiden’s crazy mother, and now against your own body. I’ve always done what I was told. Shit, I almost married a man I didn’t love because it was what was expected of me.”

“You didn’t almost marry anyone, you just didn’t argue with your parents when they brought it up. I never believed you would end up with Miguel. And it doesn’t matter when you stand up for yourself, only that you do it. I overheard Aiden talking to Jeremy on the phone when he thought I was sleeping. I know what happened yesterday with Miguel, and I know what’s going on with Trent.”

“God, what did Aiden do, have the entire conversation over speaker phone?” I grumbled.

“No, but someone should check Jeremy’s hearing. He really doesn’t need to shout into the phone,” she replied.

I chuckled. I’d told him on numerous occasions to stop yelling, but I’d since given up and just started holding it away from my head when he called.

Becca’s expression turned serious. “Talk to me, Toni,” she insisted.

Suddenly, I found myself fighting the urge to cry. I looked up toward the ceiling, blinking rapidly, trying to force back the tears flooding my eyes. “I don’t know if I can be okay with Trent’s relationship with Trinity. I really needed him, but she always comes first.”

“And Jeremy and Reed are trying to push you to forgive him?”

I nodded. “I guess they’re worried about me and they think I’ll be safer with Trent around, but it isn’t a good enough reason for me to forgive him.”

“Then don’t. You’ve spent enough of your life worrying about what other people think and acting the way they wanted you to act. If Trent isn’t treating you the way you want him to, then walk away.”

I sat back and exhaled. “You don’t think I might lose him forever?”

Becca shrugged. “It doesn’t sound like you have him if he isn’t around when you need him, and that is his loss, not yours. Reed and Jeremy are worried about your safety, but there are other ways to keep you safe. Don’t go running to Trent out of fear that you’ll lose him or that you need him. And don’t let them push you into doing something you aren’t ready to do.”

“That isn’t what you did with Aiden,” I pointed out.

“The hell it isn’t. When I found out Aiden had a girlfriend, I went to that wedding with Jake. I wanted Aiden, but I wasn’t going to sit around wanting a guy I could only have little pieces of when he wasn’t focused on her. Of course I didn’t know she was a raging bitch at the time and he wasn’t in love with her. I’m not telling you to try to make Trent jealous, only not to sit around and wait for him to pull his head out of his ass. It’ll work out.”

A knock on the open door ended our conversation. A nurse pushed a wheelchair into the room. “Mrs. Ryan, I came to bring you to your daughter.”

Becca’s face brightened even more. “I love the sound of that, my daughter. Isn’t that cool, Toni?”

“It’s amazing.” I reached for my purse before I remembered I hadn’t brought one. “I’m going to go and let you spend time with your little girl. Give her a kiss for me.”

“Call one of the guys to come and get you,” she said.

“Not you, too. I’ll be fine. I can totally walk from here. There’s no reason everyone has to bend over backward just so I’m not alone. I’ll text you later and let you know when I get home.”

“Toni, don’t be stubborn,” she lectured in her mom voice.

“Becca, I love you, but I’ve been dealing with Miguel for years. Show a little faith,” I replied.

“Not like I can stop you,” she grumbled.

I winked at her. “I’m unstoppable. And I’m tougher than I look.” I waved good-bye on my way out of her room and headed for the elevator.

As soon as I made it outside of the hospital, my phone started to ping with all the alerts I missed while inside the building. Most were from Trent asking me where I was, but I chose to ignore those.

Reed texted once to let me know he needed to speak to a classmate about a group project before he came to get me, but he’d only be an extra thirty minutes. I texted him back that I’d find a different ride. It was only a white lie, but I wasn’t worried about Miguel since he didn’t know where I was.

I needed to think. No way in hell was I going to tolerate being babysat indefinitely by my friends. I wasn’t even sure what possible ending there could be to this situation that would make Reed and Jeremy comfortable leaving me alone. The sad fact was that until Miguel moved on to another relationship, he could show up anywhere and anytime, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Realistically, what options did that leave me? I could move, change my name, and cut ties with everyone to keep Miguel from finding me. Kate tried that, though, and a life on the run didn’t seem very fulfilling. It seemed my options were either to allow my friends to overprotect me, or to try to be vigilantly aware of my surroundings at all times. Neither option was particularly appealing, but I’d choose to keep my independence as long as I could.

I wasn’t as convinced as all my friends seemed to be that Miguel would hurt me, at least not physically. You can do a lot of damage to someone with words. Whoever started that saying that words couldn’t hurt me was a fucking moron. Words could cut as deeply as a knife. The right, or I guess wrong, combination of words could destroy you. I wasn’t going to give Miguel power over me for another minute. And I was going to prove it by living my life on my terms.

First, I needed to let Trent know I wasn’t going to come to the bar. Starting now, I was determined never to let anyone pressure me into something I didn’t want to do again. My parents were never going to force me to spend time with Miguel, let alone marry him. And my friends were not going to force me to forgive Trent McKenzie, no matter how much help they thought he could be to keep me safe.

It had taken almost the entire time I’d attended Central, but I’d found the strength to stand up for myself, and I wasn’t going to give in.

Chapter 21

Trent

I paced behind the bar, waiting for Toni to reply to one of the texts or voice mails I’d left her since this morning. Thankfully, it was too early for anyone but the most die-hard drunks to be in the bar, and they didn’t give a shit that I was ignoring them. Melody, on the other hand, was shooting me dirty looks.

“You really think she’s going to come?” she asked.

I shrugged and continued pacing. I didn’t feel like getting another lecture on how I’d let Trinity ruin my life.

She stepped in front of me, halting my movements. “I guess the question is, are you willing to chase her?”

I never chased women. They fell into my lap, sometimes literally. Toni was different, and for a moment I thought that was what I liked most about her, but I couldn’t say I appreciated it right now.

