Dinner at Eight-epub (15 page)

“That’s not love.” It was pathological violence.

“Wanna know something stupid? I think Anthony did love me, in his own warped and strange kind of a way. His hitting me was his way of keeping me close.”

“It was his way of manipulating and abusing you. I need you to know, to believe, I would never do either.” Jared would do anything to make her happy. Anything at all.

“I do know that. In the rational side of my brain. But when you touch me…or move too quickly, or get close…” Ava began to shiver. “I… I’m cold.”

So was he. Cold down to his bones. “Let me hold you.”

But she shook her head. “Not right now.”

Jared dropped the arms he’d held open to her, trying not to be troubled by her rejection. Or emotional in any way that might upset her. What she needed from him now was a man who was solid, stable and harmless. Someone she could lean on and trust. “I’ll get you a sweater.”

“I don’t think it’ll help.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “The cold’s too deep.”

“How about a bath?”

She stared at him, wordless for a long time. “That sounds really good.”

“I’m all over it, baby. You wait here.”

Finally, something tangible he could do. He turned the taps on in her bathroom, filling the tub with water as hot as he could tolerate, then added a dollop of bubble bath he found beside her sink. Some organic, aromatherapy blend.

The bubbles smelled floral, fruity and feminine, like Ava’s shampoo. He inhaled deeply, filling his nose with her scent.

At any other time, the aroma would have him hardening for her, but tonight’s confession had dulled his ardor. Yeah, he still wanted her. Hell, he always wanted her. But now that want was focused more around a need to comfort and ease than the desire to bury himself deep inside her.

When the bath was full, he went back to the lounge room to call Ava.

She hadn’t moved. She stood exactly where she’d been, with her hair tumbling down her back in tumultuous waves, and her arms wrapped around her body. Goose bumps covered every inch of exposed flesh.

If it was the last thing he did tonight, he’d make sure she smiled. At least once.

This time when Jared touched her shoulder, Ava didn’t startle. She’d heard him coming. He sang as he made his way through the flat.

The uneven tone and lilt to his voice gave her immeasurable comfort. Anthony had never sung. Not in the car or alone in the shower. He’d never even sung along to ABBA when one of their songs came on the radio.
Everyone
sang along to ABBA.

“Dance with me, Torres,” Jared invited.

“I don’t really feel like dan—”

“Of course you don’t. Dance with me anyway?” And using his left hands—both of them—he twirled her lightly into his arms and boogied his way through the lounge room and into her bedroom.

Ava only tripped over his feet once before they made it to the bathroom, and he caught her before she stumbled, so it didn’t really count. He crooned in her ear the entire way, words that made no sense, to a tune she didn’t recognize.

By the time he pulled them both to a stop beside the tub, she was giggling at the sheer silliness of her friend.

“You’re nuts.”

“I know. Nuts about you. Now, lose the shirt and climb in. Your bath awaits.”

But she hesitated. “Don’t fall in love with me.” She’d already warned him once, but Jared seemed determined.

“Too late. Get naked please.”

She bit her lip, suddenly shy to undress in front of him.

“No worries, Torres.” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You exhausted me back there on the floor, earlier. I don’t have the energy to get it up now. I swear.” He took a hold of the hem of her shirt. “And anyway, the bubbles are so thick, I’d need goggles and a snorkel to see you in the bath.”

Ava tied her hair in a messy bun atop her head, then raised her arms and let him strip her. She even snickered at the image of Jared in her bathroom, dressed in full snorkeling gear.

He tossed the shirt behind him and took her hand to help her climb in the bath. “In you get.”

Ava could stand there like a twit, naked and shivering, or she could immerse herself in the steaming water.

She climbed in.

Jared didn’t let her go until she was covered from neck to toes in bubbles.

“Feels good.” She hadn’t thought she’d ever get warm, but the water surrounded her, its heat all encompassing. Fatigue consumed her.

“Relax, baby,” Jared sat on the edge of the tub. “No need to speak now. I might just take a shower while you let the water heat you up.”

