Deviations: Submission (18 page)

"Good morning, sir. I hope you slept well."

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Deviations: Submission

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"I did." Tobias grinned at him and winked. "I woke up better. I'm going to assume you did that to please me and not to up your chances of light discipline, yes?"

"I wanted to wake you pleasantly, sir, and to thank you again for your understanding of my jitters last night."

Tobias sat up, still smiling. He was really going to have to work on controlling his endorphin rush if Noah was going to make wake-ups like that a habit. "I'll always try to understand, sweetheart. Now, we have a full day ahead of us, so if you would be so good as to get yourself across my lap, we can move this right along." He reached for the paddle on the nightstand.

"Yes, sir," Noah shifted and lay across Tobias' lap, his smooth ass, still clad in its leather harness, presenting itself for Tobias' paddle.

"This is to ground you, boy. This is to remind you that you can count on me to correct your mistakes. It is a promise that I'll be consistent. It is a reminder that you submit to me. Each morning we're together I'll remind you. Do you understand?"

Before Noah answered he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Tobias knew he was attempting to center himself, concentrating on Tobias' voice to the exclusion of all other thoughts. When Noah finally did answer, he felt heavier in Tobias lap. "I understand, sir."

Tobias trailed his free hand over the upturned ass in his lap, feeling smooth skin and the strip of leather still holding the plug in place, bisected faintly with the mark of his crop.

He spread his legs a little, letting the cage keeping Noah's cock soft rest between his thighs.

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After taking a single breath he began, methodically striking each cheek until it was rosy red, making sure not to nudge the plug any more than once or twice. He worked smoothly, quickly, the leather paddle sounding sharp in the large room.

Under it, across his lap, Noah stayed physically relaxed but panted lightly with each stroke. He was pliant, willing, and accepting of his discipline.

Just as Tobias was starting to think he was satisfied with the pink blush, Noah hissed and grunted softly. "You are my master and it is my responsibility to please you, sir," he said, the words flowing freely from him, even though they were unbidden.

Tobias slowed and lightened the rain of blows, knowing that if he simply stopped it would throw Noah from the space he'd found in his head. "Good boy," he said softly. "Very good, Noah."

After a moment he helped Noah up, and stood himself, letting the bedclothes fall away. He took off Noah's collar, leaving it attached to the chain, and once more put his hand on Noah's ass, now nicely warm. "Breakfast, sweetheart.

Then I'll take this off you. I'll be down in fifteen minutes."

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Chapter 15

Tobias walked into the safe room to find Noah exactly as he'd expected; on his knees, eyes down. He was dressed in clean jeans and a white t-shirt, his hair still slightly damp from the shower, and his toes were bare. He was a lovely picture of submission.

With a smile Tobias moved closer, knowing he was about to make that submission a little more real. He sat on the floor behind Noah without saying a word, his back braced on the wall, and spread his legs. "Come here, boy. I'm going to hold you for a bit, and we're going to talk."

Noah shifted and turned his back to Tobias before leaning tentatively into his chest. "Like this, sir?" he asked, grunting a bit as he tried to make the position comfortable with the plug in place. He'd been very happy to have the thing out in the morning, but his run and their riding only lasted so long; this new plug was a little bigger as well.

"Mm. Yes. But more like this, I think." Tobias moved quickly, not really sure how Noah would react and wanting him effectively restrained as fast as possible. His arms went around Noah's biceps, holding him close to Tobias' chest and pinning his arms down. Tobias' legs came up and over Noah's thighs, holding him fast.

It wasn't any form of bondage that Noah couldn't throw off by merely standing up, but it was effective. Held tightly, close to his Dom's body, Tobias hoped that Noah would feel both restricted and safe. Warm, held, cherished ... and not able to 161

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move. It was a step to the side from the way Tobias had made Noah still during their first session.

Tobias held Noah so close he could feel him swallow and gasp softly in response to being restrained. Noah took a deep breath and his chest expanded and strained for room against Tobias' grip but he was careful not to loosen it. Noah didn't fight the bondage, or test it at all. Instead he let his weight fall fully into Tobias' chest and let his deep breath out in a sigh. He kept his chin and his eyes low, however, and stayed silent.

"I've been watching you, getting to know you, judging you," Tobias said softly. "And if we were playing once in a while that might be enough. However, I want more of you-you want more. I'm going to be pushing you, and it starts now. We'll find your boundaries, and then we'll move past them. When did you first know you were submissive?"

"High school, I think, sir." Noah answered easily. "Right about when I realized I was gay, too. But I don't think I understood that what I needed was a lot more involved than just wanting someone else to take all the initiative. I didn't understand what it was that I needed until after the academy, when I met a guy who was into light BDSM, cuffs and spanking, that kind of thing. I was about twenty-two, I guess." Tobias could feel Noah relaxing a bit as he spoke. The words seemed familiar, easy on his tongue; he'd obviously told this story before.

"What does submission mean to you?" Tobias asked, rejecting the pat answers. They were what he expected but not what he wanted; the truth wouldn't be found on the 162

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surface, and he suspected it would take weeks to get where he needed to be.

"What does it mean to me," Noah repeated, and then considered his answer silently for a moment. "It means that I give over control to you and in return I hope to be rewarded with a kind of freedom I couldn't experience otherwise. I hope to find joy in pleasing you. I hope to leave mundane worries to you so they don't weigh me down." He sighed, apparently searching for words. "It's not just me on my knees to you, it's a partnership where we both get our needs fulfilled. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well, sir."

"You're doing fine," Tobias assured him. "Will you talk about your job, in general terms? I won't push if that's too ...

intrusive. Not right now, anyway."

"Yes, if you need me to, sir," Noah nodded.

"All right. You say you found the SM aspects after the academy. Was the pain an escape at that point?"

