Dodge the Bullet (34 page)

Sarah sighed. “I’ve told you a thousand
times what happened. Why do you want to hear it again?”

“It’s just so cool. I talked to Shiloh a
couple times last week. She said Dodge is like a big hero now. Even
her dad agrees.”

“BFD,” Lyle whispered under his breath.

Sarah stopped and whipped around to face her
youngest son. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

“Using that kind of language is not okay.”
Sarah lifted his chin so their eyes could meet. “Do you understand
me?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He walked in silence to
baggage claim and then on to the truck. The only thing that kept
her from screaming was Kevin’s constant chatter about their
adventures on the lake. She was glad they’d gone. Not only did it
keep them out of harms way, but it seemed to have kept them both
highly entertained. Maybe if she couldn’t get Lyle to admit his
feelings, she could needle them out of Kevin.

“So how is Dodge?” Kevin asked when they hit
the interstate. “His leg heal okay?”

“Yeah.” Sarah glanced in the rearview mirror
to see if Lyle was interested. “He’s practically good as new.”

“Is he still staying at the house with you,
with us?” Lyle asked. He held her gaze in the mirror.

“I dropped him at his dad’s this
morning.”

“Where’d he sleep?” Lyle asked.

Sarah stared out the front windshield as her
pulse pounded in her ears. “What?”

“What bed did Dodge sleep in?” Lyle slowly
enunciated every word in the sarcastic tone he'd learned from his
brother.

Her fingers tightened on the wheel. “Why
does it matter?”

“The man lived in our house for a week. I’m
just wondering whose bed he slept in at night. It had to be one of
the three of ours, right?”

Sarah considered her options. Tell the truth
or lie. Tell the truth or lie? What horrific choices, but she
wouldn't lie to her sons, not about this. “He slept in my bed.”

“Will he be sleeping there when we get
home?” The quietly serious question had come from Kevin, his face a
study in...worry? Curiosity? Disgust?

“No, he won’t be. And that’s all I’m saying
about the subject.”

“I knew it,” Lyle muttered from the back
seat.

Sarah looked in the rearview, saw him tuck
his chin to his chest as he sank against the seat. When she glanced
back at the road she realized she couldn't remember the last ten
minutes of their trip. The conversation needed her full
attention.

“What are you doing?” Kevin asked when she
pulled into a parking space of a fast food restaurant and cut the
engine. She turned in the seat to face Kevin and Lyle.

“What do you want to know? I’ll answer as
best I can, and then we’ll head home. But I’m not putting up with
your attitude. So, ask your questions and I’ll decide if they need
to be answered.”

“Are you sleeping with him?” Lyle spewed the
question at her as if he couldn’t hold it inside any longer.

“That’s none of your business.”

Kevin cleared his throat. “Why the hell did
you pull over if you’re not going to answer a simple question?”

“Because I’m your mother and who I choose to
sleep with will never be any of your business. And don’t use that
language with me.”

“That’s convenient.” Lyle said. He seemed
relieved not to have to know the truth and her heart ached for
him.

“It’s conveniently true. Now,” she sighed
and tried to get her balance back. “As I’ve already explained to
your brother, I have feelings for Dodge. What those feelings are
and what I plan to do with them…” she shrugged “I’m not sure. But
that’s for me and him to work out. You don’t have to like it. I
expect you’d have a problem with anyone I became involved with
after your father. No matter what happens, I love you both more
than anything in the world. If you have questions or you feel
anxious or worried about anything, I want you to talk to me about
it and not sit around and brood until you explode.” She looked
pointedly at Lyle. Sarah felt unnerved to see him so reserved and
angry. “Any more questions?”

After a moment of silence Kevin shifted in
his seat. “Well, since we’re already here, can we go ahead and get
lunch? I’m starving.” And with a blessed sigh of relief, she
agreed.

Dodge couldn’t get comfortable. He’d adjusted the pillows on the
couch a dozen times, put his feet up, then down again, crossed his
ankles, crossed his arms behind his head, spread his arms along the
back of the couch. Nothing, absolutely nothing felt right. Damn
it.

