Doctor January (14 page)

Hibs was late coming into work, which was unusual. Beth was glad. Despite Gordon's assurances, she was sure Hibs must have seen her last night. The very idea made her face flare. It was wrong on so many levels. He was her friend, her colleague. It really shouldn't have happened. Gordon had meant it as a playful gesture and he had obviously found it arousing, but it was just so embarrassing.

‘What's the matter with you today?' Vik said.

‘Huh?'

Vik had been leaning on her lab bench, telling her something about a girl. She realised she hadn't heard most of it.

‘I'm sorry, Vik. I was miles away. You were saying … about your friend.'

He sighed. ‘It doesn't matter. It wasn't that interesting anyway.' He plonked himself on Hibs's stool. ‘Are you okay? You've been kinda spaced out since you got here.'

‘I'm fine. I guess the broken sleep every other night is just getting to me.' She rubbed her eyes. It was true: she was starting to fall asleep when she was with Gordon, which she knew annoyed him.

‘How many more have you got to do?'

‘A few more sets. So, another couple of weeks. Assuming nothing goes wrong.'

Vik glanced at the clock. ‘Where's Hibs today? I wonder if Anna's detained him.'

Again, that acid twist in her stomach. She really had to get over it. She had Gordon and she didn't want anyone else. So why this fixation with Hibs's love life?

‘Maybe,' she said, and turned back to her work.

Footsteps approached. Both Vik and Beth peered through the lab benches to watch Hibs stomp into the dry end of the lab and hang up his jacket.

‘Afternoon,' Vik said. ‘Did you sleep in?'

‘Yes, thanks.'

Beth couldn't see Hibs as he sat down at his computer, but she could hear the ragged edge in his voice. She looked at Vik.

‘Something's up,' Vik whispered. ‘Come on.' He slid off the stool and walked across the lab. Halfway there, he turned and looked at Beth, gesturing with his head that she should come with him.

Oh well. She had to face him sometime. Beth sighed and followed.

Hibs was slumped so far down in his chair that he was practically lying down. There were blue shadows under his eyes and his lips were clamped so tightly that they were turned down at the corners.

‘You look awful,' Vik said. ‘What's wrong?'

‘Nothing. I'm fine.' He didn't look up.

‘Rough night? How was the cinema?'

‘Dark.' He still wasn't looking up.

Vik looked at Beth for assistance. She shrugged. Even she was worried now. She'd expected things to be awkward after last night, but she hadn't expected belligerence.

Hibs swore at the computer. ‘What does this thing run on? Goblins? Twentieth-century piece of crap. I need coffee.' He stood up, passed Beth without looking at her and stomped off down the corridor.

‘Oookay,' said Vik. ‘That was weird.'

‘I'm sure he'll tell us when he's ready,' Beth said. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she didn't really want to prod Hibs when he was in a bad mood. He seemed to be in a bad mood a lot these days. Perhaps Anna wasn't all that good for him. ‘I'm going back to work.'

She returned to her bench, still thinking. Anna was the sort of person who knew what she wanted and didn't hesitate to go get it. Just look at the way she got Hibs to go to the cinema the night before. Hibs was terrified of commitment. What if Hibs and Anna had fallen out? It was her fault that he and Anna had been introduced in the first place. She had been so worried about how Anna would fare with Hibs that she hadn't thought Hibs might get hurt. Damn. She'd known from the start there would be trouble if those two got together.

Hibs pulled out his notebook and stared at his plan for the day without actually noting any of it. He hadn't slept much. The whole episode with Beth and Gordon had played over and over in his mind. It was Gordon's smile that bothered him. Gordon had wanted him to see Beth topless. He knew Beth well enough to know that she would be mortified, and if he knew that, Gordon must know it too. So why would Gordon want Beth to feel humiliated?

Or was Gordon trying to prove a point to Hibs? If Anna knew how he felt about Beth, it wasn't a huge leap to think that Gordon might have sussed it too.

