Disenchanted (3 page)

I ogled his fine peach of an arse
as I followed him into a room so grand it made you want to puke. Why do wealthy
people have absolutely no taste when it comes to decorating? There she was,
sitting on a throne while handmaidens tended to her. I wanted to smack that
pretty pouty face until it turned to putty.

"Who are you?" She
asked, disdain distorting her features.

I curtseyed. "I'm your super
expensive fashion designer. Your handsome prince hired me to make your dress,
be by your side up to your big day and look after you. Every bride needs a
wedding planner. All the celebrities have one."

"I'd better be the most
beautiful bride that ever lived or the whole day will be ruined." She
sulked. "I want a magazine deal, celebrity guests and commemorative
merchandise."

This
is what happens when you don't install discipline. They turn
into Mariah Carey.

"Oh don't you worry your
pretty little head about that. It will be my honour to put your head on a
plate. I'll make sure you have a wedding day you'll
never
forget."

Midnight Kiss

The moon glowered from its pearly
throne. A black cloud pierced its heart, its silvery blood spilling over the
ground and awakening the shadows that lingered in the dying day. Night
creatures awoke to play beneath the black veil, daylight's shackles cast away
now the sun's judging eyes were closed. A castle emerged from the night,
majestic in its decrepit beauty.

Two motorbikes stopped, expelling
dust that scattered into the air like exorcised ghosts.

Casey killed his bike's engine
the same time as Alex. "That's not on the map."

"
Neither's
Hell, doesn't mean we should explore it. It's probably Dracula's castle,"
Alex said, poorly imitating Dracula's accent.

"That's in Transylvania,
dumbass."

"Like that's a real
place."

Casey dismounted, removed his
helmet and approached the castle. He struggled through undergrowth that had
formed over the forgotten path like scar tissue. He tripped over hidden rocks,
falling to his knees, a forsaken worshipper beyond redemption.

"There's something called
daylight," Alex called, shaking his head and following. "It was
invented for seeing things."

The streetlight flickered then
died, like a broken heart that had stopped beating. Night's satin shroud swept
over them, teasing their warm skin with its chilly caress. Alex tried the big
wooden gate, but overgrown ivy sealed it shut. Thorny bushes concealed the
castle from prying eyes.

"There must be a way
in," Casey said.

"And a guaranteed way in to
the police cells for trespassing. Once was enough, thanks. It's pitch black,
freezing and there's not a living soul for miles. This is the perfect breeding
ground for horror movie monsters. I refuse to die a cliché."

"Hope you're packing silver
then."

"I'm packing something but
it
ain't
silver."

"I'm flattered Alex, but I
don't want to ruin our friendship. Plus you'd never call me back in the
morning, making me regret blowing my wages on that sexy
babydoll
."

Alex laughed. "Jerk."

Casey battled through the bushes,
tracing the perimeter.

Alex cursed when a bramble
smacked him in the face. "Anything this well protected must be evil.
Horror films always start with fun-loving friends on an adventure then one of
them messes with stuff they're not supposed to and bang! An
unkillable
serial killer is on their trail for ninety minutes. Breaking in to a creepy
impenetrable castle is
exactly
the
kind of thing that graces horror DVD shelves."

"You'll be the first to die
then."

"
You're
the one disturbing the legend."

"What if we've discovered a
forgotten castle? We could claim it.
Casalex
Castle.
I've always wanted to live in a castle."

"Only
weirdos
and vampires live in castles."

"No, vampires live in
respectable communities, go to school even though they're hundreds of years
old, only feed from blood bags and woodland creatures and date the new girl in
town. Get with the times."

"That's what they
want
you to think." Alex cackled.
"You just dissed the legend. You're
gonna
die."

"I'll make it to the
sequel."

"It might be a new film by
an edgy director and when the audience think you've made it to safety,
wham
! You're butchered right at the end
and your eyeball will fly out and hit the camera lens."

"Not many deaths result in a
flying eyeball."

"It's growing in
popularity."

Unnatural silence urged them to
turn back. Casey ducked overhanging ivy then his foot fell through brambles, snagging
his knee. Alex yanked him free, thorns piercing Casey's flesh through his PVC
trousers. Low branches grabbed their hair and jackets, tugging them back to
whisper evil secrets in their ears, the tree's bony fingers stroking their
faces as it held them captive. Alex snapped a branch then pulled out his
penknife and carved the end to a point. Casey raised his eyebrows.

