Discovering April (18 page)

“Why, April Landau, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you were drunk!”

I gasp, sitting up slightly. “Jared Hoffman! This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?! To get me drunk and take me to bed!” I sternly wave my finger in his face for emphasis.

“Oh, you caught me!” He raises his hands like I’m pointing a gun at him.

I giggle, coming back down into my pillows before the room becomes a total tornado. Things become silent between us, and I nuzzle into the pillow as my mind becomes a blur. I feel Jared shifting his weight like he’s about to get up.

“Jare Bear?”

There’s a slight pause before I hear, “Yes?”

“Don’t leave me,” I whisper, reaching for his hand.

“I won’t,” he whispers back.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He links his hand with mine and my mind is suddenly content enough to leave consciousness.

I AWAKEN SOMETIME during the night, and my eyes blink open to find nothing but darkness. I wait for them to adjust to an unfamiliar bedroom when I slowly begin to remember where I am. I’m distracted when I hear a soft snore escaping from next to me. Eyeing the dark silhouette in the chair beside me, I smile. Our hands are now on the bed and slightly in an awkward position, but they are still linked.
He never left
.

AS MY EYES OPEN the next day, the sun streams in through the lavender curtains. The first thing my eyes gravitate to is my empty hand, palm up on the bed. That’s when I hear the running water coming from down the hall. Climbing to my feet to investigate, I wobble once as the pain in my leg reminds me of last night’s activities. Glancing down, I notice the red wound with the black stitching running practically the entire length of my shin. My jeans are destroyed. One side is perfectly fine, but the other is a pair of shorts. This is not exactly how I pictured my first sleepover with Jared. I limp to the door before my mind registers the pounding headache echoing inside my skull. Geez, how much did I drink?

Stumbling out into the hallway, I hear Jared humming to himself in the bathroom. Is it horrible that I’m picturing the imagery? Jared naked only a few feet from me, using that soap I love so much.
Oh Lord!
I roll my eyes as I continue all the way across the hall to the other side of the house. It’s the side that borders mine and I find myself in Jared’s room. It looks almost exactly the same as it did when we were kids. Maroon walls, white trim, and Star Wars movie posters on the far wall. Only now, he has books instead of dinosaurs, and it looks like he traded his Batman sheets for plain cream ones. My eye lands on the view of his window; it literally looks directly into mine. I watch Jinx’s stomach rise and fall on the corner of my bed. Wow, I didn’t realize just how much of my room he can see. I can even make out my snow globes on the dresser against the far wall. I find myself explicitly reminding myself to close the blinds when I’m changing next time. I spin around fast before I over process the fact that Jared has probably caught me doing something embarrassing within the past few years with his front row seat. It’s the blue that catches my eye first; I think it’s because it stands out against the muted colors of his room. Walking up to it almost in disbelief, I pull the card out from the corner of the mirror attached to his dresser. Holding it in my hands, I know this card. I know it was the card I gave him when his parents died. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I searched the Hallmark section of the pharmacy for what seemed like hours because I couldn’t find a card that said what I wanted to say. In the end, I picked one that was blank on the inside. The front reads, In Deepest Sympathy.

Opening the inside, I recognize my signature first. This is definitely my card. He kept it all these years.

Jare –

Words cannot express how sorry I am that this had to happen to you of all people. Sometimes I feel as though it was my own parents and I wake up screaming. Your mom will no longer be around to scold us for trampling her daisies or make us sell lemonade until our hands smell like lemons for a week in order to pay back the damage we caused that time we put bologna on Fred’s mom’s car.

The only solace I find is in the fact that it happened to the strongest person I know. I don’t think I could handle something like this. I think God knew that if it had to happen to someone, that you could handle it. I don’t want you to ever give up, Jared. I know it’s going to be hard, I know some days you aren’t going to be able to get out of bed, but you have to remember you’re stronger than this, and everything they did was to make you grow up to be a better person. So, you be that better person. Don’t ever give into depression or defeat. If you ever need anything, I’m only a few steps away.

--
Apey

I’m still staring at the card, my mind blank with shock. I vaguely hear the water turn off and a few seconds later, I hear footsteps.

“April? April?!”

“I’m in here,” I mutter, still awestruck at the card between my hands.

He walks into the room and stops short in the doorway.

“Why didn’t you tell me you got my card?” I ask him. never lifting my eyes from my own words.

“I just wanted to be by myself. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that…” he tells me. He tries to change the subject. “I don’t think you should be on your feet.”

Picking me up from under my arms in one swift motion, he gently places me on the corner of his bed.

“But I wanted to be there for you,” I whisper, almost hurt, offended that he wouldn’t let me. Seeing the card again is stirring up old feelings.

“And you were...” he states, pointing to the card.

