Dinner at Eight-epub (18 page)

Ava had spent every night apart from Jared prowling her flat, too on edge to sleep. Restlessness had crept through her body, making it difficult to relax or to let her thoughts coalesce into any useful kind of musings.

She felt as though she were standing on the edge of a precipice. Something in her life had to change. Something
would
change, soon, but she wasn’t sure what.

The receptionist smiled at her, a quizzical look in her eyes. Jared had found a two-month locum position at a veterinary practice in Randwick. He’d started work the day before.

“Hi. I’m here to see Dr. Thurston.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No. I’m a friend. He’s not expecting me.”

It was time to say hello. She’d hidden for long enough. What she’d say after hello was beyond her, but she had a desperate, uncontrollable need to see him.

The receptionist looked relieved. “We’re about to close for the day, so I’m glad you don’t have a pet with you. Take a seat, and I’ll let Dr. Thurston know you’re here. Your name?”

“Ava.” She took a deep breath. There was no turning back now.

The receptionist disappeared into the back and returned quickly.

“He’s just with a patient, but said to send you through to his office. He’ll meet you there when he’s done. Second door on the left. You can’t miss it.”

Ava smiled her thanks, wiped her palms again and headed through the doors with her heart sitting in her throat. She wanted to race to his office almost as much as she wanted to race back out the front door. She’d missed Jared with a savage ferocity. Being away from him had hurt like a physical ache.

She stopped outside the first door on the left, Jared’s voice catching her attention. He stood inside with his back to her, his white doctor’s coat falling down to his jean-covered thighs. He murmured softly, “Easy, baby. I’m not gonna hurt you.” 

Chills broke out over her skin.

“You’re okay. It’s all good. It’s just me and you, and that’s all.”

Dear God. How often had he used that soothing tone on her since he’d returned home?

“You’re safe,” he said softly. “Completely safe.”

She swallowed hard around a lump that formed in her throat and let her gaze wander past Jared. Standing on the treatment table, shivering, was the most bedraggled mutt she’d ever laid eyes on. He balanced on three legs. The fourth hung uselessly from one shoulder. He stared at Jared with enormous brown eyes, fear and distrust emanating off of him.

“It’s hard, isn’t it? Living on the streets, never knowing who you can trust.” Jared held out his hand, keeping it just beneath the dog’s snout. “Never knowing where your next meal’s coming from.”

The dog sniffed at his fingers but didn’t move. He looked up at Ava and shook harder.

“Go on, baby. Take it. It’s all yours.”

The dog sniffed again and shot Ava a wary glance before staring longingly at Jared’s hand.

“It’s a liver treat. That’s all. Tastes real good,” Jared assured him.

Apart from the crazy shivering, the dog remained still.

“You’re safe,” Jared murmured. “Even with the pretty lady standing there, nothing’s going to happen.”

Ava blinked. He knew she was there?

“That’s Ava. She’s harmless and lovable. I promise. She’s going to take a slow step back and out of the doorway, so you won’t see her anymore. She’ll head into the office and then it’ll just be you and me again.” Jared’s tone didn’t change. He spoke directly to the dog, soothing and calming.

As slowly as she could, Ava eased back a step and then another, until she was clear of the doorway and the dog’s sight.

“See? She’s gone. You can trust me. I won’t hurt you. Not ever.”

The mutt was in good hands. The best. Jared, who’d always been a sucker for a homeless animal, would help him, treat him and find him a better life.

Hearing Jared reassure the dog left Ava weak-kneed. She leaned against the wall, her chest heaving. He treated his patient exactly the same as he treated her when she’d freaked out.

Was that how he saw her? A wounded animal, too scared to trust the very people who could always be relied upon? Like the dog, did she need coaxing to believe in Jared? Had Anthony damaged her beyond repair?

“Oh, good boy,” Jared crooned. “Good dog. Yep, you can have more. As much as you want.”

As Ava listened, her friend spoke his way into the dog’s heart. In his winning voice, he outlined everything he was doing, reassuring his patient the entire time. Exactly like he’d done with her. Over and over.

The unavoidable truth echoed through her ears. She and the dog were one and the same. Damaged, miserable and incapable of trust.

