Different Senses (66 page)

“Perhaps your father was
mistaken about your loyalties.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear
that, sir, because punching a superior officer isn’t considered
nice.”

“
And I’ll pretend I
didn’t just hear you threaten me because I don’t have time to sit
through a bloody disciplinary hearing. Fine. We can’t use him.
Which probably means we can’t use
you
. Go back to the interview
room and wait. I’ll have you taken back to the residence. Wait for
orders.”

“Yes, sir. Will you release
him?”

“Yes, yes, of course. As you
said, we’re wasting time, and I don’t have it to waste. Good day,
sergeant.” He stomped off, still enraged at my stupidity.

Captain Largosen slipped out
from the office where we’d met and caught up with me. “Excellent
start, Sergeant Ythen. Congratulations.” He wasn’t angry despite
the sarcasm. His emotional state hadn’t changed at all. Cold fish,
or stone hard cynic? I couldn’t tell.

“Thank you, sir. If you’re
releasing Shardul, I’d like to speak to him before he leaves the
station.”

“Wait here. I’ll have someone
let you know when he’s been processed. A driver from the residence
has been summoned.” Too much trouble to take me back in person, I
supposed.

Shame about the poor
first impression, but I honestly didn’t know how I could have done
any different. If it had been someone who knew me less well, I
could have bluffed and bullied, and with someone
I
knew
less well, I wouldn’t have had so much conscience about what I was
doing. But not
zero
conscience. I’d never cross the line between
being one of
us
and being one of
them
. Not even for Yashi would I
become what I hated.

I waited half an hour before I
got the message to come up to the detainee release area. Shardul
was collecting his possessions as I walked into the section. He
turned and saw me. His anger hit me like a slap. “More
manipulation, Javen? Am I supposed to be overcome with
gratitude?”

“You can do what you like. Do
you need money for a taxi, or a lift back?”

His eyes narrowed. “Thank you,
no. Your kind has done more than enough.”

“I had nothing to do with your
arrest. First I heard of it was less than an hour ago.”

That made him hesitate. He put
his things into his pockets and straightened his rumpled jacket.
I’d never seen him look so tired or so shabby, and despite his
hostility, my treacherous heart tightened a little in sympathy. “So
why bring you in?”

“
They’re
desperate.
I’m
desperate. My entire family are living under
threat of death. My sister-in-law is taking the kids away to Kelon
because she can’t live like this. I love this city, this country,
and it’s being torn apart for no good reason that I can see. Even
you have to admit this is doing no good.”

“No, it’s not.” He
straightened. “But the real fault is with a legal system that lets
a man like Denge walk free. By being here, working with them,
you’re supporting it. I thought you understood that once.”

He walked towards the door,
dismissing me, though his emotions were much less contemptuous.

I kept my voice low, pitching
it towards his acute hearing alone. “We were friends once. All that
changed was you pushed me away. I’m the same man I was then. Why
are you so ready to believe the worst of me now?”

He stopped, uncertain, and I
thought he would turn and answer. But he moved forward and was
outside the building before I could think of anything else to
say.

I’d disappointed everyone
today. I supposed it was too much to hope that Shardul would see
things my way, when he’d spent a lifetime opposing all I stood for
and all my race had done to his. Like he’d said, I was the wrong
colour. I always would be.

I dropped in at the office
where the team, back at work but wary of more trouble in the city,
greeted me ecstatically. Even Prachi, sporting an ugly bruise on
her jaw. I took her hand gently and drew her close. “What happened
to you, kid?”

She pushed me off just as
carefully. “Kelons. I was walking with a friend, someone who
looks....” She gestured at Vik and his red hair. “They began
harassing her and when I yelled at them, one of them smacked me
across the face. We ran for it.”

“Sanity. Did you call the...no,
of course not. I’m sorry, dear.”

She shrugged, but the anger and
hurt came through anyway. “Not as bad as some have had. Ask Vik
about being chased back to his house the other night.”

“Fortunately I’m fitter than
most of these bastards,” Vik said with a grin.

