Devotion (Club Destiny #7) (18 page)

But recently, Cole seemed to be gone more than he was home and when he was home, he chose to spend most of his time with Hannah. It was almost like Cole and Luke had switched personalities. Not that either man was ever fond of opening up and sharing their feelings, but it seemed that as of late, Cole wasn’t sharing much of himself with any of them.

Not only was he trying to shut himself down, he was also growing agitated which worried her even more. As Luke began working on smiling more, it was as though Cole was trying to smile less. She knew that Alex played a crucial part in Cole’s frustration, sending him out of town often, but Cole never quite explained why.

“If you need to talk, I’m always here.” Sierra grabbed the glass of wine she had been sipping on and went to stand closer to where Cole now sat at the breakfast bar.

“Thanks.”

The way he responded told her that he wasn’t intending to share anything with her now. She had learned a long time ago that with Cole and Luke, she couldn’t let them off the hook easy. They didn’t open up much, and when they did, it was because she had pried it out of them.

She moved up close to his side, placing a kiss to his big, warm bicep before resting her cheek in the same place. With Cole sitting on the bar stool, Sierra barely came to his chin. Just when she thought he might say something, Hannah’s little baby coo came across the baby monitor sitting on the kitchen counter, and Cole abruptly moved from his seat.

“I’ll get her while you finish making your dinner,” he said and walked out of the room without a backward glance.

Sierra felt the tingle in her nose and the prickle of tears behind her eyelids as she watched him walk away. In just a matter of a few days, Cole had grown incredibly distant. Ever since they had surprised Luke at his office, he hadn’t been the same. She had searched her memory, trying desperately to see where things might have gone wrong, but she couldn’t seem to find the piece that would put the puzzle together. That day had been explosive, just as it always was when the three of them came together.

Granted, she knew that, for the last week, they hadn’t been together except that one time. At least not all of them. She and Luke had managed to steal an hour one morning when Cole was out of town, but since he’d been back, their timing didn’t seem to work out. And she knew that unless Cole and Luke were finding time during the day, they weren’t getting intimate either because they were off doing their own separate things most of the time.

Sierra made her way back to the stove, stirring the vegetables and tossing in a handful of precooked chicken. Cole’s voice came over the monitor as he talked to Hannah. She couldn’t help but smile as she always did when she heard either of them talk to Hannah. The way they were with their daughter was the sweetest thing she had ever witnessed. No matter how hard or stubborn the two of them were, when it came to Hannah, their guards came down entirely.

For the next ten minutes, Sierra picked at her food and listened to Cole talk to his daughter. The way he spoke to her brought tears to her eyes several times. Not only what he said, but the way he said it. Cole was one of the most sensitive men she had ever met, although most people never saw that side of him. Because he was so shy, only the people closest to him ever really got to know him. Sierra was truly blessed that he had given her that opportunity.

After cleaning the kitchen and taking a shower, Sierra checked in on Hannah to find that she wasn’t in her bed. When she went to the living room, she found Cole laying on the couch watching television with Hannah perched on his chest. Her heart tipped over.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his beautiful cobalt eyes meeting hers from across the room.

“For what?” she asked as she moved closer.

“For being an ass. It’s just been one of those days.”

“Want to talk about it?”

~~*~~

Cole eased over on the couch, careful not to wake Hannah, offering Sierra enough room so she could perch beside them. He patted the cushion and waited for her to sit down. With his hand protectively on Hannah’s back, he looked up at Sierra.

“Alex wants me to go to Austin.”

“What’s in Austin?”

“Alluring Indulgence,” he told her.

“How does that affect you? I thought it wasn’t even built yet.”

“It’s not. He wants me to go talk to Travis and convince him to let Jake and Nate take over as their security. I think he’s expecting them to prove to Travis that they can handle this.”

“Why can’t he go?”

“He didn’t say.” Cole hated lying to her, but he also didn’t want to share Alex’s business. That was one thing about him, he wasn’t the gossiping type, and even now, knowing that this was his family, it still felt like a betrayal.