Hibs took a gulp of hot coffee and winced as it hit his throat. Either Gordon was playing a power game with Beth or trying to force Hibs to look at what he was missing. Either way, he wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. What happened last night was only a problem if Hibs had seen it. He would just deny seeing anything. He took another, more cautious sip of coffee and sighed. She had a boyfriend. Out of bounds. He would just have to live with it.

Beth had finished setting up her experiment by the time Hibs came back. She tensed as he walked behind her and scraped his wooden stool along the floor to the bench. She glanced over her shoulder: he wasn't looking at her.

They worked in silence for a bit and Beth could feel the tension thrumming in the air. She couldn't put up with this much longer.

‘Do you want to see last night's results?' She turned to him.

Hibs looked startled. ‘I … yes. Are they any good?' He wasn't making eye contact with her.

She passed across the graphs she'd printed out earlier. ‘The pictures are on the computer.'

He took the paper, still not quite looking at her. This was awful. She had to say something: this awkwardness couldn't go on for ever.

‘Hibs.'

‘Hmm?'

Just the thought of what had happened made her feel all hot. She really, really hoped that Gordon was wrong and Hibs hadn't seen her running around half naked. ‘About last night …'

‘Uh huh.'

‘I'm sorry about what happened. Gordon—'

He put his hand up to stop her. ‘What you and Gordon get up to is none of my business.'

‘I know, but … well, you and Anna …' She sighed. She was making a hash of this. Just get on with it, Beth. She took a deep breath. ‘I don't know how much you saw. I'm so embarrassed.'

There was a pause. Biting her lip, she raised her eyes. He was frowning at his feet.

‘I don't want things to get weird,' said Beth.

Hibs finally looked at her. ‘I don't either,' he said. ‘Don't worry. I didn't … I got in just as you disappeared. Anna saw—
told
me what happened.'

Oh thank goodness. Beth felt as though a cloud had lifted. At least she could look him in the face without cringing with embarrassment. ‘That's great.' She smiled at him. ‘I'm glad we've got that out of the way.'

He didn't smile back. ‘Actually, there's something else I need to talk to you about.'

‘What?'

‘Anna and I have split up.'

Ah. The cloud lifted further. ‘That's …' She paused in case the word ‘great' slipped out again. Maybe that's why he was so grumpy this morning. ‘Are you okay?'

‘Yeah.'

He didn't sound okay. Beth had seen Hibs break up with more women than she could remember and she had never, ever seen him look so rough. ‘Sure?'

His mouth was still set in a hard line. ‘Positive.' He stood up and, grabbing a pair of gloves, strode off in the direction of the cold room.

Beth stared after him until Vik appeared as though from nowhere. ‘So that's what's bothering him.'

‘Where did you come from?'

‘I was lurking over there, by the nitrogen cylinders,' said Vik. ‘I figured he might tell you what's wrong.'

‘Is nothing sacred?'

‘Not really.' Vik grinned. ‘Does it matter?'

‘I suppose not.' They both looked to the door, where Hibs had disappeared.

‘He must have really liked her,' Beth said. ‘I've never seen him upset about a girl before.'

‘Maybe he's finally fallen in love.'

Beth felt something prickle in her chest.

Beth spun her office chair round in a celebratory pirouette and hit print. She now had half of the data sets she needed to show that her hypothesis was right. Ideally, she'd wait until she had all the data before she took it to Roger, but his talk was just over a week away and he would need to change his slides. She retrieved the graphs from the printer and leafed through them. There should be enough to convince Roger.

‘Hibs?' She turned to him. ‘Can you have a quick look at these, please?'

She thrust the papers towards him. He took them and looked through, frowning. After a minute or two, his frown cleared up. ‘Hey, these look pretty good. You need another data set, to be sure, but otherwise, pretty good.' He gave the papers back to her and smiled. It was the first smile she'd seen in a while. ‘Well done, Beth. Good call.'

