Detours (31 page)

Ellis waved as Mary exited the waiting room. Natalie remained mute. “Tell you what, kiddo, let’s go to the Dairy Queen and get an ice cream cone.”

“Okay. I sure don’t want to stay in this stinky, creepy place.”

Out in her truck, Ellis picked up the thread of the conversation. “You were going to tell me why having Joey as a brother makes you mad.” She poked Natalie playfully on the arm. “And you might as well tell me why you’re mad at me, too.”

“I’m not as mad at you as I am at him.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“I wanted a pretty little sister who’d play with me and be my friend. All I got was that wrinkly, ugly boy who can’t do anything.”

“Like your mom said, we need to give him some extra time to grow. It’s not even Halloween yet, and he’s already here. He wasn’t supposed to get here ’til Christmas. Think how hard it would be for you to already be picking out what to wear to the Christmas pageant at school when you don’t even know for sure what you’ll wear for trick-or-treat.”

“I do so know. I’m going to be Gabriella from
High School Musical
. I want to get my hair done and everything.”

“Okay, but my point is that you can’t expect Joey to be ready for Christmas when he hasn’t even done Halloween yet.”

“But it’s not fair. He’s not cute. He’s not anything I ever want to look at again.”

“How about we make a deal?”

“What kind of deal?”

“You don’t have to go back to the hospital. The next time you see him will be when we bring him home to stay.”

“Which I hope is never.”

Ellis fought off the urge to snarl a reply. She drove a few blocks, jaw clamped shut. What could she say to a child who somehow sensed her whole world was about to unravel? Ellis couldn’t wrap her adult mind around the boggling circumstances Joey’s birth had wrought. How could she expect Natalie to fare any better?

“Is he a sign from God?”

“What?” Ellis jerked the steering wheel reflexively.

“Gramma Anna says it’s God’s way of saying you and Mom shouldn’t have done what you did.”

Ellis choked down the bile in her throat. “Look, Nat, your grandmother and I don’t agree on a lot of things, and this is one of them. But let me ask you a question. Was Joey the only baby in the room?”

“Nuh-uh. There were other babies in those little glass boxes.”

“They’re called incubators. And, right, there have been lots of other babies who were born early, just like Joey, or who were born with something not quite right about them. As far as I know, Joey is the only baby in there who came from a home like your mom and you and I have. To me, that says a baby born too early is just that—a baby born too early. It’s not a sign from God or a sign of anything else, either. It happens sometimes, and it’s the family’s job to love that new baby as best they can regardless of how little he is.”

“Jordan told me her mom says he’ll always be a retard.”

“Jordan’s mom doesn’t know everything.” Ellis turned into the parking lot at the Dairy Queen. “Even the doctors don’t know what’s going to happen to Joey, so there’s no way Jordan’s mom can know that. He might grow up to be a rocket scientist or a rock star.” She shut off the engine. “Just like you might.”

“Uh-uh. I’m gonna be president, like Hillary Clinton.”

Who the hell knew what that child had picked up from the news? “Hillary lost to Barack Obama.”

“Good. Then
I’ll
be the first woman president.”

Ellis kept her promise to Natalie about not having to return to the hospital to see Joey. She left Nat in the truck while she dashed into the NICU to tell Mary she was taking Natalie back to Clarkesville.

“She hates me, doesn’t she?” Mary asked.

“Like the rest of us, she’s been knocked on her butt. Give her some time to adjust, babe. In the past eight days, we haven’t been able to make sense of any of this, so how can we expect our daughter to handle it?”

Mary’s eyes misted over. “You’ve never called her that before.”

“Called her what?”

“Our daughter.”

“Well, she is, isn’t she?” Ellis gave Mary a quick hug.

“Will you be back this evening?”

“Of course. I’m going to pawn Natalie off on one of your sisters again, catch a quick shower, make sure the dog and cat are fed and tended, and then I’ll be here to sit with you. I’d better go before Natalie figures out how to hotwire my truck.”

