Distraction (40 page)

"You know how I feel. I
'
m here, but I
can
'
t watch you be with another man. I just can
'
t. It's killing
me." Tristan used his thumb to brush the fresh round of tears away. I didn
'
t think my heart
could break any more, but as I
look
ed into his tortured eyes, it did.

"I
'
m sorry, Tristan. I
'
m so sorry." My chest ached
from fighting back my hurt, pain, and uncertainty.

"I know. I know." He leaned his forehead against
mine. I closed my eyes to keep from looking up. "I
'
ve got to go,"
he said.

Panic washed over me again. I threw my arms around his neck
and searched his face.

"What do you mean?" Desperation caused my voice to
pitch, though I had no clue if it came from wanting him to stay or go.

Tristan looked down, his eyes trained on my lips. My
breathing quickened and he looked up. The intensity in his eyes created a rush
of desire and in that moment, I wanted him to kiss me. Hold me, love me, and
never let me go. Only the words stayed lodged in my throat.

"I
'
ll be around," he said. "
I just can'
t watch you be
with...him." Tristan leaned closer. My eyes closed. Softly, he pressed his
lips against my forehead. "I love you," he whispered, then pulled
away, leaving me alone in the tiny bathroom.

Chapter
27

Tristan

I couldn't get out of the damn bathroom fast enough. Elle
wanted me as much as I wanted her. What the fuck was she afraid of?

Alyssa called my name. I didn
'
t stop,
running out the
front door and down the steps. Small doses of relief hit me as soon as I
reached my car.

I jumped in, turned the ignition, and gunned the gas, peeling
away from the curb. I passed through several red lights not giving a damn.
Another light turned red, but this time I stopped. My phone rang in my pocket.
I knew the caller wasn
'
t Elle by the ringtone, so I answered.

"Tristan, how are you?" Hearing Heather on the
other end surprised me. The light switched to green, and I took off again,
though obeying traffic laws.

"Good. How are you?" Of all people to call. I shook
my head. I couldn't get away from Elle.

"You don
'
t sound so good."

I slowed my speed to turn a corner. "Don
'
t know what you
mean."

"Have you told my sister you
'
re in love with
her?"

Could I not catch a fucking break?
I sighed.
"Actually, I did, but she
'
s with someone." My jaw tensed and I gripped the
steering wheel tighter, picking up speed again. All Elle had to do was choose
me. Be with me.

"So what? Tell her to stop being an idiot."

I did not want to discuss this anymore. "It's a bit more
complicated, kid. Have you called her?" I knew she hadn
'
t. Elle would
'
ve called me the
second she got off the phone with her.

"No, but I
'
m not ready yet." Heather sighed into the phone.
"Listen, I just wanted to make sure Elle was okay. I
'
ll call her, I
promise. I did talk to my mom though. She knows I
'
m doing okay,
but I didn
'
t tell her I was in rehab."

I
'
d driven back to my house without realizing it. Not having
any place else to be, I shifted into park and killed the engine. At least
Heather had talked to their mom, a step in the right direction.

"I
'
m glad you called. Have you talked to your dad?" Heather
and Elle were close to their dad until he
'
d left town. That was when Heather
started using. What was fucked up though, their dad never came back. Not once
had he attempted to get her help.

"I called him the other day. He seemed happy and was
glad I was trying to get help."

I hadn
'
t expected her to say that. "You told your dad you were
in rehab?"

"Yeah. I know this sounds pathetic, but I miss him. I
wish..." Heather stayed quiet for a few minutes. I would
'
ve thought she
'
d hung up had it
not been for her heavy breaths.

"Kid, you all right?"

Heather sniffed. "Yeah. Sorry. Sobriety has turned me
into a crybaby." I heard the smile in her voice.

"No worries." The line went quiet again. I leaned
my head against my headrest and waited. The silence was relaxing. I was proud
of Heather, but if Elle ever found out I helped her sister behind her back,
well, let’s just say that’d be another shit storm to weather.

Heather cleared her throat. "I guess I better get off. I
only get to use the phone for thirty minutes."

I pulled my phone away. We
'
d been on the
line for twenty minutes.

"You
'
ve got more time. You wanna keep talking? Or we could just
sit here. I don
'
t mind." For whatever reason, Heather trusted me, and I
wanted to be there for her. It's what Elle would want.

"You don
'
t mind? I mean if we just sit without talking." I
smiled. She was a lot like her sister. Sometimes words were overrated.

"
Nah, I don'
t mind." Heather didn
'
t say anything,
so I closed my eyes again.