“No, like, I wanted to help you. Your teachers, your friends, everyone tried to be there for you, but you shut us out…”

“I had a lot to figure out. I had a lotta shit to deal with. I needed to make a bunch of decisions right then and there…”

“I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you, but you never opened the door.”

He pauses, processing his next words carefully. “I needed to do things on my own, but that card—
your words
were the only thing that kept me from giving up, April. I had a million things to figure out and taking over the business with no training, no idea what the hell I was doing. I had a lot to decide and learn … but nothing I went through compares to this…”

At the sound of that I look up. “Compares to what?”

“The indecision I feel with you.”

Slightly offended, I respond, “What indecision? I mean…”

“Nothing compares to figuring out what to do with you, whether I should—” I feel his fists clench the blankets on either side of me and I’m suddenly well aware that he’s only wearing a pair of jeans and the bare skin of his chest is giving off the scent of his soap.

“Jared—” I whisper, about to interrupt.

“—But then you called me Jare Bear last night, and it just reminded me of when we were kids and you said something to me. Do you remember what you said?”

“We said a lot of stupid stuff when we were kids…” I shake my head at a dozen memories that come to mind.

“You said that we should get married because we never fight. All we do is have fun… do you remember that?”

I smile because I remember the exact day he’s talking about. It’s the same day he taught me to rollerblade. “Yea, I remember something that…”

“Well…” he pauses as if searching for the words. “I know I’ve been acting weird, maybe a little guarded, but I’m just going to put it out there and …”

I reach for his arm, and my breath hitches in my throat. Anxiety and maybe a little exhilaration roar through me. “Jare, what is it?”

“I want to be there for you. I want to show you to be strong and never give up like you did for me, but I don’t want to be your
rebound
!” he blurts out, slipping away from me. He climbs to his feet, pacing back and forth with hands on his head.

All I can do is stare.
What?
That was totally not what I was expecting.

“Apes, it’s always been you. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I first saw you. I just didn’t know what it was called. I’ve played beside you, I’ve watched you go to prom, I watched you walk through the halls at school, I’ve seen you crying over boys that didn’t deserve you, I’ve seen you kiss guys that could never love you. I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to kiss you before because… I don’t want to be your rebound. I don’t want to be just another guy—because I am
the
guy for you.”

I’m stunned into silence. I had no idea. How could he have all this feelings for me and I not have a clue? Could I have really been that blind? That stupid? I shake my head because I realize I’m just staring at him, wide mouthed. In this moment I realize, I don’t care. Isn’t this exactly what I had wanted to hear? From the moment he showed me the stars – the real stars – I have been unequivocally his.

“Jared, you could never be a rebound,” I say carefully, scooting off of his bed.

Dropping his hands from his head, he watches as I approach him. He smiles, a full-blown smile with teeth and all. It warms my heart. He is so incredibly handsome when he smiles. He glances down, taking my hands in his, and I look down at them. His rough, manly hands holding my tiny, thin ones look strange yet familiar.

I look back up into his brown eyes and I can’t help but return his broad grin. “Isn’t this the part when you kiss me?”

He smirks. “Nah, that’s so cliché…” he whispers as his hands link loosely behind me. “But, I will take you out for a
real
date, tonight… at 7.”

I’M STILL UPSTAIRS straightening my hair when I hear the doorbell ring. I’m usually on time, but for some reason today I just couldn’t figure out what to wear. I can’t help the anxiety bubbling upside of me. I feel like everything has culminated to this moment. It’s finally happening, I’m going on a date with Jared. A real pick-me-up-at-my-house-and-take-me-to-dinner, date! I run my fingers through my hair one more time before I grab my phone off my dresser and tuck it into my purse. I decided on a cute, empire-waist sweater dress with my casual knee-high boots. I throw my purse over my shoulder and blow a kiss to Jinx, who is giving me the evil eye from the bed.

“Don’t wait up!” I call to him as I turn and head down the stairs. My boots clunk all the way down, announcing my every step. I finally pull open the door to see Jared standing there in the cleanest pair of jeans I’ve seen him in and a button down shirt.
Holy cow
, Jared cleans up nice. On his feet appear to be sneakers instead of construction boots, but hey, whatever works.

“Well, there
is
a man under all that grease!”

He shrugs. “Yea, you know, only for special occasions.”

“So, this is a special occasion?” I glance down, opening the door wider and taking a step onto the porch before closing it behind me.

“I’d say… You look gorgeous, as usual.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls!” I playfully punch his shoulder, only he doesn’t move.

“What other girls?” I feel the weight of his stare until I finally glance up to meet his eyes. I don’t have the ability to speak so instead, I nod a few times, nervously breaking our eye contact. “Okay, close your eyes!”