Determination (2 page)

Chapter 2

The Laws of Death

“Right here?”

“Yep.” Sekiro dropped into Indian-style and patted the metal.

Not knowing what else to do, Roxie plopped down next to her and cradled her wings at her sides so she wouldn’t sit on them. She thought of pulling her power in, but then she’d just have to draw it out again once it was time to leave. “Why here?” They could’ve alighted on the ground instead, but the Numina seemed intent on being just as strange as the rest of the spirit world.

Sekiro gazed out at the sparkling lake, her roundish face serene. “When a Numina guides a lost soul, he or she listens to what the lost one’s subconscious has to say. Your subconscious told me to take you to this lighthouse, the Buffalo Main. This place will mark the beginning of your journey.”

“Why would my subconscious want me to come here?” Roxie’s gut told her this location made total sense, but not
why
it made sense.

“What do lighthouses do?”

Roxie joined the Numina in looking out over the lake. “Warn captains of where land is.”

“What else?”

She thought a moment and came up with nothing. “What else are they supposed to do?”

“Think symbolically.” She gestured to the lake and their surroundings.

Roxie took in her surroundings and the lighthouse once again. No boats navigated the lake. To be honest, she would’ve been surprised to see one at this point. But if there was one, what would it mean to the captain that spotted the rotating light? “A lighthouse symbolizes warning and guidance, I guess.”

“Good start.” After a few seconds of silence, she added, “I can see you struggling again. Think of the land and water. What could they symbolize near a lighthouse? What about the light itself? What about the engineering of the building?”

“Can’t you just tell me?” Again, Roxie noticed a creeping fatigue and growing hunger. Was it her power tiring her out? Aerigo had always eaten so much, even for someone as tall and muscular as him. Thinking of Aerigo made her aware of the huge hole in her chest, along with the screams and tears lodged in her throat. She ripped her thoughts away from those emotions and focused on the symbolism lesson she was getting. No time for tears. No time for a nap, either.

“It’s better if you try and figure it out. I’ll explain why in a moment.”

Roxie forced herself to think harder through her growing mental haze. She’d offered so many ideas on the phoenix and flaming tree from Aerigo’s dream. It had been so much easier trying to interpret someone else’s symbolism than was her own. Why was it so hard to analyze herself?

She pushed aside her growing frustration and tried to think of what water meant, what the meeting of water and land meant, the motion of a large body of water, the beacon, and the lighthouse’s structuring itself. If there were any other parts to dissect, she couldn’t think of any. “Have you ever heard of a lighthouse getting blown over in a storm?”

“Honestly, no.”

“Then I think it’s safe to believe a lighthouse can symbolize strength and stability.”

“Excellent! What about there being eight sides? They’re quite often round, but I brought you to an octagonal one.”

The first thing that popped into her mind was a stop sign and its eight sides, but she had a feeling that that’s not the part of the symbolism the Numina wanted her to focus on. “I don’t remember the significance of numbers. I know they can mean something, but you’ll have to fill me in.”

“Then how about the beacon light?”

“Hm.” Well that was the most important part of the lighthouse, wasn’t it? “Guidance. Safety, maybe? That’s it, I think, and that’s you, I guess. You’re my Guide and apparently you’ll keep my safe from the bad ghosts.” Sekiro chuckled behind a hand, and gestured for Roxie to continue. “As far as the water goes, well, it meets land right below the lighthouse, so we’re at a spot where one thing ends and another begins. I’m not sure what just ended for me, but I get that I’m about to go on a journey in hopes of finding a way out of here.” Her life with Aerigo just ended, that much she knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud. She feared it would cause her to break down into inconsolable tears. “I think that’s it. Did I miss anything?”

“You did good.”

“Well,” Roxie corrected.

Sekiro gave her a blank look of confusion.

“It’s ‘well,’ not ‘good.’”

“Oh.” The Numina waved it off as she crinkled her nose. “English has too many rules.”

