Dido (22 page)

Iopas stood up. Anna clung to one of his arms and wouldn't let go.

‘Leave me alone, please, lady. I have to go,' he said, and he pulled his arm away and left her. He was aware of a peculiar feeling in his stomach. It wasn't unpleasant. He had hurt Anna. She loved him and now he could feel her behind him, burning with anguish, furious with him and sick with jealousy of Elissa. He
had done all that and he couldn't feel regret, only a thrill that he had the power to arouse such feelings in someone. Well, he couldn't help it if she'd come to the wrong conclusions about everything. Anyway, he told himself, she'll find out who the real father is as soon as she goes to see her sister. Till then, let her suffer a little. He imagined Anna weeping, wiping her red eyes, going to Dido and moaning. Her misery will end then, he said to himself, but Elissa made me suffer and that isn't going to stop. Why shouldn't Anna know what that feels like? Learn how painful love can be. He smiled. There was no end to the poems he could write about that!

Before dawn; the courtyard/the palace gardens

IF I DON'T
get out of this palace, Elissa thought, I will faint. I'll fall over and be sick and not be able to get up. I need the air, the sky, the stars. She could feel the walls beginning to close in and loom over her, and she ran through the corridors with tears in her eyes, hot with fury after what Iopas had said to her. Had tried to do to her. She wrinkled her face up with disgust as she remembered the taste of his lips on hers, however brief the contact had been. Not only was she raging at his suggestion (what had she ever done or said to him that made him think she was keen to be his beloved? Nothing); she was also sad to think that now, because of his stupid behaviour, even the politeness they'd shown to one another would be almost impossible for her. How could she ever see his face again without wanting to hit him? And as for what she had told him: could she trust him to keep her secret? Everyone knew what a gossip he was. No, she'd made him swear. Surely
he wouldn't break such an oath? I can't worry about that now, she told herself. It's hard enough to stop myself weeping all the time.

Elissa had reached the courtyard, and she could see, from looking at the sky, that the night was almost over. I'll go into the garden and no one will be there, she thought. I can wander wherever I like and no one will know. She had it in her mind to visit the fish pond and sit on the bench where she used to sit so often when she was looking after Ascanius. In the last few days Aeneas had come and sat there with her quite often. There were always guards and other servants walking about, so they could never embrace or refer in any way to what had passed between them, but still, it pleased her to have him near her. She sometimes contrived to brush her arm against his, to lean on him a little for a brief moment, and when that happened, she found it hard to breathe normally.

Cubby was sitting by the bed, still on guard. Elissa went over to talk to him. It must be so boring, just being there on his own the whole night long. She felt sorry for him. She smiled at him, even though she felt far from cheerful. I can't seem any different, she thought. I can't let him guess how miserable I am.

‘Aren't you bored, Cubby? It's a long time to stay in one place.'

‘Hello, Elissa. I don't stay in one place. I walk about. This bed is so big that if I don't watch out, someone could sneak up and pinch something from the other side. The side I'm not on, I mean. Why are you
walking about? I thought you'd gone to bed long ago.'

‘I did. But I couldn't sleep. And now I'm going for a walk in the garden.'

‘A walk? It's night time still. No one goes for a walk at night. That's silly.'

‘Well, I don't see why they can't, do you? There aren't
rules
for walks.'

Cubby looked puzzled. ‘Are you sure there aren't rules?'

‘Quite sure. Stop worrying. Everyone's busy with the queen. No one's going to care what I do.'

‘If you say so,' said Cubby, and stood up. ‘And I think the night'll be over soon. See, the sky's a bit pale over there.' He pointed upwards.

‘Yes, it'll soon be morning. I'll be glad when it is. And I'm sure you will be too.'

Cubby traced a pattern with the toe of his sandal on the dusty stones of the courtyard. ‘Not really. I like it here.'

Elissa felt embarrassed. Of course he wouldn't want to go back to the horrible work he must have to do in the kitchens. She said, ‘Maybe you can be a guard again. Sometime.'

Cubby nodded and said nothing. He obviously couldn't imagine another situation where such an opportunity might arise, and if Elissa was honest, neither could she, but she'd felt obliged to say something encouraging.

