Determined: To Love: (Part 2 of the Determined Trilogy) (13 page)

I was perusing the titles on her bookshelf when my mom came in with an extra set of sheets and blanket.

“Elliot is so sweet. Did you know he is from Alaska?”

“What? Oh, no, actually, I didn’t.” I said, taking the sheets. My mom was skilled at drawing out people’s life stories. It was a fine habit, as long as you weren’t stuck in a grocery line with her.

“Well, he is. He was saying—” She was cut off by a loud noise near the front door. I heard a door slam shut.

“Sammie? Angie?” A male voiced called out.

I got up and followed my mom out into the hall. My dad was standing there with my sister who was carrying a couple of pizza boxes. She put them down on a nearby table.

“Hey guys!” I hugged them both. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, Sammie,” my dad said. “How was the ride down?”

“Good, long, but good. David couldn’t make it, but sends his best.” My dad looked a little bummed. I heard the floor squeak behind me. It was Elliot. “Guys, this is Elliot. He works for David. Elliot, this is my Dad, John, and my sister, Erin.”

Elliot offered his hand “Pleased to meet you both.”

“Elliot is going to be staying in the guest room,” my mom explained. My dad raised an eyebrow, and she leaned in and whispered something that seemed to put him at ease.

“That means I’m bunking with you, Erin,” I said, looking at her. I hoped I’d caught her in a good mood. She was a young adult, but sometimes could act like a teenager.

“Sounds good to me. I still have the trundle bed,” she replied.

My dad cut in. “We got pizza on the way home. Do you want to eat soon?”

I realized I hadn’t had anything except coffee all day, and I was suddenly starving.

“Yes, please.”

My mom cut in. “I’ll just fix a salad and set the table. Give me ten minutes. Sam, Elliot, do you want anything to drink?”

I looked at Elliot “Just water for me, Ma’am,” he said.

“Please, call me Angela, Elliot.”

Elliot smiled, and I could see him physically relax a bit.

We followed my mom into the kitchen and she filled a glass with ice water and handed it to Elliot before pulling a few things out of the fridge. I grabbed a bottle of wine that was already open and poured myself a generous glass before sitting down with Elliot at the round wooden table.

“So what does Dad want to do for his birthday tomorrow?” I asked my mom.

“I think he wanted to go for a hike on the crest trail in the morning, and then he mentioned trying this new restaurant downtown.”

“New restaurant?”

“Yeah, I think there’s this new Mexican place. We drove past it last week. It’s cute. La Bonita-something.”

“Sounds good.” It did. Any food sounded good right about now. I was about to start eating my arm when my mom brought the salad over to the table and called everyone for dinner. As they filed in, I surreptitiously checked my phone for any communication from David. Still nothing. No emails. No responses to my texts. My heart sunk.

Later that evening, after dinner, we watched a movie in the living room, but I couldn’t focus. I just couldn’t get David off my mind. I got up and went to Erin’s room for some privacy. I checked my phone again. Still no texts. I checked my email. Nothing from either Gina or David. It was beginning to feel like I was both boyfriendless and jobless. I played with my earring. I knew it was too early to jump to any conclusions with Gina, but I was definitely starting to get a little nervous. It had been two days since I’d accepted the job offer, and I’d hear exactly nothing back. That wasn’t normal, right? I decided to follow up. I punched an email message into my phone.

To: Gina Moretti

From: Samantha Sharp

Subject: Offer

Hi Gina,

I hope you got my last email. I’m excited to get started.

Sam

I re-read it a couple of times, making sure it sounded interested without nagging. I hit send and laid back on the bed.

I expected to feel more resolved once I had dealt with work, but I didn’t. The knots were still in my stomach, and now I had to acknowledge why they were there. I picked up my phone and stared at the last text from David.

Always for you, baby.

It was from the day I had visited his office for lunch. I started to tear up at the memory. It felt so long ago. This man I loved so much. A man that was able to help me enjoy things in life beyond just work and school. This man had brought out the best in me. And, apparently, the worst. I was lost without him. Everything felt duller, more gray. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe.