"Fresh out of silver."

"Sexy
and
resourceful." He pretended to swoon.

They stopped at the big wooden
gate again. Alex swore and kicked it. Casey backed up, staring up at the
castle. He could feel its siren song, luring him in.

Alex sighed. "Let's find a
pub. I'm starving."

"I have to get inside."

Alex headed for his bike, mounted
and turned the ignition. "Count of three then I'm leaving you to the
vampires."

Casey took one last look at the
castle then reluctantly jogged across the road to his bike.

"First thing tomorrow, we're
coming back. This would make a great setting for a short story."

"You said that about the
jail cell. The only thing you wrote was your signature on the release
form."

Alex sped off, so Casey fired the
engine into life and stalked him. Alex eventually saw a pub sign swinging – The
Sleeping Castle and pulled into the car park.

"It's the castle,"
Casey pointed, grabbing his camera and photographing the faded, battered sign.
The hinges squeaked, like a groaning gallows burdened by the weight of hanging
men.

"It's not undiscovered – you
can't claim it."

"
Casalex
will
happen."

"If you
wanna
live with me so much, why don't you marry me?" He pushed Casey towards the
door.

"You'd break my heart."

Thick oak beams criss-crossed the
red walls and ceiling. Mahogany furniture occupied almost every space. Black
floorboards creaked beneath their biker boots. In the corner, a fire danced to
music only it could hear. Casey found a table while Alex approached the bar.
Casey pressed his face against the window and swore he could see the castle if
he closed one eye and squinted.

"You'd better not be licking
that window, Case." Alex put his pint down and slapped him up the back of
the head. "You know the rules – the crazy stays in its straitjacket when
we're exploring new places."

"Did you ask about the
castle?"

"No fit barmaid's
gonna
care about some crumbling ruin. I've ordered
food." After half an hour, Alex drained his pint and slammed it down.
"I'm going out for a fag."

"You won't meet nice boys in
a pub car park. At least prowl the lonely hearts ads."

"Sweetheart, you're the only
guy for me.
Casalex
forever." Alex drew a heart
in the air, slapped Casey's cheeks and walked out.

Casey pulled his Notebook out of
his bag and carried it to the bar.

"Do you have
WiFi
?"

The barmaid gave him the code, so
he tapped it in then returned to the table.

A pint was thumped in front of
him. He jumped.

"There's not much info. The
castle's been abandoned for a hundred years. Nobody knows who owns it. Nobody's
been inside. We could be its first occupants for a century!" He gasped.
"Imagine if the castle was sealed against the plague and everything's
untouched, like the
Marie Celeste
. I
could make a short film. I hope there's a dungeon. With skeletons chained to
the walls."

"You want to add
'resurrecting ancient fatal disease' to your breaking and entering charge?
Please tell me you flirted with the barmaid in my absence?"

"I asked her for the
WiFi
code."

Alex sighed and shook his head.
"She's giving you googly eyes and you're salivating over a pile of old
stones and bones."

"Googly eyes? Like a
fish?" He bulged his eyes whilst opening and closing his mouth.

"You don't mind if I make my
move?"

"Ask if there're rooms
available."

"If I play my cards right,
I'll have a bed."

"I'm not sleeping in the
tent alone again. That panther nearly killed me."

"It was a big house cat and
it was chasing a moth, not launching a terrorist attack."

Casey made a naked sock puppet
from his hand that back chatted Alex as he approached the bar. The only photos
Casey found of the castle were from the outside. They were obstructed by the
thorny hedge armour.

"You interested in the castle?"
An old man asked, making Casey jump.

"Do you know anything about
it?"

"Only stories passed down
from my grandfather. Buy me a pint and I'll tell you." His voice was
raspy, wafts of stale cigarette smoke permeating the air.

Casey hurried to the bar and draped
himself over Alex's back. "An old man's
gonna
tell me about the castle."

"Did he offer to show you
his puppies?"

Casey widened his eyes. "I
love puppies!"

Alex laughed. "Jackass.
Promise me you won't go 'til morning."

