Don't Lie to Me (25 page)

We stared at each other for who knows how long and Jack’s expressionless face changed to sadness, just for a second before he closed off his emotions again. His hand ran roughly down the front of his face as if he was trying to wipe them away.

When he spoke again, he shattered me.

“You’re fired, Emma. Effective immediately.”

Before I knew what I was doing, the palm of my hand connected with Jack’s cheekbone. His head snapped to the left making a cracking sound and my palm instantly burned.

He rubbed his tongue across the inside of his cheek that I had just smacked, and still – he said nothing.

Asshole.

“You’re an asshole, Jack.”

As I turned to leave, I saw, what I thought was a flash of fear, or panic flicker through his eyes.

“Emma,” he said, his voice hoarse.

I paused, hoping he’d stop me from leaving. That he’d tell me he was being a jerk and that he was sorry. Then we’d sit down and calmly talk about what was going on, what was bothering him so severely.

The flicker in his eyes disappeared as he took a deep breath, rolling back his shoulders and standing straight and tall. He shook his head, and said nothing.

I was a naïve, foolish girl.

I pursed my lips and swallowed my tears. I wouldn’t let him see how much this affected me. He had given me a job, my lifeline when I needed it the most, and then made me fall in love with him.

Only to rip it away when the first sign of trouble appeared.

A bone-chilling silence filled his apartment as I picked up my bags and purse for the last time. He said nothing, gave no showing of an emotion as I walked away from him.

Tears erupted once I was finally enclosed in the safety of his elevator doors.

I was just walking into my apartment with Logan and Penny when my cell phone went off. I ignored it, knowing it wasn’t Jack. Not that I was expecting him to call, or text, or fucking apologize for the way he manhandled me.

The only people who texted me were Macy and my parents, and I didn’t want to talk to either of them for fear I might lose any hold I was maintaining on my emotions; however small it was at the moment.

I paid Penny and began running Logan’s bathwater, thinking about dinner and trying as hard as I possibly could to forget my nightmare afternoon with Jack. More tears would come, I was sure after Logan went to bed, but I didn’t want him to see me upset.

“Come on in the bath now, buddy,” I called to Logan once the tub was filled. He happily jumped in and once he began playing with the water toys, I braved my phone.

It was from Marcus. I smiled reading his text.

Can’t stop thinking about Logan. Can I see him tonight? I can bring dinner.

I wasn’t in the mood for company. Especially Marcus. I also hated the idea of telling him no. He had so much fun with Logan the day before.

I checked my watch and realized that I was starving and hadn’t eaten anything all day. I also didn’t feel like cooking. I also really didn’t feel like company and the thought of having to put on a fake smile for Marcus tonight was totally unappealing when I felt like throwing up. On the other hand, if he was there, he could take care of Logan while I wallowed in my self-pity and anger.

“Hey, it’s Emma,” I said when he answered. I smiled at Logan as he splashed in the bubbles and played with his cars. “Hey Logan, do you want to see….your dad?”

Logan’s smile lit up, full of hopefulness. “Can I?”

I heard Marcus’ laughter through the phone. “Have I mentioned how much I fucking love being called a dad?”

I shook my head. “Maybe once or twice. But you’re really going to need to start watching your language, you know.”

“Shit. Oh…crap. Yeah, I keep forgetting. Anyway, can I bring you guys some dinner tonight and spend a couple hours with him?”

I smiled at the hesitancy in Marcus’ voice. He seemed so vulnerable and like maybe he had as crappy of an afternoon as me. Plus, Logan was excited. There was no way I was going to be the one responsible for wiping the smile off Logan’s face.

“Not a problem. I’m finishing up Logan’s bath, but we’ll be here.”

“God, thank you, Emma. Seriously, you don’t owe me this, but I’m so fu….freaking grateful for you giving me this chance.”

“Yeah, well just don’t screw it up,” I replied, not even half-joking.

I practically heard Marcus’ teeth grind together through the phone and I almost regretted the warning immediately. All day yesterday he had acted like the guy I remembered – the good guy - before everything went to shit. Deep down, I knew he was a good guy, and one of the reasons I’d agreed to elope and hadn’t been afraid of having a child with him.

“I won’t. What do you guys like to eat?”

“Sorry,” I muttered. My anger at Jack had nothing to do with Marcus. “It’s been a shitty day.” Before he could say anything, I cupped my hand over my receiver and peered at Logan. “What do you want for dinner Logan?”

His little nose crinkled up, as if he was really thinking hard about it. I didn’t buy it for a single second and I splashed him with water, almost forgetting Marcus was still on the phone. While Logan sputtered and spit the soap and bubbles out of his mouth and off his face, I took my hand off the phone. “You’ll probably be his biggest hero if you bring him a cheeseburger Happy Meal.”

“And a video game dad!” Logan shouted and I heard Marcus’ laughter through the phone.

“No video games,” I said sternly to both of them at the same time.

“Sounds good, see you in a little bit.”

We said our good-bye’s, and I knew I was going to be spending the rest of the night watching Marcus and Logan jump on paper mushrooms while I pretended to be annoyed. I’d let Marcus have this time of spoiling the shit out of his kid because I knew it was partly my fault that he didn’t know his son.

