Determined: To Love: (Part 2 of the Determined Trilogy) (17 page)

I glanced at the clock. It was dinner time. She put the tray down next to me on the bed.

“Chicken soup. My grandmothers’ recipe. Best in the world,” she stated confidently. “It has great healing powers. Which I hear you need right now.”

I smiled at her, knowing full well some of my damage was on display. “Thank you Hilde. This is so nice of you.” I pulled the tray closer.

Hilde put her hands on her hips. “We’ve all been very worried about you miss. It’s good to have you home.”

It was sweet how she referred to David’s place as our home. “I missed you too, Hilde. But I’m doing much better now. Thank you for the soup.”

“I’ll leave you alone, then. Make sure you eat the whole thing. And then rest up, dearie. Your body needs it.” She raised an eyebrow at me like it was an order.

“Yes, ma’am.” I said, and I picked up the spoon as she left the room. The soup was amazing. Probably the best I’d ever had. I ate it slowly, savoring it, and laid down to rest afterward. I was asleep within minutes.

19

I spent most of Wednesday in bed. I marveled at how tired my body felt, despite not having any major injuries. Then I thought of Erin and felt guilty. Her rehabilitation was going to take much longer. My mom said the broken leg alone would take at least six weeks, and she’d probably need physical therapy. Erin said she just wanted to get better in time for the spring training season.

Tired of suffering in bed, I moved out to the living room. I spent most of the morning watching talk shows and eating more of Hilde’s chicken soup. David had offered to stay home with me, but I urged him to go to work, knowing that he’d already taken several days off. Besides, I was still trying to figure out how to broach the conversation we needed to have. The one that we started but never finished. The one about her. His ex-fiancé.

As I flipped between the channels, I read into the gossip on the morning talks. On one show, four women all shared their perspective on lying men. All but one said that their forgiveness would depend on the level of transgression. The fourth said that lies, no matter how small, were never okay, because they led to bigger lies. I tried to figure out how big of a lie a secret ex-fiancé was. It seemed pretty major. But then again, we’d only been together for a short time. Maybe he just hadn’t gotten around to telling me about her yet. I added that to the argument I was rehearsing in my head.

And then out of nowhere, Carrie’s outlandish theory popped into my head and tried to cast doubts on my interpretation of the events.
Dammit Carrie.
I wanted to be mad at her, but I had to admit, the nagging feeling was familiar. I was confused. This issue with the Sara Goldstein was making me crazy. I needed to talk to David.

I got up during a commercial break to use the bathroom. After, I paused in the hallway outside David’s office. The door was closed. I tried the handle and was surprised when it opened. I slipped inside the door and looked around. I hadn’t really spent much time in David’s office. It was masculine and sparse, like the rest of the apartment. I walked around to his desk and sat down in his chair. He had one framed photo on his desk—it was of us, taken by his sister Jenna on New Years. I didn’t realize he had it. I picked it up and stared at it for a while, admiring how happy we looked.

I was jolted out of my haze by the doorbell. I heard Hilde walking to answer it. I hustled back out to the living room and met her there.

“Package for you, Sam.” She handed me a small brown box. “Let me get you some scissors.”

I looked at the box. It wasn’t marked with anything but my name. I had gotten packages like this before, but only from one person.

Hilde reappeared. “Here you go.” Hilde handed me the scissors and then disappeared into the kitchen. I used the scissors to puncture the packing tape, and then slowly opened the flaps of the box.

Inside was a small white box. I flipped it over. It was the newest iPhone. I opened it up and turned it on. While it was booting up, I looked back into the box and spied a small white envelope. Inside was a card:

As much as I enjoy having you all to myself, I figured you might need to get in touch with the outside world now and again. I had your contacts and files all transferred. Enjoy.

Love, Chief

I melted. The gift was really thoughtful. I scrolled through the contacts, wanting to call David to thank him. Before I got to the Ds, though, I stopped at the Cs. Chief. I pressed send.

A rich voice answered. “Hey, baby.”

“Hey yourself. Thank you for my present.”

