Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (17 page)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Cherry

AFTER I CALLED my dad this morning, Ace and I
attempted
to wake Travis so he could go to breakfast with us. Sleeping Beauty wasn’t having it, so Ace and I left for the restaurant, but not before making Travis promise to meet us at the airport on time after hotel checkout. Through his hangover, he agreed, but Ace and I are doubtful.

Last night, Ace had to help him expel all the ‘pink drinks’ he had consumed. He looked a little green this morning and apologized for ruining our evening. We’ve all been there, but watching it happen to someone else is not a good time.

We’re sitting at a café, which was walking distance from the hotel, waiting for my dad and Decklan. We stopped at the hotel gift shop where Ace bought a gift bag and packed it full of every toy a boy would ask for if he were there choosing himself. It’s not the ideal first present I’d like my son to get from me, but things went better than I had hoped for yesterday, aside from my mother, and I wanted to get him something.

When I asked my dad for this favor on the phone this morning, he wasn’t hesitant in the least. He told me Mom’s heading to church this morning, which didn’t surprise me, and that he could meet us at nine. Dad said he’d keep Decklan home this Sunday, marking this a special occasion. It’s his birthday. My son turns five today.

I forgot how much I loved my dad.

Ace is humming while he holds my hand as it sits on the table. Whatever tune he’s got in his head, he’s humming it as if he’s clinging to its familiarity. His knee is bouncing feverishly, and I feel it throughout my body as I hold onto him.

Looking around the crowded café, I can’t shake a sinking feeling.
Darkness
. It feels almost as though Ace and I are being watched. I’m not a person who isn’t acquainted with the feeling of paranoia, so I’m reluctant to brush it off as nothing.

Scanning the room, I don’t find anything out of the ordinary, and luckily Ace stops my concern before it escalates into panic. “Wonder if Trav’s up.”

“I doubt it. You know he’s gotta be feeling achy after vomiting all night.”

Ace flinches, the memory of Travis getting sick still fresh in his mind. “He can burn the shirt he used as a towel to dry his mouth. Never wearin’ it again.”

I laugh as I continue to look around, still finding nothing.

Finally, after about fifteen minutes, Dad comes through the café door with my son in his arms. Decklan is dressed in shorts, a yellow Sesame Street shirt, and black and brown sandals. He looks so much younger today than he did yesterday.

“Hi, Deck.” Ace stands to greet him first. Decklan smiles shyly at Ace, then brings his eyes to me.

Grabbing his small hand as he sits on my dad’s hip with his head nestled in my dad’s neck, I rub his fingers gently as they rest on his knee and I savor the connection. “Hi, Decklan. Do you remember me?”

“Raegan,” he says while looking at my hand touching his. “Grandpa said I could have pancakes since Gramma isn’t here.”

My dad puts Decklan down in the chair beside me. After, he attempts to hide a smile behind his menu as he glances through it looking for the offensive pancakes he’s about to let Deck indulge in.

Ace has finally relaxed, his knee no longer bouncing under the table as he sits at my other side. He offers me a small smile, similar to my father’s, as he rummages through the menu the same.

Once the waitress takes our order, Ace ordering half the menu, my dad starts with the discussion of why we’re here. “Is it fair for me to assume you two want to see him again and this isn’t a one-time visit?”

I nod, holding eye contact, faking the confidence I don’t have.

My dad puts his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers and resting them in a joined fist under his chin. “Your mother isn’t happy about any of this. It took a long while to calm her down after you rushed out of there yesterday.”

“Sir, if I can say something here?” My dad’s head shifts to Ace before Ace leans toward him, continuing on a whisper to avoid the attention of my son as he sits and colors on the children’s menu. “Your wife doesn’t get a vote. I don’t need to explain my meaning here because I think you get me. Rae left him years ago because she was trying to make something of herself and in doing that, she could also make a life for D.”

Dad raises his hands in surrender. “I’ll handle Anna. What I’m sayin’ here is that it’ll take time; phone calls, visits, and discussions among us all before we go ahead and make decisions that could end up hurting rather than helping the situation. That all said, I’m willing to lend my support when it comes to Anna.”

I sigh, realizing it may be possible to get Deck back one day for good.

