Discipline (17 page)

Tobias nodded. "Of course. I suspect we'll work out the fine details in Paris. I've been thinking about a few things I want added."

"Really? I suppose that's good." Bradford stood and moved to the boys, adjusting the blanket that had slipped off Phan's feet. He lowered his voice a bit. "What sorts of things are you adding? Has he made any mention of wanting to alter the contract at all?"

Tobias shook his head, smiling at the boys as well as Bradford as he cared for them in his own way. It was a comforting picture. "I doubt he'd ask for the big things, and he hasn't talked about any minor changes." He sipped his coffee and watched as Noah's grip on Phan tightened a little in his sleep. "I expect he'll want to drop a few of the restrictions, based on the trust level we've established, but the big changes will have to come from me."

"I'd ask what those are, but I really hate to sound like a busybody," Bradford said with a grin as he made his way back over to sit. He picked up his coffee again. "But Paris sounds like a good time. Such a kinky town. Has he ever been?"

"No. Actually, I'm pretty sure he hasn't traveled a lot. And you don't have to worry about sounding like a busybody," Tobias admonished. "I value your opinions, you know that." He took another quick swallow from his coffee cup and set it down. "In fact, you'll probably have a lot to say about it, even if I don't want to hear it; it usually works that way." He smiled to take any sting out of his words and winked at Bradford, wondering how long he could dance around the conversation before he actually had to ask Bradford what he thought.

"Usually does. And generally it's for the best, even if you disagree." Bradford winked right back. "So are you hedging because you think the boys are eavesdropping, or because you're genuinely concerned about what my opinion is going to be?" Tobias caught the grin on his lips before Bradford hid it with his coffee mug.

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"Bit of one, bit of the other," Tobias said with a smile. He looked at Bradford appraisingly and lowered his voice. "I'm thinking of some changes to our living arrangements. And..." He paused for a moment, considering his words. "And I'm going to suggest we make the timeframe of the next contract indefinite and long term with smaller negotiations occurring as issues or changes come up."

Bradford looked thoughtful for a moment. When he responded, his tone was questioning and he said only one word. "Interesting."

"You don't like it," Tobias observed.

"Well, if you want my opinion, the adjustment to your living arrangements is certainly something to be discussed, but a live-in arrangement may require more significant alterations to the existing contract than you think." Bradford shifted in his chair. "As for the indefinite contract length, I think reviewing it 'as things come up' is dangerous, frankly. If you desire an open-ended contract I would build in a mandatory review period monthly or quarterly, something that will both empower Noah to speak up and force you to allow him to do so. It's not that I doubt your integrity..." Bradford's words trailed off as he took another sip of his coffee.

"Whoa!" Tobias sat up and shook his head, trying not to smile. "I really do get it both barrels, don't I?

One thing at a time, okay? I'll give you a mandatory review time being a good idea, but let's talk about the live-in. What's the issue there?"

Bradford chuckled softly. "Sorry," he apologized and leaned forward a bit. "Noah is a very...

independent sub, Tobias. At this point, I'll grant that you know him far better than I do, but I also know that his work is important to him and you're going to have to build in a way for him to keep that independence and still serve you twenty-four hours a day if he moves in. I assume you're talking about him moving in? It seems complicated to me, but maybe you and he can work it out."

Tobias sighed and looked around at the house he'd grown up in. "His work is pretty much all that's keeping me from moving out here full time, to tell you the truth. No way he could commute, and I don't think he's that comfortable in the condo. I'm thinking about looking for a building downtown, really.

Something that can be reclaimed, closer to his precinct." He trailed off, knowing he sounded unsure of himself. "And I'll have to sign the condo over to Phan," he added as an after thought.

"That sounds reasonable." Bradford nodded. "And you're willing to do that? Move farther downtown, live the city lifestyle for him?"

"Of course," Tobias said, surprised. "The condo is just... an apartment. It's got a nice view, but it's not like here. Here means something; the condo doesn't. Well, to me anyway -- I'm sure that it means something to Phan, if only because it's his, too."

