Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (16 page)

I pull her to me, partly to calm the shaking of her body but mostly just because I want to hold her. She presses her face into my shirt and I feel her chest rise and fall quickly with each sharp breath.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her and press my lips to the top of her hair. “It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you.”

A sob leaves her and my heart breaks.

“Come with me. Come on.” I lead her to my car, ignoring the people who are looking at us. She allows me to do so and doesn’t protest when I lower her into the passenger seat and close the door. I didn’t want to let her go but I need to get her away from here so I can explain.

Her sniffles and stuttering breaths break me more and more with each one. I shouldn’t have told her. There was no need for her to know.

“I hate him,” she whispers, referring to her dad.

“I know. Me too.”

“I hate you.”

I give her a sad smile as her words cut me. I can’t argue because I deserve her hate. “I’m not worth the energy that hate requires.”

She searches through the dashboard for a tissue. I still keep them in the same place.

“I should go back to my car and go home and never speak to you again.” Her voice is thick with emotion.

“You should, but I really need you to hear me out.”

“Why? What does it matter?”

“I let you walk away believing you weren’t enough once. I won’t let that happen again.”

She doesn’t protest so I put the car into gear and set off, though for where I have no idea.

For a long while we drive around Cambridge with no destination in mind. I don’t speak and neither does she. Silent tears leave shiny trails down her cheeks and each tear that falls takes a fragment of my heart with it and no doubt hers. Her hands clench into fists so tightly I’m surprised her nails don’t slice her palms.

I finally find a quiet looking cafe and scour the streets for somewhere to park.

“I don’t want to get out,” she says softly and wipes her nose on the tissue. “Can we just talk here?”

I nod and roll down the window a fraction to let some fresh air circulate. “Do you want a coffee? I can run in and grab two to go.” When she nods I place my hand on her leg and stare deeply into her eyes. “Please wait here. I won’t be long.”

“I literally don’t have the energy to go anywhere else, Isaac.”

I believe her too and wish I could take the burden of her pain. Pain that I inflicted.

Making sure her drink is sweeter than usual, with the hopes that the sugar will bring her mood up, I grab them to go and run back to the car. A large part of me thought she’d run and never look back so when I find her still sitting in the car tapping away at her phone screen angrily, I’m relieved.

“Are you texting your dad?” I ask, despite it being none of my business.

She ignores me and continues tapping at the screen.

“Maybe you should wait until we’ve spoken.”

“Will it change anything he did?”

I can’t say yes because it won’t. He’s guilty in this, even more so than I.

“Talk,” she says and cups her drink between her hands.

“I was a mess, Elle. I wish I’d confided in you but my brain blamed you. I felt… I felt trapped and scared.” I admit and then sip my own drink. It burns my tongue but I welcome the sting. “It wasn’t you. It was my decision to marry you, my decision to come after you in France. It was all my decision. You left and you were moving on. Only I can be blamed for that.”

“We both married each other, Isaac.”

“I’m not finished.” I place our drinks in the cup holders and take her hand in mine. “I was addicted to gambling. I thought it would solve all of our problems. I was desperate. I was in that stupid fucking casino almost every night after work.” Her tearful eyes watch me patiently, even though I don’t deserve it. “I was an idiotic, pathetic excuse of a man. I know that now, but at the time all I saw… all I could see was you and what I’d given up to be with you. Your dad made my life a living hell, Elle. He made every day at work intolerable. He was a fucking bully and he belittled me every single chance he got.”

“But you said…”

“I know I lied to you. I tried to hide my misery because he had me by the balls. I couldn’t work anywhere else and I couldn’t leave. He knew it. I knew it. He utilised it.”

“I always suspected but I was so happy to hear that you were both getting on I didn’t open my eyes.” She squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry he did that to you because of me.”

“That’s not your fault. Don’t apologise for that.” I implore, hoping she doesn’t twist this round onto her. “I made friends with Tony and he introduced me to the casino. We got on great but he had a thing for Petal. She worked at the casino.”

“I want to claw her eyes out.”

I smile a little. She just openly admitted to still being jealous about that. “Nothing happened between us. We were all drinking and she literally climbed onto my lap. I pushed her away but Tony had already taken pictures. He gave them to your dad, who gave them to you… it’s all old news. You know the story. It’s just things got worse after that. Tony and I got into that argument and I cracked him one.”

“I remember, you lost your job.”

“I spiralled. I wasn’t in a good place. We had no money left and we were about to lose the house. I couldn’t admit to you that I hadn’t paid the mortgage for months without admitting that I had a problem.”

She runs her hands through her hair and takes a drink of her coffee. I see the wheels turning behind her eyes as she recalls everything I’m saying. “I wasn’t going to leave.”

“I know. I didn’t want you to, but your dad made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. He wanted me out of your life. He hated me. That man has serious control issues.”

“What offer?” She frowns, clearly wanting me to get on with the story.

“Fifty thousand, enough to pay off the mortgage in full and keep us going until I could get a new job.”

Her carefully blank eyes linger on me for the longest moment. “You sold me for fifty grand?”

“No! No… I was going to get my own back on your dad. I said I was going to do it but I wasn’t going to leave you. I just needed him to think that. I thought if I could make you feel like it was legitimate then he’d believe it too. I had to fool both of you.”

“But…”

“I planned to come for you the next day. There was no way your dad would be able to rat me out for not leaving you properly as promised without ratting on himself. Meanwhile, my mum was put in a home and my dad was bad… I wasn’t coping. I thought I could juggle it all and then you found out about the mortgage arrears and I knew you wouldn’t believe anything I said.”

“Why didn’t you come after me like you planned?”