Casey brought a pint back to the
old man. He sat backwards on his chair and rested his chin on his arms. The old
man's chair creaked as he leaned forwards.

"Nobody knows who lived
there. Some say it was a terrible ogre. Others say a nest of vampires were
captured by a hunter and imprisoned in the castle to die after slaughtering
everyone in this village. My grandfather swore it was home to a princess,
cursed by an evil fairy."

Casey snorted. "Like
Tinkerbell
? What's the worst she could do? Give a mosquito
bite?"

"Fairies are evil sons of
bitches. Powerful, magical, deadly. Some kidnap children and replace them with
changelings."

"Oh, the
Tylwyth
Teg
."

"You know your
fairies."

"My sister's
obsessed
with them. She swears she's a
changeling and refuses to take off her glittery wings."

"Some little girls are like
that."

"She's seventeen. It's
getting embarrassing. She's keeping glitter companies in business."

"Over a hundred years ago,
there was a king and queen, who had everything they wanted, except a child.
After many years, the queen gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. They finally
had an heir to rule the kingdom after their bones rotted in the ground. Living
in the kingdom, were seven good fairies. The king and queen invited them to the
christening party and gave them each a gift they'd always treasure."

"Premium bonds?"

"Gold caskets, with knives
and forks studded with diamonds and rubies. It pays to keep fairies sweet. You
don't want to anger those who can switch your baby without you ever noticing.
At the christening, the guests were shown into the banqueting hall and the
fairies were presented with their caskets. An ancient fairy burst into the
hall, furious no place had been laid for her. The king ordered an extra place
at the table, but there was no casket."

Casey smiled. "A party whistle
and funny slime can't compare with jewel encrusted cutlery."

"The fairies each gave a
gift to the baby princess."

"Gold, Frankincense and
Myrrh?"

"The first fairy said she'd
be as lovely as a flower."

"Not a Venus flytrap I
hope."

"The second said she'd grow
up full of sweetness and grace. The third promised she'd dance divinely."

"They haven't seen me bust
moves on the dance floor." He paused. "On second thoughts, that's
probably best."

Something scratched the window.
Imagining it was the nails of a haggard evil fairy, Casey turned to see a small
branch brushing the glass. The moon watched over the castle like the night's
evil eye.

"The fourth vowed she'd sing
like a nightingale and the fifth said she'd master every musical instrument."

"With those attributes she
could go on
Britain's Got Talent
."

"The sixth one said she'd do
everything to perfection. But then the spiteful fairy said she'd die when she
pricked her finger on a blood red rose. The seventh fairy said instead of
dying, the princess would sleep for one hundred years."

"Why not make it one day?
After one hundred years everything will have changed beyond recognition. She'd
need a serious leg waxing."

"The only thing that can
wake her is a kiss from a king's virgin son."

"Morning breath's bad enough
after one night. Imagine the stench after a hundred
years
." Casey fanned his nose. "This is sounding an awful
lot like the
Sleeping Beauty
fairytale
."

The old man sipped his beer.
"Ancient legends didn't spring out of nowhere. Just because you don't
believe something, doesn't mean it's not real. Sometimes it's people's lack of
belief that keeps the legends alive."

Indistinct voices filled the
void. The fire hissed and spat like a furious dragon. The clock on the wall
above Casey's head ticked loudly.

"The king ordered every red
rose in the kingdom to be destroyed. However when the princess was twenty one,
they brought her on holiday to this castle. While she was exploring the garden
in the dark, she pricked her finger and collapsed. The king and queen put her
in a coffin to protect her from the sunlight and left. The seventh fairy
created a thorny hedge around the castle so no-one could disturb her rest.
Others say the hedge protects the sleeping vampires from sunlight and when
someone breaks their curse, they'll wake to wreak havoc on the town that
entombed them in the castle."

"Has anyone broken in to see
if it's true?"

"A few local boys have tried
but they can't get past the hedge."

"Let me guess – they're not
virgins." Casey grinned.

"Tonight is the hundred year
anniversary."

The fire gave a furious roar then
died. Casey looked out the window. The castle was shrouded by the night's
midnight veil. It called to him, begging him to break down its defences and
explore its blackened heart.