The guards at the main doorway nodded as she came out of the palace. She was ready with a story if
they'd wanted one, but they recognized her and probably thought that she was on some errand or other – though what would someone be doing just before dawn in the deserted garden? The truth was, they were most likely exhausted with standing guard through the night and thinking only of their beds.

Elissa made her way to the bench. The dim light changed everything, and trees that were simply tall and graceful in the daylight became menacing. Shadows spread around everything, strange shapes that changed and shifted as you looked at them. The pond was a flat silver disc: a full moon trapped in a marble bowl, and every now and then some bubbles breaking at the surface indicated the presence of the fish. Odysseus – where was he? Tears came to her eyes when she remembered Ascanius' grin as he sat in the water, holding the fish in his little hands.

She sat down on the stone bench. One of the reasons she'd chosen to come here was because it had a good view of the harbour. I can sit here without moving, she thought, till dawn. Till the tide turns and he leaves. I can watch him sailing away. She didn't yet know whether she could bear to do that, but in any case Elissa was quite determined to keep away from Iopas and as many other inhabitants of the palace as she could. She wanted to think.

But there was someone coming – who was this person? Was it Iarbas, trying to get in and see Dido? No, this was someone she'd never seen before, she was sure of it. He was very tall indeed and covered from
head to toe in a long grey cloak. Why would someone wear that if he didn't want to hide something? She shivered. It was very warm, even out here in the garden: what need was there for a long cloak? Well, whoever it was, the guards would stop him. She could see the doorway from where she was sitting. She'd just passed through it herself and she knew that they were both awake and alert . . . Yes, there they stood, one on either side of the doorway, chatting to one another. Because sound carried so far at night, she could even hear their brief bursts of laughter. The tall figure came right up to the guards and passed through into the palace without either of them saying anything. They hadn't even stopped him and asked him who he was and where he thought he was going. If Elissa hadn't been so preoccupied with her own troubles, she might have wondered how this could be, and who it was who could slide into the palace without being challenged, but she was remembering the night she'd spent with Aeneas and the grey man passed swiftly from her mind.

‘How is he?' Aeneas was talking quietly, because Ascanius was sleeping now. He'd been feverish and sick and the healer had prescribed a variety of horrible-tasting potions. Elissa had spent the better part of the evening persuading, cajoling, bribing the boy to swallow them, and in the end she'd managed to get most of the medicine down his throat.

‘He loved his sleeping potion,' she said. ‘It's
flavoured with honey and he was very happy to take it, after those bitter things he's had. He'll sleep soundly now.'

‘And you'll get a chance to sleep too, Elissa. You've worked so hard looking after him. I'm grateful to you. You know that, don't you?'

She was sitting at the end of Ascanius' bed. Aeneas was standing next to her, looking at his son. As he spoke, he put out a hand and stroked the top of her head. He said, ‘I can relieve you for a while. I'll sleep in there.' He pointed at the small alcove that led off Ascanius' room. For the last two nights Elissa had slept there herself so that she could be within easy reach of the boy, and she offered up a prayer of thanks to the Gods that she'd changed the sheets that morning.

‘Thank you,' she said, standing up. ‘But my room is very close. You can call me if you need me for anything.'

‘Oh, Elissa, if you knew . . .' Aeneas said. ‘I wish . . .' He sat down heavily on the bed, but Ascanius was drugged by the sleeping potion and did not stir.

‘What? What do you wish?'

‘You don't want to know, Elissa. Knowing would upset you. You're so loyal to the queen.'

Elissa said nothing. What could she ask? If I stand here, she thought, he'll either tell me what is worrying him, or not. Even as she hesitated, Aeneas spoke. ‘I'm loyal to her as well, but she's difficult, you know? She has her own views about everything and doesn't like being contradicted. And she does
not
understand what
you seem to be able to fathom with no problem at all. I have to leave Carthage. Quite soon, I think. But she won't hear of it. And the worst of it is . . .'

Elissa couldn't stop herself. She said: ‘Tell me. Tell me the worst of it.'

‘She thinks we're married. Man and wife. And we're not . . . We truly are not. I love and revere Dido, but I'm not married to her or tied to her in any way.'

‘She says Aphrodite married you. In a cave, up in the mountains.'

Aeneas laughed. ‘She needed that as an excuse, that's all. Marriage – especially a marriage sanctioned by a goddess – made what happened in the cave . . . well,
respectable
. I apologize, Elissa. You're too young for this. You're just a child.'