Beth felt a small glow in her chest from his praise. When it came to science, Hibs didn't throw his compliments around. If he felt it was a good call, it was a good call.

‘I was going to show Roger,' she said. ‘So that he's got time to put it in his slides.'

‘Do that.' Hibs paused. ‘Good luck.'

Still warm from being praised, Beth rapped on Roger's door. He was sitting at his desk, reading.

He looked up, over the top of his reading glasses. ‘Yes?'

‘Do you have a couple of minutes to discuss some results?'

He perked up with interest. ‘Is that the experiment I told you to repeat?' He held out his hand to take her papers.

‘No—'

He retracted his hand before Beth could push the documents into it. ‘Why not? I told you to do it weeks ago.'

‘I'm doing that. This is the other idea I mentioned. I've made some GFP-tagged mutants—'

Roger frowned. ‘I didn't tell you to do that. You should have been doing what I explicitly requested.'

‘I
am
doing what you explicitly requested … as well as this.' This conversation was not going as she imagined. She was here to show him her data, but instead they were arguing over something completely irrelevant. Why did this always happen when she tried to talk to Roger? Hibs never had this problem. She took a deep breath. ‘Please can you just look at them?' She shoved the papers into his hand. ‘I've been tracking the protein localisation as the cell grows. When you look here'—she pointed to one of the photos—‘it's obvious that my protein helps hold the other two together—'

Roger gave them the barest glance and then shoved the papers back at her. ‘There's not enough data here.'

‘Yes, but—'

‘Come back when you have enough data.' Roger turned back to his reading. ‘And get me those repeat results I asked for.'

Anger boiled inside Beth and her hands began to shake. He was being an arrogant pig. She opened her mouth to argue.

But what if he's right?
The thought pricked the hot bubble of righteous anger. Roger knew more about this stuff than she did.

He looked up. ‘Are you still here?'

Beth spun round and walked out.

Hibs looked up when Beth came in and shouted, ‘Aaaaargh,' through her teeth. She held the graphs she had just shown him crumpled in a fist and her teeth were clamped so tightly the sinews on her neck stood out. He felt sorry for her: Roger could be brutal.

‘Didn't go well then?'

‘Ugh.' She threw herself into her chair. He gave her a moment to calm down. When her breathing had slowed, he asked, ‘What did he say?'

‘He said I was wrong and I should get on with the repeat experiments.'

Even from a few feet away, he could see the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Damn. He never knew what to do when girls cried. He always felt he should do something to help. He could go talk to Roger … but then Beth would never get over this inferiority complex she had. ‘So, are you going to?'

She stared into space, her graphs still in her fist, and chewed her lip.

Hibs watched her and willed her not to cry. Come on, Beth. Find some faith in yourself. Don't let Roger keep kicking you. Fight. She stopped biting her lip and looked at her fistful of paper.

‘Yes,' she said. ‘But I'm also going to finish this data set and show him that I'm right. I know I'm right.'

Atta girl. He wanted to go and clap her on the back or give her a hug or something. Beth had been bullied by men all her life: her father, her boyfriend and now Roger. It had taken a lot for her to even think about defying Roger's authority. It was a small step, but at least it was in the right direction. If she could learn to take one little step at time, maybe she'd finally realise that she didn't need Gordon. Or anyone, for that matter. But especially not Gordon.

She looked up at him. ‘You think I'm right, don't you?'

Her lip was all red from being chewed. Hibs realised he was staring at it. He tore his eyes away. ‘I do indeed,' he said. ‘A good choice. We'll get it all done in time, don't worry.'

She smoothed the papers out on the desk. ‘Yeah. We will.' She reached across and put her hand on his arm. ‘Thanks, Hibs.'

Her hand felt smooth and warm and he had to resist the urge to turn it over and hold it. ‘You're welcome,' he said. When she removed her hand, he waited until he'd walked round the corner before he placed his own hand over the warm afterglow.

