Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (109 page)
Rolling her eyes and walking to me, she runs her fingers through Liv’s dark hair and feels her forehead for fever. “She’s fine, put her down.”
“No.” I may be stubborn in very few ways, but when it comes to my daughter I don’t care how stubborn I need to be.
“I have something to tell you and I’d rather not tell you when you’re holding her.”
Putting Liv down in her crib, Lacey and I stand over it and watch as she situates herself in her sleep. The pacifier moves with every flick of her tongue; her cheeks jump in unison.
“Are you going to sit?” Lacey asks quietly, squeezing my hand as it continues to rest on the crib’s frame.
“You’re scaring me,” I admit quietly.
“C’mon, Hayden.” Grabbing my hand, Lacey walks ahead of me toward the rocking chair.
I follow and she prods me to sit. Once seated, I look up at her standing between my legs and brace my hands on the backs of her thighs. If she’s about to say something I won’t like, I want to be able to stop her from walking away.
“What is it?”
Her hands frame my face. Her thumb glides over my lips and I watch as her eyes shine with tears.
“I’m pregnant.”
My insides melt.
“You’re what?”
“How are you? Are you okay? Are you freaking out?” she asks the series of questions based on her last experience in telling me this same news.
I don’t say anything. My heart beats wildly in my chest, seizing my breath.
No one can change history. You can’t take back what’s been said or done, but you can forgive yourself for being so blinded by fear and misunderstanding that you almost ruined your future. Lacey freed me from a life threatened by loneliness and self-loathing.
Hearing her say “I love you” gave me the courage to be a better person. Hearing her say she’s carrying my child solidifies my strength to keep going.
“Hayden?” she calls, holding my face still so I continue looking up at her.
“I don’t care how or why you’re pregnant, Lacey. I don’t think I even wanna know.” I feel my eyes start to burn. Olivia has meant more to me than anything else I’ve ever done. By far, my family is my biggest accomplishment and it would never be the same without her in it.
Lacey is the mast I lean on when, admittedly, I need protection from myself. She’s the pillar by which I stand when my past feels too much of a burden to carry alone. She’s my anchor, keeping me grounded in times of worry.
I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I’ll do it with the confidence of knowing I make her as happy as she makes me.
We’re ridiculous together, but neither of us could, or would, ever change it.
“You’re happy,” she whispers.
“You’ll never know how much,” I reply with absolute truth. “Thank you,” I say again as I’ve said so many times before.
Because of Lacey and her undying love for me, I’ll never have to face this world as alone as I came into it again.
* * *
Travis
“You’re starting to slack, ya know?” Sarah smarts off as she stares up at me from her position on the couch. Her diamond ring shines in the light of the television as she holds her water bottle in her left hand.
“Slacking how?” I ask.
“You used to rub them like you meant it, now you’re rubbing them to keep me from bitching.”
“How’s that workin’ out for me?”
Happiness may be falling in love with your best friend, but it takes a willing surrender to forfeit the rights to your own heart and trust someone else to take care of it when you’re not strong enough or willing to do it yourself.
All along I was blinded to the obvious; my heart beat for one person and no one but Sarah was made for me to love.
My edges are rough and my will is strong, but in equal measure, so are hers. She wrapped her madness around me and rather than fight to avoid it, I risked the consequences of what loving someone can do.
My parents weren’t able to show me the love between a man and a woman. I’m learning as I go, just as Sarah is. We’re making our lives our own and we’re doing it together.
“I feel your sarcasm. Just cause we’re getting married in 2030 doesn’t mean I’m going to give you slacking passes.”
Removing her foot from my lap and climbing on top of her carefully, I blanket her with my body and look down at her. She’s smiling.
“Fuck your slacking pass. 2030? I thought we were getting married next year?”
“I’m not sure I’ll be ready next year,” she answers.
Together, Sarah and I have healed each other through our losses. Together we grew from them, and together we’ll live side by side sharing our lives with a fighting frustration that neither of us would ever want to change.
“We don’t have to get married at all,” I return honestly.
Her eyebrows furrow in question and she looks nervous. “You want your ring back?”
