Doctored (40 page)

Deanna was offering her the world.  Yes, she was enormously wealthy and could give both Madison and her children things she couldn’t hope to have, but that wasn’t the attraction, not in the least.  It was the security of knowing that she loved and was loved that appealed.  She knew she loved Deanna.  She was sure of Deanna’s love for her now.  She understood a lot more now.

Intellectually, she knew she shouldn’t take into account what others would think of her and her decisions.  If she missed this chance, let Deanna go as she asked, she’d be giving up a part of herself she hadn’t known was smothering for so long.  She was happy with Deanna in her life.  She’d felt so good these last months since Deanna came back into her life.  Could she openly admit that she loved a woman and was going to make a life with her?

She thought about the lovemaking they had just committed.  It was so different from the night of the gala.  The night of the gala had been exhausting, but a coming together that was ten years delayed.  She’d wanted Deanna more than she could remember ever wanting anyone.  Not just sex, that was the difference from today and that night.  Today wasn’t really lovemaking, it was more about the raw, sensual sex, and she’d needed that too.  She hadn’t intended to have sex with Deanna when she came up to Santa Barbara.  She’d just wanted to see her after all these weeks—to touch her, to be with her.  She fed her soul.  They had so much in common.  They were very compatible.  Not just the medical stuff, but even seeing what she bought for the house, her new and beautiful house.  They were things she would have loved to have bought with Deanna, had she been here.  None of the choices were anything she would have objected to.

Her thoughts returned to the sex.  The night of the gala was so sensual, but on a different level.  Deanna had been so loving, so caring of what Madison had been feeling…taking care of the redhead’s needs first as she wanted it so badly, so urgently.  And then taking them further, slowly and intricately…like a dance that wasn’t going to end as she made love to her over and over again.  It had been exhausting and invigorating.  Each of them fell asleep in the other’s arms, satisfied…finally.  Madison admitted she wanted that too.  The lovemaking, the easy affection, the attention.  She wanted the whole package and that was what Deanna was offering.

She found herself daydreaming about making love to Deanna, about things she still wanted to try…things she thought too naughty to mention.  That distraction nearly ran her off the road and she caught herself before she got in an accident.

As she approached her home, she realized it wasn’t a hard decision.  She would just have to be brave, ignore the gossips, and go forward with her choices.  Whether they were good or bad, they were her choices, Deanna had made that very clear.  She smiled as she drove into her driveway, the van seeming extra loud as she turned it off and listened to the silence around her.

“Hey, Mom,” Conor called as she entered the house.

“Hey, Mom,” Chloe echoed and got up from the cartoons she was watching to give her mother a hug.  “Grandma called,” she told her with her arms wrapped around her waist.

“Yeah?  What’d she want?” she smiled, looking down at the little girl.  She could see the potential young lady already sprouting in this young girl-child.

“She wondered if you were at work, were we home alone, and what we were doing?  She wants you to call,” she told her importantly.

“Grandma said we should come for a visit and see our cousins,” Conor put in as he wrinkled his nose at that.  His cousins were loud and boisterous and there were so many of them he never remembered all their names.

Madison mentally rolled her eyes.  She knew what that meant.  Her mother wanted her to come back east so she could verbally chastise her in person for getting a divorce, for not having more children, and for not following the more traditional role of housewife and mother.  The fact that her children were home alone, watching television, without a mother supervising, probably had sent her into a tither.  The fact that they were only home alone for an hour didn’t enter into it.  They were alone and all sorts of things could go wrong with that.  Madison agreed.  It didn’t escape her notice that if she accepted Deanna’s offer there would be a housekeeper around for the days when they couldn’t get home before the children.  She sighed and smiled at the kids as she left them to the television and coloring they were doing to make a phone call.

“Hello, Mom.  Chloe said you wanted me to call?”

“What are you thinking, leaving those two wee children on their own out there in Los Angeles?  I heard on the news there were gang shootings just last week!”

Madison didn’t dare tell her about the gun in the E.R. several weeks ago.  “Mom, Los Angeles is as safe as any other big city.  I live in a safe neighborhood.  The kids were home alone for not even an hour.”

“When you were little, do you recall me ever leaving you home alone for one moment?” she asked. 

Madison was picturing her mother like a chattering mother wren, all fluffed up and pecking at her.  “I know, Mom,” she sighed, knowing nothing she was going to say would convince her otherwise.  She was tired from the long drive home and all that she had on her mind.

“And you don’t even have a father figure there for them to come home to,” she continued.  “You should come back here to the old neighborhood.  I know several young men who would be pleased to…”

“Mom, I’m not looking to get married again.  I’m happy the way things are,” she tried to tell her, but knew it was falling on deaf ears.  A happy woman was married and having children.  It didn’t matter if she was compatible with her mate, she was only happy if she procreated.  Mentally, Madison shook her head.

“Why I never heard such rubbish…” she began and continued on for five minutes before Madison finally had enough.

“Was there something specific you wanted, Mom?  I’m kind of tired here.  I’ve had a long day.”

“What were you doing?” she finally thought to ask.

Madison debated about telling her the truth, the whole truth, but knew in her small world that this would be a shock that she might not be able to weather.  She wasn’t ready to admit it on some levels herself although she’d given herself a good talking to on the way home.  “I visited a friend…” she began, but her mother interrupted her.

“You are off visiting friends when you should be home waiting for your children to get home from school…” she began, but Madison, finally tired of being berated her whole life, snapped.

“No, Mother, I wasn’t just off visiting friends.  I was visiting my girlfriend and she has made me a very interesting proposition.  I’ve got a lot to decide and I’ll let you know when I have made those decisions.  Until then I would appreciate it if you’d stop yelling at me all the time.”