“It was the least I could do. I’d buy the bruises off of you, too, but they haven’t opened a store for that yet.”

I smiled at his attempt at humor. “Hey, what time are you coming home tonight?”

“Probably around seven. I have a five o’clock meeting that might run a little late.”

“Okay.”

“Why, baby?”

“I was just wondering.”

“Yeah, I know. We need to talk, don’t we?”

“Yeah.” I was grateful he brought it up first.

“Okay, well, I will try to finish up here as soon as I can. How are you feeling?”

“Better.” It was true, I was. The bruises were now fading to green and brown. Last night’s sleep had done me good.

“Okay, don’t try to do too much. Let Hilde take care of you.”

I felt warmth coming through the phone. I wasn’t sure how to take it. I wasn’t quite ready to lap it up, not until we had talked. But I was glad it was there, nonetheless.

“Okay, I will.”

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you, too.” I hung up and stared down at the phone for a while, before returning to the television.

~

I was still on the couch when David came home later that evening. My heart skipped a beat when I heard the elevator doors open and the familiar footsteps grow near.

“Hey,” he said, loosening his tie as he looked over at me. “What are you watching?”

“Nothing. Just the news,” I replied evenly. I didn’t want to reveal that his open collar still managed to have an effect on me. I needed him to think that I was calm and cool during this conversation
.
I
needed to think I was calm and cool.
Fake it ‘till you make it, Sharp.

“Why don’t you turn that off. We need to talk.”

I glanced over at him and then used the remote to turn off the television.

“Yeah. We do,” I said, as I sat up straighter.

He lowered himself opposite of me and spread his arms across the back of the sofa. I tried to stay focused. This man could even dominate a sofa. I had no chance against him.

“Do you want to start, or should I?” he asked.

I was surprised at the question. “Go ahead.” I wanted him to make the first move this time.

He took a deep breath. “Samantha. You really hurt my feelings last week.” He looked me straight in the eye, expressionless.

I hurt him? Was he trying to play the vulnerable card? This was not the way I expected this conversation to go. I looked over at him, his calmness starting to irritate me.

I hurt him? I felt my blood start to boil. Was he insane? That’s it. He had to be. Maybe Carrie was fucking right. Maybe he was freaking nuts. This was his interpretation of last week? But I couldn’t explode. Not yet. I took a deep breath and answered him calmly and rationally.

“You were engaged. You had a fiancé and didn’t tell me.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Samantha, it was a long time ago. We were engaged in college for, like, half a minute.”

“Half a minute is still engaged.”

“I hadn’t even told my parents.”

“Still engaged.”

He looked out the window.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked quietly.

He turned to me, and he rubbed his jaw. That gorgeous, perfect jaw. Fuck.

“Yes. No. Samantha, it was ages ago. It didn’t feel relevant. And it…” He paused, trying to find his words.

“What?”

“It wasn’t this. That was puppy love. It wasn’t what you and I have Samantha.” His voice was heavy. “Do you remember what I said? About how we are the same? Sara wasn’t that. She wasn’t you. She never could be. If I had known you were out there…” he trailed off.

“What?”

“If I had known someone like you was out there, I probably never would have been able to get KV off the ground. I would have spent my life searching for you instead.”

Now it was my turn to be quiet. He seemed genuine. But my mind was jumping around. I still had so many questions.

“What do you mean I hurt your feelings?” I asked, finally.

He sat back.

“You read those things. Articles. Written by other people. And you didn’t even ask me what happened. You just assumed. That hurt, Samantha.” He sat forward on the sofa and continued. “After Sara died, it was horrible. No one knew what really happened. Then the press started to quote people who had no idea what they were talking about.” David’s southern accent started to surface again as he explained, “Imagine all of a sudden, you go from being engaged to being told you murdered your fiancé.”

I couldn’t say anything.

“It was horrible.” He paused and looked at the coffee table. “But I dealt with it. I went on lots of dates, and kept my distance from all of them. I shut myself off. I was perfectly content to never feel anything close to that kind of hurt again. And my plan was working well. Very well.” His eyes snapped up to meet mine. “And then I met you.”