“Do something for me, okay?”

“What’s that?”

“When you leave Nat with Gloria or Naomi, tell her her mom says she’s weird.”

“I’ll go you one better. I’ll tell her we both think so.”

∗ ∗ ∗ ∗

“He’s gained a couple of ounces since yesterday.” The NICU nurse pointed to the entry she’d just made on Joey’s chart. “Looks like that last transfusion helped.” She studied Mary’s expressionless face. “Would you like to touch him?”

Mary’s eyes flew open wide. “Could I?”

“Sure, but you need to scrub up first. Lather all the way to your elbows and use one of the sealed, sterile brushes on your fingernails. When you’re ready, I’ll help you slip your hand inside the sleeve of his incubator.”

Mary did as the nurse instructed, nearly rubbing her hands and forearms raw in the effort. She stood by Joey’s incubator, and the nurse demonstrated how to insert her hand into the enclosure.

Tentatively, she brushed her fingertips across the biggest part of his thighs, barely as wide as two of her fingers held side by side. Tears sprang from her eyes.
I love you, little man. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you inside of me as long as you should have been there
. She looked through the glass, seeing her hand hovering above him. She wanted to touch him everywhere, cradle him, explore every finger and toe, every wrinkle, but he was too delicate, too easily bruised. She wrestled with her fear of hurting him, holding those two fingers lightly on his leg.
Fight, Joey. Fight for all you’re worth. It might not seem like it right now, but life is worth fighting for. Ellis and Nat and I will be beside you every inch of the way.

“Ms. Moss.” The nurse spoke softly. “I wish I could let you have longer with him, but we need to be so careful about keeping germs away from him.”

“Okay.” Mary pulled her hand back, stealing one more feather-light touch against his cheek as she extracted her hand from the incubator. She looked the nurse in the eye. “Thank you. I needed that.”

The nurse patted Mary’s shoulder. “So did he, Ms. Moss. So did he.”

∗ ∗ ∗ ∗

The next three weeks were a seesaw ride of progress and setbacks. Joey would gain another few ounces, only to have to be put back on the ventilator because of more breathing problems. Or his heart rate would drop dangerously low, and more drugs had to be pumped into him.

At the end of his first month, he weighed two-and-a-half pounds, enough so that for the very first time, Mary and Ellis were permitted to hold him.

“We call this kangaroo care,” the nurse said to them. “He’ll be wearing just his diaper, and we’ll put him against your bare chest, between your breasts, with a blanket over him to help keep him warm and for modesty’s sake.”

Mary went first. She sat in the rocking chair, and the nurse carefully placed him on her chest. “This will be so good for him. Try not to be nervous. Yes, he’s very small, but you won’t hurt him. He needs to know your scent, your touch, and the rhythms of your speech and breathing. All our NICU babies love kangaroo care.”

Ellis watched in awe as baby Joey nestled on Mary’s bosom. Warm tears tracked down her face, and Ellis didn’t even care.

“If you want his other mother to have some time with him today, we’ll have to keep your session short. We don’t want him out of the incubator too long.” The nurse looked from mother to co-parent.

“No, today is all for Mary,” Ellis said. “I’ll wait until tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say,” the nurse said. “We’ll try to do a few minutes of this every day. It helps maintain his body warmth, and it’s good for regulating his heart and breathing rates. We usually find that as soon as we start kangarooing our babies, they gain weight and sleep better because they cry less.”

“This may help
him
cry less, but it’s not doing that for me,” Ellis said as she swabbed the moisture from her cheeks. “How does he feel, Mary?”

“Like I’m holding a kitten. I’m afraid if I sneeze, I’ll blow him right off me.”

Mary stroked the sole of Joey’s foot. Ellis rubbed Mary’s back. “Then I’d better let you be the only one who does this. I’d probably do something stupid and set him back a week.”

“You’ll do fine,” the nurse assured her. “After a time or two, it’ll feel perfectly natural.”

