Diary of a Vampeen (27 page)

“How was your walk?” my mother
prompted the moment my hand touched the door knob.

Once inside I replied, “Good. Kellan
is going to help me learn the physical stuff.”

“He most certainly is not!” my mother
yelled; I swore fire would exit her nostrils at any
moment.

“Relax Mom. I mean running and
defending attackers and stuff,” I explained.

“Calm down Sharon. Lexi isn’t going
further than a kiss right now,” my aunt advised.

“How do you know that?” The
afterthought of covering my tracks occurred to me. Nothing like
playing the part of the guilty when you’re really
innocent.

“We’re both Libras,” she
winked.

“I’ll be in my room with Kellan.
Listen if you’d like,” I announced. And like any newly released
teen from captivity, feeling a bit rebellious, I added, “But I’m
not responsible if you hear something you don’t like.”

“Alexa Lorrayne!” my mother
scolded.

“Sorry Mom. I’ll be in my room,” I
jetted up the stairs and plowed onto my bed. By the time I was
lying flat on my back, Kellan was already next to me.

“I can’t believe how vivid everything
is at night,” I commented aloud observing the cuts inside each of
the crystals dangling from my miniature chandelier. “Can I ask you
a question?”

“Do I really have a
choice?”

“No,” I smiled rolling over to enjoy
the eye candy beside me. “When you said twelve girls… were those
all at once or total?”

“I have an idea,” he popped up and was
hovering over me in one second flat.

“You’re not going to answer my
question, are you?” I whined hoping to sway him or at least make
him feel guilty.

He ignored my question completely. “So
say I’m your attacker. You’re flat on your back and I’m coming at
you. I just lunged towards you; you need to open your hand, spread
your fingers, and give a powerful thrust with your lower palm to
the center of my chest where my diaphragm is.” He grabbed my hand
and emulated the move.

“Kellan.”

“Yea?” he asked repeating the motions
again with my hand but refusing eye contact.

“Can this wait until tomorrow? I want
to enjoy my first day and it’s overwhelming enough without the
classes immediately,” I sighed.

“I suppose. That means that I can’t
leave your side until you’ve learned a few moves
though.”

“I think I can handle
that.”

Though Kellan and I had this intense
connection, we were still reserved in expression. I think we’re
both scared… at least I was. They didn’t explain it accurately in
books. It’s so powerful, so breathtaking; your universe stops
rotating in that second when your souls collide into one. The love
you feel is dominant, it consumes all of you leaving no breathing
room. You feel crazy because one minute you are looking at a
stranger, the next you are in love with a partner you can never let
go of. It’s sporadic, spontaneous and impulsive by
design.

Regardless of how tantalizing the
person is physically prior, the level of concentrated allure within
their soul the instant you feel it is like hearing a river in the
desert; you don’t have to see it to be drawn to it without
hesitation.

Even lying beside Kellan, I felt the
magnetic pull between us. I wanted to pounce on him, but I
resisted. Despite feeling what I had and seeing myself in the
mirror, I still felt like the fat, awkward girl who would be
rejected. I didn’t know when this insecurity would fade.

Insecurities that were
present but brushed aside around Mike – the guy I –
gulp
– cheated on. Guilt
filled me obscuring my thoughts from elation to self-image to pain.
My mom was right. It wasn’t fair to hurt him like this. Things were
very different today from yesterday, especially with Kellan. What
we have cannot be manifested through human desire, nor can it be
broken or denied with resistance. To put it bluntly, what I have
with Kellan will always be there and nothing I have with anyone
else will ever compare.

“What are you thinking about?” he
asked, breaking into my thoughts.

“A lot.”

“Like what?” he prompted running his
fingers through my hair with one hand, caressing me gently with his
other to encourage me to open up.

“Umm… are you sure you’re ready for my
basket dump?” I checked.