I couldn’t match his gaze. I swallowed and looked down.

“And you fucked up my plan, Samantha. For the first time in a long time, I felt good. Amazing, actually. I’d never felt like this before. Not even when I was with Sara. I finally felt whole with you. I couldn’t get enough of you Samantha.”

I looked up at him, and his eyes seared into me.

“So when you brought up the articles, when you asked what happened to her, it brought me right back to that time. That time when I felt like I had no one on my side. That time of my life when I felt the most alone. It threw me, Samantha. It threw me because the one person I loved more than anything in the world was able to make me feel that way.”

I sat on the sofa in silence, guilt and self-hatred washing over me.

“But I don’t care Samantha.” I looked at him, surprised. He continued. “I might be the biggest idiot in the entire world, but I don’t care. I need you. I know that. I decided in December that I couldn’t live without you. So even if you think I’m a disgusting person, I need you to hear me out. Let me explain what happened, and then if you still want to judge me, so be it. But I need you to hear my side of the story.”

Whoa. This conversation was taking a major detour from the script I had rehearsed this afternoon. It was going off the rails, but I looked across the room at this beautiful man. I couldn’t say no to him. I loved him. Besides, I was more curious now that ever. I needed to know what happened.

“Please tell me.” I whispered.

David nodded and then paused, the gears of his mind obviously cranking away. Finally he spoke.

“Sara and I met in school. She was a comp sci major.”

I nodded.
Yep, get on with it. Both of those things I knew from the articles I had read
I wanted to scream. But I stayed quiet and let him go at his own pace.

“We dated for a while. Almost the whole year. And a few weeks before summer break, I proposed. She accepted, but we both decided not to tell our families. Her family was Jewish and she was afraid they might not pay for her tuition if they knew she was marrying a gentile.” He rolled his eyes at the memory. “So we decided to wait until graduation to tell everyone. But she didn’t make it. The police found her in the lobby of the comp sci building two weeks after I proposed. She was at the base of the stairs, her skull smashed in from the impact. They said she died instantly.”

He got quiet at the memory.

“Then what happened?” I urged gently.

“No one knew we were engaged. Not at first. I still don’t know who leaked that information. Only a few of our friends knew. Before I knew it though, the press had grabbed onto it, and they were plastering it all over the newspapers. It came out the day of the funeral, and needless to say, I was not welcome at the service.” His expression was pained; it was clear that not being able to attend the funeral still stung. “The police questioned me over and over, but I had a rock solid alibi, so eventually they left me alone.”

I must have flinched because he responded as though I had asked a question.

“I was in Las Vegas the whole weekend, earning money for the company.” Right. David had made his initial investment money by gambling on sports during college. “I had receipts and video tape. It took a while to get it all to the cops, but they were satisfied. The papers never printed that part of the story.” He exhaled.

“So, they never really found out what happened?”

“No. The death was ruled suspicious, but they never charged anyone.”

“What do you think happened?” This was the question I should have asked in the first place. The question I should have started with. I was grateful to be able to ask it now.

“Funny you should ask. Do you remember the guy I mentioned in Hawaii? Brian?”

“Your old roommate? Yeah, why?

“Yes, my old roommate. Well. And I don’t have any proof of this, but...” he looked at me right in the eye, “But I think he was somehow involved.”

“What? What do you mean?” I had never met this Brian guy, but he was shaping up to be much more trouble than anyone could be worth. I wondered why David had ever roomed with him.

“I told you how Brian was trying to impersonate me?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he and I used to be in business together. Back in the way early days. We never could agree on strategy. He wanted to diversify while I wanted to keep our core business intact.

“Okay.” This was starting to get a little too business-y. “So what did you do?”

“We split the company.”

“Okay, but what does that have to do with Sara?”

“Sara was one of the few people who knew exactly how much work I had put into the company.”

I looked at David, bewildered. “Huh?” I needed an explanation.