He had everything he needed, a cold beer
he’d set carefully on the corner of a magazine, a habit he’d picked
up from staying at Sarah’s. “Why ruin furniture with glass rings,”
she’d said and then growled at him when he'd suggested it added
character to her new furniture. His stomach was full of food from
the diner and his Rockies, playing under five-hundred ball as
usual, had just started off a game against the Diamond Backs with a
two-run double. So what in the hell was his problem? He stood up
from the couch, turned away from the game and headed outside in the
cool night to clear his head.

He knew what was wrong; he was miserable. He
missed Sarah so much he felt like he'd been zipped up inside out
and now the zipper was stuck. He’d been moping around for days,
watching her come and go from her house with a smile planted firmly
in place, happy as a clam that her sons were home. He’d
miscalculated with her. He'd been so sure she was in love with him
and wanted to be with him, but her actions suggested otherwise.

Dodge had been all set to tell her how he
felt, lay it on the line and let her deal, but when she got back
with the kids they had a quiet family dinner alone. He’d worked at
the ranch all that day, trying to shake off his mood and work up
the courage to talk to her and the kids. He’d been in the barn when
they drove up. Kevin had more questions than Dodge could answer. He
wanted to see the barn and the charred earth where the fire had
left the ground barren. He’d even made Dodge lift his pant leg and
show him his stitches. Quite a change from the pissed off teenager
who’d left a week ago.

Lyle hung back by his mom and said nothing,
and hadn't said much since he returned. Dodge had tried to bring
him around ever since, asking for his help with special projects.
Sometimes he'd forget he was mad at Dodge and he’d loosen up a
little. But then it’d hit him and he’d clam up again. Dodge knew
why the kid was upset--he'd figured out something was going on
between him and his mom and he didn’t like it. Dodge wanted to talk
to Sarah about their situation but she’d basically made herself
scarce, and only came around when the boys were near. He couldn’t
get her alone for a second.

There’d been no dinner invitations, no
conspiratorial looks, no nothing. It was like their time together
hadn’t even happened. So instead of enjoying his beloved Rockies
and a cold beer, he moped around the deck, stared up at the stars,
and wondered what Sarah was doing at the very same moment. She’d
turned his whole life upside down to the point where he couldn’t
even enjoy baseball. He reached for his keys on the old rooster
holder and headed outside to his truck. One way or another he was
getting some things off his chest tonight.

###

Sarah had spent another painful day avoiding
Dodge. She'd watched him like a hawk from the safety of her window,
using binoculars no less. Every minute that passed without him she
felt her heart splitting in two. Her need for him was eating her
alive. She knew avoiding him was cowardly, but she still didn’t
know what else to do.

“Mom,” Lyle called from the den. “Watch this
replay.”

She skulked over to watch the Arizona's
short stop make a double play to end the inning. All she could
think of was Dodge, watching the game and cussing his favorite team
and their troubled year. “The Rockies can’t catch a break, can
they?”

###

Kevin stole a glance at Lyle as his mom went
back to cleaning the kitchen. They’d talked about what was going on
with their mom and Dodge incessantly since they returned home two
days ago. Were they fighting? Did Dodge call things off because
they were back? Or was she simply avoiding the whole situation
because she couldn’t deal? They didn’t know, couldn’t agree on a
theory, but they did agree that they hadn’t seen her this withdrawn
in a very long time. Neither boy felt happy to see her slide back
into depression.

###

Sarah tucked the last of the dishes in the
dishwasher and stared as the evening breeze rustled the leaves of
the cotton woods in the distance. She glanced at the clock. Seven
o'clock and she wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed. The
same bed where she’d lost her heart to Dodge and could lose herself
in the only peace of the day, slumber. But it was too early to go
to bed without alarming the boys, so she grabbed her sweatshirt
from the back of the chair and announced she was going for a
walk.

