Dodge the Bullet (33 page)

###

Dodge had had it with the well wishers who’d
spent countless hours talking mindless drivel to him over the last
five days. He could barely get away from them of his own free will.
He’d disappear with Miguel for a few hours, determined to escape
the commotion and then somehow, when he’d least expect it, he’d
feel a need to be with Sarah so strong it frightened him.

Maybe he felt drawn to her because he knew
it was only temporary. Maybe it was because he hadn't expected to
enjoy spending so much time together. He never thought he’d share
his life with someone again and then, bam, there they were, sharing
meals, longing glances over unwanted company and long, lingering
hours of love making whenever the whim hit. The hardest thing to
admit was that he didn’t want it to end. When Kevin and Lyle came
back in two days he had to pack up and go back to his dad’s house
and things would be back to the way they started. The way they were
supposed to be. But if living apart was the way it should be why
did he feel so damned depressed?

After one such afternoon of escaping with
Miguel, he’d hobbled back into the cabin and found Sarah at her
computer, a small furrow in her brows, her hands frozen over the
keyboard waiting for the words to write themselves. Just the sight
of her filled him with a yearning that almost took his breath away.
He’d meant to touch her shoulder, let her know he was home. He
found himself massaging away the tension in her neck. Her sighs and
purrs of satisfaction urged him to use his mouth and teeth and then
he just let his hands wander until they were in bed, just as they’d
been a few hours ago.

“You’re really good at this.” Sarah said,
the slick slide of her voice was music to his ears. “Much more
thorough than last time.”

“Yeah?” Dodge nuzzled his stubbled beard
over her bare skin. She smelled good, like lavender and clean
mountain air. “I’ve been doing some research.”

“Research, huh? Anyone I know?”

Dodge chuckled and thought of the countless
hours he’d spent reading after stumbling across a dusty box in the
garage. “Quite well, as a matter of fact.”

Sarah’s head came up off the pillow, her
eyes narrowed in an accusing gaze. “Care to explain?” Dodge fought
a grin. Half the fun was getting her riled. Dodge slithered his
body over hers and pinned her hands above her head.

“I’m waiting,” she said.

He released her hand, leaned over, lingered
when the movement made her gasp and slowly opened the drawer of the
nightstand.

She glanced at the book in his hand and
lifted her brows. “This is your research?”

“There’s a lot of good stuff in here.” He
pulled out one of her novels from atop the pile he’d stacked in the
drawer, moved to her side and pulled up a pillow to prop his
head.

She yanked the book from his hands and
looked at the cover, flipped through the worn copy. “Did you read
these or just thumb through to the dirty parts?”

He took the book back from her and opened to
a dog eared section. “I’ve read these, thank you very much. And
I’ve decided I was right.”

“I'm afraid to ask.”

“That the stuff in your books is stuff you
like, or at least that turns you on.”

“For someone who was so embarrassed by this
before, you certainly have changed your tune.”

“It wasn’t relevant then. Now it is.”

“I see.” She moved atop him. He lifted the
book above her head but made no move to put it down. “So tell me
what you’ve learned.”

“Well, one thing’s for sure.” He laid the
book aside and grabbed her hips to ease the ache that thrust
against her. “When we get the chance, we’re going to make love
outside, possibly even in public.”

Sarah threw her head back and laughed.

“Thanks to you, my reputation in this town
is a little too clean.” He continued after noting her sensual
shiver at his suggestion. “I figure getting caught having my way
with you ought to restore my image.” She’d healed him. Not just his
body but his reputation and his relationship with his family.
Thanks to her, he was a damned upstanding citizen and he didn’t
feel right in his own skin. But he wanted her too much to work
himself much past annoyed.

She moved to take him inside her, caused his
mind to blank. He slowed her movements and started talking again,
albeit not as steady as he was before. “Know what else I
learned?”

“I think you can just show me now.”

“I’ve got to tell you because there’s an
awful lot of talking going on in all these sex scenes you’ve
written and I’m trying to see if that’s necessary.”

