Deviations: Submission (20 page)

Noah followed carefully this time, and Tobias knew that his deep breathing and soft steps meant that he had finally found his space. This time he left Noah at the door and the boy waited, automatically assuming his display pose. When Tobias returned he picked up the lead again and made his way back down the corridor, Noah falling flawlessly in step behind him this time.

For better or worse, it did seem as though Noah achieved his subspace quickly with small doses of real pain. It wasn't Tobias' preferred method, but it was good to know that if he needed Noah there quickly, the effect could be easily obtained. Noah didn't make any further errors as Tobias walked him one more time around the ring, and it seemed best to end this lesson on a positive note.

"Well done, sweetheart," Tobias praised him, finally stopping him by the trunk that had held the clamps and lead.

He took an ice cube in one hand and said, "Taking it off now, breathe through it..." He undid one clamp, immediately putting the ice to the nipple.

"Uh." Noah dropped his head and panted as the clamp came off. He was well distracted by the ice though, and moaned softly, covering Tobias' hand with his own.

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"Oh, good idea," Tobias said brightly. "You hold this ice cube and I'll hold the other one." A fast movement later and Tobias released the other nipple and pressed ice to it as well.

Noah winced and moaned and his eyes closed tightly. He dutifully held the chilly ice cube to his nipple, circling it slowly.

"Thank you, sir," he sighed finally opening his eyes again.

Tobias grinned. "You're welcome, boy. I think we'll move along now, while you're in this lovely frame of mind. Kneel over the spanking horse, please, and hold on to the handles underneath. I'm going to treat you to the kangaroo flogger."

Noah handed the ice back to Tobias and walked over to the horse, kneeling and leaning over it. He reached for the handles. "I don't think I've ever experienced a kangaroo flogger before, sir," he said softly, shifting his knees into a position he could hold for a while.

"Lighter than leather and deer hide," Tobias said disposing of the cubes before opening the chest. "It's one of my favorites, actually. Nice high impact with a good sting, but not much chance of marks. And it's not black, which is a nice change." He held it up for a moment and shook out the tails for the simple pleasure of looking at it, the tan tails swaying nicely.

"Hang on, boy, and remember where you are-my playroom, with me. You know the rules and you know your words."

"Yes, sir. With you. I'll remember," Noah responded and relaxed, his fingers working the leather on the handles a moment before settling down.

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Tobias started at a moderate pace, not needing to get Noah into the right mindset. He spread his blows out, finding his natural rhythm, and began to work Noah over at a steady rate. He had no wish to hurt the man or leave him in pain, but he knew that the release they both wanted was at the end of such pain. He didn't have any idea, however, if this would be the time for that or not.

"Ah, stings..." Noah told Tobias after the first few blows.

His words sounding a bit strained. He grunted with each stroke after that, and his fingers tightened around the handles. He managed the silence well enough for a few more measured blows, but it must have gotten to him finally because he broke it himself. "Sir! Ah! Say something, sir?

Please?" Tobias could hear the tension in his voice, but it was hard to tell yet if it was bordering on the emotion Tobias was hoping for.

"What would you have me say?" Tobias asked. "Do you want to hear how beautiful you are? Do you want to hear about the way your skin is coloring for me? Or do you merely want my voice?" He struck again and again, harder and a little faster. "I want you to let go, boy. Just feel, don't worry.

I'm here."

"Thank you, sir, anything. Anything you want, just ... just need your voice, sir. Ah!" Noah arched his back. "Thank you, thank you." He started breathing audibly, exhaling in soft moans that increased in volume until the sound filled Tobias'

ears. "I am yours, Master, yours." Noah flinched from the blows and his shoulders began to shake as the sounds turned to keening and his grip on the bench handles went slack. "Oh!

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Master, please," Noah sobbed, boneless against the bench, but he still staunchly and stubbornly chose not to use his safe words.

"Please what, boy?" Tobias demanded, putting the little thrill he got at the word "Master" aside until later. Later, he'd savor it. For now, he'd be it.

