Devious (15 page)

Breathing
in the crisp, morning air, I felt renewed.  I could almost imagine Granny
sitting in the rocker next to me, and being in one of her favorite spots, I
felt closer to her.

When
the sun finally topped the horizon, its golden glow cast on the world below, I
stood, letting its rays penetrate my soul.  It was just the boost I needed to
give me the strength to make it through the day.  Reluctant to leave the porch,
I finally dragged myself inside to shower and get ready for graduation.

Mr.
Milton and I arrived early, so that he would get a good seat and he wouldn’t
have to fight the crowd as they poured into the gymnasium.  Since it was a
Saturday morning, Crimson and Scarlet would be unable to attend because it was
one of their busiest days at the salon.  Many of my friends had huge families
filling large sections of the seating, and I tried to remind myself that it
didn’t matter how many people were here to see me graduate.  The only thing
that mattered was that I had people who loved me enough to come.  I wrung my
hands, hoping that my mother would keep her promise.  I scanned the crowd in
search of her, but the attempt to find her was futile.

My
eyes locked on the entrance, and I saw Stone enter with his family.  His
parents laughed, and his mother wrapped her arm around him and stood on her
tiptoes to whisper something in his ear.  I squelched the tiny bit of jealousy
that bloomed in the pit of my stomach, knowing that I should have no ill
feelings toward him if he was fortunate enough to have loving parents.

Stone
looked handsome as always in his crisp, white shirt, black tie, and dark
slacks.  His graduation gown was folded over his arm, his cap held loosely in
his hands.  It was good to see him happy.

When
he moved to the left to shake another student’s hand, I saw his brother.  I’d
never met Dylan before because he rarely came home from school, but I’d seen
pictures of him.  He and Stone looked a lot alike, but Dylan wasn’t quite as
tall and he had a slimmer build.

Stone
had told me once that his brother hated him, but he never told me why.  It
seemed like a shame to me, and I wondered if they all knew just how lucky they
were to have each other.

I
glanced at the clock, noting that it was time to line up backstage.  I tried to
call my mother’s cell phone.  She didn’t answer, and I had the sinking feeling
that I wouldn’t see her today.

As
luck would have it, Stone was two people behind me after we lined up in
alphabetical order.  He temporarily switched places with the one guy who stood
between us and whispered in my ear, “Hey, Dara.”

Normally,
he would’ve wrapped his arms around my waist, but he kept his distance.  I was
glad because I knew the minute he touched me, all my resolve would drift away
like a thin wisp of fog.

“Hi,
Stone,” I said, only partially turning my head in his direction.

“I
just wanted to congratulate you on graduating high school.”

“Thank
you.  Congratulations to you, too.”

He
started to say something, but Mrs. Wilhoite, the teacher in charge of the line,
clapped her hands and asked if everyone was in order.

Stone
returned to his spot, and the ceremony began.

I
felt an amazing sense of accomplishment when I received my diploma.  All of the
years of hard work had finally paid off, and I could literally feel the new
phase of my life beginning.  My life was changing in a lot of ways, and as I
looked back over the last few years, I knew that I was strong enough to handle
whatever may come, that even though things didn’t always go the way I wanted
them to, I was in control of my own destiny.

After
the ceremony, I found Mr. Milton.

Hugging
me, he said in his rough voice, “Dara, I know your Granny’s watching you right
now, and she is so proud of you. 
I’m
so proud of you.”

“Thank
you, Mr. Milton.”  I wrapped my arms around him, my cap firmly in my hand as
the tassel swayed with the motion.

“If
you want, we could go get something to eat.”  He pulled back and looked at me
with his kind smile.

“If
you don’t mind, I think I’ll hang around a little while.  Why don’t you go on? 
I can get a friend to give me a ride home.”

“I
don’t mind waiting,” he said, running his hand across his thick, white hair.

“I
know you don’t, but it’s not necessary.  I’ll see you at home later.”

“Okay,
if you’re sure.”

I
reassured him and gave him another hug.  Once he turned to leave, I walked over
to a large group of my friends.

As
we ended our tearful goodbyes, someone tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned to
see my mother in a simple, white dress, her sandy-colored hair pulled up in a
bun with loose curls framing her face.  She wore light makeup, and although she
couldn’t hide the hints of a rough life, I’d never seen her look more
beautiful.

“Mom,
you’re here!”

She
smiled at me and held out her arms.  Instantly, I stepped into her embrace, and
she hugged me tightly.  “Honey, I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.  I
closed my eyes, savoring the moment.  Relief that she had kept her word flowed
through my body, and I realized that she had no idea how much I had needed her
to.  With that one hug, I felt a little less lonely in the world.

When
I opened my eyes again, I saw Stone.  He stood a few feet behind us, and once I
took in the entire sight, I was shocked into speechlessness.  He held a baby carrier,
and I instantly began working scenarios in my mind as to whose baby he held. 
Had he gotten someone pregnant right before he and I had gotten together? 

My
mom pulled back, blocking Stone from my line of vision.  “I’m proud of you,
Dara,” she whispered with tears in her eyes.  “You’ve grown up to be so smart
and pretty and kind.”  She patted me on the shoulder. 

“Thanks,
Mom,” I said, offering her a smile.

She
dabbed at her eyes with her index finger.  “When you get through here, maybe we
could go somewhere and talk.”

Curiosity
raged in my mind, but I looked around and saw all the friends that I had gone
to school with over the years.  “Give me a few more minutes, and we can go to
Granny’s house.”

“Okay,”
she agreed.

I
turned back to look for Stone, but he was gone.  Was he carrying
his
baby?