“Honey, are you okay?” My mom was standing at the door. She looked at me with worry in her eyes.

I sat back up and ran a finger under both of my eyes, drying them. “Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Boy trouble?”

I nodded gently. “Yeah.”

She came in and sat next to me on the bed.

“What’s going on?”

I didn’t know where to start. It was too complex. And
I
didn’t even understand it all yet. I simplified.

“David and I had a fight before he left for London.” I could feel the tears start to build up again.

“Oh honey.” She reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a box of tissues, handing one to me. “It’s okay, all couples fight. It’s healthy. It shows that you care about each other.”

I looked up at her, my skepticism evident.

“No, really,” she continued “think about it. If you didn’t care about each other, why would you stick around to argue?”

She had a point. David had specifically said he wasn’t leaving when he, well, left. And he did come back later that night before leaving for his trip. Maybe that was worth something.

“What was the fight about?” she asked gently.

What was I supposed to say? That I’d found out he’d had a fiancé? And that he was a suspect in her untimely death? That I may or may not have accidently asked him if he was guilty?

“I was just dumb. Said something I shouldn’t have.”

My mom looked at me and grabbed me by my shoulders. “Honey! That’s okay. No one’s perfect, and David is a grown man. He knows that.” I leaned into her, and she hugged me. “Besides. I can tell he cares about you. I’m sure you are making a much bigger deal about this than it is. I mean, he wouldn’t have gone on the trip if it was a big deal. Does he even know how upset you are?”

She had a point. I had been checking my texts for messages from him, but I hadn’t sent him any. Other than the one about the secret fiancé. Maybe I should’ve tried a different tactic.

“No…”

“Well, why don’t you call him, honey?”

“It’s probably late there.”

“Well then email him or text him. Send him one of those cute emojis - like the one that has hearts as the eyes. “

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

“Or not. Whatever. I think it’s cute, but you know your relationship.”

“Maybe I will email him.”

“Good honey. Communication. I always say it’s the cornerstone of any successful relationship.” She got up. “Take your time. I’ll keep the others distracted.” She winked at me as she left the room.

I pulled my laptop out of my bag, and sat with it on top of Erin’s bed. I pondered what I would say as it turned on. Was I supposed to apologize? That felt very one-sided. But, then again, I was snooping around. But had he ever planned on telling me about her? God, why hadn’t he told me about her? We had been intimate in so many ways. Why did he feel like he couldn’t share this with me? A possible explanation gnawed at me- one I didn’t want to give much credence. Did he not tell me because he was hiding something? The articles said he had been interviewed, but no one had been arrested. Was it possible…?

I opened a blank email and stared at the screen.

David was a powerful man. But this happened back in college, before David Keith was David-fucking-Keith, as Carrie liked to refer to him. I wondered: how much was someone capable of changing? Had Sara fallen in love with the same controlling, passionate man that I had? And more importantly, how could I get him to share what I needed to know? Say what I needed to hear? He seemed angered by my questions yesterday, even though I was just looking for reassurance.

I sat back and thought for a moment. Maybe I was approaching this all wrong. David was a business man. How would I approach this if we were in a business deal? If I wanted to get him to the table to talk, I needed to give him a reason to reply. Something valuable, or…something urgent. But what did he care about? Then it came to me. I started to type.

To: David Keith

From: Samantha Sharp

Subject: invasion

Hey,

I know you aren’t talking to me, but I wanted to let you know that something happened at the children’s center. Someone broke in. Give me a call when you can.

Samantha

I stared at the email for a minute. Was it manipulative? Yes. Definitely. Even the subject line was provocative. But so was David, when he wanted to be. I deliberately left out certain details—like how no one was hurt and that the police thought it was just teenagers. I felt bad leveraging Wing and Linda’s misfortune, but I knew what the email would do to him.

I pressed send.

I looked at the time on my computer. It was ten o’clock in California, which meant… I tried to do the math on my fingers. I think that meant it was six in the morning in London. David probably wasn’t up yet. I closed my computer, resigning myself to the fact that I wouldn’t hear from him until tomorrow.