Roxie smiled softly and held up a conceding hand. The smile slowly died--not because of the grief waiting to be released, but because of the fatigue and hunger scratching at her conscious thoughts. The smile felt good at least. She needed to keep finding reasons to smile if she was going to get through all this. She propped herself up on her hands. The metal felt chill, but she didn’t care. It was helping her stay awake.

Sekiro sat up straighter and began ticking things off on her fingers as she spoke. “You nailed all of it, really. The lighthouse, the beacon, the water, the land. All I have had to add is the number eight. It carries a lot of symbolism, but your subconscious tells me the relevant aspects are balance and wholeness.” She looked at Roxie seriously. “You have a tough road ahead, but I’m here to help you as best I can. It may not seem like I’m helping at times, but you’re going to have to trust me. I’m a Numina after all.”

“How did you become one?” Sekiro had mentioned she’d died in the 80’s, which meant she was a human from Earth that had undergone a transformation in death.

“Long story short: I did some soul searching in death, decided I wanted to help others since I’d wasted my living life, convinced my Guide to put me through the initiation process, then drank some Soma, which is the stuff that turned me into a Numina. Now I have my own magical powers and I actually accomplish some good.”

Roxie nodded, absorbing the information. “What’s Soma?”

“No idea but it tastes gross,” Sekiro said with a grimace.

“Are you alive? You’re not cold or transparent, like the people at the vanishing train station.

“I’m just a soul with a purpose now,” Sekiro said with a shrug. “Alive or dead doesn’t matter. The wings are just a trademark.”

“So then why are you warm and solid?”

Sekiro shrugged again. “I have no idea. No one’s ever cared before you. Not even me. Anyway, will you trust me no matter how difficult things get?”

Roxie cringed at the thought of her life getting any harder than it already was, but she refused to let fear make her waver. “I will.”

“Excellent!” Sekiro leapt into the air, wings buzzing, and alighted atop the railing surrounding the catwalk encircling the beacon. She walked it like a tightrope, her wiry arms out for balance.

Roxie scooted closer to the edge of the roof and splayed out her wings along the metal. The light shone on their brilliant whiteness, and the breeze gently ruffled the smallest feathers. Roxie ran her fingers through them. Soft as goose down.

“You’re going to have to let go of almost every rule of the living world in order to grasp how the spirit world functions. In essence, it’s not how far or fast you travel, but it’s what’s going on inside your head that matters most. You can’t lie or fake it. You have to wholly commit yourself to what you need to do. If you’re going to get out of here, that’s the most important thing for you to remember.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“With the right mindset, you could travel the entire globe in seconds with jut a few steps. With the wrong mindset, you could go nowhere for a hundred years, yet pound out mile after mile and still be on the same city block.”

Roxie thought of her walk along the train tracks. She’d gotten nowhere until she’d noticed it. “Is that why...?”

“The never-ending train tracks?”

Nodding, Roxie wrapped her arms around her knees. “Why does it work that way?”

Sekiro turned around on the railing and began walking across once again, always staying within eyesight, and squinting her eyes every time the beacon shined in her face. “Death is a personal journey, an internal one. The outside world helps you make sense of what’s going on inside, and how to make peace so you can move on. Ever heard of a haunted house?”

“Yes, but I’ve never been to one.”

“Doesn’t matter, so long as you can understand the example.” Sekiro faced Roxie. “Those places contain people who are stuck. It’s very easy to get stuck mainly because death is hard for people to accept, or there’s something the dead doesn’t want to let go of from life. What do you need to do right now?”

“To get out of here and get back to someone named Nexus.”

“Nexus? That’s an intimidating name.” Sekiro gave Roxie a searching gaze. “He’s not a friend, is he?”

Roxie cringed. “No! He tried to kill me. And--”

“Then why the heck are you trying to get back to him? Are you dumb or what?”

She silently thanked the Numina for giving her questions to answer, instead of having to finish the sentence. She didn’t want to admit to having lost someone she loved dearly. Not yet. “He’s killing thousands of people as we speak. I have to get back to the living so I can stop him and save many lives.”

