Disclosure of the Heart (The Heart Series) (2 page)

I gulped and looked around in desperation. There was no one to talk to. The only appropriate move would be for me to turn and follow my boss’s lead in welcoming the new BBC reporter. That’s what someone in my position would normally do. It was what
should
be done.

And it was my perfect opportunity to strike two birds with one stone. I could talk to Adam using Matt as a buffer, and I could also casually tell Matt that Adam and I knew each other outside of work. In the interest of full disclosure, Matt should know that I once had a personal relationship with a reporter covering the White House. I just hadn’t said anything yet because it was never the right time. That’s what I told myself. I didn’t want to make a big deal of our acquaintance because it wasn’t a big deal, right?

“Yes, thank you,” I heard Adam answer. “I’m looking forward to it.”

I expected Matt to say something else, but instead I felt him tap my shoulder and then walk toward the door. I was off the hook. I could leave and avoid Adam altogether.

Yet in the end, I couldn’t simply walk away from Adam. I couldn’t ignore the fact he was right behind me. After over fifteen years and an ocean between us, he was now only a few feet away.

Without an additional thought, I wheeled around to finally see him.

As much as I’d tried to get Adam out of my mind in the last few days, I had done some preparation to meet him again. I’d expected to see him handsome as ever and be charmed by his smile and speech. After all, he was a funny, great guy. I was supposed to say,
“Hello, how are you?”
and
“It’s nice to see you again.”

Standing before me, he
was
handsome, his smile
was
charming, and he seemed genuinely happy to see me, but I couldn’t return the smile. I couldn’t say any of my practiced lines. Seeing him flooded my mind with memories I’d long ago chosen to forget.

They were bittersweet memories of him and, most startling, buried memories of my sister. The aftermath of Lauren’s death was a part of me I’d only shared with him, no one else, no other friend and certainly no other man. Adam wasn’t just an ex-boyfriend, because he really hadn’t been a boyfriend in the first place. When we were together, he’d been my life, or at least a lifeline when I had needed it most. And then he’d broken my heart, and though he’d desperately tried, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t have put it back together again.

There in the middle of the White House, I locked eyes with him, and all the pain I’d known stabbed at me. I was seventeen again, with a scarred body and a shattered life.

One day a few years ago, I had watched as my cat approached a squirrel in my mom’s backyard. The squirrel had been motionless, petrified by fright. Instinct told the animal that any movement would only make him more vulnerable. That was my reaction to seeing Adam; I said and did nothing. I stared at him with no expression, like he was stranger on the street.

“Nick—” he began to say with a broad smile before Matt spoke over my shoulder.

“Nicole, we need to move on.”

Matt was my way out of this emotional disaster. Like a robot, I turned on my heel and followed him without looking back. Closing my eyes, I tried to find reality, but maybe it was reality that had already hit me.

I remembered my last conversation with Adam fifteen and a half years before. In a most vivid memory I didn’t allow myself to think of often, the boy I’d once known spoke through his tears,
“I’m not saying goodbye. I love you too much to say that.”

The impossible had occurred. Adam was in my life again, even if it was only professionally. I couldn’t deny our past. Warmth welled in my heart, and a joy inside reminded me,
It’s Adam!

I stopped for a moment and peered over my shoulder, still unsure how to act around him. I noticed he’d taken a step back and his brow had furrowed, just as it always had when I’d confused him. That made me smile, but a smile was all I could muster. I left without saying a word, more confused than he was.

Chapter Two

A
S
M
ATT
L
ED
U
S
through the West Wing, I checked my phone, knowing all the messages waiting for me would shock my system back into work. The texts were usually the most important, so I scanned them first. I was surprised to see one from Lisa, my best friend from growing up in Texas and whom I’d been crashing with since I’d come to DC.

Why haven’t you called me back???

I went to my received calls, and there were three from her. Normally, we didn’t bother each other at work. She took her job as seriously as I took mine, and the clock on my phone warned I had no time to call her back. I quickly tapped out a reply.

Sorry. Busy. Can’t talk right now. What’s up?

Her response flashed almost immediately and caused me to stop in the middle of the hallway.

WTF? Why didn’t you tell me ADAM KINCAID was in DC
and WORKING WITH YOU?

I stared at the screen. Maybe it was because we’d been friends since sixth grade that we kept some things from each other. We didn’t offer information, nor did we pry. Certain subjects were simply off limits. Why would we want to cause a friend unnecessary pain? Lauren was one of those subjects for me, as was Adam.

Yet, sometimes a topic had to be addressed. Adam being in DC was a major one that I’d avoided but known she would eventually find out. Either I’d be forced to tell her, or it would come up somehow. I just didn’t expect it so soon. I tried to deflect her.