"Phan'salways got a place with me," Bradford offered. "If he ever needs somewhere to go. I really am happy for you, Tobias. You've been very good for Noah; it's obvious how he feels about you, and he's been good for you, too. You've clearly given this more thought than I'd given you credit for. I'm sure the two of you can work out living arrangements that will fill both of your needs."

Tobias shrugged. "We'll sort it, I know. Right now there are other things to think about." He sighed heavily and forced himself not to sink into grief right then. There was plenty of time to deal with that later

-- and he was fairly sure that he'd be doing a lot of it. Gathering his thoughts again he said, "I'd like to clarify some rules as well -- public scenes, rules for playing with others, that kind of thing. Noah tends to be happiest when the rules are laid out and very clear."

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"Because he can just follow them and he doesn't have to think or worry about it. He doesn't have to make heat-of-the-moment-decisions." Bradford grinned. "He's a good boy."

"He is," Tobias agreed with a smile. "And sometimes he does make good decisions under fire." He winked, remembering the feel of Noah in him. He tried not to move around his chair.

"Um, I think I should warn you I'm awake now, sir," Noah said softly from the couch. He grinned and ran his fingers through Phan's hair.

Bradford looked at him. "How long have you been awake, boy?"

Noah blinked. "I just woke up this minute, Master Bradford. Honest."

Tobias decided to take Noah at his word; if he'd heard more than gentle praise, they'd talk about it later, in the safe room. "How are you?" he asked instead, watching to see if Phan would wake up also.

"I'm fine, sir. Sorry I dozed off, Phan is just so warm when he snuggles."

Bradford snickered. "He is at that."

Tobias snickered. "I was wondering if you snuggled. You don't seem the type."

Bradford laughed. "Not hardly. But tell me, how do you spend any significant time around Phan and not find yourself snuggled with?" He grinned.

"'M not that bad," Phan said, his voice muffled by Noah's chest.

"Yes, you are," Tobias corrected gently. "But it's not a bad thing."

"You're like a cat, Phan. And I mean that as a compliment." Noah smiled and continued to play with Phan's hair.

"A big, hedonistic cat," Bradford added, still laughing.

"Now you're just making fun," Phan grumbled, but he stretched and wiggled, snuggling Noah even more completely. "Besides, he's just the same."

Tobias assumed Phan meant Noah and not Bradford. "No, not really," he said with a smile. "He likes his cuddles, but not quite to your level." He looked at them critically. "But, then, he doesn't ever seem to mind you crawling all over him."

"What's to mind, sir?" Noah asked, grinning as Phan practically climbed him like a tree.

Tobias just laughed and shook his head again, watching Phan play. He knew very well that Phan was acting up to avoid talking about things that hurt, and he also knew he couldn't let it go on for long, for his sake as well as Phantom's. "Have some coffee, boys," he said softly. "And then maybe Noah can take Bradford to see the horses."

"Thankyou, sir," Noah said extracting himself carefully from Phan. "You want some coffee, Phan?" He made his way over to the tray and offered Tobias and Bradford warm-ups before filling a mug for
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himself.

"No, thanks," Phan said, sitting up. He sighed, and Tobias watched him shift gears, reacting to the change in the room, the shift of the mood. He looked around the room and finally got up, moving past Noah with one last pet to sit at Bradford's feet, his head leaning against the man's knees. "I'll just... wait."

Bradford stroked a hand across Phan's head and let it rest on his shoulder. "Do you feel any better after your nap, boy?" he asked softly.

Phan shrugged. "A bit, I guess. I'll be able to eat later, I think."

Tobias gave him a hard look. "You'll eat."

"I tried!"

"I'm sure you did, and I'm sure Bradford did his best to make sure you did -- I'm just saying that you're here... you'll eat. Noah's got soup on."

Tobias saw Bradford raise an eyebrow, but the man said nothing.

"You'll like it," Noah assured Phan softly. He looked at Tobias. "I can take my coffee out to the barn, sir, if you'd like me to show Master Bradford around."

