Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (84 page)
Read Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission Online
Authors: Gloria G. Brame,William D. Brame,Jon Jacobs
Tags: #Education & Reference, #Health; Fitness & Dieting, #Psychology & Counseling, #Sexuality, #Reference, #Self-Help, #Relationships, #Love & Romance, #Sex
The tradition of the wrestler-as-knave pitted against the wrestler-as-moral-champion is the basis of today’s professional wrestling. But amateur wrestling, even when organized with an eye toward erotic fun, remains authentically competitive. Three Olympic styles are recognized.
Freestyle—
popular in the United States and Britain—allows maximum freedom, while
Greco-Roman
regulates permissible holds. This style actually was invented by the French in the late 19th Century; they primly ignored the Greek custom of nude wrestling.
Sambo
is influenced by Asian martial arts such as judo, and is a catch-hold style of wrestling.
Until recently the ancient Spartan custom of training female wrestlers was, as far as we can determine, historically and culturally unique. But today female combatants are filling out the wrestling ranks.
There is now an amateur female wrestling federation. It holds international tournaments. It’s basically youngsters and college kids—[no one] really close to my age. It’s straight-out athletic: They’re dressed in gym garb with wrestling shoes and padded knees. The rules are strict collegiate-type rules, not as freestyle as the kind of wrestling that I watch. [But] as some of these youngsters get older, they get into amateur wrestling for videotapes, or they travel and take matches. Their stuff becomes more adult, more sexual. This has brought a better quality of contest into the [wrestling] scene
.
—R
AMON
What is particularly significant about the modern interest in amateur wrestling is that the focus is increasingly on all-women competitions. At no
other time in history, apparently, have so many female athletes participated in combative sports. At the same time, amateur female wrestling is often a hybrid of sports spectacle and erotic display.
EROIC
W
OMEN
, H
EROIC
M
EN
Those who eroticize combative sport relish the drama of struggle, which is amplified by the physical prowess of contestants who are perceived as heroic models of their gender. These contestants balance sheer animal might and grace with high skill. In this tradition, the body is nature’s primary work of art, wondrously balanced and shaped, prepared for battle, capable of great feats of strength. Homoerotic wrestling, for example—a small but significant subset of gay eroticism—celebrates heroic manhood.
While many gays revere the commanding physical presence traditionally associated with masculinity, fans of female combat venerate an unconventional feminine model.
[Female combat] stresses the fact that females are
physical
beings, as opposed to otherworldly. They are real and alive, full of blood, sweat, sounds, passions, smells, and tastes. This is very refreshing in a culture that worships an anemic, fragile, aseptic, passive, and sterile conception of women. Besides, it’s always a thrill to speculate and see who wins a fight!
—T
HOMAS
G
RAMSTAD
Those who appreciate physically powerful women see no contradiction between femininity and brawn.
I’m very much involved in bodybuilding, and I’m quite proud of the fact that I’m strong and muscular but still undeniably female. I love working out, and do so about two hours a day
.
—B
EV
4
I LOVE the physical prowess and presence of a well-muscled woman
.
The more muscle, the more impressed and awestruck I become
.
—J
AMIE
5
Indeed, some admire women who, in manner and physique, emulate mythical female archetypes such as the Amazons, a legendary unimatril (all-woman) society of warriors. The modern Amazon is a muscled, athletic woman who confidently expresses her personal power in concrete terms.
With an Amazon, you can perceive and experience the power and force of life so much stronger and deeper—and unrestrained, both in
her and in yourself. Amazons are the real thing—women as they might be and ought to be. Amazons are actualizing the full potential of the female form. Isn’t it strange that [people] consider this a controversial activity?… Perhaps a substantial part of contemporary relationship problems is due to distortions of [natural] developmental processes by the artificial gender-role stereotyping dominating our culture
.
—T
HOMAS
G
RAMSTAD
Of the many different ways of looking at gender explored in this section, female combat is unique in its direct challenge of cultural notions of gender. For the female-wrestling fan, femininity is intrinsically powerful, aggressive, uncompromising—and its innate power is most completely expressed during tests of strength.
It is important to note, however, that all forms of combat sport require serious training and careful negotiation. The risk of injury is extremely high, as it is in all contact sports.
ROTIC
W
RESTLING AND
C
OMBAT
Young couples often engage in playful wrestling as lively expressions of sensuality and competition.
I think [an interest in erotic combat] is a part of the natural processes of human development—in particular, the development of sensuality, the need for somebody to admire, the need for testing one’s own strength and for finding appropriate ways of expressing energy and aggressive impulses
.
—T
HOMAS
G
RAMSTAD
While many couples may tumble playfully, organized amateur female wrestling is governed by the traditional rules of wrestling even in specifically erotic contests. Freestyle wrestling is typically favored. A referee may be present to judge the legality of holds and pins, and a win is determined according to formal criteria. Such criteria may include, for example,
break-stance
, in which the opponent is forced to relinquish her position or posture; in
toppling
, the loser is forced to touch the ground with something other than her feet.
Touch-fall
requires that the loser be forced into a supine position, and
pin-fall
requires that the loser be held down for a certain length of time, usually until the referee’s count of three. Fans tend to adhere to formal rules even when wrestling at home as a part of their erotic play.
My girlfriend is very athletic and quite powerfully built, so we wrestle in a very competitive manner and actively work to try and
pin each other to the mat. We don’t keep score, but [we] struggle back and forth
.
—K
EITH
The serious erotic wrestling fan demands that any match be an authentic contest in which a genuine and—to the loser—disappointing defeat occurs. Although rules and agreements on penalties are all negotiated prior to combat, the outcome must be the legitimate result of the combatants’ prowess.