“Maybe for someone who’s had practice with other babies. I’m not so sure I’ll ever get it right.”

“Enjoy your little Joey,” the nurse said as she stepped away to check on the baby in another incubator.

“How about that?” Mary asked. “We must be the smartest parents on the planet.”

“Why?”

“They call this kangaroo care, and a baby kangaroo is a joey.” She stroked the top of her baby’s head. “We knew exactly what to name this little guy.”

∗ ∗ ∗ ∗

For Natalie’s eleventh birthday on November tenth, Mary and Ellis took time away from the NICU and hosted an all-out blowout. Natalie and every kid from her class, plus all her cousins, had a huge celebration at the combination roller rink and bowling alley in Cleveland. Ellis hauled in three decorated cakes and six half-gallons of ice cream for the kids to eat after an afternoon of skating and bowling.

Ellis noted the wistful look on Mary’s face as the last child straggled out of the facility with his parents. “A glob of icing for your thoughts, babe.” She held up a spatula of creamy icing.

“I can’t help but wonder what Joey’s eleventh birthday will be like,” Mary said.

“No doubt every bit as chaotic as this one, but he’ll probably only want boys at his party.”

“I hope that’s the worst of what we’ll have to contend with.”

Ellis pretended not to hear and went on with the task of wiping down the tables in the party room.

∗ ∗ ∗ ∗

It took two full months, but right before Thanksgiving, Joey passed the four-pound mark and was permitted to move out of the enclosed incubator into an open baby bed in the NICU. He had to use a nasal cannula when he ate and had to have two more transfusions, but at least he wasn’t gaining ground only to lose it a few days later.

Mary permitted herself another rare absence from the NICU to have Thanksgiving dinner with her family. Ellis seized the reprieve from Anna’s impersonation of the Arctic and instead opted out of joining Mary in deference to spending the day with Joey.

As had been the tradition since her husband had died seven years earlier, Anna Moss offered the prayer before the meal.

“Heavenly Father, we are so grateful for all the gifts you have given us this year. We have the blessings of health and home and divine salvation through your son, Jesus Christ. Most of all we are thankful for our family, for Naomi and Barry and Matthew and Kendall. For Gloria and Adam and their three beautiful daughters. For Mary, and for Natalie. Thank you for this table full of delicious food and for—”

“Mother, you forgot to mention some of our family.” Mary did her best to speak civilly.

“MaryChris Moss, you will not interrupt me while I am praying to our Heavenly Father.”

“I will if you leave out two of the most important people in my life when you’re praying.” Mary stole a look at her younger sister. Gloria smiled almost imperceptibly.

“I don’t think it would be appropriate to mention Nathan, dear. It might upset Natalie,” Anna said.

“You know perfectly well that’s not who I meant.”

“Well, I cannot imagine who else there might be.”

“How about your newest grandson, Mom?” Gloria said. “And the woman who’s been right beside your daughter every day while their son struggles to get out of the hospital?”

Anna gasped in unmistakable horror. “I can’t believe the two of you would ruin our family gathering with that sort of filthy talk. Your father and I raised you girls to have respect for us and for God’s holy laws.” Anna could have committed homicide with the daggers flying from her eyes. She thumped her fists on the table. “Either apologize or leave my table.”

Mary toyed with the idea of relenting, but before she could speak, Adam rose from his chair. “I don’t think Mary needs to apologize, Anna. As far as I’m concerned, Ellis is part of this family, and she and Mary need all the support we can give them.”

Gloria beamed at her husband, but catching the glower on her mother’s face, dropped her head. Adam remained standing, and Barry joined him.

“And are the rest of you turning against me, too?” Anna asked.

“Mom, it’s not turning against you as much as it is
not
turning against Mary.” Naomi’s voice was faint, hesitant. “Adam’s right. Mary and Ellis have been through a lot these past couple of months. Their little boy really needs a lot of help. We either love them, or we don’t.” She pulled in a deep breath. “As for me, I’ve decided to love them.”