Noah actually slid away from the blows briefly, and Tobias imagined himself chasing Noah into a corner with his flogger and still not getting the admission he was looking for.

"Master ... ah!"

"Tell me what you want, boy."

It didn't serve Noah to continue to pretend like he didn't have limits, and it was, after all, Tobias' responsibility to find them. Tobias continued with the flogger, though his strokes were a bit lighter. Noah was sore enough at this point that he didn't need the strikes to be heavy,; they'd be painful in any case.

"Please." Noah's shoulders shook and his chest expanded and contracted with his sobs. "Mas ... Master..."

Tobias watched him struggle, and with a stinging snap to his ego he realized Noah wasn't going to use his words, that he wasn't at the point where he fully understood yet. Unable to go forward for fear of doing real harm to Noah, Tobias slowed his strokes as quickly as he could, possibly too fast.

He would have simply dropped the flogger, but he wasn't sure yet how Noah would react to a dead stop.

In moments, however, he'd pulled back enough that he could start talking, his voice low and soothing as he used the crop to lightly brush over Noah's skin, bringing him back from 180

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wherever he'd gone. Tears streamed down Noah's face and Tobias let the flogger fall, then knelt beside him, one hand on Noah's shoulder for a moment before he gathered Noah carefully into his arms.

"It's okay, it's over. Noah, listen, it's done, you're safe.

Breathe. Just breathe and be, sweetheart, I'm right here. I'm here, and I've got you, and it's over." He was shaking, he knew he was, and he had to fight to keep calm. The last thing they needed right now was his guilt and self-recrimination.

"Noah. Tell me what you need."

Noah sobbed and clung to Tobias for a long moment before sobbing out one simple word. "This," he told Tobias, and repeated the word again. "This." Noah was clearly trying to calm himself down as well, taking deep breaths, though he kept his face buried in Tobias' chest. "Just this, Master."

Tobias gathered him closer, soothing him with hands and words, his tone soft as whispers. "I'm here. I'll hold you, always. You're mine, sweetheart, and I'll always hold you when you need me to."

Noah leaned into Tobias harder. He lifted a hand and placed it flat over Tobias' heart. "Your heart is pounding,"

Noah observed with quiet awe. "Are you all right, Master?" He moved his hand in slow circles, eyes respectfully low as always. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Master, I'm fine. It hurt, but I'm all right."

Tobias shook his head. "We'll talk about it later, boy. Rest, and then we'll get you cleaned up. I think we could both use a soak in the tub." The last thing he was going to do was start talking right then. Not about this, not when Noah was still in 181

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his head as far as he was. "Can you walk yet? I'd like to check your back for bruising."

"I think so, sir." Noah moved away, wincing slightly as he got slowly to his feet with Tobias' help. "Just feels tight, master, and hot. I think it's all right."

He knew he was fussing as he herded Noah into better light, and he knew he was fussing as he felt every inch of skin and probed muscles. He knew himself well enough to know that he was setting up a classic pattern of avoidance and if he wasn't careful he'd coddle Noah, and everything would be lost, wasted.

"Okay," he said finally. "Get dressed. I'll clean up in here-meet me by the door, and I want you to drink at least one bottle of water. Understood?"

"All right, sir," Noah said and moved slowly to the table to pick up a bottle of water before walking stiffly down the center corridor toward his clothing. His back was an angry red, but Tobias hadn't harmed him in any permanent way.

Sighing, Tobias picked up the flogger and crossed to the trunk. "Damn," he said under his breath, dropping it in.

"Stubborn fool." He wasn't sure which of them he meant.

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Chapter 17

The walk across the yard was perhaps the strangest Tobias had ever had. Noah was looking down, of course, but he was anxious and probably insecure and there really wasn't any way Tobias could reassure him. Not when he was walking with lead in his feet and confusion clouding his judgment.

Later, yes, of course-as soon as he got them both inside and into the safe room.