Her stomach coiled. Nausea built in her throat.

This was not the life she’d imagined leading. She was not the person she’d wanted to be. And that was unacceptable. Anthony may have damaged her, but damn it, she refused to let him destroy her. He’d already taken away a good two years of her life. She wasn’t giving him another day.

Ava bolted.

One second she was leaning against the wall, her legs too weak to walk, the next she was tearing through the waiting room and out the door. She was pretty sure she made it home long before Jared had finished treating the dog.

She charged through the flat, casting only a quick glance around. Liv wasn’t home. She marched into her room and turned on the light. Under its harsh glow, Ava stood before the full-length mirror and studied her reflection.

A stranger stared back at her. Someone with pale, makeup-free skin, haunted eyes and a nose she didn’t recognize. Shapeless clothes hung from her shoulders. The nicest thing she wore was a pair of silver ballet-type flats.

Ava whimpered, appalled.

The reflection bore no resemblance to her, yet the truth was undeniable. She was the washed-out rag in the mirror.

And in that that second, something shifted inside her. Something changed.

Ava was tired of being the victim. She was tired of hiding behind a façade she thought could protect her from all the monsters in the world. She’d had enough of cowering in the corner, hoping life wouldn’t notice her. It was time to be Ava again—the woman she’d once been, not the shell Anthony had turned her into.

It was time to be free.

She tugged at the elastic in her hair, tossing it aside and letting her hair tumble down her back.

No. Not good enough. Grabbing a brush, she stroked it through her hair, over and over, until it shone. Then she rummaged through the drawer of her dressing table, found the bag she sought and opened it.

First came the mascara, which she applied twice to each eye. As she waited for it to dry, she added the tiniest hint of blush. Foundation had never been her thing, and she didn’t waste time with it now. The blush gave her cheeks ample color. She no longer looked as though she might faint from lack of blood.

Eye shadow followed. Not a lot, just enough that the inconspicuous shine made her eyes look enormous and greener than ever. Then came the lipstick. A shade she hadn’t worn since…since…well, damn it, since her honeymoon. It lit up her skin and made her teeth look whiter.

Satisfied with her face—even though the nose still looked foreign, Ava scowled at the long, baggy shirt in the mirror.

It had to go. Forever. She gripped the blouse on both sides and ripped. Buttons flew across the room and buried themselves in the plush carpet. The shirt landed in the bin, leaving only her skirt and singlet.

The singlet was a low-cut, body-hugging white cotton that showed off her breasts. While it wasn’t overtly revealing, it was a big step away from her recent style, and with nothing covering it, Ava felt…exposed.

She threw back her shoulders and stood up straight, enjoying the cool breeze playing over her bare arms. She was a long way off from being exposed, and if she was honest with herself, the singlet was darn cute. It displayed the girls beautifully.

Now she had to worry about the shapeless bag she’d called a skirt. It landed in a heap above the shirt in the bin. Ava turned to her cupboard, searching for a different skirt.

Top shelf, right at the back. With the help of a dining room chair, she reached it, and miracle of miracles, it still fit. If anything, the stretchy fabric that ended a good few inches above the knee was a little loose, thanks to the MMA.

With her new—or old—clothes on, Ava once again turned to the mirror. And this time, it wasn’t a stranger who looked back at her. This time, she sighed in relief. She recognized the woman.

She was the same person she’d once been, and yet she was different. The nose and the toned muscles were new, the rest looked pretty much like she remembered.

One thing she knew for sure, was now that she’d rediscovered Ava, she’d discovered her freedom. She would never allow herself to become trapped in a stranger’s clothes or mind again. She would never again give anyone enough control to trap her.

From this moment on, the only opportunity Jared would have to use that tone of voice would be with his patients. Not her.

She would never give him reason to ease her fears again.

Jared pressed the buzzer, still baffled by Ava’s sudden appearance and just as sudden retreat. He hadn’t expected her to visit the practice, and he sure as hell hadn’t expected her to flee before they’d had a chance to speak.

