Deviant (34 page)

Chapter 41

Tyler

Buckinghamshire, 2001

“Tyler, be ready in five minutes, please. We need to get going!” my mum shouted from downstairs.

“Okay, Mum!” I shouted back. “I’m just getting changed!”

I turned to Dean with a smile, but I was sad knowing he had to climb back out my window.

As if reading my mind, he sighed. “I guess I better be going, but I want to give you something before I do.” Dean looked serious for a moment, and I didn’t like him looking serious. It worried me.

“Okay,” I said, a little confused.

Reaching into his pocket, he handed me a silver locket with a set of angel wings. “I might be going away soon, and I don’t know how long it will be until I come back.”

Feeling a little apprehensive and teary about my best friend leaving, I shook my head. “You can’t leave. What about your home? What about Ian and me?”

Putting the chain around my neck, Dean leaned in and kissed me softly. It was the first time he had ever kissed me. I had just turned sixteen, Dean was eighteen, but I had known him for ten years now. You would think it would repulse someone after so long but, to me, it felt like fireworks were exploding inside of me. I had an ache I wished Dean would soothe away. It was a kiss I felt I had been waiting for all my life. His lips felt soft, his mouth warm. I had never kissed a guy before now as I had always been waiting for Dean. But it was finally here, and it was so worth the wait.

“I want you to have this,” he said, breaking away. “It was my Nan’s before she died. I want you to keep it so that you know I will come back.”

Shaking my head again, I felt a single tear fall. “I can’t take this, Dean. Not if it was your Nan’s.” Trying to take the chain back off my neck, I said, “Here, take it back, and then you can’t leave.”

Grabbing my hand, Dean shook his head. “No, Tyler. You take it. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Sighing heavily, Dean closed his eyes. “I want you to promise me something.”

“What?”

Opening his eyes back up again, Dean looked at me. “Promise me you will never lose this? Promise me you will never tell Ian what I said. And promise me you will wait for me.”

“I’ll never take this off my neck, Dean. I promise everything, but you can’t not tell Ian. It’s unfair.”

Taking my hand and squeezing it, Dean penetrated me with those steely blue eyes of his. “Please?” he said, an air of desperation in his voice.

With a sad sigh, I hung my head to the floor. “Okay, Dean. I promise.”

With one last soft, lingering kiss to my lips, he climbed out of my window…

And out of my life forever.

*****

That night he left me, I cried. I cried until my tears ran dry and all that was left was a messy heap on my bed. I fell asleep. I wasn’t sure what time that was, but I woke up the next morning, head pounding and stomach protesting. After throwing up, I ended up on the floor of my bathroom like a pathetic creature. As I was laying there, sweat forming at my brow, my mouth tasting of vomit, and my hair all lanky and greasy, I had an epiphany.

No more.

I wasn’t going to allow myself to get into this state no matter how much my heart tore in two. I had lost Jeremy and, now, I had lost my stranger. I knew, in the two weeks following that night, Lotus wouldn’t return.

And he never did.

I got myself up off the floor, took a shower, made myself eat something other than bloody Twiglets, and forced my mind and body to focus on the living. I had work to do, family to be with, friends to meet, and a future to build on. My future now involved a life without Jeremy, and a life without Lotus.

But I was prepared.

If he did return, I had a little surprise up my sleeve. I wasn’t going to let him go without making my demands. He had taken from me time and time again. Now it was my turn. Now I wanted to finally have the power.

I was ready for him.

I couldn’t let him take over my life anymore. For over three years, he had been in control. I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I had to be strong now. I had to show myself, as well as him, that my life was just that.

My life.

I went to back to work and my normal life, receiving sympathy from everyone. Of course, they all knew by now about Jeremy and me, but all I did was thank them. I didn’t want to discuss our situation. They were just people, after all. My only true friends were Ian and Louisa. They were both so supportive. They knew I was badly broken up by his passing, but they never once pushed me. They let me take the lead and mention him only when I was ready. Even if I did, they would wait to see if there was anything else I wanted to say about him before asking the odd question or two.

They had both come the last two Friday’s for Spaghetti Bolognaise night. I wanted to go back to normal—well, as normal as possible. It seemed that Louisa was now a part of that Friday night ritual of ours now. We had always made a pact that we would never lose touch. That, no matter what, we had to keep the Friday night ritual alive. Of course, it was okay to miss the odd Friday, but as long as we kept the following one, we would be okay. Our friendship could never be lost.

Today was Thursday and I was at work like normal. Andrew Walker was preoccupied, but he had been like that a lot lately. After what happened with Jeremy, he called me in to express his sincere condolences. With tears in my eyes, I thanked him, but I was determined not to cry now. I had to remain strong and focused. I had something else to zero my mind in on now. I had plans to make and research to do. It was what kept me going. As long as I could work on something, everything else can be pushed to the back of my mind. Jeremy was always going to be a part of me. He would never leave my head or my heart, but I had to have something else to keep me from breaking down.

I just had to move on.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” Ian asked, making me jump a little.

I nodded. “Yes, but Louisa can’t make it this time. She has a hot date with Pete, and they could only do it this Friday.”

Ian smiled down at me as I shifted a little in my seat. “That’s okay. I’ll get to have you all to myself then.”

I saw the glint in his eyes and rolled my own. “Don’t you ever stop?” I teased, knowing the answer to the question before he even spoke.

“You know me,” he said with a wink. “Besides, I think you need cheering up. I’ll bring my normal red and white, and I may even bring along a movie for us to watch. What do you think?”

I nodded with a smile. “That sounds great. I could use a good night with a good friend and a good movie.”

