Dirty Crown: A Bad Boy Secret Baby Royal Romance (with BONUS book - Rebel Rockstar!) (10 page)

“They disgust me.”

In this moment, she reminds me too much of my mum and all of her negative opinions regarding Faith, so I simply shrug Kristine off and I stalk from the room. I can’t just stand there and listen to that nonsense, not for anybody. I don’t even want to spend another second looking at her, never mind speaking to her. She’s a horrid, selfish girl and I have much better people that I really need to be spending time with.

To think that I actually left Faith and Lily to be here!

What the hell was I thinking? This was really only going to go one way – the way that it has!

“Marcus,” I call to him as I spot him standing in the reception area, just waiting for me.

“Get the car back around, I’m heading back now. I refuse to stay here for even another night…”

“Edward!” I roll my eyes as my mum’s voice rings out from behind me once more.

Does she never intend to let this one go? Can she not see that this is already over?

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Back!” I snap, turning to face her.

“I don’t even want to be here, never mind with Kristine at this mess of a party. Did you not see what happened in there?”

“Well, that was rather unfortunate…” she says, but I don’t believe her words at all.

I know that she doesn’t think that way. She doesn’t care one bit – the girl is royalty. She could have punched someone in the face and mum would have found a way to suggest that it wasn’t her fault.

“But Kristine is under a lot of pressure.”

“Unbelievable,” I shake my head in disgust.

“Mum, I’m going back to Philadelphia, to see Faith and Lily…”

“I told you,” she hisses, looking angrier than I’ve ever seen before.

“I do
not
want to hear that awful girl’s name mentioned ever again. Do you even remember what she did to you? She ran out on you, completely abandoned you, and you haven’t heard from her in seven years! Now she turns up with some child that isn’t even yours… don’t be so stupid.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” I argue back, finally wanting to free myself of the burden that has been sitting on my shoulders for far too long.

“I went looking for Faith, not the other way around, she wasn’t even keen to reveal that Lily is mine…”

“Even less reason to trust her!”

“…but she is,” I continue, ignoring her snippy remark.

“And I don’t want to be here, I want to be there with them.”

“But Kristine is to be your wife!” Mum halts me, just as I’m about to leave.

“You are promised to her. You cannot just run out now.”

I step closer to mum, looking her square in the eye.

“This better be some sort of sick joke,” I snap.

“You brought me here to meet this woman, without telling me that she thinks she’s going to be married to me?”

“She doesn’t think that, she
is
going to become your wife.” Mum is as defiant as ever, which riles me up even further.

“You have already proven that you are unworthy of making the right decision when it comes to picking your own wife, so I have taken matters into my own hands. I know what is best for you, for your title, and for this family, so you
will
be doing this.”

“No, no way,” I shake my head.

“She’s horrible and I won’t have her in my life. No matter what you say, or what you think is best…”

“It’s already done,” she smirks at me, sending me a look like I’ve never seen before, one that sends a cold chill racing right through me.

“As soon as this little charade is done, I’m heading over to Norway to speak to Kristine’s parents and get all of the paperwork finalized.”

“You can’t,” I plead.

“I don’t want any of this. It isn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” she shoots back, showing her emotions finally.

Her nostrils flare and her cheeks stain pink. This is the most wound up I think I’ve ever seen her in my life – but I suppose that’s because I didn’t see her right away after I got married. I’ve heard about it though… and it isn’t a pretty picture that I’ve had painted for me.

“But that’s just tough. Your privileges come with responsibilities, and this is just one of them. So you can walk out of this door right now, and you can head back to Philadelphia, but that won’t change anything. In fact, I suggest that you prepare yourself and head back to the UK, because in three weeks’ time, the official announcement of your wonderful engagement will go out to the world.”

I stare at her silently for a few moments, trying to think of anything that will help me get out of this, but my mind remains frustratingly blank, so in the end, I spin on my heels and I stalk from the room, with Marcus close behind me.

I know that I can’t do anything right now, so I might as well remove myself from the situation until I’ve calmed down enough to make some kind of rational decision.

“What do you want to do?” Marcus asks in a panicked tone.

“Shall I tell the driver to take you back to the hotel?”

He obviously wants me to stay on the good side of the queen, but I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t care what he wants anymore; I only care about what I need to do.

My mind is made up, and that’s the end of it. Nothing that anyone can say will change my plan.

“No, I’m still going to see Faith,” I tell him.

“She’s the one that I want to be with, and that’s the end of it.”

“But what about Kristine? What about your mother?”

“I’ll deal with them,” I tell him, trying to sound confident about it.

“I’ll get everything sorted. Don’t you worry about that.”

But as the car tears through the city, and takes me back to where I so desperately need to be, I can’t help but worry endlessly about just that.

What am I going to do about it?

Once an official announcement is made to the world, I will be bound and stuck there with it. Much as it isn’t fair, mum is right about that. My privileges so come with duties, and I know plenty of royal people who have had to do things that they really didn’t want to do.

But I have so much at stake here – I have the love of my life and my beautiful daughter. Will I lose them both forever if mum does this to me?