"More like a reminder," Noah answered. "By that point I'd seen so many beatings and shootings and rapes ... they were, well, they still can be an everyday occurrence. The pain kept me feeling, kept it real."

Tobias tilted his head and considered that. "You were going numb."

Noah nodded. "We'd been warned that it could happen, and I really didn't want it to. I didn't want to end up one of those cops that can't talk softly to a victim or empathize with a mother. I didn't want to be thinking about my coffee break when there was bloodshed right in front of my eyes."

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Tobias swallowed. Right then he knew he'd made the right choice, that there was going to be a reward at the end of all the work. This man was worth every worry he'd have. "So you found the scene. How?"

"The guy I met that was into cuffs, he took me to a hardcore bar. He said he thought I'd be into it." Noah cleared his throat. "He was right. I had no idea the scene even existed like that. Whips and leather, men and women in gags and tied to crosses. My heart pounded, my blood was racing in my ears, it was such a rush. And I knew I'd be going back to that bar on my own soon." Underneath Tobias' arms he could feel Noah's heartbeat increase as his boy described the experience.

"I assume you did. Alone?" Tobias kept his voice calm and gentle, as if he were dealing with a skittish animal.

"Yes, sir," Noah replied, nodding his head with his words.

"I went back the very next night alone. I was so curious that I went back several nights in a row, in fact. Finally the bartender told me that if I wanted in, he would set me up."

"What happened?"

"Well, I did just that. He got me a session for that weekend, a public spanking thing on stage, which I guess they considered initiation for newbies, and then he got me a private session with a Dom for the weekend after that. I met some people, started negotiating for myself, became a regular. That's where I met Mas ... David." Noah's voice caught for a moment and he cleared his throat. "We negotiated a short term, part-time sub contract, only a month at first because I was nervous."

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"Little quick to contract," Tobias said mildly. He knew Noah had paid for rushing, knew he was still paying, in a way. He slowly tightened his hold on Noah's arms, binding them further. "He should have made you wait, should have encouraged you to play more. However. Did it start all right?"

Noah nodded. "Live and learn. He told me he could teach me, he told me that he needed the contract so that he knew he wasn't wasting his time. It started out fine as far as I knew. I only saw him on the weekends and we spent a lot of time at the bar. I signed on for a second month and then a six-month." Noah sighed. "It was the six-month that was the beginning of a really big mistake."

"You're with me now," Tobias whispered. "Remember that.

Tell me what happened." Mentally, he braced himself against the rage he knew would build, the anger he would make sure Noah would never see.

"It just didn't work out like I'd hoped. It wasn't good for me, and I didn't realize it until it was too late." Noah shrugged, steering away from details. "As it turned out he was far more interested in his own needs and desires than mine."

"Not good enough, sweetheart. Tell me about the first time he hurt you."

Noah shook his head. When he answered his voice was tight. He was searching for words, and these didn't seem to come easily to him at all. "I'm not sure I can narrow it down that way. It was more subtle than that. He hurt me all the time, every day, constantly. I was really into the pain aspect at the time because I thought that was what the scene was 165

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about. That's what I understood my role as a submissive to be, then. I thought how much pain I could take was a measure of me. I thought the point was to let someone push you until nothing existed but your physical self, until all you could do was beg for it to stop."

Tobias felt Noah stiffen in his arms.

"He used comfort to manipulate me emotionally into loving him, you know? He'd tell me that the pain was what he needed from me, and that the more I endured the more he would love me. To the point where I..." Noah raised his head and stared at the wall across from them. "I didn't know what I would do without him. There was no me anymore, at all."

"Of course," Tobias said smoothly, ignoring his sudden urge to let go, to distance himself from comforting as manipulation. "He was emotionally abusive as well as physically. You do recognize the essential difference here, I hope? Where his goals and mine are different?"

"The difference is night and day, sir." Noah turned his head as if he wanted to reassure Tobias this time. "For one thing, he never would have had a conversation like this with me. He wouldn't have given me this much thought. I didn't require it in his eyes. I was his, everything was about him."

Tobias sighed, both for Noah's past trauma and the fact that he was beginning to suspect Noah still believed some of it. "Noah, I don't want a robot. I want someone interesting, lively, able to interact with me. I want your imagination, your wit, and your charm. I want your submission, I want you on your knees for me-because we both need that. What I don't want is for you to ever submit to me from a sense of fear.

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Ever. You can worry about disappointing me, about not trying hard enough-but you have to know that even if you stood up right now and said you were leaving I wouldn't hurt you."

Noah suddenly tried to lean forward as if he'd been struck in the stomach, straining against Tobias' arms. "Who the hell have you been talking to?" He tried to spread his elbows, suddenly fighting might for might against Tobias' hold on him, but he wasn't winning. "Did Brett tell you to say that?"

"No," Tobias said, forcing his voice to remain level. He let go of Noah's arms slowly, carefully. He maintained just enough contact to slide his hands around to Noah's back, petting him. "Noah, listen to my voice. Brett said nothing. It's my truth. I will let you go if you want to. Always. I will not keep an unwilling sub, and I will not hold you against your will." Just as slowly he lifted his legs from Noah's, releasing him completely. "But I'd like you to stay."

Noah crossed his arms over his chest, and Tobias held his breath. They sat there, quietly, while Noah worked through something in his mind. He shook his head a couple of times, sighed, cleared his throat and said nothing, but he didn't make any effort to get up. He seemed a little high-strung, but he gave no indication that he was ready to run. At last his breathing slowed, his shoulders relaxed and finally, he leaned back against Tobias' chest of his own accord.

"I'm sorry, sir," Noah offered, his voice soft. "Bradford warned me you were perceptive, I just had no idea you'd ...