There was silence for a moment as her mother digested being chastised in return.  This didn’t have a precedence.  She was used to getting her own way her entire life.  Her children obeyed her, although this one had given her trouble from time to time.  “You watch how you talk to me, missy.  You should be careful how you use that word ‘girlfriend’ in this day and age.  People might think….”

“Mom,” she interrupted angrily, “I don’t care what people might think,” and she realized for the first time in a long time, she didn’t care.  She wasn’t going to allow anyone, even her mother, to bully her into feeling ashamed of calling Deanna her girlfriend.  She savored that word in her brain for a moment.  If she wanted it, Deanna could be her girlfriend or more….

“W–why…” her mother began huffily.

“Look, Mom, it’s my life.  I’m the one paying my bills, I’m the one raising my kids.  It’s my life,” she stressed.  “How I choose to live it is no one’s business,” she stated and finally, finally things began to click into place as she realized the truth of her words.

“Well, I never…” the words trailed off as Madison interrupted once more.

“Well, maybe you should.”  She was feeling good, but she no longer wished to argue with her mother.  She wasn’t ready to antagonize her further and she also wasn’t ready to shock her…not yet, not today.  “Look, Mom, I’m tired.  It was a long drive and I have things to do including getting dinner ready for the kids.  I should go.”

“Well,” she huffed again.  “It’s about time you put those children first and….”

“I’ll call you next week, Mother,” she said as though she actually meant it and hung up mid-harangue.  She stared at the phone realizing how satisfying it had been to get in the last word with her mother.  She also loved the fact that hanging up on her with the phone was so much more satisfying than what could be accomplished with a cell phone.  It must be the physical sensation of slamming down the phone that did it.  While it hadn’t been pleasant, it had been long overdue.  She felt herself becoming stronger by the moment as she realized it was all up to her.  It was her decision.  She looked around the kitchen and, hearing the kids still in the living room, headed for it.

“Hey, you guys, I have an idea I’d like to discuss with you and I want you to listen.  Turn off the TV,” she told Chloe who looked at her with some trepidation.

“Did we do something wrong, Mommy?” Chloe asked.

“No, baby, I just have something I wish to discuss with you two.”

“What?” Conor asked, sitting up from the paper he was drawing on.

“What do you two think about the idea of moving to Santa Barbara and living with Dr. D and Roman?”

“Really?” Chloe breathed, her eyes wide.

“We’d have to change schools?” Conor asked, realizing a lot more of the social implications than his sister at the moment.  He’d lose all his friends.

Madison nodded.  “Deanna asked me today and I thought I’d ask you two what you think?”  She knew it didn’t really matter what these two small children thought.  It was her decision, but it was at that moment that she realized her mind was already made up, she was just looking for the push.

It was Conor who realized what she might not be saying quicker than his sister.  “Would we be like Sam Ryan?”

“Who?” Madison asked, blinking her confusion and wondering what this person had to do with anything.

“You know, he’s the one with two dads.  Would we have two moms?”  He waited patiently for her answer as Chloe turned to look from one to the other.

Considering keeping it a secret a moment longer, Madison made up her mind.  Nodding, she answered her son.  “Yes, it would be like that.  Would you like Dr. D to be your other mom?”  She held her breath waiting for their answer.  Her look encompassed both children.

Chloe asked, “Would you sleep in the same room?”

Madison hesitated, not wishing to tell them too much, but at the same time realizing that these two little urchins’ opinions were the only ones that really mattered at the moment.  No one, not her friends, not her family—especially her mother—mattered more.  What happened between her and Deanna was personal, private, and wholly their own business, but without going into too much detail she could be honest with her children.  “Yes, I love her,” then unable to help herself she asked, “Is that okay?”

“Would we get to live in that house we saw?  The one without any furniture?”

Madison nearly laughed aloud at her relief.  Children had different priorities than who she slept with.  “Yes, but it has furniture now.  Deanna bought some,” she confirmed with a smile.

“Would I get my own room or would I share with Roman?” Conor asked and from his tone Madison couldn’t tell which way he wanted it.

“Well, if we do this, I think we would have to ask Dr. D and certainly consult with Roman,” she answered carefully.

“Can we bring Fluffy?” Chloe worried.

Madison hadn’t considered that.  Scott had avoided her since he got out on probation again, this time with harsher restrictions.  He hadn’t picked up the dog and Madison had to assume that he wasn’t going to.  “I’m sure we can…” she began, but she realized she still had a lot to consider.

“Doesn’t Dr. D have a cat?  Won’t he mind?” Conor worried, still thinking about whether he had to share a room or not.

Madison hadn’t thought of Spot in all this.  She crossed her fingers as she answered, “I’m sure they will adjust.”

For the kids, it was settled.  Madison was amazed at how easy it was for them.  She waited until they were fed and in bed to call Deanna.

“Hello?” she answered the cell phone, seeing Madison’s picture come up on the screen’s caller I.D.  She’d had some help with that since she was lucky to even be able to answer it.  She hung up on a lot of people using the thing and was relieved to use a conventional phone instead.

“Yes,” Madison said simply with a grin.

“Yes?” Deanna was confused.  She’d worried all afternoon and evening since she watched Madison drive away, she couldn’t help but make comparisons to her leaving in Mamadu so long ago.  This time, at least she wasn’t getting out of the way of a war, but there was Los Angeles traffic and that could be like a war…a million things could have happened.  She had thought of texting Madison—she was learning to do that better these days—but hadn’t wanted to put any more pressure on the redhead than she already had.  The ultimatum had weighed heavily on her soul all afternoon long.  Had she gone too far by issuing it?  She’d been distracted and Roman had noticed when he got home from school and ate dinner with her.  She was a bit too quiet and he’d asked her repeatedly if something was wrong.