That’s obviously what she’s aiming for, which admittedly hurts a whole lot, but is the least of my worries.

How am I going to tell Faith – who I have only just found again, and who I’m not very sure how she feels about me just yet – that I’ve been promised to someone else?

It’ll kill us both.

People assume that have endless money and only royal duties to worry about is a life of luxury, and while it has its perks, all I’ve ever really wanted is freedom. I’ve dreamed about carving out my own life, making decisions by myself, and to me
that
is the fantasy.

It’s ironic really, everyone seems to want what they don’t have, but right now my desire is only for one thing. I just want to pick the person that I spend the rest of my life with – is that too much to ask? I just want to be the husband to Faith and the father to Lily that I have been all along.

Why am I not able to just have that one thing? I’ve given up so much of my life for everyone else, I’ve scarified so many things and allowed so many choices to be made for me. But I’ll be happy with that, I’ll accept it willingly, if I can just have this one thing.

Please,
I pray to no one in particular.
Please let all of this somehow work out. Please give me the only thing that I’ve ever wanted – my family.

But of course, I don’t know if my prayers will ever be answered.

M
y heart pounds
heavily as the phone rings against my ear. I’ve been putting this off for far too long now; it’s time to finally take that step. However much it terrifies me.

“I would like to prepare you for what might be to come. This is the most powerful woman in the entire world.”

Marcus’s warning rings loudly in my ear, just like it has been doing for the last few days, but I won’t let it stop me from doing what’s right. I need to put Edward and Lily before myself.

I need to stop allowing myself to get bullied – it hasn’t exactly worked out so far.

“Hello?” He answers, in that silky voice that sends butterflies flooding through me.

“H… hi,” I stammer back, just as uncool as ever.

“It’s Faith,” I cringe to myself, why did I say that?

Surely he has my number saved in his phone by now.

“I just err, I wanted to know if you’d like to hang out at any point. I’ve been thinking about going to the zoo later on today with Lily, if that suits?”

He doesn’t answer right away, which causes insecurity to consume me.

“Of course if that’s too short notice, we can sort out something else…?”

“No, that sounds perfect,” he sounds happy as he finally speaks out.

“I would love that. What time are you going?”

“Whenever you’d like? Does any particular time suit you?” It feels so weird, speaking in such a formal manner to the man that I love, the father of my child, but I don’t know what else to do.

There’s no denying that the years apart have affected us in a very strange way. I just hope that eventually we’ll be able to get back to the
us
that we once were.

“In an hour?”

He sounds a little distracted, but I’m just glad that he’s agreed. I finally feel ready to face him again, and although I haven’t fully explained who he is to Lily yet, I think she will be comfortable with it too.

“We’re just all friends today,” I warn.

“Just until I find a way to tell this to Lily in the right way. I don’t want to put a lot of pressure on her knowing that you’re her dad – I just think that we should take things slowly for her. I hope that’s okay with you.”

“I agree,” he says instantly.

“I think that’s perfect all round.”

“Right, okay,” I’m literally shaking now as I talk, filled with fear at the idea of laying my eyes on him again.

I don’t imagine that it’s going get any easier, no matter how much time passes…

As I hang up the phone, I’m left with the job of going to tell Lily what we’re doing today. I remain sitting on the bed for a few seconds, chewing on my nails, wondering how to do this in the best way. In the end, I stand up determinedly, deciding that the only thing I can really do is rip the band-aid off quickly.

She’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.

“Lily?” I call down the hallway to her bedroom.

“Lily, did you want to go out today?” I walk towards her, trying to rearrange my face into a much calmer expression.

I don’t want her to suspect that anything is up, which is difficult because she’s very perceptive for her age.

“Would you like to go to the zoo?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” She screams excitedly, and as I pop my head around her bedroom door, I can see her jumping up and down.

“Okay, so why don’t you put on one of your best dresses?”

I want her to look nice for Edward, so he can see what a beautiful and lovely girl she is. I want him to have the best impression of both of us really, especially since we haven’t been around for a very long time.

“Okay… one of my princess ones?” She starts tugging at her wardrobe, desperate to pick out one of her many, many dresses – she’s such a girly girl.

“Of course,” I go quiet for a moment, trying to figure out the best words to use for this next part.

“Mummy’s friend will be coming with us, if that’s okay?” I can feel my face heating up, making me look about as guilty as I really am.

“The one that we saw at the museum last week.”

“A boy friend?” She asks innocently enough, but it’s a statement that has me coughing awkwardly to cover up my embarrassment.

“Err… a boy… friend, yes,” I nod, hoping that’s the right thing to say.

Luckily, Lily is already distracted by the many outfits available to her. So while she’s getting herself dressed, I head to my bedroom to make myself look as presentable as possible.

* * *

B
y the time
we are waiting outside the gate of the zoo, I can no longer hide my nerves. I’m pacing, gripping onto my stomach, and asking Lily if she’s okay every five seconds.

“Yes mummy, why do you keep asking that?” She replies, frustrated.

“Sorry, sorry,” I fuss over her once more, smoothing down her hair once more.