I looked at Madan and Hamsa in
despair. “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Madan said. “Your
father perhaps can do more. We can only endure. Not the first
time.”

“But this is the worst I can
ever remember.”

“Our history is longer than
that,” Hamsa reminded me. “But it’s so good to see you, Javen. How
is your brother? How are the children?”

They did their best to make me
feel welcome. Though I was officially inactive, Madan and Hamsa
asked my advice on some minor issues, Vik and Prachi following
every word as if they couldn’t get enough of me. I felt like a worm
for abandoning them.

“You guys are doing all right
here though, aren’t you?” I needed that reassurance. “No one’s
harassing you during the day?”

“We’d be happier if you were
here,” Hamsa said, the others nodding. “We feel vulnerable.”

“And we miss you,” Prachi
added. Such a sweet kid. I’d missed them too, and I’d miss them a
lot more if I went undercover. I said nothing about any of that for
now.

“I’d come back now if I could.
I can’t. I don’t know when I will.”

“So long as you do eventually,”
Madan said, “we’ll keep your desk warm. Your name on the door gives
us a little protection too. We’re keeping Vik in the office as much
as possible.”

“Which they don’t need to,” Vik
burst out. “I can look after myself.”

“Maybe, but you have to look
after each other. I agree. Stick around until things calm down.
Guys, I’m sorry. I wish I could be here to help.”

“
We’ll
manage
,”
Madan insisted. “What will happen with your brother?”

“Going back to Kelon with the
family for treatment. I, uh, may go too. For a while,” I added as
Prachi drew a shocked breath. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“This is your home,” she
whispered.

“Yes. And I’ll come back, if I
do go.” I gave her a hug, but I didn’t dare tell her the truth. I
could only hope that going undercover might mean a safer future for
the kids, and all my team.

There you go,
Commander Reoda.
I’d laid the ground in
case he went ahead with his plans after all. And if he
didn’t...well, then, I’d fight our enemies some other way. I wasn’t
sure how, just yet, with Dad blocking my return to uniform. I’d
think of something.

Tara scrutinised me carefully
when I went back to our rooms at the residence, then gave me a hug
I really needed. “Wherever we are, Javen, we are your family. We’ll
never abandon you.”

“I know, darling.” I let her
hold me for a second or two longer, then straightened up. “Right,
let’s have our picnic.”

We took the boys out on the
estate for a snack, a vigorous ball game, and chases around the
trees to wear out the twins’ energy. Tara, watching them and
holding Nita, looked the picture of content, proud motherhood. But
I couldn’t avoid knowing she was worried about me—about everything.
For all our support, the burden of the decision lay on her, and it
was so unfair. She shouldn’t have been in this position.

Since the fire, I’d made a
special effort to make the evenings with the children as rich and
happy for them as I could without Yashi’s presence. Until he
emerged from the tank and his induced coma, Tara would have to
manage this on her own on Kelon. I didn’t know her parents, and
couldn't guess how much help they’d be. “Wish you didn’t have to
go,” I murmured at the doorway of the children’s bedroom, after
we’d finally convinced them to turn the lights off and go to
sleep.

“Me too. Oh Javen, am I making
a terrible mistake?”

I put my arm around her
shoulders and hugged her tight. “If you are, it’s easily fixed. You
only have to stay long enough for Yashi to have the essential
treatment. You both can come back and finish things here in a
couple of months.”

“Yes, I suppose so. But I’ll
miss everyone so much. I feel like I’m losing everything.” She
wiped her eyes. “So weak.”

“Not even slightly. Early
night?”

“
Yes, I think so.” She
kissed my cheek. “We
will
come back. I promise
it.”

I knew she meant it. I also
knew a lot could happen between now and then.

I couldn’t sleep, and didn’t
try. I switched on the media screen and watched the news with the
sound on low. The reports of sporadic violence were fewer than we’d
become used to, but I found it hard to concentrate anyway. I kept
thinking about Shardul, and what had been done to him. What I’d
been part of, and how I’d handled it. Looking back, it was a wonder
he hadn’t spat on me as he left the station. I doubted I’d have
scraped up as much grace, little though it had been, as he had.

