Don't Explain (18 page)

He locked the door to the office and
headed to his car. His crimson red BMW Z4 arrived two days ago. It sat high on
top of the moving truck. It looked like it would have easily toppled over with
the slightest breeze, but it had arrived with no damages, except for the mass
grave of insects on his windshield and front end. He sighed at the coupe before
him; he'd have to get something a bit more practical.

He climbed into the car and headed
toward the coffee shop. The practice was close by. He could see the coffee shop
from his soon-to-be office's window, and while he did not choose the office for
that reason, it helped with the decision.

He parked in small gravel lot and
looked through the front window from a distance. Alexis was standing guard as
usual.

He watched Caitlyn for a few minutes.
She moved with elegance behind the counter filling a dark-haired man's order. She
smiled a delicate smile at him, and Michael felt a hot rush of jealousy rush
through him. He knew that he had no right; she no longer belonged to him, but
he did not want to see her with anyone else. He had to hold himself back from
bolting in there and doing something rash. The man left immediately after
receiving his drink, and Michael felt the heat in his face and limbs dissipate.

Michael watched Caitlyn intently. He
remembered how he felt against her, how he grazed his fingers along the curves
of her breasts that were currently hidden away under the apron draped over her
neck. He felt himself becoming aroused and was about to leave when he saw
Alexis leave the counter and move toward the restroom. This was his
opportunity. Maybe the only one he would have.

He quickly jumped out of his car and
moved to the door. He made sure the restroom door was closed before he jingled
the bells of the front door.

“Caitlyn,” he said softly. She lifted
her head and took a step back. Her eyes darted to the bathroom door, and she
opened her mouth as though she was going to cry out, but she stopped herself.
Michael's heart pounded hard against his chest. “Please give me a minute.” He
started to stride slowly toward the counter. He did not want to scare her away
by coming on too aggressively.

“O-okay,” she stammered against
forced breath.

“It was an accident. You know that
right? This wasn't how it was supposed to be.” He paused as he saw her soften
her rigid stance. He wanted to move behind the counter, pull her against him,
and kiss her tenderly on her forehead, mouth, and neck. “You were my best
friend. We can just be friends again, can't we? Without awkwardness?” He lied.
He knew it was a lie, and he hated that he said it, but he was willing to do
anything just to be near her again for a moment.

“I don't know, Michael.” She looked
down at her shoes, “It's a lot more complicated now.”

She was right, and he knew it.

“We live in the same town now. It'll
be hard to avoid me. Let's call a truce before it gets too ugly. I want you to
be my friend in this. I
need
you as a friend.” He walked around the
counter and stood before her. He could feel her breath against his skin, and his
will was overpowering hers. She began to turn away from him, but he grabbed her
and held her against his chest. She submitted to his hug and wrapped her arms
around his neck. He felt the little hairs stand up on end, and he had to
quickly catch his breath. He closed his eyes and remembered the last time that
they were together.

“Okay,” she whispered in his ear,
sending heat down his spine and to his groin.

“What the hell do you think you are
doing?” Michael and Caitlyn dropped their arms from the embrace, and Michael
turned to find Alexis, red in the face, charging toward them. “Get out of here!”

Michael heard a hushed protest from Caitlyn,
but he knew that Alexis would not have heard her. He threw his hands up in
surrender, “I'm leaving.” He walked to the door and turned back to smile kindly
at Caitlyn before leaving.

Caitlyn let out a deep breath that
she had been holding.

“Why?” Alexis looked and sounded exasperated.

“He's my friend. This wasn't his fault. I wouldn't love him if he didn't
do the right thing. That's not the Michael I know and wanted to be with.”

“You drank his Kool-Aid. I can't believe this! Ten minutes ago you were
tragically crushed because he left you for that goodie-two-shoes.” Alexis was clenching
her fists tightly at her sides and breathing deeply.

Caitlyn knew that the only thing Alexis liked more than hearing about
sexual exploits was to complain about being wronged. Caitlyn usually found this
to be a charming and amusing quality, but when used against her, she liked it a
lot less.

“He lives here. It's a small town. I can't avoid him forever; you can’t
protect me forever. I needed an armistice. If nothing else, he won't be
bothering me to be his friend any more. He'll probably leave me alone more now.”

Alexis shook her head in disappointment. “You idiot. You have put
yourself in the same place you were in at the U of A. Only now you don't have
any hope. He's knocked up another woman and left you for her.”

Caitlyn thought that maybe Alexis was upset because she did not have to
actively protect her friend any longer.

“I'll still need you. This is going to be difficult for me.”

“No kidding.”

“Besides, weren't you going to help me get over it by taking me to Fitchburg
this weekend to hit a few bars? I need it even more now.”

Alexis narrowed her eyes on Caitlyn, “True. I still need to get you laid
to help with the healing process.” She paused. “Fine, but consult with me
before jumping into anything with Michael. Promise?”

Caitlyn held up her right hand to swear to keep the agreement. “I admit I
was swept away, and I need your guidance when it comes to him. I will make no
more moves without your approval.”

“Good. You know I'm just looking out for you.”

“I know you are, but I’ve been hiding for two weeks. It’s time for me to
move on. Why don't you head to your house and get some rest? You've been great,
but you obviously need a break from me. At least until the weekend.” Caitlyn
thought about the sleeping bag that was on her sofa and her bathroom that
looked like a drugstore cosmetic aisle blew up and the debris landed around her
sink and shower. It was nice having Alexis around for a little while, but she
was ready to get her space back. Apparently Alexis felt the same way, and she
quickly agreed and was out of the coffee shop within minutes.