“You didn’t pay attention.” She sat up to
pull him deeper into her. “The talking stops when the action gets
good. And we’re at the good part.”

Dodge looked at Sarah, her hair disheveled
and rolling over her shoulders that glistened in the light coming
in through the half drawn shades. He plucked her nipples between
his fingers and watched her green eyes drift closed as her head
swayed back. How had he let her get so tangled up in his life?

Every time he was with her he wanted to
touch her, every time he touched her he wanted to be inside her and
when he was inside her he never wanted to let her go. And that
scared the hell out of him. Somehow she’d become so much a part of
his life that he couldn’t remember what it was like before she was
around. Except he knew it was going to be damn lonely without her
now.

“What’s wrong, Dodge? Now that you know all
my secrets, you’re not interested anymore?”

He threaded his fingers through her hair and
pulled her face down to his. He could see his reflection in her
eyes. “If only that were true.”

###

Sarah dropped Dodge at his dad’s before she
set off to Denver to meet Kevin and Lyle at the airport. She snaked
her arms around him and nestled against his chest. The moment she’d
dreaded had come and she felt anxious for all the things they'd
left unsaid.

Dodge scowled over her head at the
farmhouse. “I feel like a sixteen-year-old sneaking back home.” He
lifted her chin with his finger.

“Hope your daddy’s not watching,” she said
with a lightheartedness she didn’t feel. When she touched her lips
to his, she wanted to curl into his lap and never let him go. A
deep, dull ache settled in the pit of her stomach.

Had she really thought she could enjoy his
company without getting attached? She should have known better.
She’d been attached even before she’d touched him and now that
she’d touched him and lived with him, it was time to face the ugly
truth. She wasn’t the kind of woman who could have casual sex and
not become emotionally involved. She never had been. Todd had been
her only lover and she’d given him everything. She didn’t know how
not to give her heart along with her body. She’d given everything
to Dodge without even realizing it.

She pulled back before she gave in to the
overwhelming urge to cry. Dodge studied her face with a furrowed
brow before flashing his crooked grin. She stroked his jaw and
raked her fingers over his day-old stubble and fought against the
lump in her throat. She leaned over and kissed him before turning
back to stare out the windshield.

Dodge gave her arm a squeeze. “Be careful on
the drive.”

###

Dodge watched Sarah drive away with a clutch
in his belly. As the dust from the truck settled back on the drive,
he picked up his suitcase and limped inside his childhood home. His
leg felt better, if not a little stiff. He had to remember to
elevate it during the day now that Sarah wouldn't be around to nag
him all the damn time.

The elephant they'd avoided all week had
settled itself firmly in the center of his chest. He was in love
with her. He should have told her, he thought maybe she felt the
same, but he’d chickened out and let her drive away. He wished he
could call her back and they could start over. Instead of the two
of them clearing the air and facing their future together, she was
off on her own, just as she’d come to town. He knew she was scared
of her feelings and scared of how her sons would react. If he’d
told her how he felt, they could have worked out a way to break it
to her kids together instead of her driving all the way to Denver
and hiding everything they’d come to mean to each other.

The screen door screeched and slammed behind
him as he entered the house.

“A.J.?”

“Yeah, Dad, it’s me.” He rolled his suitcase
to the bottom of the stairs and joined his dad in the den. He eased
onto the couch in the same room he’d watched TV in for the first
eighteen years of his life.

“Didn’t think you’d be back.” Donnie spoke
over the drone of a cable news station. He wore faded overalls and
a befuddled expression.

Dodge ran his hands over his face. “Don’t
really want to be.”

Donnie methodically flicked through his
favorite channels. “She kick you out?”

Dodge pushed himself from the couch that
hadn’t fit him since he was a teen. “Kids are coming home. I’m
going to shower. You eat yet?”

Donnie looked up from the TV. “Can’t wash
away what you’ve got, son.”

Dodge stopped in the doorway and turned
around to face his father. “What?”