“I don’t know why I keep doing that.”

This time, as I stand up straight, I can see him. My heart pounds faster, my mouth runs dry, and butterflies flap violently in my stomach.

He’s so damn handsome, it’s actually unfair. How can I stand to look at him, when he has that amazing smile and that gorgeous body? How can I be near him knowing that he could have been mine if I hadn't been such a coward? Now he may never want to be with me again.

“Hello Faith, Lily,” he nods at us both in turn and I try to smile back, but it doesn’t seem to spread easily across my face.

“Can we go in now?” Lily rolls her eyes exasperatedly, and then to make things move even quicker in the direction that she wants, she grabs hold of Edward’s hand and pulls him towards the entrance.

“Oh I’m sorry…” I start, but he waves his hands dismissively.

“No, no, this is… it’s nice.”

Once we pay, and we’re inside, Lily tears about the place like a lunatic. I try to keep up with her, but to be honest it isn’t me that she wants.

It’s Edward.

She’s enjoying telling him all kinds of things about the animals, and she’s really listening when he teaches her things too. She’s been through all of this a hundred times with me, so she’s enjoying having a new captive audience for her.

Watching them interact in such a wonderful way I feel bad that they haven’t been in each other’s lives since the very beginning. Things should never have gone the way that they did, and I can’t help but feel bad about it.

I think over everything that’s happened while they flit around from animal to animal, and I can’t help but wonder if this is the right time to tell Edward the truth about everything.

Will he look at me differently if he knows that I was forced away rather than running? Or will he just think less of me for being so weak? I know I certainly lean more towards the latter.

It’s that fear which has kept me from saying anything so far, and what causes my brain to come up with a number of good excuses not to do so again.

You don’t want to ruin such a lovely day.

Now is about the present, not the past.

Do it next time you’re alone together.

And I find myself putting it all to one side for now. This day really should be about Lily and Edward, not us. That can come much later.

Of course he will have to return home to England eventually, but for now it feels like we have all the time in the world to go through all of that.

“Would you like to go for lunch?” Edward eventually returns to my side, displaying the biggest smile ever on his face.

“Lily said that she’s hungry, and I’m pretty sure that there’s a café or something around here somewhere.”

“That sounds lovely,” I stand up, trying to disguise the way that he’s making me melt inside.

It’s really hard to pretend that I’m feeling nothing, but I know that’s what I need to do if I don’t want all of this to fall apart at the seams.

Once we are all sitting around a table, smiling and laughing happily, Lily asks a question that has the potential to turn things very awkward.

“What do you do as a job?” She looks at Edward inquisitively, and my blood runs cold.

This feels a little too close to truth for my liking, but luckily Edward takes it like a pro.

“Believe it or not, I’m a prince.” He grins at her.

“No you aren’t,” she shakes her head, laughing.

“
Real
prince’s live in castles and have crowns. Plus, they marry princesses and sit on thrones. You can’t be a prince, you aren’t even dressed smart!”

“Lily!” I hiss, feeling really embarrassed, but Edward simply laughs.

“Here, let me show you.”

He pulls out his phone and scrolls through pictures of his real life back at home, the one that I’ve never had anything to do with. It’s so weird to think that even when we had the most amazing, intense relationship of our lives, we never actually just lived everyday life. We were never just… normal together. It makes me sad, and it almost makes it feel like nothing we ever really shared was real.

But Lily doesn’t share my disappointment, she’s ecstatic and she grows happier with each and every picture that Edward shows her.

“I can’t believe that you’re a real prince!” She exclaims, with stars in her eyes.

“That’s so cool. Will you take me to your castle one day? I’d love to pretend to be a princess.”

“Of course,” he promises, shooting me a smile that’s filled with emotion.

“I would like that too.”

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” I jump up quickly, scraping the chair underneath me.

Then I race to the toilets where I can allow the emotion to flow from me freely. I sit on the closed toilet seat, simply allowing the tears to flow for a second. This is almost too much for me, too intense, and I don’t even know how I’m supposed to be feeling about all of this, never mind what to do about it.

‘This is making me sad!’

I text to Kelly, glad that I can have at least one person to talk to about all of this. I’m not sure exactly how much she believes of my story – it is a little insane after all – but she’s been incredibly supportive all the same.

She’s been a great ear for me to talk to, and she offers me advice when she can. She’s lucky really, her life is very straightforward. She has a boyfriend that she met at her job, and they can just be together without anyone caring enough to disapprove.

Why can’t me and Edward have that?

Why is it always so difficult?

‘I know it’s hard sweetie, but think of Lily’

“Of course,” I mutter to myself.

I’m getting wrapped up in my own pain all over again when I really should be looking out for my daughter. I should be happy that she’s having the best day ever, and I should be concentrating on how well she’s getting on with Edward.

If she hated him, this would have been very difficult. Eventually, the way that things are going, I’ll be able to tell her the truth soon enough.

Okay,
I think to myself.
Get back up, get out there, and get through the rest of this day. You can break down later.

I suck in a few deep breaths, steeling myself, and then I brave stepping back outside and into the unknown.