Caitlyn looked out the window into the parking lot. She thought about the
hug Michael had given her. His touch immediately warmed her, and she wanted him
right there. Her desire for him had not waned with the time. She considered
pulling him into the back of the shop and making love to him right there. His
blue eyes trapped her, and she knew that she would forgive him, even though she
wasn't quite ready. He could easily manipulate her, she knew it, and she let
him. She could still smell his musk on her shirt, and it made her long to kiss
him again.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt the vibration of her phone in
her apron pocket. Alexis had given her it back before she left, and she was
glad to be able to answer it again. It was annoying to not be able to get phone
calls and check her messages without someone previewing them.

Her heart skipped when she saw that it was Michael's number on the
display. She hesitated only for a moment. “Hello?” she questioned meekly.

“Hey. I'm glad you answered.”

“Me too.” She lied. She was pretty sure that answering his call was a
very bad idea.

“So, we are going to start moving into the house tomorrow. Come over.
Meet Margaret.” He commanded innocently.

Caitlyn's heart dropped to her stomach, and she felt sick. She knew that
she should say no. She knew that she should ask Alexis first. But all she could
do was think of the embrace and without thought of anything else, anything reasonable,
she agreed.

“She's really sweet. You ladies have a lot in common. I think you might
like her.”

Doubt it.

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm not even sure that I like you very
much.” He laughed, but she was not joking. “I'll be over after work.”

She hung up the phone, realizing what she had just done and knowing that
she had no one to confide in. She moved to the espresso machine to console
herself with something hot and sweet.

The house Michael had bought sat on five acres of land at the edge of
town. It wasn't a big house, but Michael had big plans for it. The house sat a
quarter of a mile off of the road. The first 100 yards of driveway looked more
like a jeep path in the middle of the forest, but it quickly opened up to a beautifully
landscaped yard with the last portion of the driveway smoothly paved. It was an
oasis in the middle of an untamed forest. Even in the midst of fall, the grass
was a vibrant green. A flower bed lined the wooden panels of the split-level
home. Caitlyn pulled into the path and watched as Sam, Michael's Doberman pinscher,
greeted her by barking and running along the side of the car as she approached
the end of the driveway.

Two large white trucks were parked by the garage door. Boxes seemed to be
spilling out, along with mismatched lamps, a floral sofa, and a lack of
cohesion that did not seem to fit Michael's clean-line style.

With a superhuman effort, she pulled herself out of the car, but before
she closed the door, she felt overwhelmed and started to get back in. She set
her head on the steering wheel as she started up the old Volkswagen again, but
she faintly heard her name being called and knew that she had been discovered.
She was doomed. This was a terrible idea. She climbed back out of her car and
headed toward the door.

Michael was standing in the doorway with a huge smile on his face. He
gave her a hug when she reached him, and she let it linger for a moment while
she took in his fresh scent.

“Come on. Let me introduce you to Margaret.” He seemed to push her away
from him as he said it. Caitlyn followed him into the house and up a half
flight of stairs. Big, burly men moved about the house carrying furniture and
boxes. At this point, it was looking more like a garage sale than a purposeful
design. Strangely, clothes, books, dirty paper and plastic tableware had
already been strewn across the place despite the couple only having been there
since the morning. Caitlyn figured that was why Michael was not bothered by her
mess the first time he came into her house.

Caitlyn plastered a big smile on her face. She had stood in front of the
mirror and worked on it all morning.

She thought it looked genuine, but when Michael saw it he commented, “Be
nice.”

Startled by the accusation that she was being anything else, Caitlyn
replied, “This
is
me being nice,” but dropped the fake grin anyway.
Michael saw that she was serious and commented no further.

He led her through the maze of moving boxes and into the kitchen where a
table and chairs had been set up. He pulled a chair out for her, and she sat reluctantly.
“I'll go get Margaret,” he said as he turned to leave the room. Caitlyn looked
out the sliding door that led to a beautiful deck looking over the carefully
groomed backyard. Caitlyn envied the birds outside the window. They were free.
They didn't fall in love only to have their hearts broken. They just flitted
about without a care. She realized that her train of thought was ridiculous and
shook her head to get rid of it.

Michael returned with a smiling Margaret tucked under his arm, her arms
wrapped around his waist.

 “Hi, Caitlyn,” she said, unwrapping herself from Michael and thrusting
her hand toward Caitlyn.

Caitlyn stood and took the hand in to hers, shaking it sharply. “Hi.” She
felt the fake smile begin to cross her face but quickly stopped herself
thinking of Michael's comment. Now she didn't know what to do with her face,
and a wiry half-smile twisted itself onto her face.

“I’m so glad that you decided to come over so we could meet. I feel
really bad about coming to your house that night. I want to make it up to you,
and I hope that we can be the friends that I want us to be. Michael tells me
you are a really good friend,” Margaret said, her mocha curls bouncing as she
spoke.

Caitlyn sat back down in the kitchen chair speechless. It wasn’t
something that she ever really considered, being friends with Margaret. She didn’t
really want her as a friend, but if Michael was going to be her friend, she
supposed there was no other way. She’d have to at least fake it. She was pretty
bad at faking it, so she didn’t say anything.

Michael and Margaret crossed the kitchen to the other side of the table.
Michael had pasted a smile on his face that was similar to the one Caitlyn had
tried when she first arrived as he pulled a chair out for Margaret.

“So you own a coffee shop?” Margaret asked.

Caitlyn nodded her head. This was weirder than she thought it would be.
She’d seen Michael with other women as part of a couple before, but this was
different. “What do you do?”

“I am a speech-language pathologist.”