“Where’s Deck’s father? Does he know...” My dad stops talking as he turns toward D, who has stopped coloring momentarily to take a drink of his milk.

“Vinnie knows about him, obviously, but I don’t think he has any idea where Decklan and I are. When I left here after…” I stall; reliving the past hurts, especially in the face of my dad who is doing what he can to help me make up for it. “He never looked for me, Dad.”

“That’s one good thing, I guess. You never said what happened between the two of you. I suspect since it’s in the past, you don’t want to rehash that.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Ace states boldly. “I’d rather she not have to do that.”

Ace doesn’t know everything about my relationship with Vinnie. He knows Vinnie is Decklan’s dad and that he wasn’t always nice; the forced prostitution and the daily physical and emotional torment is something I only gave Ace a small snapshot of. I did it trying to keep Ace from attempting to fix my past. It’s irreparable, and to give him the crude details would cause him endless worry and frustration.

“It’s okay. Truly, it is. I’ve owed you this explanation and you’ll get it one day, Dad. Right now, I’m making changes and with Ace’s help, and yours, I’ll be ready.”

My dad looks at me pointedly and delivers his ultimatum. “One year, Raegan. You’re not coming into his life and taking him from all he’s ever known without giving me that. I need time to adjust to the idea and if it takes a year, then that’s what I’m going to ask for. If you want my help with your mother, court, and whatever else you need, give me this time to prove to me you’ve changed.”

“A year?” That’s so far away.

My dad doesn’t slow his thoughts at my interruption. “I thought about it a lot last night, and even before then I had hoped one day you’d come back. I’m going to bring you out here once a month. One weekend a month to see him, get to know him, give you an understanding about what it takes to be a parent. It’s not easy, even at my age. I’ll foot the costs, and we’ll make a go of it.”

I look to my son and study his movements. My only memories I have of him are those that are tainted with his father. When I got pregnant and once Vinnie found out, the beatings stopped. I was no longer forced to service Vinnie’s clients at the club. I was untouchable for a short time. After I delivered and started to heal, the threats of going back to that life again caused me to surrender my newborn son to my parents and after that, I ran.

After everything I did to Decklan and my parents, I can’t ask for anything more than what’s being offered. I’m being given a chance.

“Deal.”

Ace turns to me and grabs my hand. “Rae, you sure? A year’s a long time, and that would mean you’d be traveling every month. That’s going to take a toll on you emotionally and physically. Leaving him…” Ace looks to Decklan as Decklan stares at Ace with those stunning, wide brown eyes. Ace takes his voice to a whisper again to finish voicing his concern. “Baby, think about this. There are other ways.”

My dad’s body tenses as he drops his hands to his knees, rubbing them under the table. “Ace, I don’t know you, so I’m not going to judge you. You’ve only seen a glimpse, a snapshot, of what her mother is like. I’m offering to help her the only way I can. Let me do this.”

Interrupting before Ace can voice his opinion, I stop the discussion. “It’s a deal. I’ll be here every month and do all you asked, but please, help me with Mom.”

Ace leans back in his chair, visibly upset, but also understanding the desperation I feel.

After breakfast, the table goes quiet and knowing my time is almost up, I start to get emotional. Over the last half hour, I’ve only been able to bring myself to say a few words to Decklan, but Ace kept him talking as if he knew the sound of my son’s voice was what I longed to hear.

Ace pulls the birthday bag out from under his chair and sets it on the table in front of Deck. His eyes grow wide with surprise, his voice is loud, and his words come out quick. “That’s for meeee?”

Ace answers, hiding his pride knowing he picked it out. “It is. Happy birthday, buddy.”

Decklan looks to my dad for approval before diving in. The unspoken conversations between my son and his grandfather speak volumes to their closeness. With just this small gesture, I gain a better understanding of the bond between them and realize then how hard it must be for my dad to know that eventually I’ll be leaving and taking Decklan with me.

As Decklan tears through the contents of the bag one by one, I take the opportunity to study him again. His small fingers are thin but long, like mine. His lips are full and red in color, again like mine. Even though he’s just five, he’s tall for his age and thin. He gets that from Vinnie. His dark hair comes from each of us. The dark-brown hue of his eyes, although a trait given by his father, is kind, gentle, and portrays innocence, not malevolence.

I don’t want to leave him here.