“Don’t see why you’d want to. Woman like
that, opens her home to you and her heart.” He shrugged and cast
his eyes on Dodge. “You’ve spent your whole life running, A.J. Just
‘cause something's scary doesn’t mean it’s bad. Just means its
worth enough to take note.”

Wasn’t it just like his dad, Dodge thought,
to whittle everything down to its basic elements. Black and white.
Right and wrong. Could it really be that simple?

###

Sarah wiped a tear from her cheek and felt
like slapping her face. Why was she crying? It wasn't like she
wouldn't see Dodge every day just like she always did. But now that
she’d acknowledged that she loved him, she felt scared. He
admittedly didn’t do relationships, although she'd like to know
what he'd call the last seven days. She’d just dropped him off at
home…and he’d let her.

He didn’t feel about her the way she felt
about him. He cared about her, felt some weird sense of
responsibility for her, but love? No. No matter how she approached
their situation, she just couldn’t see Dodge loving her and letting
her love him. He’d given her his body and she may have managed to
work her way under his skin, but there was a big difference between
getting under his skin and getting into his heart.

As she approached the airport, she decided
to stop pouting and focus on the positive. She’d loved and lost
with Todd. Although losing him was the hardest thing she’d ever
gone through, she had made it through. She'd not only lost her
husband when he died, but she lost a big part of herself: her
identity, her life partner, and their plans for the future. Thanks
to their move to Colorado, she’d managed to forge a new life for
herself and her kids. She knew she could love Dodge without losing
herself the way she had with Todd.

The love she felt for Dodge was an
unexpected second chance and she wouldn’t feel ashamed at having
feelings for him just because he couldn’t return them. And she
wouldn’t pressure him to return her feelings. He’d been clear from
the very beginning about what he was capable of giving. It wouldn't
be fair to punish him because she’d broken her word and let her
feelings slide into love. When he walked away, she knew the pain
would recede with time and she’d eventually look back on what they
had fondly.

She parked and made her way inside the
sprawling complex. The only sticky part was the boys. While it
might be okay for her and Dodge to have a sexual relationship, they
couldn't flaunt it in front of the kids. But her kids were old
enough to figure out what was going on between her and Dodge. She
felt a ball of resentment form in her belly as she waited by
security for any sign of her sons.

If Dodge had been open to having a
relationship with Sarah--a committed relationship--there’d be no
need for secrecy. They'd still have to be discreet, but they
wouldn't have to conceal the physical aspect of their relationship.
A sexual fling with a man she had no future with was, in her mind,
paramount to condoning her kids to have sex with whomever they
wanted, damn the consequences. And damn it, she’d raised her sons
better than that.

“Mom!” Kevin shouted. He nearly plowed into
an airport employee shouldering his way through the crowd. Lyle
lagged behind with a contemplative look on his face. Kevin hugged
her, a big bear hug that left her thrilled and slightly
bewildered.

“Hey, I missed you two.” She pulled Lyle
into a hug when Kevin let go. “How was the lake?” She surveyed them
from head to toe. “No injuries that I can see.”

“The lake was great,” Kevin said. “Grandad
let us knee board every day and Lyle and I started doing jumps.” He
barely took a breath as she led them to baggage claim. “This one
time, when I was boarding, I caught a big wake and got turned a
little bit sideways, and then just went with the momentum and did a
full twist. It was so cool.”

Sarah felt encouraged by Kevin’s reception.
He was happy to see her and happy to be home, but Lyle acted so out
of character she felt a stab of anxiety in her gut. She thought
she'd heard some hostility in his voice each day but had brushed it
off as his usual impatience with the phone. But now she knew she'd
been correct and he zeroed in on her suspicions when he spoke.

“Where’s Dodge? I thought he'd be here.”

So like Lyle to get to the heart of every
matter. “He’s working. He’s had to take it easy for the last week
and the doctor finally gave him clearance to go back full
time.”

“Tell us about what happened again,” Kevin
pleaded. “The whole thing from start to finish. I still can’t
believe a senator tried to torch our barn for water. It just
doesn’t make sense.”