He was stoked she’d come and bummed she’d left. Now that she’d made the first move, he was making the second. Waiting for her to contact him was a killer. Not knowing where they stood or what she thought was driving him insane.

Jared still grappled with his guilt, and Greg’s constant urging to “fix her” and to “stop being a pussy and contact the woman” had worn his patience thin.

He’d given her ten days. Text messages weren’t enough anymore. Time out was over.

She buzzed him in, and Jared about sprinted to her front door.

The panting that followed, however, had nothing to do with his race to get to her. Standing in the doorway was the woman he’d left when he went to America—not the one he’d returned home to find.

He took in her appearance with a greedy stare, and would have said hello—if he hadn’t just about swallowed his tongue.

Ava smiled wryly. “Close your mouth, Thurston. You’re starting to drool.”

He snapped his jaw shut and followed her inside, his gaze tracing the outline of her ass in a skirt that looked like it’d been painted on.

Shit. He
was
drooling. He was also aroused, totally turned on by the woman he loved and hadn’t seen in what felt like a century.

Jared shook off his lust-induced daze. “Want to tell me what that was about?” he asked when she’d taken a seat on the couch.

Ava didn’t pretend to misunderstand him. “My visit?”

He leaned against the wall. “One minute you were there, the next…gone.”

She frowned. “Any chance you could put it down to more crazy Ava behavior?”

“I could.” But that would give him no insight into his friend’s thoughts. “I’d rather know the truth.”

Ava gnawed on her lip. “I heard you talking to the dog. Heard what you said and how you said it. And I realized then why I’d needed time out.”

“Why?”

“I’d been searching for something.”

Jesus, did she have to be so cryptic? “What?”

Ava touched her chest. “Me.”

He stared at her, unsure what to say.

“Somewhere along the way, I got lost. I forgot who I was and who I wanted to be.”

“And you found yourself at the vet practice?” Quite a place to come face to face with one’s self.

“Not really. I found a mirror image of myself in your patient.”

Jared let out a long whistle. “The dog with the broken leg.” He’d been abused, and he’d been terrified.

Ava nodded. “You spoke to him like you speak to me. I…I can’t bear that you see me as something so…damaged.”

His heart twisted. “Ava—”

“It’s true. I am damaged. Anthony did that to me. And because he did, I lost myself. I became someone I didn’t recognize. Seeing you with that dog…it got to me, Jar.” She clasped her hands over her heart. “I don’t want to be the person Anthony turned me into. I want to be Ava again.”

He gestured toward her. “So the clothes, the makeup?”

“They’re the first steps to finding myself again.”

“You look good.” Yeah, bullshit. “You look fucking gorgeous.”

She smiled, accepting the compliment, and dropped her hands. “How’s the dog?”

“His leg was broken. Whoever dumped him on the side of the road did a real number on him. But he’s a survivor. He’ll be okay.”

“You were good with him.”

Jared shrugged. “It’s my job.”

“No,” she said softly. “It’s your nature.”

A dull throb began in his stomach. Being near her and not hauling her into his arms was killing him. “How about you, Av? Will you be okay?”

“I won’t let Anthony make me miserable for another second, if that’s any answer?”

“It is.” It was a fucking great answer. “Can I help? Can I do something to make it easier for you?”

“You already have. If you hadn’t come home, I’d never have been forced to confront the woman I’ve become. I’d never have wanted to change.”

He was too far away. Jared crossed the room and sat beside her on the couch. “I don’t want you to change for me. You have to make changes for yourself.”

“The changes
are
for me. Don’t you see? I was scared of you, Jar. You had to tie your hands behind your back before I’d let you anywhere near me. That’s not the person I want to be. That’s not what I want our relationship to be like.”

“What do you want our relationship to be like?” Christ, wasn’t that the million-dollar question.

Ava closed her eyes, her face pained. “I don’t know.”

Jared clenched his jaw in disappointment and frustration. He’d spent ten days desperate to hold his friend again. To touch her, to love her—and she still didn’t know what she wanted from their relationship.

And then he instantly unclenched, ruing his selfishness.

Ava hadn’t exactly wasted the ten days. She’d rediscovered herself. That alone was a fucking miracle. A brilliant fucking miracle.