“How long will you be gone?”

“A week.” It felt like he’d been gone too much lately. His little girl was growing more and more every day and every second he was away from her he felt like he was missing out on a milestone. He wanted to take her with him, to make Sierra go as well just so he could be with the two of them. He knew better than to want Luke to go along because the man wouldn’t do much of anything outside of his club.

Jealous much?

Cole had been feeling a strange envy lately, and he wasn’t even sure what he could relate it to. He wanted to think it had to do with the fact that they were all tired from long nights taking care of their little girl, but he was beginning to wonder. Cole wouldn’t trade one second with Hannah for anything in the world. He just wondered how she would feel as she got older. About him. About Luke. Would she equally see them as her father? Or would one of them get priority over the other? The thought always managed to depress him.

Letting the gloom bring him down wasn’t going to benefit anyone, certainly not him. The more he was pulled away from Hannah, the worse he began to feel.

“Would the two of you go with me?” Cole asked, suddenly wishing he could take the question back when he saw the concern in Sierra’s eyes.

“You know I wish we could,” Sierra stated, but he wasn’t feeling it.

Nodding his head in understanding, Cole glanced down at the perfect angel sleeping on his chest, kissing her downy soft hair and inhaling the sweet baby smell. He wasn’t going to push it. Not today.

“Do you know when Luke will be home?” Sierra questioned, standing to move over to the couch on the other side of the room. Cole felt her eyes on him, but he didn’t meet her gaze.

“I haven’t talked to him today.” Cole was under the impression that Luke was working to ensure that Trent and Xander understood who still owned and made the decisions for Club Destiny.

Although the two of them spent more time together as it pertained to the club before Hannah was born, that hadn’t been the case lately. Luke was working late nights and Cole was traveling back and forth across the state of Texas it seemed for Alex. Their schedules didn’t mesh for them to talk much lately, and when they did, it wasn’t usually much more than a few sentences at a time.

“Why don’t you go lay down? I’ve got her and will stay up with her until her next feeding,” Cole told Sierra. She wasn’t getting enough sleep he knew, and since this was one of those rare times when he wasn’t sleeping in a hotel room somewhere, he figured he’d give her a break.

Sierra smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Without saying a word, she nodded and disappeared into the bedroom.

Cole remained where he was until Hannah stirred a little while later, probably ready for her dinner. He was starving, but he wasn’t in the mood to eat, so he made his way to the kitchen to at least get her settled.

He couldn’t seem to get his mind to quiet as he thought about his conversation with Alex earlier that day. He had been telling the truth. He was ready to walk away from CISS because this wasn’t what he signed up for. Now that Dylan appeared to be out of the picture, for how long no one seemed to know, Cole wasn’t vested enough to want to take on either role.

He wondered whether he was just being overly emotional. There were plenty of reasons, work being one of the main ones. He wasn’t getting enough sleep, he wasn’t getting to spend enough time with Hannah for his own peace of mind, and besides sleeping in the same bed with Sierra and Luke at night, it seemed as though the three of them were once again drifting apart, just when he thought they’d managed to find their way back to one another.

“You ready for dinner, angel?” he asked Hannah as he reached into the refrigerator and pulled out one of the premade bottles. Sierra hadn’t been able to breastfeed because her milk never came in, so they had resorted to formula. He admittedly didn’t know much about the differences, but since they didn’t have a choice, he opted not to question it, especially after he’d seen the devastation in Sierra’s eyes when the doctor told her this was how it would have to be.

Hannah squirmed in his arms as he waited for the water on the stove to heat. Sierra had insisted that they heat the bottles by setting them in boiling water on the stove and checking them repeatedly rather than using the microwave. Again, another one of the baby things he would never have known about without Sierra’s guidance.

It didn’t take long for the bottle to warm, but by the time it was ready, Hannah had already moved on to a good mad. He smiled down at her, talking quietly as he tried to calm her before giving her what she wanted. Cole marveled at his little girl as he watched her eat with gusto. Just like her dad’s, he thought to himself.