~

I was wrong. I was sleeping in the pull-out bed when my phone started buzzing around midnight. I grabbed it and looked at the screen. Guess who.

“Hey,” I said softly, as I got up and made my way out into the moonlit living room.

“Are you okay? I just got your email. Dammit, Samantha. Why didn’t you call me?”

He was really agitated. “Whoa, whoa, slow down,” I whispered “Everything is fine. I just wanted to tell you before Elliot did.” It was a lie, but a believable one.

“What do you mean someone broke into the center?”

“Just that. I went over to volunteer earlier, and Linda and Wing were out front with the police. Someone had broken in.”

“Did they steal anything?”

“No.”

“Then what did they do, Samantha? I need information, please.” His tone was urgent and all business.

“Look David, I don’t know. The cops weren’t sure what to make of it. They thought it was just teenagers, but Linda isn’t so sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“She said the graffiti, it just didn’t seem like it was from teenagers or a gang. That’s all.”

“What kind of graffiti was it, Samantha?

“I don’t know. Kind of swirly. They used red spray paint. I can send you a picture if you want. Linda had a photo of it on her cell phone.”

“Please do.”

“It will have to wait until tomorrow. I can’t wake her up. It’s late, and they’ve been through a lot.”

“Fine.”

I paused, and there was silence on the line. My plan had worked. I had him on the phone, only now I didn’t know what to say to him.

“How’s London?”

“Fine. Cold. Rainy. I’ll be glad to be out of here.” The idle chatter only served to emphasize what we weren’t saying.

“When are you getting back, again?”

“Sunday.” Boy, he wasn’t giving anything up, was he? I longed for some tenderness, and decided to go out on a limb and offer it first.

“I miss you.” I offered.

“I miss you, too.”

“I love you.”

He paused, and I heard something make noise in the background.

“I have to go.”

I heard the phone click as it went dead, and I looked down at the phone in my hand.

Call Ended

I laid down on the sofa, and pulled a throw over me, and silently cried myself back to sleep.

~

The next morning I woke up to something wet and hairy in my face. A voice whispered sternly in my direction.

“Rex, Rex get away from Sammie. Come here. Rex. Come here, now.” It was my mom trying to call our dog off me.

I turned over on the sofa. “Hey Mom, it’s okay, I’m awake.” I reached out and hugged Rex closer, and my mom retreated to the kitchen. I loved this guy. We had gotten him when I was still in high school, and he’d comforted me through awkward crushes and many late night study sessions. He was my buddy.

“Hey, boy.” I parted the white hair that eclipsed his eyes. “Do you want to go for a walk?” He let out a whimper at the word. I sat up on the sofa.

“Mom, I’m going to take Rex for a walk,” I said, getting up. I wrapped the throw around me and slid my feet into my dad’s slippers, which he had left next to the sofa the night before.

“Sure thing honey.” I felt a figure appear back in the archway, and I was surprised to not see her when I looked up. It was Elliot, dressed for the day in jeans and a dark blue fleece jacket. He was holding a mug of coffee.

“Really?” I said to him.

“Sorry, Sam. Bosses orders.” He turned around and put the empty mug on the counter. “Thanks for the coffee, Angela.”

I sighed, I could have fought him, but I already knew I wouldn’t win. I found the leash and put it on Rex, and the three of us went out the front door.

Outside the air was cold and crisp, different than the fog-shrouded climate I was used to these days. I ambled down the driveway with Rex, and out to the street, while Elliot kept a respectful distance behind me. We wandered down the road, slowly, as Rex was apt to stop and smell Every. Single. Shrub. I didn’t mind though and enjoyed a chance to take in the familiar surroundings. I had grown up on this street. Everything about it brought back memories. Memories of playing with other neighborhood children. Bike races with my sister. Learning how to drive with my dad. I chuckled at that memory. I had approached driving like I had every other aspect of my life: with a detailed action plan. I forced my dad to sit through ten sessions of ‘vehicle familiarization’ before I was even willing to start the ignition. What could I say; I liked to know what I was doing. I wasn’t sure where my need for control came from. I’d have to ask my mom for her insights on that, someday.