‘No, Lord Aeneas, I'm not a child. I wish you wouldn't say that.'

He looked at her then and sighed and said, ‘No, you're right. I'm so sorry. No, you're no longer a child, that's sure.' He put out a hand and took hold of her wrist and pulled her gently till she was sitting next to him on the bed. Then he put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her round so that their faces were very close together.

‘I could drown in your eyes, Elissa. You have such eyes. Like pools of dark water.'

His hand was still on her shoulder when they kissed. Elissa tried to remember what that felt like and couldn't. Kissing Aeneas was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. A few moons ago he'd touched
her lips with his own, and she'd taken out that memory and looked at it so often that she could relive it whenever she felt like it, but this . . . this was like being stunned. Her head swam and her lips opened and it was like . . . like falling, and falling, till he suddenly moved away and lowered his head and took his hand from her shoulder.

‘Oh, Elissa, I shouldn't have done that. Please say—'

‘I don't mind,' she muttered weakly, hardly able to speak. ‘I liked it.'

‘And so did I,' Aeneas said. ‘But that doesn't stop it from being wrong. I can offer you nothing. And even though you're not a child, I'm certainly too old for you. Go to your bed now, Elissa, before I do something foolish. More foolish than I've done already. Goodnight, dearest girl.'

Elissa went. She needed to lie in her bed and think. Tanith and Nezral were asleep and she was grateful for that. The last thing she wanted was to chatter to those two. She took off her clothes and put on her nightgown, silently. Then she lay on top of her bedclothes and stared at the ceiling. She went over every word Aeneas had spoken. She thought not only about what he'd said but also about the way he'd said it. The feelings he'd shown her were unmistakable. Elissa might not have been as experienced as the other girls when it came to boys, but she knew, she could tell, when a man liked her. Desired her. It wasn't difficult because they never tried to hide it, but rather showed it off.
Even the way Iopas always stared at her, smiled at her, made it clear he thought she was beautiful.

Not only does Aeneas like me, she thought, he's also angry with Dido. He loves her, but they must have had a fight recently. He's been spending so much time away from her. Tonight, for instance, she and Anna had gone to visit a neighbouring rich farmer who had helped them when they first came to Carthage. Elissa started to think about Dido's absence and couldn't stop. The queen was away from the palace. A very long way away.

‘Go, child,' said a voice, and she sat up in bed to see who was speaking. ‘Listen to Aphrodite.'

‘Aphrodite . . . I saw you once, long ago. I thought you were Ascanius' mother. A ghost . . .'

‘I'm not a ghost, but I'm here to help you. Come with me.'

Like someone in a dream, Elissa got up from the bed and took the hand the Goddess was offering her. Holding it felt like holding nothing. Aphrodite floated out of the bedroom and Elissa, helpless, walked beside her along the corridor till they came to Ascanius' room. The door stood open. There was a small torch burning high up on one wall, and it threw a warm, pale orange light on to the boy's sleeping face.

‘He won't wake up,' Aphrodite whispered. ‘I will see to it that he sleeps.'

‘But what—?'

‘Follow your desires, child. Submit to them,' Aphrodite said, and moved away into the darkness.
Elissa, peering after her, caught a glimpse of floating pale garments, heard the sound of silvery, tinkling bells and felt herself wrapped in the fragrance of roses and almond blossom.

I must be asleep, she thought. I'm sleepwalking. I've come to this room in a dream.
Follow your desires
, the Goddess had said.
Submit to them.

She tiptoed past Ascanius' bed and went into the alcove. She pulled the curtain that separated the two chambers so that no one could see her. Aeneas was lying half covered by a sheet but she could tell that he was naked. There were his clothes, on the small chest at the end of the bed. He was sleeping deeply. Elissa looked down at him and found it hard to breathe for the love that seemed suddenly to have filled her. She took off the nightgown she was wearing, and trembling all over, she lay down on the narrow bed next to Aeneas. She felt her skin burning where it touched his and their heads were very close together on the pillow. She turned slightly to her right and found his mouth. She didn't even have to move very much to touch it with hers. She lay on her right-hand side and slid her left arm around his waist. He didn't stir at first, and then quite suddenly he opened his eyes. They were level with her own.