It’s frustrating to [wrestle] with someone who outweighs me or is much stronger than me, because I like to feel as though I’ve got some chance of winning the conflict. Sometimes I get around that by giving the other person a handicap
.
—E
LLEN
M.
The women who professionally pursue combat sports, however, are often quite capable of routing male opponents.
I was on my knees, bent double, face smashed into the mat, and she had the beginnings of a hammerlock on my right arm.… I was slippery with the proverbial sweat of a man losing and I was trying to use that to slip free and I think I might have made it if she hadn’t thrown a neat and painful scissors around my legs.… Gloria worked the right-side hammerlock into a half nelson, and when I reached over … to undo it, she turned it into a full nelson and then it was all over
…
—C
RAIG
V
ETTER
6
The commercial aspect of the erotic-wrestling scene is significant. Amateur videos are especially popular in part because, until recently, opportunities to view competitive all-female matches were extremely limited. Men are without question the primary audience for erotic combat, and they are typically more interested in
watching
a wrestling match than in participating, although some couples enjoy wrestling as an aspect of foreplay. In the absence of opportunities to view live, competitive, erotically appealing wrestling, fans support a large and thriving commercial industry supplying videotapes, magazines, and books devoted to their interests.
Certainly, there is much to see in female wrestling. While strict traditional rules apply, contestants commonly wear bathing suits or other form-fitting garb. The grappling places the women’s bodies in provocative positions, and attire may be tugged or stretched. The accidental baring of breasts, buttocks, or other sexy features may add not only to the arousal of the onlooker but to the embarrassment of the exposed person; it may indeed anger or frustrate her sufficiently to make her fight more fiercely, which in turn adds to the competitive excitement. Some competitors do not rely on
accident: Nude wrestling and wrestling in which the clothing is purposely stripped from the opponent are also popular.
[Wrestling] interests me whether or not the women are fully clothed—but there’s no question [that] the less they wear, the more it’s enhanced for me. No question about that!
—R
AMON
Erotic wrestling enthusiasts are aroused by the sight of women who push the body’s limits and vie for primacy.
The strain of the muscles, the strain of the bodies—all of that exertion is very stimulating
.
—R
AMON
Whether one watches or participates, the battle for victory is an electrifying marriage of sensuality and strength.
[The pleasure comes from] a combination of things. It’s the physical relief. Aggression and sex are somewhat closely tied, and this is a healthy aggressive release
.
—K
EITH
Since the wrestler’s only tools are muscles, dexterity, speed, and skill, the dynamic struggle demands a full engagement of the mind and the
senses
.
A blend of factors—erotic, purely physiological, and purely psychological—[influence people to pursue erotic combat]. While the composition of the blend may vary between individuals as well as over time in the same individual, the common element is a unified intense experience that is erotic, physiological, and psychological in nature
.
—T
HOMAS
G
RAMSTAD
Participants find that rough contact with an opponent’s body as they grapple and resist can be a potent sexual stimulant.
The physical contact and the struggle with a powerful woman are very erotic for me.
—K
EITH
The contest for physical supremacy may enhance the wrestlers’ feelings of power—even when they are losing.
I really enjoyed feeling [that] even though I was physically submitting and physically held down and had no leverage and couldn’t even struggle anymore, I still had my voice, and I still had the ability to resist. That for me was really enjoyable
.
—E
LLEN
M.
Wrestlers negotiate the rules of competition and the penalties for loss ahead of time. For many fans, the drama of struggle is as exciting as the drama of surrender. And, in this respect, erotic wrestling resembles D&S behaviors.
I would say that the whole wrestling scene is one very specific [though] possibly tangential way of expressing the fundamental urges that are expressed in D&S activities. I know that in many circles this is a heresy that I could be burned at the stake for, but I’m convinced of it. I’ve talked with three or four lifestyle mistresses, a couple of whom are professional [wrestlers], and they agree
.
—R
AMON
Although many fans of female wrestling insist that no relation exists between wrestling and D&S sensuality, one of the most popular types of wrestling is
submission
wrestling: The loser is pinned and then compelled to acknowledge defeat explicitly. Rituals govern the loser’s disgrace and the winner’s triumph.
There are different types of wrestling matches that are domination wrestling matches: The winner expresses herself in a dominant position. The loser’s penalties are worked out before [the match]. The woman who wins will make a series of mistresslike statements—whether it’s verbally abusive or, “I’m dominating you,” or “Now you’re mine.”
—R
AMON
The loser may also submit to bondage or other D&S-like acts.
[Wrestling] provides a good opportunity to be both very dominant—holding somebody down against their will—and it falls into a sort of bondage situation. There is also the possibility of very quickly having that situation reversed on you and getting in the same position that you were applying before. Depending on the rules that you follow, there’s also a pain element involved for some people. I find the idea of that more erotic than the actual practice
.
—K
EITH
In some cases a loser may be required to submit to “face-sitting,” in which the winner straddles the loser’s face, or she may be required to submit to a spanking. While formal contests rarely lead to complete sexual encounters, couples who arrange private matches may stipulate that the loser will be required to submit to some sexual act as a humiliating admission of defeat. This humiliation may not be necessarily erotic to the loser (and thus differs from the erotic humiliation some D&Sers enjoy); however, the fact that humiliation rituals, and ones that involve overt sexuality, are an accepted aspect of the wrestling Scene certainly suggests that a majority of fans finds them stimulating.
Erotic combat remains a vast but largely underground phenomenon. Wrestling is actually only one of several sports and combative events enjoyed by enthusiasts.