The gentle wind brushed her skin like a
kiss. She closed her eyes and drank in the smell of clean air and
cow dung. The air smelled as Dodge did after working with Miguel
for a few hours. His clothes and even his hair held the scent of
cows and working man. She remembered with aching fondness how the
smell would waft strongly in the room when he’d first enter, then
ease away with each layer of clothing he removed. She thought of
the working man smell of his skin along his shoulders where she’d
graze her teeth, his sweat scented abdomen, the scent of her
shampoo in his hair. Stop it, she shook her head. Yes, the man was
gorgeous, chivalrous, good with his hands and impossibly stubborn.
But he was trouble, and most importantly, he didn't want her for
anything more than a roll in the hay.

It wasn’t hard to avoid someone who didn’t
want to see her in the first place. Had she imagined the bliss of
the previous week? When he first saw her in the mornings she hadn't
seen panic in his eyes, only lust and what she thought was
affection. But now she had to wonder, was she so blinded by her
emotions that she didn’t recognize his signs of retreat? They
flashed in her mind like road signs: slow down, sharp curve ahead,
prepare to stop.

Sarah needed to pull herself together, and
quickly. She’d seen the worried looks on her son’s faces, heard
their hushed conversations at night behind closed doors. They were
afraid she'd slide back into mourning for things that could never
be. She’d put them through enough already. She climbed the stairs
to the house, into the quiet den and saw the light on behind
Kevin’s closed door. She knocked, heard muffled voices stop and a
quick invitation to enter. Lyle sat perched in a bean bag on the
floor tossing a rubber ball in the air and Kevin sprawled on the
bed with his PSP.

“I’m back. I’ll be out on the deck.” When
they barely acknowledged her she asked, “You two okay?”

Lyle studied the ball in his hand as if it
held the answer to life’s most important questions. “Yeah,” he said
and looked up at her with narrowed eyes. “How about you, Mom? Are
you okay?”

Her smile faltered when Kevin glanced over
his game to hear her answer.

She wouldn’t lie to her kids. “I’m working
on it.”

Sarah closed the door, grabbed the phone and
a throw from the back of the couch and strolled onto the deck. She
needed to talk to her sister.

###

As he drove down the long drive toward the
cabin, Dodge saw a light from Kevin’s room, but Sarah’s room and
the rest of the house seemed dark. Damn it. He needed to get his
feelings off his chest so he could figure out what to do next. He
never thought she’d be asleep, or worse, not home. He didn’t want
to confront her with the boys around, but he could ask her to join
him outside and out of their earshot. If she refused, he didn't
care; he was in the mood for a good fight. He parked the truck
along the side of the house and cursed when he realized the garage
doors were shut. He picked up his cell phone and dialed her number.
It went straight to voicemail. He got out of the car and paced in
front of the garage doors while her home phone rang in his ear.
Kevin answered.

“Hey. It's Dodge. Is your mom there?”

“She's out on the deck. I think she's
talking to Aunt Jenny.”

Great. Just what he didn't need. “I’m
outside your place. Can you come open the garage doors and let me
in? I need to talk to her.”

There was a pause before Kevin said, “Sure.
I'll be right down.”

He heard Sarah’s voice coming from the deck
and moved slowly around the side of the house to listen.

###

Sarah settled into a chair facing the
darkened river as Jenny explained her lack of contact in the last
few days. “We’re in Telluride shooting a commercial for my
chocolate bar account. I’m sure no one will notice it’s not the
Swiss Alps. I’d have called sooner, but we’ve been slammed since
filming began.”

“Can you squeeze in a quick visit?” Sarah
wrapped the throw tight around her shoulders when the wind picked
up. “It’d be great to see you right now.”

“Depends on how close we stick to the
shooting schedule. What’s going on with you and the local
hero?”

“Oh, Jenny.” Sarah sobbed. “I’m so
confused.”

“I should charge you for these counseling
sessions. What’s wrong, only three orgasms last night? My poor
little sis.”

She’d endured so many of Jenny’s cries for
help with men that she felt entitled to at least a dozen
‘counseling sessions’ in return. “If you’re going to make fun I’m
not saying a word.”

“Don’t get pissy with me. Do you know how
long it’s been since I’ve had an orgasm? With a man, that is.”

“I never should have slept with him,” she
said. “I knew I shouldn’t have but couldn’t stop myself. God,
Jenny, I feel like you, letting my libido lead me into
trouble.”