Divinity (3 page)

“I may have fathered her, Brother, but you are the one who created her,” Gabriel said, his brow knitted. “You are the one who will need her. You should be the one to speak with her.”

“I have studied her,” Michael began, his refusal clear in his tone. “It is you that she needs to see. She will have many questions for you. Be prepared for them. Listen to her. Be patient with her, but don’t overwhelm her with information.”

Gabriel turned away from Michael and lowered his head. “She will have a crisis of faith. Again. What do I do when she asks me where God is? Shall I send her to you?”

Michael shook his head, a light in his eyes that could have been amusement or anger or both. “You must let each person see me as they will, whether that is as a white bearded man, an angry Greek, a happy fat man, or a lion. Few can understand that I am all of these things.”

Gabriel turned back to face Michael, the tips of his wings leaving a trail through the clouds. Tight to his shoulders, his wings looked clenched like fists, but if he was angry, that was the only sign. “This Child has been the most challenging task you have given me,” he said finally. “I see now that the challenge has only begun.”

III

J
ULIA
often had trouble sleeping and tonight was no exception. She’d tried all the usual things—hot bath, counting sheep, reading—but just couldn’t quiet her mind enough to get there.

“Please, just let me sleep,” she groaned to the ceiling as though it could grant her wish.

The ceiling shifted, as though the plaster was alive and trying to break out of a cocoon. Julia pressed her eyes shut, then reopened them, trying to refocus. She saw it was not the plaster moving, but a fine, bluish mist that hung above her. She sat up, drawing the sheets to her chin, disoriented. It appeared as a morning mist would in the woods, but this…this was not on the ground. It was creeping along the ceiling above her, defying all laws of gravity. Eventually, it covered the entire ceiling.

All she could do was watch, slack-jawed, clutching her bedding, trapped in awe of this ethereal mist. It pulsed with energy as it started to pool in the center of the ceiling, then dripped down in long, flowing tendrils. Only one or two at first, but in no time there were many strands reaching toward the floor.

This must be what it’s like to stand in the middle of the Aurora Borealis
, she thought. She had seen many beautiful things, but never anything like this.

Julia stared in reverence as the blue tendrils drifted toward one another, dancing lightly and weaving together. She blinked, waiting for her hallucination to disappear. It did not.

Slowly, purposefully, the tendrils continued to gather until they shaped into a man, unlike any man Julia had ever seen. His being took form before her, the immensity of it overwhelming her. She sensed many things from him—righteousness most of all. When the massive lumps protruding from his back took the shape of wings, her eyes widened and she sucked in a quick breath. Without knowing how she knew, she said only one word.

“Gabriel.”

Gabriel nodded once, his bright blue eyes piercing hers.

“You are the Archangel Gabriel?”

“I am.” Gabriel’s powerful baritone voice made Julia’s ears ring, yet there was something calming about his tone. His was the kind of voice that rang with truth.

Her heart beat against her chest so hard she thought she could feel her ribs vibrating. “Am I dead?”

“No.”

Relief washed over Julia momentarily, but changed to fear. If she wasn’t dead, was she crazy? She stared at him, her mind reeling. After a moment, she broke the silence. “Why are you here?”

“I am here because we decided it was time you knew.”

“We?” Julia looked up to the ceiling, checking to see if there might be another angel ready to drop. “Time I knew what?”

“The truth of your being.” Gabriel’s wings lifted from his back and re-settled. “What have you been told in regards to your birth?”

Julia blinked. That was the last thing she would have expected. Not that she had been expecting anything, but the Archangel Gabriel was talking to her. And asking her questions. She must be crazy. Maybe it was a dream. Either way, there was a massive Archangel standing in front of her, waiting for an answer. Crazy or not, it would probably be a good idea to answer him. She took a deep breath.

“My mother was insane. I was adopted. I don’t know much more than that about her, really. I think her name was Maria.” Geez. Maybe it was genetic.

“And what do you know of your father?”

She knew nothing about her birth father, and though Gabriel’s voice did not alter in any way, something made Julia look straight into his eyes.

Then it struck her. Looking into Gabriel’s eyes was like looking into her own. The same bright blue with brown flecks, framed by dark lashes. Though where her hair was a rich, dark chestnut color, his was blond and glistened so brightly it could easily be mistaken for a halo of light. Julia’s mouth worked as she attempted to find words for her thoughts. When she found them, they came out in a breathy accusation. “You? You are my father?”

“I am.”

Julia shook her head and pulled the covers up further, wrapping them tightly around her shoulders as though that would stave off insanity.
I have totally lost my mind
.

An even smaller voice sounded in her head, one that shook her to her core.
You know it’s true
.

“You have not lost your mind,” Gabriel said, slowly crossing his arms.

“Then you…what? Had sex with a lunatic?” Julia blurted out, ignoring that Gabriel had somehow read her thoughts. “Why would you choose an insane person?”

“Child.” Gabriel’s voice was so potent, so powerful and stern. Julia found she was holding her breath, waiting for his answer.

“The people on this planet are too firmly planted in their ‘reality’ for us to even try to accomplish such a thing with them,” he began. “One referred to as ‘insane’ here, however, usually bears that label because they are open to alternate realities. Your mother was very open. Because of the abuse she suffered as a child, she stopped existing within this ‘reality’ long ago. It was easy to speak with her and for her to openly understand without the mental barriers that others would have. She knew who I was. She knew she would conceive my child.”

The truth of his words struck Julia like lightning to her spine, both electrifying and immobilizing her. With the knowledge came anger, though. Years of loneliness and suffering that he should have had the power to save her from. Wasn’t that what angels were for?