Ava nodded, and rested her head on the edge of the tub. She closed her eyes and listened as Jared turned on the shower. Running water hit the floor. Its tempo changed, probably because he’d stepped inside, and Ava was struck by the intimacy of the moment. She bathed while he showered—in the same bathroom. And Ava learned something new. Jared sang in the shower. Not that she was surprised. It stood to reason he would.

It was nice. Intimate.

Almost as intimate as confessing to Jared what had happened to her.

Her parents knew, as did her sister. The professionals who’d helped along the way knew too—the hospital staff, her lawyers, the trauma counselors, the police. But aside from them, no one else was any the wiser.

Her friends had asked. She’d considered opening up to them but simply hadn’t found the courage or the strength to do it. Not because she didn’t trust them. She did. But because she was humiliated by what she’d allowed Anthony to do to her. Telling them would embarrass her all over again.

Jared was different. Keeping something this big from him wasn’t up for discussion. She hadn’t wanted to tell him, hadn’t wanted to recount the story, but she’d
needed
to. There’d never been secrets between them, ever. It was part of the reason they’d stayed close for so long. Keeping a secret this big had the potential to rip them apart. Jared would feel locked out of her life forever.

Now that Ava had him back, she refused to let anything tear him away again. Sharing the abuse with him was the only option, no matter how mortifying—and traumatic—the telling had been.

Yet somehow, sharing her pain with Jared had…helped. If she weren’t so damn tired, she suspected she’d feel a whole lot better. But exhaustion sucked at her eyelids, pulling them low over her eyes.

As Jared sang one indeterminate tune after another, she drifted off, lulled by the security of his presence, the warmth of the bath and Jared’s god-awful voice.

The next thing she knew Jared was shaking her shoulder and regarding her with narrowed eyes.

“Time to climb out, sleepyhead. The water’s getting cold.”

“Already?” He was right. The temperature had cooled significantly.

“You’ve been snoozing for the last half an hour. I reckon a good night’s sleep will do you the world of good.” He held a towel out for her. “Let’s get you dry and into bed.”

Ava smiled. “You know I’m perfectly capable of getting out of the bath by myself?”

“’Course you are. But I’m here and you’re naked, and it’ll be much more fun if I do the honors. So humor me, ’kay?”

“’Kay.” Too sleepy to argue, she stood up, water streaming down her body, and let Jared do the rest.

He wrapped her in the towel, patted her dry then picked her up to carry her to her room.

“I’m perfectly capable of walking too.”

“’Course you are,” he agreed again. “And if you want me to put you down, just say the word. But I’m here, and you’re naked…”

“I have a towel around me.”

“I know. I put it there.” He sighed dramatically. “Stupid idea on my part.”

She kissed his neck. “You have a towel too.”

“Even stupider idea. Want me to put you down?”

“Only when we get to my bed.” Ava was content in his arms. Pity her room was just a few steps away.

Once he’d deposited her carefully on her bed, he searched her cupboard—under her direction—for a shirt to sleep in, found one and slipped it over her head.

“Another item in the Torres tent range, I see.”

Ava bit back a smile. The huge T-shirt he dressed her in was his. “Will you spend the night with me, Jar? In my bed?”

“Will my being here worry you?”

She thought about it. “As long as you don’t make any sudden movements, I should be fine. I-I’d really like you to stay.”

He tugged at the elastic in her hair, freeing the bun and watching as her hair tumbled down her back. “In that case, I’d love to spend the night.”

Jared disappeared into the bathroom and came back with his pants on. Without another word, he climbed beneath her doona and opened his arms to her. Minutes after she lay down beside him and snuggled into his warm, hard body, Ava was asleep again.

Jared was not so lucky. Sleep eluded him. He found it impossible to switch off his thoughts. Ava’s words echoed through his ears, her story repeating itself over and over. No matter how many times he heard it, the impact did not lessen.

Jared was crushed—and he’d only heard half the story. There was a whole lot Ava hadn’t told him yet.

If he’d only known. If he’d had the slightest clue, he would have gotten on the first flight home. He’d have beaten the motherfucker to a bloody pulp and hauled Ava to safety.

