Documentary (31 page)

“I’ll just take the stairs.” She’d had enough of the Kai White show.

“Shit,” she heard Kai say before the heavy door to the stairwell slammed behind her. The pressure from restraining her need to cry was like a vise clamping down on her chest as she ran up the staircase. The door swung open behind her, followed by a cacophony of rapid, echoing footsteps. It had to be Kai, which made her burn with infuriation. Tears rushed down her cheeks, blurring her vision, making her more prone to tripping. Why the fuck was he following her? He had a girl waiting downstairs. And she kept seeing that girl in her mind, laughing and holding on to him. He had
multiple
girls, apparently. She had been another one to fall at his feet. She had fallen for the allure of the tragic rock star. She had left a school brimming with guys probably wanting to date her for this shit. For his shit. Dylan ran faster, but with her floor so many flights up, she gave up, too breathless to continue, and exited on a random floor. She walked a few paces toward the elevator until the door to the stairwell opened.

“Even though I tell myself I shouldn’t do it, I keep fucking chasing you,” Kai said with breathless irritation when he hit the hallway. “I keep doing it.”

“Kind of hard to run when you’re carrying some bitch,” she said when she spun to face him. “And I never asked you to chase me.” Pivoting, she stomped to the elevator and punched the button with her entire fist. Hopefully, the car full of people had already gone up past her. 

“Then why are you crying right now?” If she really told him how she felt at the moment, how she felt when she was around him, how he had started replacing parts of her she thought for sure she had left in the hole she watched Mac be lowered into, she would
’ve been a blubbering mess on the floor. And fuck that.

She shrugged. “Maybe it’s homesickness,” she lied, ramming the “up” button with the edge of her fist. She would fall apart completely if she stayed there any longer. “Anyway, I’m tired. I’m going to bed so I can get a jumpstart on work—”

He sliced through her sentence with a loud groan of frustration. “You’re crying, but you’re reminding me
again
that I’m just your way to pay off some fucking bills.” He threw his hands in the air.
“I know all that talk about being my friend was bullshit. You’re mad now ‘cause I’m finally seeing through it and doing something about it? I’m
work
. I’m just work. This is just a job for you. I get it, Dylan!” Kai yelled as he strode toward her.

She was jabbing the button angrily to the point of having her thumb ache. He wedged himself in between her and the buttons, and held her hand in mid-air. His touch was delicate, threatening to fracture the wall she was trying to build around herself right now. He pulled her closer to him, placing her hand on his chest and putting his on top. Dylan didn’t resist, and if he had taken his hand off hers, she knew she would’ve kept it there anyway. She hadn’t felt his touch in so long. Dylan closed her eyes, felt heat pump through his palm, felt the sharp rise and fall of his chest. She was going to miss this when it ended in a few minutes. She would miss it and it would hurt worse than before. When she looked into his eyes, she mounted her best effort to contain her tears. Part of her wanted to say he had become so much more than work, but her pride was tangled in the memory of what had happened downstairs, so she stayed silent even as she thought his distraught gaze would crush her insides.

“I know once you get what you came for, you’re going to leave, so I just want to fucking forget you. Everything about you. I need to. Just let me forget you. Please.”

The elevator finally coasted up to the floor, and the doors opened with a subtle hiss. With his free hand, Kai waved in the open space to trigger the sensor so that it stayed open. Dylan rounded him
and stepped inside, grimacing from the sting of his words.
I know once you get what you came for...
Lek had probably told him she had asked about the fight. She hadn’t gotten the chance to tell him everything herself
.
She had hurt him too, and had been deceitful. She was in no place to judge him for hurting her now. It definitely didn’t make any sense to tell him that she cared about him. It would come across as disingenuous. But she did care, so much. Too much.

Kai spun and stood across from her, mirroring her heartbreak, until the elevator doors slid together. Dylan didn’t wait for it to reach her floor; she cried the entire way up.

As soon as Dylan turned the camera off, Kai downed the rest of his drink and his jaw pulsed after the burn. He held up the frosted
Grey Goose
vodka bottle like a trophy of defiance. She was doing her best to ignore it, but she really wanted to say something. Not because she was having to film around alcohol bottles (which she was), but because she was worried about him, especially with Wintervention tomorrow, where Lava’s short film was showing. The silence was driving her insane, but if he wanted to forget her, she would respect that, no matter how much her chest clenched in his presence.

She and Kai hadn’t
really spoken since New Orleans, which was only two days ago, but coupled with the other few days of silence after New York, it felt like months because she still had to see him all the time. The past two days, after the shows, she had taken a cab back to the hotel and left the group at the venue for vending machine snacks and late-night TV. But her attempt at distance and the new routine didn’t help her miss him any less. It didn’t hurt any less. Ashley would probably report her behavior to Nina, but Dylan thought her work was still shining. 

She was doing her best to cope, writing her unsent messages to Mac and working tirelessly. The exponential rise in views was empowering and so were the supportive comments. She largely ignored the vicious, negative ones (though the impulse to respond was hard to resist), but she tried to implement the ideas of the constructive critiques without allowing the defense of her ego to supplant them. She was proud of her work overall. Even as their friendship fell apart, she still featured Kai in a favorable light for reasons that had nothing to do with her job obligation.
It was just
him.
She loved seeing him smiling with fans and hearing him laugh in frustration when Xavier and Heath kept correctly guessing every song he tried to stump them with as he played his acoustic guitar. And there were so many more moments. All of it made her heart race, and she often kept a smile hidden behind the camera.