I’d agreed to the undercover
mission without much thought. Now it looked like a washout. Had I
been too quick to sign on? Would my team have been so friendly and
welcoming if they’d known what I’d planned to do? Madan would
understand—Nihan or not, he was a cop in his soul. Hamsa? Vik?
Prachi would feel utterly betrayed. I could never face her if she
knew. Unless I caught the terrorists. That would change
everything.

My phone went, on the quiet
buzzer. It was after ten, and no ID on the screen. “Hello?”

“Javen, it’s Shardul.”

I sat up. “Still had my number
then.”

“Look...can we meet? We need to
talk.”

Months and months I’d dreamed
of this call. I didn’t believe it now it had come. “When?”

“I know it’s short notice, but
now?”

Was it a trap? Fuck it, I hated
the suspicion. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“I...don’t want people to see
us talking.”

“I need to bring a guard. Dad’s
orders, no exception.”

“
I meant
my
people.
I don’t care what you Kelons see.”

“If you’re going to be like
that—”

“Sorry.” He drew in a deep
breath. “Name the place, bring your guard. I just want to
talk.”

“My office?”

“Too close to our
neighbourhood.”

“River park then. The only
people who’ll see us will be necking lovers.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “I
think you’ll find the lovers have been scared off by the riots.
I’ll meet you there in half an hour. Main parking area.”

I closed the call. Should I
call Commander Reoda? He’d hear from my guard soon enough. If I
didn’t tell him, my loyalties would be questioned. But if Shardul
only wanted to talk about the things he’d run from months earlier,
that was none of Reoda’s business.

No, first I’d meet with Shardul
and then decide if the commander needed to know.

Agent Tordwel did his best to
persuade me not to go out. “Are you crazy, Sri Ythen? This is a
classic set up.”

“And we both know that, so
we’ll be prepared. You don’t have to come.”

“The governor won’t be
pleased.”

“The governor doesn’t need to
know. Look, I’m going. Either be out by the vehicle pool in three
minutes or I’m leaving without you.”

He growled and hung up. I
grabbed my gun and body armour and put them on as I left the
residential wing and walked through the darkened quiet halls of the
main building. Yes, it could be a trap, but the Shardul I knew
would never do such a thing. Not to me. Nothing I’d seen today told
me he’d changed that much.

Agent Tordwel’s disapproval and
irritation rolled over me all the way into the city. I ignored it,
and him, impatient to get this over with.

There were no other autos in
the parking area. Despite Shardul’s comment, I couldn’t help
finding that suspicious. “Do you think someone knows about this?” I
asked my sulky companion.

“You already know what I think,
sir.”

“Great.”

A minute later, Shardul’s
vehicle pulled up a little way from us, and Tordwel motioned for me
to stay as he slid the door open. “Wait here, sir. I’m going to
check him out. You can talk to him here.”

I felt like snapping a
salute and a “Yes, sir” to the little bastard, but it wasn’t worth
it, and he was only doing his job, even if he was being a snot
about it. A light went on in Shardul’s auto, and a few moments
later, silhouettes indicated Tordwel patting Shardul down damn
thoroughly.
Terrific
. Just the thing to put
him in a good mood before we talked.

The auto door opened and
Shardul came in, Agent Tordwel staying outside. “Sorry about that,”
I said, though Shardul wasn’t particularly angry. “We’ve had some
very specific threats.”

“From my people. I know.”
Shardul sat, keeping a careful distance away. “I, too, wish to
apologise for what I said today...and...the other time.”

“We gave you cause, Shardul.
I’m not angry. I’d give anything for all of it not to have
happened.”

“
I know...and that’s why
I wish to apologise. You said you hadn’t changed, and that was
correct.
I’ve
changed. I wish I hadn’t.”

“You’re still the same upright,
brave, snotty prick you always were,” and despite his depressed
mood, he snorted in amusement. “You didn’t need to drag me out here
in secret to apologise.”