After my dad pays the bill, he grabs Decklan’s hands and starts to move toward the door. Following closely behind, Ace snatches the child’s menu that Deck studiously colored and gives it to me. Then he holds the small of my back, pushing forward gently to keep me moving.

“Raegan, you have my number. Use it for whatever you need: money, advice, even just to call and say hello. I’ll handle your mother.”

I walk to my dad and hug him tight. “I’m so sorry, Dad,” I say quickly before I start to cry.

My dad’s voice holds the same emotion. “I’m sorry, too. I’m glad you’re safe and you’re here. Things back then were so different. A father senses when his daughter isn’t what she should be, and I never did enough to help you. I hope by doing this I’m making up for some of that.”

Tears stream down my face as I pull away from my dad. Turning around, I see Ace has Decklan in his large arms. Decklan is tracing Ace’s tattoo that marks his forearm. Ace is explaining what the symbol means, and Deck appears to be listening carefully. The sight removes all my doubt in an instant.

“Decklan?” I realize this is the first time I’ve said his name to him, trying to gain his attention. He turns to me immediately, reassuring me that I have his focus.

“Hi,” he says softly, as if even at five he can sense the delicate situation.

I rub his small temple with the front of one finger and look up at him as he sits in Ace’s arms. “I hope you have a great birthday. Your grandpa told me I could visit with you again soon.”

“We live at my Gramma’s house.” Such a small person explaining the obvious. The thought that he refers to his home as my mother’s rubs me wrong, but I let it go.

“I’ll find you there. How’s that?”

He nods in agreement as my dad grabs him from Ace, positions him on the ground next to him, and shakes Ace’s hand. Then Dad leans down quickly, to avoid making it awkward, and kisses my cheek while squeezing my forearm.

Dad’s words are reassuring. “We’ll see you soon, Rae. Take care.”

“Did you just hug and kiss her?” Decklan is observant, good to know.

My dad smiles and looks down at him. “I did.”

Desperate to show Decklan my affection, I boldly ask him, “Can I hug you, too?”

“Yes.” His smile is short, there then not, but I’ll take it.

Bending down, I give him a quick hug and let him go. When I do, he wraps his arms around my dad’s thigh, immediately seeking the security and comfort it offers.

“See you soon, buddy,” Ace offers, breaking the silence.

Decklan waves as my dad takes his hand and heads toward his car.

After Dad and Decklan drive away, Ace turns to me and smiles. “You’ve got this.”

I smile back, repeating, “I’ve got this.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

One month later…

Cherry

“RAEGAN, DO YOU like to fish?”

“I’ve never been fishing.”

Decklan and I are on our own today at the park. He’s sitting in the sand as I sit above him in Dad’s lawn chair that I brought with us. To others, it’s most likely a hot and miserable late-August day, but I don’t feel it since I’m focused on spending time with him.

He looks at me with a confusion stare, as if I’m not telling the truth. “Never?”

“Nope. Have you?”

He nods. “Grandpa took me once, and he said I didn’t have the patents to catch anything but a shoe. Do people really catch shoes?”

I laugh at his misuse of words. I know he means patience, but I find it funny. It’s amusing to picture my dad attempting to keep a child’s focus on a bobber. “Well, maybe we should ask Grandpa to take us next time I visit.”

“Gramma says you’re staying with us next time.”

I’ve been staying in a hotel this weekend. I wasn’t comfortable staying in the same house as my mother while trying to keep my courage and emotions in check during my time to visit Decklan. Next month, we’ve all agreed to start moving this along and allow me to be with him the whole weekend rather than several hours at a time.

“She’s right. Maybe we can talk him into taking us then.”

Standing up and brushing the sand from his hands, he unexpectedly reaches for me and climbs into my lap. I freeze, capturing the moment and savoring it to enjoy later. I wish I had a witness to this, someone to high-five and celebrate with. For me, this is a monumental happening. God, I wish Ace were standing right here so he could be part of this, as well.

Decklan doesn’t say anything as he lays the back of his head against my chest and rests it there. Looking down at him, I steal a small kiss that he doesn’t feel, but I do. He’s tired from our afternoon in the sun. It’s nearly four o’clock, so our time this weekend is almost up. I leave at eight-thirty tonight.