“Well, I should go,” she said, pushing the camcorder into its case. They were in his gigantic hotel room in Orlando. She flicked her eyes up at Kai briefly, checking out his indifferent expression as he clicked away on his cell phone. He had finished up his show at a venue where people had been protesting the place for allowing a violent singer to perform there. Kai’s performance had not been his best. He was a little shaken, but he pulled it off, and all the while, her heart
had somersaulted in her chest. It had been a hard night, and she wished they still had that safe and familiar place between them so that she could ask how he was doing.

“Cool,” Kai said without lifting his eyes from his cell phone. Dylan sighed and walked to the door. Dealing with Kai in this cold way was draining. She needed a break. Christmas was right around the corner
, and Jamie was hauling her off to the Big Island for the holiday. She was looking forward to that. Tonight would be a break too. Wes and Abel had been at the show and they wanted to go out. She and Wes had been texting back and forth for a few days.

“Have a good night,” she blurted out with her back to him and her hand on the door handle. She needed to say
something
; the silence was killing her.

“You have a good night too,” he whispered
. There were more words in these few minutes than they had exchanged all day, and her heart jumped.

Dylan spun around and was disappointed to find his eyes still nailed to his cell phone. “Kai, can we talk?”

“You’re off for the night, right? So…be…
off
.” The edge of annoyance in his voice made her wince, but it made her mad, too. Dylan dropped the camera bag near the door and took a furious stride back to where he was sitting. She could tell he was playing off how startled he was by her reaction as he put his cell phone down finally.

“I get that you’re mad at me but don’t push it, Kai White,” she hissed between clenched teeth as she balanced her weight on the table. “You don’t even really know what you think you know.”

“You haven’t been throwing that I’m ‘just work’ shit in my face since day one? ‘Cause you say it, like, every fucking two sentences.” Kai soared to a standing position and leaned over the table toward her. “I should’ve believed you.”

“Lek should’ve let me explain myself instead of running to you,” she shouted back.

“Well, I guess whatever explaining you needed to do to me, you should’ve done that first,” he yelled. Even as things got heated, Dylan felt the intensity of the current of attraction between them. His staring at her mouth made her lips pulse like a heartbeat. She instinctively licked them and watched his broad chest rise when he took in a sharp breath. Dylan remembered how it felt to be against it. There would be no makeup sex after this though, and she shook away the thought, disbelieving that in a middle of this fight, they were checking each other out.

“Did you just like my attention? Is that what it was? You made me think I meant something to you when you’re just after information about me for the project.”
He shook his head in disgust. “I’m impressed. You’re on the wrong side of that fucking camera.”

Dylan threw her hands up
and scoffed. “How do you have time to think about
anything
when
your dick
seems to be doing all the work?”

Someone was suddenly pounding on the door of hi
s hotel room. Kai skirted the table and pulled the door open to Wes. Dylan was relieved to see him and rushed past Kai to give him a hug.

“What’s up, guys?” With one of his hands firm on Dylan’s lower back, he shook Kai’s hand. Whatever fleeting attraction she’d had to Wes was long gone, but it was sort of funny to see Kai’s face pinch in
jealousy as he watched them.

“I was just at your room. Abe wants to pre-party before we go out,” Wes said to Dylan. He rubbed his palms together. “Got us a table at
Velvet,
but he wants to go to
Coasters
first.”

Kai stalked back toward the table
, and when he spun around, he ran his hand down the length of his face. “You came to my room
for her
?” He aimed a hateful look at Wes.

“I guess no one else is supposed to talk to me or act like I exist either,” Dylan fired back sarcastically. “We’re in 3
rd
grade? Your friends can’t be my friends?”

Kai laughed wit
h bitterness. “Yeah, that’s my preference, actually.”

Dylan hardened her jaw. “Whatever, Kamikaze…grow up.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Wes’ eyes widen, and he moved in between them to defuse the tense conversation, pulling Dylan out into the hallway.

“You want to get out of here? Abe and I have separate rooms…come hang out with me.” Wes squeezed the back of her neck in a show of support. This had to be killing Kai. He followed them out and studied both of them for a few seconds, but his angry eyes finally settled on Wes, clearly disapproving of his defection.

“Fuck this. And fuck you, Wes.”

Dylan hugged Wes when they were in his room a few floors down. “Thanks. We haven’t exactly been on the best terms lately. I’m sorry you got caught up in that.”

Wes shook his head. “Don’t even worry about it.
He was there for me during the worst time in my life, and I said way worse to him then. We get into shit and he still comes when I call, no questions asked. No matter what. It’s what we do.” He shrugged but his expression lightened immediately. “Plus, I know there’s only one reason he’s acting crazy right now.” Wes pried her arms off him. “Hands off, girl. I never thought I would turn you down if we ended up here, but I’m not your rebound!” Wes collapsed backward onto the bed and locked his fingers behind his head.

Dylan rounded the bed, sitting on the edge farthest from the door with her back to it and Wes. Tears warmed her eyes but she didn’t let them fall. Deep breaths usually helped
, and she didn’t want Wes to know she was crying, but at least it wasn’t Kai. God, she hated him. She didn’t want to cry around him again. The only thing she wanted to do was slug him in the face. This was how he planned to
forget
her? By being a complete asshole?

             
But she wanted to kiss him too. She missed him so much her skin hurt.

When she was finally capable of beating back the squeezing in her chest, she spoke. “Shut up, Wes. You’re pissing me off more.” He
made a deep indentation in the mattress as he shifted and came into view on her left side.

             
“Well, I’ve got just the cure for that,” Wes said in a sultry tone right by her ear. “I’ll try not to enjoy it
too much
for the sake of Kai, but—”