But he’d been on the other side of the world, with no idea of what the woman he loved had been forced to endure. He’d run, desperate to escape his own pain and the reality of Ava marrying another man. And because he’d fled, he hadn’t been there when she’d needed him.

His failure to save her sat heavily on his shoulders. She’d been to hell, and he hadn’t found her and brought her back.

Minutes stretched into hours as he listened to her soft, even breathing. Darkness turned to light as tension and grief tied his stomach in knots.

Though not a violent man by nature, if Jared ever saw Anthony again, he would treat him to every ounce of pain the bastard had dealt Ava. And Jared would enjoy every punch and kick he threw.

The bastard would be lucky to survive.

As dawn broke, Ava’s breathing changed. She rolled over before stretching sinuously against him.

Jared froze. In slumber, Ava had been perfectly happy to lie beside him. How would she react when she woke up to find herself in a man’s arms? Several times over the last week, she’d confused him for Anthony. Would it happen again?

She stilled. Her breathing quickened and then stopped altogether. Her body stiffened.

Jared pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “Morning, baby.”

And just like that, the tension seemed to seep away. Her chest began to move again, and she burrowed her face in his chest and cuddled up close. “Mm, morning.”

Relief swamped him, and his body reacted to her proximity. Lack of sleep didn’t seem to affect his libido when it came to Ava.

Her voice was a sexy rasp. “You’re up early, Jar.” She emphasized the
up
, leaving him with no doubt that she was as aware of his erection as he was.

“Natural reaction to the most beautiful woman in the world waking up in my arms. Ignore it. It’ll go away.”

She cuddled in closer, and her hand crept around his waist to his ass. “What if I don’t want to ignore it?”

His heart thudded. “Then it won’t go away.” And even if it did, it would just bounce back to life every time Ava looked at him. Or moved. Or breathed.

She fiddled with his pants.

“It sure won’t go anywhere if you keep touching me,” he warned.

She kept touching, kept fiddling, and worse, she began to wriggle her hips, pressing herself close to the very erection they discussed.

“Easy, baby.” Jared placed a hand on her hip, attempting to still her. “You’re treading on dangerous ground.”

“See, that’s just the thing.” She pressed a kiss to his bare chest and kept right on wriggling. “I’m with you. There is no danger.”

Emotion hit him hard. She’d woken up with a man, with
him
, in her bed—and felt no fear. He would have responded, but that whack of emotion seemed to have blocked his ability to speak. Instead he pressed another kiss to her head, this one lasting longer than the first.

Her fiddling ceased. A crinkling noise sounded, and Ava withdrew her hand. “Got it.”

“Got what?”

“One of the condoms you stashed in your pocket.”

His heart skipped a beat. “Torres…”

“Am I still in control?”

He closed his eyes, dizzy from her question and her implication. After the trauma of last night, Jared hadn’t expected her to be interested in any physical interaction. “As much as you need to be.”

“I can take this as fast or as slow as I want?”

“Any speed you like. And you can stop at any time.”

She found his nipple and kissed it.

Jared moaned, and her tongue flicked over his sensitized skin.

“Av?”

“Hmm?”

She licked small circles around his nipple, and Jared struggled to remember what he wanted to say. “Tie.”

“What about it?”

“In lounge.” Hello, caveman. Welcome back.

“I think—” she sucked the tender nub into her mouth, making him groan, “—we can do without it.”

But what if he frightened her? Moved too quickly and she startled, once again confusing him for Anthony? “Scared?”

“A little.” She found his other nipple and caressed it with her tongue and lips. “But more aroused than frightened.”

He buried his fingers in her hair, slowly and fully prepared to pull back at any time. Then he forced himself to construct a real sentence. “You’re safe with me, baby. Always.”

“I know.” She pushed up to her knees. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to do this.” Her hands found his button and zip, and within seconds they were undone. “Or this.” She pushed the chinos over his hips, tugging as he rose up to make the job easier.

He kicked them off.

“And I definitely wouldn’t be able to do this.” She enclosed the length of his shaft in her fist, and Jared hissed in a breath. There was no point trying to speak. He didn’t have the capacity.

He dropped his hands to his sides, holding them open so Ava could see them at all times.