Diary of a Vampeen (31 page)

I began to fidget with my
hands answering an honest, “I didn’t know. In
Breaking Dawn
Bella says she always
has a sort of burning feeling in her throat.”

“Damn it Lexi! This isn’t a fictional
book; this is your life!” His face scrunched and lips pursed as the
belting fear broke his surface.

“I know. I just didn’t know about
that,” I said unable to look at him knowing he was so angry with
me.

“I’m sorry. I got scared, that’s all.
I’ve never seen any vampeens or vampires get like that before. An
hour into your sleep, I was certain you would somehow die though
you’re supposed to be immortal,” he explained pulling me into his
chest and embracing me tightly.

“I’m sorry I scared you. But can I ask
you something without angering you?” I attempted to set up the
right mood. I needed to know for sure that I wasn’t killing myself
by refusing my body’s desire for human blood. Despite putting two
and two together, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt another human for
my own survival. I may be a vampire in many ways but not when it
comes to the ruthless murder of mankind for my appetite
alone.

“Of course.”

“What happens if you eat only human
food?” I decided to go with this approach so he couldn’t link it
back to me and my earlier mishap.

“I could eat like that for probably a
month before my body would be depleted of back up resources. Every
vamp is different in molecular design. Your body craves what it
needs. My body needs human blood, so eating human food would be
like eating vegan without supplements. It would supply my system
with several vital necessities, but the lack in the remainder would
kill me.”

“I thought we were
immortal?”

“We are. I would just live forever in
a vegetative state. We don’t have vitamin supplements like humans
do to falsely recreate the missing elements within us,” he
answered.

“Oh. And this back up supply, we’re
born with it, right?” I checked. My heart was beginning to beat
faster in response to my stress. The repercussions of my choice
were being placed before me verbally.

“No. Your body creates it with your
first several meals. That’s why you’re so hungry. Your body needs
more in the beginning to ensure a sufficient reserve. So you need
to eat more.”

Oh my gosh! I’m committing
vamp suicide!
Even worse, I was a
food-shoveling human and forty-eight hours later I was an anorexic
vampeen. How did this happen? I didn’t mean to deprive myself; it’s
just morally I couldn’t harm a human. Every man would remind me of
my dad, and every woman a mom, and every teenager a Mel or Mike. I
just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I toyed mentally with telling Kellan,
but opted to keep my secret. My mother returned with a glass of
water, two eggs sunny side up and an oozing red slightly cooked
steak. The steak was smothered in red gravy, no doubt a blood
sauce.

Seeing the food made the liquid in my
throat overflow into my mouth for the first time. I started
swallowing repeatedly trying to down the bubbling juice to no
avail. I began to panic. I bit a piece of steak smothered in blood,
chewing rapidly to rid the volcano in my mouth. Like high tide at
the beach, the serum lifted and retracted in intervals after my
bite eventually leveling off.

It’s working. Maybe I really was
supposed to eat human food. Maybe I just didn’t consume enough
before. Maybe it’s the sauce. I didn’t have the blood gravy before.
“What kind of sauce is this?” I asked my mother. “It’s
good.”

“It’s leftover from the other night. I
sometimes do a human blood marinade on my steaks and that’s one of
them. For some reason it tends to enhance the flavors,” she
explained with an approving grin.

The sauce. The gravy of human blood
was what’s ridding the serum, not the food itself. I froze. I
glanced at the food, then my mom, then Kellan, moving my eyes
alone. I was torn. Did I continue to devour the marinade that would
cure me or stick to my guns in not participating in human
slaughter?

Being ever rebellious, I picked up the
fork and staked the eggs. It took me no more than two minutes to
swallow both eggs. I pushed the plate away announcing, “I’m
done.”

“But you left the entire steak,” my
mother complained.

“I didn’t like it,” I lied, shrugging
my shoulders.

“You just said it was good,” she
argued, hands on her hips and no smile on her face.

“It left a bad after-taste in my
mouth,” I reasoned feeling a bit guilty over the fib and insult of
my mother’s cooking. I couldn’t think fast enough to concoct a less
hurtful excuse.

“Well you have to eat more than two
eggs,” she pressed.

“I will after,” I attempted to
negotiate, but failed when Kellan got into it.

“No. Now. You don’t want a repeat of
several hours ago,” he ordered firmly.

“Ugh!” I groaned looking back and
forth between the two of them. Waving the white flag I said, “Fine.
I’ll be down in a bit.”

“No, now,” my mother
insisted.

“Can I please shower and change
first?”

“You and your showers! I swear you
should live in the rainforest,” she remarked in frustration on her
way out the door. My mother didn’t know the calming effect a shower
had on me.

I could hear my dad sleeping soundly
and Aunt Claire coercing Dr. H into a movie date later this
week.

“Is your car unlocked?” I asked Kellan
knowing I would need to tap into my new wardrobe for something to
wear.

“Your clothes are in your closet. Your
aunt insisted on organizing it all while you were sleeping,” he
replied.

“Oh.” I hopped off the bed and flung
open my closet door. There, filling every nook of my closet,
organized by item and color, were my new clothes. Lining the floors
were my shoe boxes with a Polaroid of what was inside pasted to
each one. Installed on the once bare back wall were two shelves and
two rows of hooks holding my belts, scarves and purses. On the
opposing wall by the door was a freshly hung bulletin board with
pictures from today tacked to it to remind me of what went
together. Looking around, I realized Aunt Claire had thought of
everything except… I forgot pajamas – my one comfort
staple.

As if he heard my mental anguish,
Kellan announced, “She bought you pajamas. They’re in your
dresser.”