“Honestly… I hated you.” Her telling gasp makes me hook my hand around her neck to stop her from pulling away from me. “I projected all of the bad shit inside of myself onto you. I wasn’t coping. I was depressed and fucked. You were my outlet. When you said you were leaving I felt… I felt relief.” Her bottom lip trembles. “But then I calmed down for a few days, paid off the mortgage and realised I had an issue. I needed to become a better person. I needed to stop doing the things I’d done. I promised myself I’d tell you what your dad did as soon as I got out of rehab.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was going to. I came to Cambridge on business about something. I was planning on visiting you that week; it had been six months. I’d been in rehab about two months and I’d lost myself in various projects and hobbies when I was released. I needed to be the best version of myself if I were to ever get you back.”

Holy fuck. My heart begins to beat again. The shattered fragments slowly start to piece together.

“But you didn’t… because you thought I was with Damon?”

“Exactly.” I see his pained expression. “I left you alone because I knew you were better off without me. I still wasn’t the best me anyway. You broke me that day in the restaurant but I needed to hear it. You broke the parts of me I didn’t like.” He laughs a little and brings my hand up to his lips. “I’m sorry for everything. I was horrible to you. I didn’t treat you the way I should have and, for that, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Me neither… I should never have…”

His eyes widen. “Should never have what?”

“Nothing.” We pause for a moment as I try to collect my jumbled thoughts to stop me from saying things I don’t mean… or things I do.

Fortunately he doesn’t push. He probably understands that my mind is a mess right now. “You believe me?”

“I do,” I say because I do. There’s no lie in his eyes. There’s no deception in his voice. He’s finally being honest with me when he doesn’t have to be. “I’m trying to understand. The circumstances weren’t great.” As my heart hammers painfully and my limbs tense as I try to control my emotions, I bite my tongue, willing myself to remain calm. “I appreciate you telling me.”

He shrugs and moves away, finally sitting back against his seat. “I owed you that much.”

“You did,” I agree and shift back into my own seat. “What now?”

“What now?”

“What do I do now? How do I deal with this? How do I get past this type of betrayal?”

He doesn’t answer, but then I don’t expect him to.

“I want to be angry,” I admit, feeling the twinge of fury in my head and heart. “I want to yell at you. I’m so…” Taking a calming breath, I close my eyes for a long pause, collecting my thoughts. “I want to punch you in the face.”

“If it would make you feel better.” He suggests, pointing to his jaw.

I roll my eyes. “Can you just take me back to my car?”

Nodding, he pulls his seat belt into place and puts the car into gear. “I am truly sorry that you were used in such a vicious game.”

He can say that again. “Me too.”

“If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, please just let me know.”

“Do you ever…?” I start to say but stop myself. “Never mind. I just… I need to clear my head.”

“I understand.” He looks at me solemnly before finally driving away.

Hayley skips around the room like a crazy woman, checking every single detail whilst making sure all of the tables she’ll need will fit. Tyler stands beside me looking as amused as I feel.

I have to admit, this side of the wedding isn’t so bad. Picking and choosing everything from flower arrangements to centrepieces sure gets tedious, but it’s fun too.

“Can you imagine? The light, pale green among the white and grey. Peach coloured flowers in the centre of each table. Gift bags, the lot. Everything will match.” Her eyes darken and her tone becomes insidious and low. “
Everything.
”

“I’m going to pretend that she hasn’t been possessed,” Tyler chuckles and snatches her into his arms lovingly.

I take notes of everything she just said. That’s my job, to make sure the wedding goes smoothly, so I need to know her vision for the day. Which is eight weeks away. What is she playing at?

Eloise
:
Why did I agree to be maid of honour?

Damon
:
Because you’re insane and look amazing in pastel colours.

Eloise
:
Do you even know what that means?

Damon
:
Nope.

“Umm… hello? Pay attention,” Hayley snaps playfully and clicks her fingers between the phone and my face. “Who are you talking to?”

“Damon.”

“The bastard that can’t come to my wedding?”

I roll my eyes playfully. “It’s not his fault you booked it the same weekend that he’s in Bulgaria.”

“Fucking rich kids,” she snaps and Tyler whines a long, “Hey.”

She pats his cheek lovingly. “Not you baby, not you. Just them other bitches.”

Eloise
:
Save me.

One thing I love about weddings is that it gives me an excuse to purchase a ridiculously expensive, tailored suit. I also take my two other favourites in to be tweaked. I’ve lost a bit of weight around my midriff so they’re all loose.

“You should seriously consider wearing suits more often,” Jocelyn says, her voice slightly crackly through the receiver. I have the phone propped up on a chair in the corner of the dressing room, the camera pointing at me so Jocelyn can see me from wherever she is in the world today. “They really,
really
suit you.”

“I used to wear suits all the time.” And then my mum got ill and I left them all behind, not wanting to stand out like a sore thumb when I began teaching History in my mum’s place.

“What?”

“Never mind,” I yell so she can hear me, then I turn to the camera and hold up a red tie beside a blue tie. “Which one?”

“Neither. Get a pale green one to match my dress.”

The tailor fetches one for me and places it in my hands. I tie it around my neck, making sure it sits perfect and neat in the centre of my chest before showing myself to the camera.

“Gorgeous.” She makes a kissing noise and winks at the camera. “Okay, so I’m at the supermarket. I’m going to go because people are looking at me like I’m crazy.”

“You are crazy.”

“Details…” She blows another kiss. “See you later, alligator.”

“In a while, crocodile.” The screen goes back to normal as the phone disconnects. “I’ll take it.”

The tailor nods with a smile and sets about helping me remove the suit.