Up the stairs, and he still hadn't said anything. In the hallway he pointed to the safe room and said, "I'm going to check the pagers. I'd like you to strip down again so I can take off your harness, and then we're going to talk, pet. I'll just be a minute."

Noah hesitated, but after a moment he managed, "Yes, sir," and disappeared into the safe room. Tobias could hear him sigh from the hall and then the tell-tale creaks of the harness leather as Noah started to undress.

Tobias shook his head, mostly at himself, and went into the bedroom. He'd put all the pagers on his dresser-his two, Noah's work pager, and the one he would give Noah Monday morning. They were all lined up, all four of them with blank faces, still and silent. No one needed them, thank God. He suspected that they weren't good for much at the moment.

And it was his job to fix that.

Standing taller he looked at his reflection in the mirror, studying himself. Serious face, set jaw ... consciously, he forced himself to relax. That lessened the tightness around his eyes, made his face more gentle. Still stern, strong ... but 183

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not angry. He wasn't angry, not at Noah. Not really; Noah would learn and they would be fine.

He rolled his shoulders once and turned on his heel, going to the safe room in easy strides. He knew what he had to say and what to do to restore the balance; it was time to make a few things plain to his strong-willed sub.

Noah was kneeling in the middle of the room, head bowed and arms back, nicely into his display position.

"Are you all right?" Tobias asked softly. "Physically?

There's no broken skin, and I couldn't find any damaged muscle, but I'm not in your skin."

Noah shifted and twisted his back slightly as if to be sure of himself before he answered, "I'm still a bit tender, sir, but I'll be all right, thank you." His voice was still soft, however, and seemed lacking a bit of its usual confidence.

"Good." Tobias went to him and urged him to move a little, carefully unlocking the harness. The cage was lifted away, and Tobias smoothed his fingers along skin where the leather had pressed in. "Okay? I'm going to take out the plug. You'll feel odd for a bit, I'm sure."

Noah nodded in answer, and shifted to accommodate Tobias.

The plug was eased out and set aside, and Tobias made sure that the leather hadn't chafed, that Noah was in as good shape, physically, as could be expected. "All right, then," he said, standing up. "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to dress—" he crossed to the closet and got out clean sweat pants, boxer shorts and a t-shirt, "-and I'm going to 184

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talk. Then you are going to reflect, and we'll discuss what happens next."

He held out the clothes and waited while Noah wordlessly dressed. Tobias watched impassively and then went to lean on the cabinet, his ankles crossed as he leaned back on it.

"You seem to have misunderstood what I mean by submission, pet," Tobias said evenly. "I'm not looking to make you scream in pain. The fact that you let me hit you, that you do my chores and suck me off isn't the submission I'm after."

Noah looked up sharply, but caught himself before his eyes got above Tobias' waist. Tobias waited as Noah struggled with his desire to speak, probably to protest, and after a moment Noah sighed and lowered his eyes to the floor again. He wasn't relaxed entirely, but he seemed ready to listen.

"The fact that you let me hit you until you almost couldn't take it anymore isn't submission, Noah. It's a contest within yourself, and it brings me no pleasure-and I know it didn't bring you any either. So what's the point? I don't care how long you can hold out. How hard I can hit you doesn't matter.

I wouldn't care if you couldn't take any more than five strokes, pet-it's not the pain for me. It is for you, to a point, and I can give it, but I want something in return. I want you to trust me. I want you to be honest with me."

Tobias stood up, pushing away from the cabinet. "How can I guide you to your limits and then past them if I don't know where they are? You had a yellow-and if you'd been honest in your reactions you would have used it. You were past that point, you were almost to red, and I could have really 185

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damaged you. When I strike you, you can do anything, boy.

Yell, scream, beg ... anything you want. Show me your reactions, let me know you. Let me work with you, not be a barrier for you to throw yourself against. Do you understand?"

Noah's brow furrowed as Tobias spoke and he took his time about answering, chewing his lip thoughtfully. He nodded to himself several times before finally voicing his answer. "Yes, sir," he sighed, "I think I understand now."