Finally my phone buzzed in my back pocket, letting me know I’d received a text. I pulled it out and clenched my jaw when I read it.

Toni: Can’t make it. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to work for you the way things are right now.

“Son of a bitch,” I shouted. One of the lunchtime alcoholics flinched at my outburst and then went back to pounding a large beer.

Melody tossed her bar rag down on the counter and latched on to my elbow. “Come with me,” she said through her teeth.

I yanked my arm out of her grasp but followed her anyway. Experience had taught me that she would persist until she said what was on her mind, and giving in was always the best approach.

I followed her out the back door into the alley and waited while she lit a cigarette. After taking a long drag and blowing out a stream of toxic smoke, she began to speak. “You’re fucked.”

My eyes popped open wide. “You forced me to follow you and exposed me to your cancerous cloud of smoke just to tell me I’m fucked? I already know that. Shit, tell me something helpful.”

“I forced you to come out here so you would stop glaring at the few customers that came in today and losing even more revenue during the lunch shift. I don’t have anything to tell you about Toni. I warned you before you chose to go to that selfish bitch Trinity that it was a mistake. Don’t take out your foul mood on me because you don’t listen.”

I kicked the wooden crate by the door that served as a makeshift seat for Melody’s smoke breaks. “I need to go find her.”

Melody rolled her eyes at me and put out her smoke on the bottom of her combat boot. “No, you need to give her some space.”

I groaned. “How much space, and for how long?”

She leveled me with her pale blue eyes. “At least give her today. She’s had a lot of shit piled on her.”

“Did something else happen today?” My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest. I knew she had to see that fucker today in court, but after that she’d hopefully be rid of him. That guy seemed like too big of a pussy to go up against a court order. At least I hoped he was.

Melody’s eyes narrowed, and she looked at me curiously. “You haven’t heard?”

Obviously not
, I wanted to shout, but I clenched my jaw instead and shook my head.

“Her father showed up and spoke on behalf of Miguel. The judge practically spanked her for filing a false claim and sent her on her way without any protection. Jeremy and Reed are freaking out.”

My fists clenched. “Where is she right now?”

Melody shrugged. “I don’t know. Last I heard she was with Reed.”

Reed Martin was a big guy, and a former police detective. If anyone was capable of keeping her safe, it was him. I tried to let that comfort me, but I wanted to be the one to watch over her.

Melody went back in without another word. Apparently she was done talking to me about it. Yes, I was a dumb fuck and screwed shit up, but did she have to point it out to me again?

Yeah, I guess she did, because my instinct was to go barreling after Toni and make everything worse. Melody wasn’t a sympathetic woman. She didn’t like conflict, emotions, or kittens probably. Basically, she was against what she called “girly shit,” so I knew she wasn’t going to stand around and talk about my feelings and give me a pat on the back. Even so, I should probably listen to her this time.

I went back inside and tried to busy myself with the office work I’d hoped to pass on to Toni. My degree was in business, and I was more than capable of doing the books, but I preferred to focus on working out front. I’d grown bored with spreadsheets, order forms, and payroll, but it was part of owning my own business. However, right now I welcomed the fact I’d fallen behind on some of the paperwork, because it helped to distract me from thoughts of Toni. Giving her space was going to be hard.

A few hours later, I shoved away my remaining stack of paperwork. All of the most pressing business was finished, and what was left wasn’t providing enough of a distraction. I stalked across the bar but froze when I saw Reed chatting with Melody. My eyes scanned the room, but I didn’t see Toni anywhere. Something was wrong.

Once I was behind Reed, I asked, “Where is she?”

Reed turned to face me, and I saw fear plainly displayed on his face. “I’d hoped she was here. She told me I didn’t need to come and get her, but I’d wrongfully assumed that was because she’d asked Jeremy for a ride. I rushed straight here after Jeremy called and asked when I was bringing her home so he knew when to be there.”

“Shit,” I muttered, gesturing to the empty room. “As you can see, she isn’t here.”

His jaw clenched. “I noticed. She isn’t picking up her phone, either.”

My chest ached, and I rubbed my palm hard against my sternum. “Where would she go?”

“Obviously, I’d hoped she’d come here.”

“Shit,” I repeated.

“Let me try and call her,” Melody interjected.

She took out her phone, and I waited impatiently as it rang. Once.

She shook her head. “Straight to voice mail.”

Reed made a few calls, first to Kate and then to Aiden. No one had seen Toni since she’d left the hospital, on foot no less.

“I’m going to call my old partner. I don’t like her out there by herself since there’s no restraining order.”

Reed moved away from the bar and placed the call. It didn’t look like it was going well the way he paced in front of the pool tables. Once he hung up, he returned to where he’d been seated and dropped his phone on the counter.

“Daniels is going to keep a lookout for her, but there isn’t shit we can do unless she doesn’t come back home tonight. He’s going to run her credit and debit cards to see if there is an explanation for her being gone, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Fuck! Why does she have to be so stubborn?” He shoved his phone back in his pocket. “I’m going to drive around a bit. Call me if she shows up here.”

I nodded, but it was pointless. We both knew this was the last place she’d turn up today.

Waiting in the bar wasn’t going to help, but I had no idea where to go and look for her. “Can you hold down the fort?” I asked Melody. She was set to work until after happy hour ended.

“If she shows up, I’ll call you. Where are you going to go look for her?”

“Fuck if I know. I just can’t sit here. I’ll probably end up walking aimlessly around town, but I need to do something, even if it’s useless.”

I decided to swing by my apartment first. I exited through the alley to check the outside entrance. She wasn’t there, which I expected, but I’d hoped to be wrong.

Staring up at the sky, I asked, “Where are you, Toni?”