Hibs arranged to meet Vik for a drink after work. When he got to the pub he was surprised to find Beth standing at the bar. She hadn't been out with them since Gordon caught her in the pub when she was meant to be in the lab. He grinned at her. ‘Evening, stranger.'

‘Hi.' She looked pale and tired in the dim light from the bar. ‘I've ordered you a pint. I guessed what you'd have.'

‘You guessed right.' He reached over and picked up a couple of the drinks, leaving her to pay the barman. ‘So, how come you're here? Where's his lordship?'

‘Swimming training.' Beth picked up the remaining drinks. ‘Actually,' she said, dropping her voice. ‘I'm here because Lara didn't want to go straight back home.'

‘Oh, okay. How's she doing?'

Beth shrugged. ‘She's determined not to have Chris back. But I think she's lonely.'

He nodded. ‘Understandable.' He followed her into the nook where Lara was talking to Vik. They looked up when Beth arrived with the drinks and both looked relieved. Hibs smiled. It always took Vik a few drinks to unwind properly. ‘Hello, beautiful lady,' Hibs said to Lara as he slipped into the seat next to her.

‘How are you?' He tried hard not to do the concerned voice. He'd heard that the concerned voice only made things worse. He did his best to sound merely interested instead.

‘I'm good, thanks.' She looked older, he thought, but still perfectly groomed. At least her anally retentive tidiness was back. That much was normal.

‘Coping?' He leaned forward.

She nodded. ‘Yes. One miserable day at a time.' She smiled and patted his hand. ‘Thanks for asking.'

‘Ah, what are friends for.' He picked up a cardboard beer mat and started twirling it on its edge.

Across from him, Beth picked up her pint, took a sip and closed her eyes to savour it. ‘I haven't had a pint in ages,' she said, as she opened her eyes.

‘Why not?' said Hibs.

Beth avoided eye contact and mumbled something about Gordon.

‘What? He gets to dictate what you can drink now, does he?' He stopped twirling the table mat. He wasn't sure what angered him more. Gordon for being so controlling. Or Beth for letting him.

Beth looked up. ‘Don't start. Please. I just want to have a quiet drink, okay?'

Hibs glanced at Lara, who was watching Beth carefully. She caught his eye and gave a tiny shrug.

‘Okay,' he said. ‘Sorry.'

There was silence around the table for a moment. Beth looked so small and sad that Hibs wanted to rush round and put his arm around her. He stared at his pint disconsolately.

‘So, Vik,' said Beth. ‘What happened with the latest woman your aunt set you up with?'

‘She thought I was goofy,' Vik said, frowning. ‘You guys don't think I'm goofy, do you?'

There was the slightest pause before Beth said, ‘Of course not. You're not goofy. You're adorable.'

Vik looked crestfallen. Hibs drew a breath through his teeth.

‘Adorable?' said Hibs. ‘That's the worst thing you can say to a guy.'

‘That's worse than goofy,' Vik said. ‘Now I wish I was just goofy.'

Beth looked from one to the other. ‘What are you on about?'

‘Adorable. And cute. And sweet. All that means that he's pretty much unshaggable,' said Hibs. ‘I thought everyone knew that.'

Vik nodded. ‘Yeah. Nice guys don't get laid.'

There was a pause and the two women looked at each other.

‘I'm not sure that's strictly true,' said Lara.

‘Hibs is a nice guy,' Beth pointed out. ‘He gets laid.'

‘I'm not a nice guy.' Oh no. He wasn't going to be painted into the ‘adorable' corner. Beth was out of bounds for now, but if he ended up labelled ‘nice' there was absolutely no chance of her seeing him as anything other than a friend.

‘You are.'

‘No I'm not. I'm a commitment-shy, good-for-nothing bastard.'

Lara leaned forward. ‘Have you ever cheated on anyone?'

‘I've never been with anyone long enough to cheat on them,' said Hibs. ‘Which brings us nicely back to commitment-shy, good-for-nothing bastard.'

Lara shook her head. ‘You never promised to be faithful,' she said. ‘You never said you'd stay with someone, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.' Her voice cracked the tiniest bit.