Tobias nodded, standing up. "If you don't mind," he said to Bradford. "I'm not trying to step on toes, I just..." he shrugged helplessly. "I need some time with Phan. And I think he needs some time in her kitchen."

Bradford shook his head. "My toes are fine," he said as he stood, then he looked at Noah. "Come along, boy."

Noah stood as well, taking one more sip of his coffee and apparently deciding just to leave it behind. "I'll get your coat, sir," he said as he led Bradford out into the foyer.

Tobias looked at Phan, still sitting on the floor. "Come on," he said gently. "Time to eat. We can talk in the kitchen."

Phan sighed again and followed Tobias into the hall and then down to the kitchen. "Are you okay?" Phan asked as they went into the wide, inviting room.

"I will be," Tobias said, yet again. "But at the moment, not really. It's... I think it must be because it was such a surprise. She was in such good health, I didn't really think of her as being as old as she was."

Phan nodded as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. "I never thought of her as being old enough to die," he said softly. "She was too vibrant for the idea of it to really cross my mind. But really --

I mean, I knew she would, some day."

"Just not this day," Tobias agreed. He got a deep bowl and ladled some soup for Phan, adding a good many vegetables but making sure to get out as many carrots as he could. He made up for it with the peas and corn. The meat he wasn't so picky about; he just didn't want to give Phan an excuse to pick at his meal. "Bread?" he asked, setting the bowl down in front of Phan.

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Phan looked up at him, his eyes wide. "God, I'm sorry. I should be doing this--"

Tobias waved it off. "Sit. Eat. It's been a hard day or so."

Phantom picked up his spoon under Tobias' watchful eye and started eating his soup, making an appreciative sound. "It's good," he said, taking another spoonful.

"I know," Tobias said with a smile. "Noah's getting to be a wonderful cook -- he takes lessons."

Phan nodded. "He told me," he said, slurping more soup. He glanced around the kitchen and tilted his head. "Elizabethtaught me to cook."

Sitting down, Tobias shook his head. "She refined you a bit. You could already cook."

Phan smiled sadly and ate more soup, finally emptying the bowl. He pushed it away and bit his lip, his shoulders starting to shake. "Remember the sugar bowl?" he whispered.

"I was just talking about it," Tobias said softly. He got up and rounded the table to put his arm around Phan. "She loved it."

"It wasn't as nice as the one I broke."

"She liked yours more."

"You bought it."

"You picked it out. You spent a weekend chained to a wall for being clumsy. You wanted to replace it.

You thought about her feelings. Her tastes. Her needs. You made it up to us both, but it was her you apologized to."

Phan turned and buried his head in Tobias' chest, sobbing quietly. "I miss her. I miss... everything. I miss you."

Tobias nodded, not surprised that one thought led to the other. "Shh," he soothed. "It's okay to miss her.

She loved you -- called you her sweetie pie."

Phan'sshoulders shook and his arms went around Tobias' waist as he cried. Tobias stood in the kitchen, more Mrs. Miller's than his own right then, and held him, his own tears falling silently until there was a quiet knock at the kitchen door.

He looked up and nodded at Robert, but didn't let go of Phan as theneighbors started to arrive. They could see to themselves, and Noah would be down to help in a moment. He had a boy to take care of, if only for an afternoon.

Tobias was well aware that in the few short weeks since Mrs. Miller's funeral he'd relied on Noah to be many things. Sub, lover, partner, and friend, Noah had really been exactly what Tobias needed, when he needed him to be it. Tobias had also spent more time with Phantom than he had been, and while he knew
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that Noah understood, he also knew that there was a time when certain things were going to have to be underlined once more.

Like the fact that Noah was his, he was Noah's, and that Tobias wasn't the only one with issues.

The weekend of Noah's thirtieth birthday, Tobias had plans to give his boy a monumental gift. Intangible and horrible, the gift was one that Tobias hoped would lead Noah past one of his deepest limits.

Friday was passed in the usual way, with added teasing as Noah prodded him for hints about his present. All that Tobias would tell him was that Saturday would be long and intense and that dinner was being catered.