Behind my lids, Elle
'
s face appeared, red and blotchy
from crying. I hadn
'
t wanted to let her go. When she wrapped her arms around my
neck, it took every ounce of restraint to keep from tasting her. I could feel
her heart racing in her chest against mine. Her breathing increased when she
caught me looking at her pouty mouth. Fuck, getting out fast had been my safest
option. If I
'
d stayed any longer, I
'
d have lost my will. Damn, maybe I
should
'
ve kissed her into submission. I could imagine the way her
heated skin would feel as I caressed her body. The pleasing soft moans she
'
d make, begging
me to take her.

My hand began to shake against my ear from the image of her
in my head. I opened my eyes and pulled the phone away to ease my breathing. My
jeans felt tight. No other woman could make me feel the way she could.

Of course the way she smelled–fucking amazing–hadn
'
t
helped. I
'
d missed the floral scent of her shampoo. In fact, the last
time I went shopping I came close to buying the same shampoo just to smell the
sweet fragrance. I didn
'
t, but only because a guy from the frat had turned down the
same isle, and I didn
'
t want to look like a pussy. What the hell was I thinking? I
was a pussy. I held the phone back to my ear when I heard a female voice
instructing Heather her phone privileges were up.

"
Thanks for, um, talking.
"

"Anytime."

"Bye, Tristan."

"See ya," I said, and then the line went dead.

Elle

Alyssa found me in the bathroom not long after Tristan left.
I attempted to pull myself together, but she didn
'
t buy my lame
excuse of being fine.

"Elle, this is stupid." She frowned at me.

"I can
'
t believe you just said that to me."

"Well, it needed to be said." Alyssa
'
s hands went to
her hips and she rolled her eyes. "You want to be with Tristan, so why in
the hell are you doing this to yourself?"

I turned the faucet on and splashed water on my face. The
coolness helped calm the overwhelming need to yell or cry, or well, both. I
cleared my throat.

"I
'
m scared.
"

She laughed and I gawked at her.

"Of what?" Alyssa arched her perfectly trimmed
brow.

"I...I
'
m afraid if I give in, and let go," I paused, taking in
a stuttered breath. "I
'
m afraid if it doesn
'
t work out, it
'
ll kill
me. I
'
m not sure I
'
d be able to recover from that." I looked at Alyssa dead
on. "What if I don
'
t live up to Tristan
'
s expectations? What if he decides
he doesn
'
t want me after I give in?" I waited for her to laugh in
my face, only she didn
'
t.

"
Elle, you can'
t–" She shifted from foot to foot nervously. Did she
think Tristan would find me dull, boring? Inexperienced yes, but did she think
I wouldn
'
t be able to keep his interest? The longer she took to answer
only increased my list of awful scenarios.

"Elle, honey, Tristan is so in love with you." She
stepped closer and rested her hands on my shoulders. "The way he watches
you when you walk into a room or when you laugh; he notices. It
'
s always been
that way between you two.

"So, if you
'
re worried about your relationship changing, it will. But in
a good way. He may be an ass, but he loves you. I
'
m glad you gave
it a shot with Eric, but he
'
s not who you want.

"It's time to make your move before it
'
s too late.
Plus, you
'
re doing it, again."

I frowned.

"You
'
re not living," Alyssa corrected.

"
I don'
t know?"

She growled, like a real honest to goodness growl.

"You
'
re more stubborn than Tristan is, but at least he got his
shit together."

"What if..."

Alyssa stepped back.

"Enough with the what-ifs, Elle. I swear you are such a
pain in the ass right now."

"Ugh, this sucks!" I bit my lip, shifting my
worries from Tristan to Eric. "I need to end things with Eric."

"Ya think?" Alyssa deadpanned.

"I will, but not tonight."

Alyssa raised her brow, again.

"I will, promise."

* * *

Keeping up pretenses each day became a constant battle. I
'
d been distant,
though Eric either didn
'
t notice my indifference or chose to ignore it. On Wednesday,
I figured I
'
d break things off for real. Didn
'
t
happen. During lunch, Eric
'
s animated excitement for me to meet the rest of his family
changed my mind.

Thursday I went to classes, work, and later in the day I
'
d called Alyssa,
but she didn
'
t answer. She
'
d refused to speak to me. Later that night while we got ready
for bed, she finally lost it.

"
Elle, you'
re being a bitch," Alyssa hissed, glaring at me from
across our room.

“I
t’s not like
I
mean
to lead Eric on. I’m just trying to find the right time."

"Grow some freaking balls already. You cannot keep doing
this to him."

"I
'
m not a fucking heartless bitch," I shouted, much to my
and Alyssa
'
s surprise. Taking a deep breath, I continued. "How in
the hell am I supposed to tell Eric I don
'
t want to be with him? I can’t
exactly say, ‘Hey, Eric, you know that whole me-not-loving-Tristan thing? Not
true.'"

"Yeah, that
'
s exactly what you say. Tell him the damn truth, because as
of now, you
'
re more of an ass than Tristan has ever been."