“Why didn’t you tell me before? Why wait this long? My whole life has been so… horrific! Why wouldn’t you do something about that? Help me somehow…” Her voice tapered off as the tears took hold, and the reason she had never felt like she belonged hit home.

“Child,” he repeated, his tone all forced patience, “you needed strength to be able to do what you have been placed here to do. There is no better way to gain strength than to live through adversity such as you did. You were always protected; you have never walked this earth alone.”

“Adversity?” Julia shouted incredulously. “You mean horror! And how can you even say that I’ve been protected? The abuse, the…everything! I…” Her words choked off into sobbing. There were so many things she had always wanted to say to her father, so many questions, but at that moment she froze, seething and confused. The words all seemed to get lodged in her throat.

“Protected from death, Child.”

His calm infuriated her further. Couldn’t he just say he was sorry? She didn’t need rationalizing, she needed a hug. That thought jarred her back into the moment and she shook her head. Really? A hug from this thing? She really
had
lost it.

“The other trials were so that you would know strength and compassion, that you would become strength and that you would exude it. You will be grateful for it, for what you must face, and all those whose lives you have touched are better for having felt your compassion. Would you take that from them?”

He reminded her of a father who had to tell his child the family pet had died. There was sadness in his eyes, deep and dark. But she didn’t care. Was she delusional, or pissed off? Maybe it was both, but if this was her real father, he was going to hear a piece of her mind.

“How could you just stand by and let your so-called daughter be violated!” Julia spat. “How could you stand by while I suffered? Did you know my ‘family’ threw me out when they found out it was their son who was abusing me? Like I was the one that ruined
him?
How could you allow such immense emotional damage to happen to me that death was the only solution I saw?”

She wanted to pound her fists on his chest as she yelled. She wanted to pound her hurt into him. Gabriel’s eyes never left hers, but they were now cold. Not the loving eyes of the father she had always imagined. He didn’t move, rush forward and embrace her, stroke her hair and tell her everything would be all right now. None of the things she’d envisioned all her life.

“Why won’t you say something? Anything? Just tell me why. You talk about compassion but you don’t even know what it is.” Julia’s voice crackled and the tears she had so bravely kept at bay burst forth. Her shoulders sagged and she sobbed into her hands—heavy, honest sobs that carried the tune of a broken heart. On some level she knew he was right about compassion. It was easy for her to put herself in other people’s shoes, mostly because she had already worn them, or at least some version of them. But none of that took her pain away.

Gabriel stood silently, towering over her in all of his grace, calmly waiting out the storm. Her sobs trailed off, and slowly she lifted her head. She threw back the covers, leapt out of bed, and stood to face him, her shoulders squared, arms stiff at her sides. She wondered if he had any emotions at all.

“Gabriel,” she scoffed. “My father. I suppose after how God’s own son lived and died, I really shouldn’t be surprised.”

Still Gabriel said nothing. Her anger swerved off course and into anxiety. She did not understand the feelings boiling through her. Somewhere deep inside she was excited to finally meet her father, but right next to that was fear, and both were smothered by anger. In her mind, he had abandoned her.

Was she crazy? The idea that this was all a dream passed through her tumultuous thoughts again. Julia clenched her fists to keep her hands from trembling. She needed answers.

“What did you mean ‘for what you must face’?” Julia asked.

Gabriel’s head was tilted, as though he were listening to something. A light came on in her eyes as she made a sudden realization.

“You are reading my thoughts.” His slight nod confirmed this. Pulled between feeling violated and intrigued, she pressed him. “Does this mean I can read minds, too?”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Words are unnecessary for us to communicate, but it is what you are comfortable with, so that is what we will use.”

Julia frowned. “Why are you so cryptic? Why did you come here? Why now?”

“I will have to go soon,” Gabriel said curtly. He shifted his wings every few seconds, making him appear awkward and uncomfortable. “I will save you a little time and answer some of your questions. The dog was no coincidence. You are not immortal, you have been protected—there is a big difference. Yes, the things that you see and feel are because I am your father. No, you aren’t the only one.” He moved back from her, studying her as though she mystified him more than he puzzled her.

The dog! It was profoundly disturbing to her that he read even the most fleeting thought about her childhood pet, also named Gabriel after the “myth” of the Archangel. She shivered, only able to stare at the angel standing before her, caught between anger and fear. His answers had only served to give her more questions. Before she could ask, he spoke.

“I must leave you now. It is easiest for me to meet you in your dreams, so that is how I shall contact you next time. You have gotten very skilled walking in that realm.” He nodded with what she thought must be approval, but without any hint of pride. How cold he was. How…inhuman. “Your feet are firmly planted on your path now, Child. Be alert. And know you are not alone.”

“Wait! Why do you call me ‘Child?’ Why don’t you call me by my name?” Julia asked, her voice trembling. She was frantic that he would leave before he answered her. Who was she kidding? She was frightened he might leave and not return. She did not want him to go, now that she finally knew who he was, even if that knowledge made her feel more than a little insane.

He smiled. The beauty of it took her breath away.

She thought she had not ever seen true beauty and grace until that moment. His hand rested upon her shoulder. It was at once the heaviest and the lightest touch she had ever felt.

“You are a Daughter of Light, Child,” he said, a new tenderness in his tone. “Your earthly name has no meaning and rings false to me. When you are ready, you shall have your true name. Now I must go. You will see me again soon.”

And with that, he was gone.

“Don’t you think you were a bit hard on her?” Michael admonished. “She is still half-human. That part of her surely needed to be embraced by her father.”