“Why you?”

Roxie furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”

“Why you? Why can’t someone else confront him?”

Because Aerigo’s gone.
“I’m the last Aigis. Do you know how many gods are out there?”

“One for the living and one for the dead, I think. I wondered in life, but it hasn’t been important to answer in death or as a Numina.”

“There are quite a few. I don’t know if I have time to explain this properly but--”

“You have all the time you need.”

“No, I don’t! The sooner I get back, the less damage will be done.” Roxie stood, feeling a sense of urgency. She’d already lost maybe an hour following the vanishing train tracks. Who knows how long it took her to wake up in the spirit world? And now she was having this conversation that was getting lengthier by the minute.

Sekiro’s wings buzzed and blurred. She drifted up, alighted on the metal roof, and placed her hands on Roxie’s shoulders. “Relax. Time has no meaning here. There is only now. Yes, things change, but that’s because things are always changing.”

“But what about the living world? They’re losing precious time while we stand here and talk.” Roxie wanted to fly off, but she made no move to leave. She glanced about the city and the unchanging sunrise.

“That depends on you.” Sekiro let go and stood back. “Time can grind to a standstill, or it can fly by, but you need to not worry about it right now. The Realm of the Dead lives outside of the mortal strictures of time. So, technically you have as much time as you need. I’m not sure how to explain this to you well because I still remember the awareness of the passage of time. But that’s an illusion, in a sense. There is only now. We have memory of the past, no memory of the future, yet we exist in the present. Time is--” Sekiro gave her another searching look. “I don’t think it’s going to matter what I say. You’re going to worry anyway.”

Roxie’s shoulders drooped. “I’m sorry. I hear you. I just can’t help but feel there’s a time limit, even in a place like this.”

Sekiro gave her a sympathetic smile. “That’s understandable, and there’s no need to apologize. Why don’t you fill me in on your getup and whatnot, and why you have to confront this Nexus character? It’ll give you a chance to relax a bit, along with a chance to acclimate your brain to living outside the strictures of time.” She plopped back down and sat cross-legged like a child waiting to listen to a story be told.

Roxie took a deep breath to calm herself, then sat beside the Numina. A tiny part of her was screaming at her to get back up and keep moving. “Do you really think this is what we should be doing right now?”

“There are many things you could do, but I believe this is the best path for you.” She spoke confidently like a teacher patiently conveying an oft-covered subject. “You have to be in a bit of shock right now. You’re a live one who’s mysteriously found her way into the spirit world. I’d go into shock in your place. Take this moment to collect yourself while you tell me your story. Sound good?”

Not knowing what else to do, she nodded her assent, then collected her thoughts and began with explaining her awkward childhood with glowing eyes, then meeting Aerigo only weeks ago and getting one heck of a reality check. Talking about him while he’d been alive wasn’t so bad. It was like a game of pretend, but as her story moved through Sconda and Druconica, then the attack on Phailon, she began dreading the conclusion. She also began to feel tired and starving. Her stomach growled several times.

She glossed over the budding romance between her and Aerigo, since it had been ripped away from them both, summarized their stay in the hospital, and described the final lesson he’d given her. “And then some other stuff happened, I went to confront Nexus by myself, and next thing I know I wake up in my own bed in the spirit world. And that’s it, really.”

“What happened to Aerigo? Why didn’t he help you confront Nexus after all that?”

“He did.” It was an honest answer. The sight of him toppling with the dagger protruding from his chest replayed in her mind. Her arms twitched to catch him again. “But things didn’t go over well.” Sometime during telling of her story she’d developed a hunger headache. “I need to get down. I’m feeling lightheaded.” Clutching her temple in one hand, Roxie got up and dropped off the edge. Her wings caught the air with a snap and she sank to the tidy lawn, then slumped against one of the lighthouse’s eight sides, barely holding herself up with one arm.