He immediately thought about Luke and how close him and Sierra had gotten since Hannah’s birth. He knew they hadn’t done it purposely, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty for some of it. Luke seemed to be reattaching himself to Sierra as though she might slip through his hands. Cole wouldn’t say so, but he was pretty sure it was Luke’s way of compensating for the fact that he wasn’t Hannah’s biological father.

When the three of them discussed having children, it hadn’t been a simple discussion. Knowing that the three of them couldn’t legally solidify their relationship, they had to settle for doing it for love. Because Sierra wanted to know, for the sake of the baby’s health, they’d gotten a little creative with their love making, which had surprised the hell out of Cole. When they decided that Cole would be the father, more from Luke’s unfounded concerns about his family’s health issues, he’d been beside himself with joy. There had been no sense in arguing with Luke even though Logan had confirmed there weren’t any health issues that he knew of, so they moved forward as planned. From that point on, until the pregnancy was confirmed, Luke had used condoms with Sierra while Cole had not.

Truthfully, Cole hadn’t expected it, but as he lived and breathed, he was grateful for the gift every single day. Although Luke treated Hannah like his very own daughter, Cole wondered whether his own insecurities were pushing him to try and strengthen his relationship with Sierra. Not that the man had anything to worry about.

And it didn’t seem to matter because even though Cole was Hannah’s biological father, his name on the birth certificate, he still had plenty of his own insecurities. The same ones he was getting damned tired of fighting all the time. There wasn’t a single reason either of them should be questioning their relationship, but it seemed they both couldn’t quite grasp the concept.

When they were together, during those remarkably few instances when life wasn’t pulling one or more of them in a different direction, it could only be described as combustible. The three of them together was like a raging wild fire, and if Cole actually looked at it with rational eyes, their relationship was stronger than ever. Probably most of it could be attributed to the little girl in his arms.

Then again, Cole questioned why Luke wasn’t trying to bring himself closer to Cole. Was he doing something wrong? Was he inadvertently pushing Luke away? When it came to sex, the heat was there, so was the intensity in what they were feeling for one another, but it was as though they were both holding themselves back at this point. Sierra always attempted to bring them together, even offering to watch, but Luke was shying away from him more now than before.

Cole knew without a doubt that they were going to collide one of these days. In more ways than one. The emotions that he continued to lock down were going to find their way out, and he would have no choice other than to confront Luke about them.

Whatever happened, he had to remind himself that no matter what, he loved them. All three of them. Every ounce of his heart belonged to them equally, and he knew he’d never be able to live without them.

He only prayed it never came down to that.

Chapter Eighteen

It was late by the time Luke finally made it home. After a rather heated discussion with Trent and Xander, he’d finally decided to call it a night. He left Lucie in charge of the bar and Kane was there to assist. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to be where Lucie was. Those two were going to make it, Luke knew.

When he walked in through the garage entrance, he noticed that all of the lights in the house were off. He’d gotten used to coming home from time to time to Sierra or Cole feeding Hannah in the living room. He glanced over at the monitor on the counter and saw on the video screen that Hannah was sleeping soundly in her bed.

At the moment, he was thinking Hannah had the right idea. Sleep was obviously on his short list of things to do, and he hoped to get to it sooner rather than later. He just wanted to shuck his clothes and fall into bed and not wake for at least eight hours. He’d be lucky to get four, but he wasn’t going to complain.

As he moved through the living room, he noticed the light on the back porch was on, so he headed that way to turn it off. That’s when he noticed Cole sitting at the patio table drinking a beer and staring out at the pool. He took a minute just to drink in the sight of him.

For some reason, seeing Cole sitting there alone saddened him. He had noticed recently that Cole seemed to be pulling away. For a man with the patience of a saint, Luke didn’t understand what might be sending him in that direction. They were all three in this relationship together and as far as Luke was concerned, it was forever.