Slapping his knee, Ian stood up. “Well, that’s settled then. I may even bring a chick-flick. See, that’s how much I love you, Tyler.” He winked again and walked back to his desk.

Feeling a little better, I went back to work and carried on with my day. I had to leave early and needed to get everything done before I went. When five o’clock came around, I gathered everything I had and was walking towards the lift. With a sudden tug of my arm, Louisa stopped me. “Where are you going in such a hurry?” she asked with an eager smile.

“I’ve got to get to the hospital before six. I—” I realised what I said and my whole posture deflated. Tears pooled in my eyes as Louisa stood there, placing a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.

“I forgot. I’m so used to doing this every day that sometimes I forget he’s gone. Fuck, am I losing my mind?” I asked, my body leaning against the wall.

“Of course not,” Louisa abolished. “Tyler, you just lost someone very close to you. It’s only been three weeks. It’s going to take time to adjust to everything that’s happened.” Coming in closer to me, she whispered softly, “Listen, I know you don’t really need to leave right now, but maybe you should take some time for yourself. You’ve been rushed off your feet since you got back. No one will think anything different about you for it. Besides, I think you need to go eat something. You really look pale and you’ve lost a lot of weight. In fact, stay right here.” Louisa rushed off before I could ask her what the hell she was doing. Five minutes later, she came back with her bag and coat in her arms.

“What are you doing?” Louisa never left this early.

Pulling her coat on, she dragged me towards the lift doors. “I’m taking you to get something to eat, Tyler. I won’t have you looking like a skeleton. You’ve lost your natural lovely curves. I need to get those hips of yours pumped out again.” She smiled, giving me that cheeky grin of hers. I wasn’t hungry, but I also wasn’t going to argue with her.

Louisa took me to our local bistro, ordered me a burger—without my permission—and sat there watching me as I ate. She stated that she wasn’t going to leave until I ate every single morsel. So I sat there pushing every bite into my mouth until she was satisfied there was nothing left. I felt full and I felt sick, but at least, according to Louisa, I wasn’t pale anymore.

After the bill was paid, Louisa went back to work, and I got in my car and drove home. The clouds were gathering and the darker it got, the more the stench of rain stung my nose. I knew it was going to come down, and I knew I had to get home before the heavens opened. As I parked and got out of my car, a bolt of lightning suddenly streaked through the sky, making me jump. A few seconds later, an almighty boom sounded in my ears, prompting me to walk a little faster. I could feel the beginnings of rain pelting against my head as I clambered up the stairs towards the door to my building.

An elderly neighbour of mine was there and gave me a beaming smile. “I was wondering whether I should go out to the shops. I’m not so sure now,” he said, tipping his hat.

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t, if I were you. Maybe it’s one of those thunderstorms that leaves just as quickly as it came.” With that said, another bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, making us both duck a little at the same time. We laughed, but another boom sounded straight after.

“Yes,” he said, heading for the door. “I think I’ll go later.”

He insisted on holding the door open for me and I smiled as we both went in. I said goodbye and headed straight to my lift. For some reason, I had this sudden urge for Twiglets again. It was odd, considering I had never really eaten them before now. I smiled to myself, thinking Jeremy had really rubbed off on me. It still hurt, I still felt guilty, and I even spoke to him night after night, begging for his forgiveness for something I knew I didn’t do. It was silly, really, but I felt I needed to do it because I still couldn’t get rid of this nagging feeling I had something to do with his death. Did Jeremy just give up? That was a question which would never be answered.

As I got settled at home, I went to the bathroom and noticed that my toilet paper had been turned around. I had to smile. He had been here today and this was his way of telling me.

But behind my smile lay an element of anger. In these last two weeks, I had time to think on our relationship—however strange it was. He left me when I needed him the most. I didn’t care about the circumstances. He abandoned me.

So, this was the reason behind my planning. I wasn’t going to give into him this time. No matter what he offered me, I couldn’t let him win.

As the evening progressed, my adrenaline kicked up a notch with the anticipation that Lotus would visit me tonight. And I knew he would. I knew this was his way of telling me he was coming. Whether it would end up being a mistake on his part remained to be seen. All I knew was that he was going to have a surprise in store once he
did
turn up.

Once it got to be after eleven, I quit watching television and went to work getting ready for bed. I slipped on a nightie, then slid my feet underneath my warm sheets. I stretched, yawning, feeling more tired than I’ve been in ages. I was determined not to go to sleep, though. I had to make sure I stayed up no matter what, even if it meant not getting any sleep at all.

About an hour or so passed and I started doubting whether Lotus would really show up. I couldn’t see why he wouldn’t after deliberately notifying me of his presence. It was at that moment I felt it…his presence. I could feel him and even smell his familiar musky scent before he even moved. I was in tune with it now. Always so ready for his visits.

Smiling, I threw the covers off me and bolted up in bed, shooting my arm out to turn on my bedside light. My stranger was faster, though, and grabbed my wrist before I could reach the light.

“Fuck!” I screamed, as my stranger straddled me, holding my wrists in a vice-like grip.

“Tyler, that was very naughty of you. Do I need to remind you of what happens to naughty girls like you?”

I wriggled underneath him, not wanting to let the divine smell of him take over. I
couldn’t
let him take over. “Fuck you!” I seethed. I was still angry and I held onto that anger as much as possible.

“Are you wanting to fight me today? Do you get off on playing the struggling female?”

The fucker thought I was playing a game? “I’m being serious, you asshole. You fucking left me. I needed you and you pissed off.”

I felt him gripping harder to my wrists and it made me cry out a little. “You called out another man’s name when we were kissing. What else do you think I would fucking do?”