He smiled reassuring me and nodded his
head once. I took a deep breath and released. I began to fiddle
with my hands explaining, “I feel weird. I know I’m thin, I know
I’m pretty now, but I don’t comprehend it fully still. And then
there’s Mike. I kissed you a couple times which means I’ve cheated
on him. I feel so guilty about it only because I never set out to
hurt him not because I regret anything with you. We have this
connection, this strong bond between us that I’m trying to reject
and it only makes me want you more. I can’t even put it into words.
You’ve blown my mind and set me out of control in every way which
scares me silly. And on top of all this I’m missing Mel. If I could
tell her, give her the tiniest of details, I know she would help me
every way possible. But I can’t. Not only can I not divulge, but
I’ve also had to lie to her which is piling on more guilt than I
have with Mike. Oh, and don’t forget that I have a radical vampire
out to avenge her kind over the silent threat I somehow impose on
her. And now, despite my healing abilities, my head hurts from the
constant noise of birds, fish tanks, a neighbor who snores
horribly, the random cars outside and everything else I can’t seem
to drown out.”

Kellan just stared at me, continuing
to comfort me. He didn’t say a word; he remained silent.

Seconds after my emotional
explosion of words, a new one settled in. I started to cry. As the
tears began to fall, a few chuckles escaped. “I’m such a mess,” I
cried. “I feel bad that you’re tied to
this
for eternity,” I commented
gesturing up and down myself as if I was a bad purchase.

Again he didn’t say anything. Instead
he pulled me into his arms tight. I rested my head in his chest and
he ran his hands in short strokes up and down my back. Without
thinking, I closed my eyes and leaned into him. Millimeters from
his lips, I opened my eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”

He ran his index finger under my eyes,
wiping away the tears. “I’ll always be here for you.”

I began to close the gap between our
lips when I heard a crash so startling that I was on my feet in
half a second listening carefully. Ears perked, eyes wide with
fear, my heart racing, I heard a row of small crashes following. It
sounded like someone dropping ceramic plates one by one.

“Lexi,” Kellan called. “It’s just
someone breaking into a house.”

“We have to stop it,” I blurted
irrationally. Kellan was on his feet and in front of me before I
could blink once.

“We are not the police and you are not
superwoman. Remember the rules; you cannot interfere with a world
you no longer inhabit completely.”

“Do you actually expect me to do
nothing knowing I could do something?” I demanded. His attitude
shocked me; no wonder our world is so corrupt with
crime.

“Yes. I do,” he confirmed.

“But Kellan…” I tried but stopped in a
notion of defeat. Physically brute before me, I realized that I was
weak still compared to him. Despite my attempts, I would fail to
make it out the door so I might as well surrender.

“Lexi. This is not what I want; this
is what I have to do. If I stopped every crime I came across or
heard, there would be a media uproar. They’re nosy and would push
until they discovered me. Once exposed for my ‘good deeds’, I would
be on the run forever from the human, vampire and vampeen worlds,”
he explained in a firm and final tone. “Either that or I would die
for my ‘noble actions’.”

I shook my head, though I should have
been waving the white flag.

“As a human, you act with your heart.
As a vampeen, you act with your mind. And as a vampire, you act on
your instincts. There is a distinct difference between each race.
The weakest will always be a human and the strongest always a
vampire because of this.”

Without speaking a word, I climbed
back into bed. I sunk down beneath the covers feeling like a
failure. I didn’t think I could consciously accept doing nothing.
Morally, I felt like I allowed an innocent man to receive the death
penalty. I understood why I shouldn’t do anything, but it didn’t
clear my conscience for not doing anything.

“Lexi,” Kellan spoke softly. I felt
him beside me on the bed. “Why don’t you take a shower? I know you
used that to clear your mind before.”

“I… I never told you that,” I
stuttered. “Are you sure you’re not a…”

“I’m sure. I think because you were
slipping under you couldn’t read my mind, but the moment we
connected, I read all your thoughts. I saw all your memories and
you probably could have mine too. I got a good look at you as a
person.”