I lit with excitement and
ran to the drawers. I opened every drawer one by one. My top two
contained a mountain of panties and four new bras. The middle ones
held tanks and a few simple tees. Opening the bottom two I was
shocked at what I found. On the right side were two pajama pants,
two shorts and a smaller pair of VS capri sweats. Filling the other
though was –
gasp!
– lingerie! I sifted through the pile of lace and silk sets
varying in coverage. Beside it was a box of condoms with a note
attached. I was mortified!

Lexi,

I’m not your mother. Every
young woman has desires and passion flaring within her. The flames
I see between you and Kellan are fierce so I wanted you to be
prepared.

Have fun and be
safe!

Love, Aunt
Claire

“Aunt Claire,” I called in a raised
voice, enough to know she would hear me clearly despite her male
distraction. She climbed the stairs and entered my room within
thirteen seconds of my call, just in time for the angst to climax
within me.

“Yes dear?” she asked.

“Umm… Ear muffs Kellan.” He rolled his
eyes and covered his ears. Though I was sure he could still hear
me, knowing he wasn’t supposed to should at least keep him from
talking about it later.

“Aunt Claire,” I whispered. “What is
all this?”

She closed the door and replied
softly, “It’s for you to be safe when you’re having fun with
you-know-who over here.” She motioned to Kellan with a side nod of
her head. “If you don’t need it now, just save it for when you’re
ready.”

“He’s not even my boyfriend. I have a
human boyfriend named Mike.”

“Ooh Lexi! I knew you were just like
me,” she cooed proudly. “But I’m telling you now, I’ve never met
two people or vamps with more chemistry than you have with Kellan.
Even I feel the heat between you two. I’m so jealous!” she said
with a southern accent, abandoning her usual west coast
one.

“I’m confused right now,” I
admitted.

“Well talk to me honey. That’s what
I’m here for.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” I
said sitting Indian style on the floor.

“Start from the beginning. Who’s this
Mike?” she insisted settling beside me on the carpet.

I explained in depth who Mike was. I
shared my original crush, the intimate details of our relationship,
including my conclusion prior to my transformation. I told her all
my discomforts and mental quaderies over the situation saving the
worst, his monologue, for last. I will admit, recalling all those
things officially made me submerge myself in slight regret, but it
brought me relief simultaneously. I knew Kellan was the guy for me;
it was only guilt bringing this bout over Mike because I knew at
this point I was intentionally hurting him since I didn’t break it
off before.

“He sounds like a great guy Lexi, but
you clearly didn’t want to get together with him originally, so why
did you agree?” Aunt Claire probed.

“Well, he’s a nice guy and to be
honest, he was the first guy to even acknowledge my existence.”
That line was beginning to sound lame even to me.

“Alexa.”

“Uh oh. You called me Alexa. What’s
wrong?”

“What are your doubts with Kellan?”
she asked.

I pondered this silently for a minute,
but came up empty handed. When we connected on a spiritual level, I
clearly saw and heard his intentions in commitment. I saw exactly
how he viewed me as a human and discovered he never lied to me
except with his age, which was for his own pre-conceived rejection.
It washed my doubts away and discarded any hesitations I carried
over him.

“None that I can think of,” I
sighed.

“Now compare that list to the negative
one you have with Mike.”

“Oh, I see where you’re going with
this.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, but as
an outsider looking in, I can share my view. My philosophy is ‘When
in doubt, you can live without.’ I have so many men floating around
me and with every last one of them I can tell you why it won’t
work, explain my doubts. I keep them around because I have to
entertain myself somehow until the right one comes along. Seriously
though, what you have with Kellan I’ve only heard and read stories
about. You don’t throw that away, no matter what the
cost.”

“Thanks Aunt Claire.”

“Like I said, anytime dear. And
listen, don’t fret yourself into action immediately. You’re young;
you have plenty of time,” she offered as a parting note.

“Thanks,” I smiled.

She winked. On her way out the room
she pointed to Kellan and then flapped her hands as if to fan
herself profusely. Bluntly – she said he was hot.

I chuckled, returning to the bed
relieving Kellan’s hands of muff duty.

“Did you have a nice chat with your
aunt?” he asked.

“Oh please! Don’t even pretend like
you didn’t hear anything,” I scolded sarcastically.

He smiled wide and brilliant. Acting
on impulse I leaned in and kissed him. Feeling the serum desert my
throat amidst this kindle is what brought awareness to just how bad
it was hurting. No hurting was too light. The healing liquid was
literally roasting my throat. The relief I encumbered in kissing
Kellan kept me glued to him. Whatever happens though, I couldn’t
let us unite again beyond the physical. He would certainly discover
my bold secret with it fresh on my mind; it’s a miracle he didn’t
learn the last time. Though after seeing the number of humans he
had drained lifeless, I could never succumb to his
lifestyle.

He gently laid me back on the bed and
hovered over me. I sunk down cradling his body with my arms. His
touch sent chills down my spine and left a tingling sensation
wherever he caressed me. This new energy encompassed us and I knew
I would have to pull away soon. So with one last ditch effort, I
threw myself into him, let down my barriers and then quickly
released from his lip lock.

We spent the next few minutes just
gazing into each other’s eyes. The liquid refilled my throat, but I
remained peaceful in his arms. My aunt was right, Kellan was the
right guy for me; I knew he certainly believed that to be true and
I did too. It’s strange to think that you’ve found your soul mate
at sixteen, but destiny doesn’t work by age.

I sat up, turned to Kellan now lying
beside me and asked, “So you ready to teach me some killer
moves?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good
idea.”

“Why? You said I need to learn,” I
argued.

“You just passed out a couple hours
ago, ate hardly anything and now expect me to work you
physically?”