Sorry. And I don’t actually work with him.

In only seconds, she called me out on my shit just like she had since we were kids.

Whatever. Why didn’t you tell me?

She was onto me. I had to acknowledge I’d screwed up, because Lisa was not one to let something go. I gave her my one-word answer as to why I’d left her in the dark.

Denial.

And then came her reprimand.

You’re crazy.

I snorted at that.

Yeah, I am, but why are you watching
the news at work anyway?

My distraction didn’t really work.

I wanted to show you off to my colleagues.
Geeky scientists think I know a celebrity.
I didn’t expect to see HIM on the screen. We HAVE to talk.

That was such an unsavory proposition that I got a bad taste in my mouth. Reluctantly, I replied.

Okay. Tonight.

After Lisa’s rebuke, I decided I had to tell Matt that day. I wanted him to hear it from me before anyone else in case there was gossip. Who knew whom Adam had talked to or what he’d told them? Because it was the journalistically ethical thing to do, I guessed he’d said something to his bosses at the BBC. But what? Whatever it was, it hadn’t been enough to stop him from covering the White House. So maybe this whole past-relationship thing actually wasn’t so earth-shattering.

Regardless, I didn’t have a moment alone with Matt until after seven that evening. By that time, his tie was loose and his jacket off, and he was always a little flippant when the workday slipped into the night. When you spoke to him, he’d make snarky comments and sneak glances at photos of his family lining his desk. He just wanted to get the hell out of there and home to his wife and kids. If you had an issue you wanted dealt with quickly, nighttime was always the right time.

I poked my head into his office. “Got a second before you leave?”

“Sure,” he said, looking up from his laptop. He continued typing as he talked. “What do you need?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something.” I leaned against the doorjamb and crossed my arms, hoping to signal that if I didn’t sit down, it wasn’t worth a real discussion.

“What’s that?”

“Just that I knew Adam Kincaid in high school.”

Smiling, Matt cocked his head and leaned back in his seat, giving his belly a wide berth from the desk. “Adam with the BBC? How did that happen? I thought you went to high school in Texas.”

“I did.”

“Was he an exchange student or something?”

“No. His dad is a geologist and worked for a year in Houston for an oil company.”

“Wow, what a coincidence. Were you friends?”

It was the logical question, but I wanted to laugh. Adam wasn’t my friend. We were never friends. If he’d been my friend, I would’ve stayed in touch with him over the years. But if I told Matt no, I’d lead him completely astray. I had to at least disclose there had been something romantic between Adam and me.

I shrugged. “We went out…a few times.”

As soon as I said it, I kicked myself. I shouldn’t have added “a few times.” I’d just lied to my boss. Yet if I left it open, he could probe more. How could I tell him anything else? I never talked with anyone about Adam.

Matt placed his hands behind his head like he always did when he wanted to enjoy a juicy story. He snickered and asked, “So you kissed him?”

What a question. What
hadn’t
I done with Adam? Hoping a joke would make everything feel less like a lie, I smiled and said, “Maybe.”

That brought out Matt’s big belly laugh. Thank God for sexual harassment laws because he didn’t press me on the issue and instead moved on. “So did you keep in touch after he left?”

“No, but I’ve kept up with his sister, Sylvia.” I took a deep breath, happy I was back in the land of the complete truth. “She lives in New York.”

His tone became more serious. “I suppose I should ask if you plan on striking up something romantic with him again.”

“Uh, no.” My response was immediate and without forethought. I was pleased of that. Though I wasn’t proud of the twinge of regret I felt after I’d said it.

“Just asking. You know it’s my job to look out for that sort of thing,” he said, looking at his watch. “I need to get going. Thanks for letting me know. I don’t see it as a problem.”

“Thanks. Have a good night.”

“You, too.”

I turned around, feeling like I’d gotten away with murder but happy for it all the same. Yet just as I took a few steps away, I heard him say, “Oh, Nicole.”

“Yeah?” I asked, looking over my shoulder.

Matt wore his most devilish grin. “Have you told Juan Carlos?”

I froze at the thought, but somewhere I found a smile to fake for the moment. The best thing to do when you don’t want to answer a question is change the subject. I rolled my eyes and said, “I gotta go. I need to catch my train.”

But Matt knew me too well. As I walked away, I heard him laugh. “I didn’t think so.” A few seconds lapsed, and he called from his office, “You know what they say about jealous Latin men!”

As I made my way home on the Metro that night, my guilt became so heavy it was crippling. I wanted to curl up in a ball right on the floor of my train. How was I leaving Juan Carlos in the dark? He was my loving, wonderful boyfriend. He didn’t deserve that, and yet I saw no way out. As bad as the conversation was going to be with Lisa, it was nothing compared to the talk I should have with Juan Carlos.