I
forced myself to keep calm and not to let crazy notions swarm my head.  If he
had an ex-girlfriend who was having his baby, he wouldn’t have kept that from
me, would he?  I took a deep breath and cleared my head.  I needed to stop
before my imagination ate me alive from my brain outward.  I knew better than
to start making assumptions.

My
mother waited patiently while I spent another half hour hugging and
congratulating my friends.  As the crowd started to thin, I realized that I
hadn’t seen Stone again.

“Are
you ready to go?” my mother asked as I approached her. 

“Yes. 
I don’t have my car here, though.  Did you drive?”

She
nodded.  “My car’s in the parking lot.  Do you want to ride with me?”

“Sure.”

My
car wasn’t much, and neither was my mother’s.  It was an older model, midsize
car that was a pretty shade of blue. 

“Where
do you want to go?” my mom asked.

“Granny’s
house,” I said.  “Not Mr. Milton’s, but Granny’s,” I added.

“No
one lives there?” she asked.

“No. 
Granny was gonna rent it out, but she said she couldn’t bring herself to let
strangers move in.  All her furniture’s still there.”

“I’m
really sorry about your granny.  I wish I could’ve come to the funeral, so that
I could’ve been there for you.”

“I
had Mr. Milton and Stone and Granny’s family from Nashville.”  I wondered why
she couldn’t come.  What could’ve been so important that she couldn’t be there
for me when I needed her?  I quickly decided it didn’t matter.  She’d never
been there for me, and I had learned that it was better not to expect much.

“I’m
glad they were all there for you.”

A
few minutes later, she pulled into Granny’s gravel driveway.  I’d been here a
few days ago to put some drinks in the refrigerator.  It was exactly the same
as when Granny and I moved in with Mr. Milton, except for maybe a little
dustier.  The yard hadn’t been cut yet this year, and it was badly in need of a
mow.  I made a mental note that I would need to handle it in the next couple of
days.

Stepping
out of the car, we made our way to the front porch.  The wind chimes jingled as
the May air made them come alive.

I
unlocked the front door, and we went inside.  Even though I’d dropped by a
couple of times in the last week, a musty smell penetrated the house. 

“You
want a drink?” I asked.

“No,
thanks, sweetie, but I need to use the little girl’s room, and I need to make a
phone call.”

I
pointed her down the hall.  “I’ll be out on the porch,” I called as she left
the living room.

“Okay. 
Be there in a minute.”

I
wondered what she needed to tell me, what had kept her away from me, her only
child.  It had to be a man, and I wondered what he was like.  Was he a bad
influence? 

I
set my cap down on the coffee table and removed my gown, draping it across the
couch arm.  I kicked off my heels by the front door.

Walking
through the living room and the kitchen, I raised the windows, so that the rooms
could air out.  Even though Mr. Milton had a nicer house, it just didn’t feel like
home the way this house did, and I was elated just to be here.

I
grabbed a soft drink out of the refrigerator and went to the front porch,
plopping down in the rocker that my grandfather had made.  I opened the can and
took a swig before sitting it on the small table beside me.  I liked the way
the porch slats felt under my bare feet as I gently rocked back and forth.

I
felt an immense feeling of freedom, knowing that high school was over and that
I had my entire future ahead of me, but all of that was overshadowed with the
curiosity of what my mother had to tell me that was so important she insisted
on doing it in person.

I
closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the rocker, listening to the
wind rustle the leaves of the huge oak in the front yard.  Whatever my mother
needed to say, it must be really, really bad, or she would’ve just told me over
the phone.

And
just to make things really interesting, my mind threw in a shot of Stone at the
graduation ceremony with a baby.  Was he the father?  Was everyone keeping
secrets from me?  What was next?  Was Mr. Milton an international spy?

The
door creaked as my mother stepped out onto the porch.  I opened my eyes to see
her smiling at me.  She laughed, and I had the impression it was a nervous
reaction.  It must really be bad.

She
walked in front of me and sat in the rocker on the other side of the small
table. 

“It’s
beautiful here,” she said as she took off her shoes and set them carefully in
front of the table.  She pushed her chair into a rocking motion and soaked in
her surroundings.

I
admired the fact that she could see the beauty in this place because most
people would just see an old farmhouse with a crappy driveway and an unruly
yard.  Most people thought that the bigger and newer something was, the better
it was.  That in itself wasn’t a problem unless the pursuit of those things
kept people from seeing the beauty in places like this.  Maybe I was partial
because of all the happy memories I had here.

“Yes,
it is,” I agreed with her assessment.

“I’m
glad that Helen did such a wonderful job of raising you.”

I
just nodded.  What could I say?  Granny had been the only mother I’d ever
really known, but I didn’t want to state the obvious to my biological mother. 

“Where’ve
you been, Mom?” I asked, a surge of anger and hurt bubbling to the surface.

She
stared at her hands, and I knew that she had no good excuses.  I remembered
Stone telling me not to jump to conclusions, but when someone disappoints you
over and over again, you begin to lose faith. 

And
I had lost faith, no matter how much I wished it otherwise.

“Dara,
I wanted to be with you on your birthday.  I really did.”

“Then
why weren’t you?”  I knew my voice displayed a hint of anger, but I couldn’t
help it.

I
watched her as she fiddled with the hem of her dress.  Finally, her eyes lifted
to mine.

She
laughed again.  “I’m really nervous.  I want to explain everything to you,
Dara, and I don’t know how you’re gonna take it.  I know I haven’t been much of
a mother to you.”  Her eyes shifted back to her hem.

“No,
you haven’t.”

She
pursed her lips and nodded.

“But
that doesn’t mean it’s too late,” I added. 

Her
eyes flew to my face, and I recognized the look of hope in them.