“Fuck no. Even if we never get married, you’re wearing that bitch for-fucking-ever.”
Lifting her hand from my shoulder, she studies the ring, but more importantly the promise that it stands for, with careful consideration. “We could move the wedding up. If you want kids, we probably should.”
“If I want kids?” I ask, sliding my hand into the boxer shorts of mine she’s wearing.
Yes, I want Sarah’s kids. I want as many as she’ll give me. I want them to look and act like her, but be strong like me. I want them to have her eyes, my height, and learn to respect those around them.
“Travis.” She rolls her eyes, but not from enjoying my hands on her. She’s annoyed. “I
know
you know how to
make
them. You’ve showed me before.”
Taking my other hand and pinning her in place, I give her the full weight of my body. I lift the hem of my shirt she’s wearing. My thumb grazes her pebbled nipple.
“I want everything,” I say as I squeeze it harder than she’s already used to.
“You’re such a pain in the ass,” she tells me, smiling.
“I love you, Sarah,” I whisper, bending down to kiss her lips softly.
“I know,” she replies as she kisses me back.
Our group is chaotic. Our family of friends is confusing and sometimes frustrating beyond belief. But it’s ours. We stand by each other through every heartache, tragedy, victory, and celebration. When one of us struggles, the others shoulder the pain as their own.
We cope with our misfortunes as one and celebrate our milestones and successes the same way.
It’s what we always have been and always will be—a family.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Paul and Dallace
—When I told you I was starting another book and I knew this time of year was going to be tricky, you both said, “Do it.” I can’t tell you what it means to me to know you have my back. I love you both so much.
Ashleigh Grapeness
—Travis tested the limits of your mad beta skills. I think this version, #3678, is the last you’ll have to see of him. Thanks for sticking with this and not yelling at me as much as I think you’d have liked to. Now that it’s done—ONWARD!
Amber
—All the music! Great picks and those you chose helped me through some writing block issues. Thank you so much!
Melissa—
Thank you for reading the early pieces of Travis, offering your feedback, then re-reading it again. I’m so glad I know you!
Hot Tree Editing—
Becky Johnson
—So, special mention goes here. I moved my editing date twice. I know it’s a pain in the ass and I didn’t make anything easier by pushing it off, but you understood and eased my mind in knowing you’d still be around when I was finally done. Thank you again and again!
Betas—
Rosie, Lena, Joselyn, Sam, Keri, Chris, and Julie
Travis wasn’t perfect when you got him. You made him that way with your feedback. I appreciate your willingness to shred the ever-lovin’ crap out of him. I can’t thank you enough.
Bloggers—
Oh my! Where do I begin? So many of you actively devote your time to help authors like me, who love to write but suck at marketing, promote my work. It seems most of you never ever sleep! I’ve appreciated getting to know you and can’t ever repay what you’ve done for me.
Pimp crazies!
Denielle Hoppe, Elizabeth Thiele, and Connie Thompson. If I had a street team, you’d be running it with ease. I can’t express how happy it makes me when I wake up, most time early mornings, and have found you tagging me in posts to promote my work. You’ll always have my undying gratitude. I think what you do for authors is absolutely amazing.
Proofreader—
Danni.
Thank you for the extra eyes right before I hit publish. I appreciate you taking the time to get it done just so I feel that much better.
Cover Art created by:
Melody Simmons
of
ebookindiecovers.com
Editing by
:
Hot Tree Editing Services
Formatting by:
Champagne Formats
SERIES PLAY LIST
Ace and Raegan:
Neil Diamond “
All I Really Need Is You”
Kenny Rogers
“Lady”
Hayden and Lacey:
Matt Nathanson
“Kept”
Bette Midler
“Baby Mine”
Travis and Sarah:
Sara Bareilles
“Gravity”
Brantley Gilbert
“Play Me That Song”
Andrew Belle
“In My Veins”
The Despair Series:
Sara Haze
“Every Heart”
MORE ABOUT A.C. BEXTOR
Further information regarding books by A.C. Bextor can be found at the following:
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