“So, you know all my secrets?” I
swallowed hard feeling self-conscious, praying he
didn’t.

“Yes.”

My stomach dropped in that instant.
“Ugh,” I groaned.

“Lexi, you really don’t have anything
to be embarrassed about. Aside from the random crush, you have no
secrets. You’re an innocent; better than I’ve ever
been.”

“It’s just that… I feel swindled. We
shared a connection, but you’re the only one who got the dirt,” I
insisted cringing deeper into the covers.

“Go take a shower, clear your head,”
he repeated.

“Fine,” I pouted getting out of bed. I
walked to my closet for clothes, but quickly realized that I didn’t
have any that fit. “I don’t have anything to wear,” I announced
grabbing a new pair of panties from the pink bag sitting on my
dresser.

“Just wear the same
outfit.”

“It’s nice, but I kind of wanted the
homey, comfy feeling I get in pajamas.”

“So borrow a pair of shorts from your
mom and wear my shirt,” he said, removing and extending his shirt
out quickly.

I froze, captivated by his physique.
He was built, muscles defined and chiseled sharply in some spots.
His chest was a perfect plain with a solid dip in the center. His
abs a soft steel containing the subtle outline of his muscles
below, yet at first glance were flat without contrast. Of all his
features, his arms are the most magnificent. His biceps protruded
whether at rest or mid flex, which alluded to my feeling of
security around him.

‘Tap, tap.’ I heard the knock at the
door. I was so engrossed in Kellan that I zoned out all the subtle
noises surrounding me; a chore I needed to perfect for reasons
attached to my sanity. The constant clutter of sounds left me with
no peace of mind.

“I heard you needed shorts,” my mother
said dropping a pair of short cotton striped PJ bottoms on the bed.
Looking at them, I recognized them as the ones she purchased with
my set during Victoria Secret’s semi-annual sale this past
summer.

“Thanks.”

“Your aunt wants to take you shopping
later today.”

“Awesome. I sort of forgot about the
whole clothing thing,” I said feeling relieved to know I’d have
options soon. Despite my hatred of sifting through rack after rack
of clothing I usually didn’t fit; I was hopeful for a better
experience with my new slender figure.

“I’m going with them,” Kellan told my
mother in an authoritative manner.

“I’d appreciate that. You can never be
too safe. Claire is planning to shop in Savannah to ensure Lexi
stays hidden.” She turned to go back downstairs but added, “Oh,
Kellan.”

“Yea?”

“No complaining about the length of
time they shop. You are choosing to go,” she warned.

“I’m patient.”

“Good,” she said and flew down the
stairs to my aunt who had paused the CSI marathon they were
enjoying. I heard their whispered guesses periodically, though thus
far they were all wrong.

“So, I… uh, I’m going to shower now,”
I announced grabbing the shorts and Kellan’s shirt on my way to the
bathroom.

“Take your time.”

Stepping out of the shower, as much as
I hated to admit it, I felt better. I felt even better when my
mom’s shorts fit me and Kellan’s shirt was big.

“Was I right?” Kellan asked as I
exited the bathroom.

“Yes. You were right,” I droned
sarcastically.

“Are you tired?”

“I just slept for twenty-four hours
and you’re asking if I’m tired already?!” I shook my head and
returned to my spot on the bed.

“Maybe I’m biast, but my shirt looks
good on you,” he smiled, looking at the navy blue shirt he gave me
to wear.

“Thanks. It’s comfy and smells good,
like you,” I replied, blushing with his compliment. “Want to watch
a movie?”

“Sure.”

We ended up watching an action comedy
with a romantic twist, very date appropriate. It was more of a
background piece for me since my mind was lost in earlier concerns.
The movie did bring up several good questions for me to ask my aunt
later though. The full two hours, I rested within his arms and
allowed my thoughts to wander.