Hibs wished he could go through the floor. He'd been so busy trying to raise his profile with Beth, that he'd forgotten how fragile Lara was at the moment. ‘Lara—'

Lara put a hand up to stop him. ‘No. You didn't, did you? Which just makes you immature. Chris. Now
he
is a good-for-nothing bastard.'

Beth was glaring at Hibs and Vik was looking frantic. Hibs tried to think of something to say. Lara took a deep breath and let it out, slowly. When she looked up, her gaze was steady. ‘But, I have to admit. He does get laid. Apparently.'

‘Lara, I didn't mean to—' Hibs began.

‘It's okay, Hibs. I need to get used to being with other people and not get upset at every little thing,' said Lara. She held his gaze. ‘Relax. I'm okay.'

He sensed the battle inside her: she wanted to conquer the pain. He had to respect that. ‘Okay,' he said. ‘Just for you, I'll admit to being nice.'

She smiled, an unconvincing, wobbly-at-the-edges smile, and everyone round the table relaxed a bit.

‘But I'm not adorable,' Hibs added.

Beth gave a nervous laugh. ‘You wish,' she said.

Hibs looked up and was about to challenge her when a timer beeped.

‘Oh.' Beth dug her phone out of her pocket and turned the alarm off. She took a large gulp of her drink. ‘I'd better head back.'

‘Why?' said Hibs. ‘You don't have to do a reading for another two hours.'

‘Gordon will be finishing training about now. I want to get back to the lab before he twigs that I'm not there.' She took another glug of her drink and stood up. ‘I'll see you guys later, okay.'

Vik scrambled to his feet. ‘I'll walk with you.'

‘What? You're deserting us too?' Hibs wasn't really surprised. Lara's outburst had been uncomfortable for them all. Vik didn't deal with that sort of thing very well.

‘I'll see you later,' Beth said to Lara. ‘I'm sorry to rush off, but … well, Gordon would be upset if he thought I'd lied to him.'

Lara waved. ‘Don't worry. I'm sure Hibs will keep me company for a bit. Won't you, Hibs?' She nudged him.

‘Yeah. What with me being Mr Nice,' he muttered.

Beth smiled and she and Vik left.

Hibs stared at the door for a few moments after she'd gone. ‘I don't get it. Why does she let him do that to her?'

He turned back to find Lara watching him, looking at his hand. He followed her gaze down and saw a beer mat was crushed in his fist. He opened his hand and tried to smooth the twisted cardboard down but it wouldn't go back to its flat shape. He looked back up, to find Lara still watching him.

‘How long have you felt like that … about Beth?' she asked softly.

He continued to smooth down the beer mat. He could lie to Lara, he wanted to talk to someone and he sure as hell couldn't tell Beth. ‘I don't know. It crept up on me a bit.'

Lara was leaning on her forearms. ‘She doesn't know, does she?'

He shook his head. ‘She's with Gordon.' He grabbed an edge of the beer mat and started to tear it. ‘And he treats her so badly, Lara. Why does she let him do that to her? She's bright, she's pretty, she's outgoing. Why does she let him treat her like dirt? He keeps telling her she's rubbish and she still loves him. How does that work?'

Lara sighed. ‘I don't know. I've tried to tell her, but she just doesn't see it.'

‘What can we do to make her understand that he's ruining her self-confidence?'

‘I don't think there's anything we can do.' Lara shook her head. ‘She has to figure it out for herself.'

Hibs snorted. ‘She's clearly not going to do that.' He picked up his pint. ‘He controls what she can and can't drink for fuck's sake.'

Lara nodded. They sat side by side, staring into space for a moment.

‘Hibs,' said Lara. ‘If you've liked Beth for so long, how come you haven't told her?'

He took another sip from his drink. ‘She's with Gordon,' he repeated.

‘But they broke up for six months. You could have said something then.' She narrowed her eyes. ‘It's not like you have any problem asking girls out.'