Sure, I thought he was a prick when his dad showed up all those years ago. But the truth, was that I could have gone to Marcus at any time and told him I didn’t have an abortion. I could have chosen to be brave any day over the last five years and let him have his chance with Logan. Fear and anger kept me from it. I sighed, the guilt weighing on me.

I kept Logan – intentionally – from his dad. Even when he asked about a dad, or where he was, I lied. I hated that. I hated feeling like I’d knowingly kept my son from the one person who he wanted to know more than anyone, thinking that replacements like Tate and Jack were enough for him.

I stared at my son and fought back the tears. Marcus’s admissions from the previous day about how much he wanted this family played in my head on repeat. Would Logan hate me forever for keeping his dad from him or would he forgive me when he was old enough to understand why I did it? Was Marcus in his life now, enough to erase all the pain and tears I’d caused my boy?

The only thing I knew for sure was that not knowing the answers sucked.

EIGHTEEN

My friends ganged up on me. Apparently, forty-eight hours was enough to wallow in the misery of losing your job and your lover at the same time. Macy spent Friday night with me, listening to me cry and bitch about how shitty Jack was. I didn’t tell her specifics, but she knew enough. She also told me how wretched Jack had been at work that day. If it was supposed to make me feel better, it didn’t. I didn’t want Jack miserable. I wanted him to open up for once and talk to me. I wanted him to want me.

The realization he didn’t hit me smack in the chest and Macy stomped her foot down when I tried defending him.

“That’s it.” She stood up Saturday morning, brushed muffin crumbs off her pajama pants, and faced me, looking taller than her just over five foot frame allowed. “We’re getting wasted tonight.”

“I’ve already talked to Marcus,” she said with a smirk on her lips. “He wants to have Logan over at his place anyway so he said he’d watch Logan while we went out tonight.”

I really didn’t want to go out. I had more wallowing to do. I just knew better than to argue with her. If I didn’t join the party, she’d bring it to me.

“Fine.”

She left, making me promise to meet her at the bar after I dropped Logan off at Marcus’ later in the afternoon. While Logan watched an animated super heroes movie, I sorted the laundry, cleaned up the apartment and got ready to go out.

I was doing well, pushing thoughts of Jack to the back of my mind until I saw Macy’s eggplant colored dress, the dress I wore on our first date, still hanging in my closet.

Memories of him flooded my mind even as I tried to turn them off. I sat on the floor of my closet, crying quietly knowing that Jack was terribly wrong.

His three-date-rule was still strongly in effect.

We may have screwed around a lot more than that, but as soon as something bad happened – whatever the hell it was that happened to him earlier in the week – Jack had thrown up walls faster than a rocket launching into space, even after professing his love for me.

Suddenly, getting skunk drunk sounded like a fabulous idea. A night out without having to worry about paying babysitters or being quiet in the morning so I didn’t wake Logan up? Sounded like a vacation to me, and if anyone had earned one after the way this week went, I figured it was me.

I allowed myself a few more tears, promising myself that they were the last I would cry over Jack, got dressed, and then helped Logan pack an overnight bag.

Armed with a small suitcase, his pillow, and a couple of his favorite sleeping blankets wrapped under his arms, we headed to Marcus’ apartment. It was just a few miles from where I lived and I nervously wrung my hands on the steering wheel the entire time at the idea of leaving Logan alone for the night.

Eventually I knew we’d have to sit down and work out a custody agreement, but Logan was so happy around him and Marcus seemed so excited to make up for lost time, that I didn’t want to set anything in stone just yet.

Marcus’s apartment was slightly larger than mine and much newer. His furnishings were fancier and his big screen television on a far wall rivaled Jack’s. I instantly hated the comparison.

“You’re going to keep him from your dad, right?” I asked abruptly and then instantly wanted to duct tape my own mouth shut. I waved a hand in apology. “Sorry….I’ve had a long week…”

Marcus cut me off. “You don’t need to worry about that, Emma. I swear it to you.” By the darkening of his eyes and the fiercely protective stance, I knew he was right.

“I know. Like I said, I’ve had a lot going on this week.”

I watched Logan happily drift off and explore his new surroundings while trying to find something less stupid to say.

“Where do I sleep?” He asked Marcus, his eyes wide with excitement.

Marcus smiled and ruffled his hair. “Right this way, buddy.”

Instantly, tears burned the back of my eyes. That was my nickname for Logan and no one else used it. Ever. I didn’t know if I was pissed or sad that he was getting someone else to call him that now too. Some irrational part of me wanted to scream that it was my name and he couldn’t use it. Fortunately, the rational side of me was still in somewhat control so I bit my tongue. Not soon enough for Marcus to miss the anger in my eyes.

He frowned but turned back to Logan. “I made a room for you. Do you want to see it?”

“Yeah!” Logan yelled and clapped his hands, jumping up and down like only a little kid can and hopped off down the hall. I followed, my curiosity piqued.

My jaw dropped as soon as I stepped foot in the doorway. It was amazing. Perhaps I’d need to bring up the ‘don’t spoil the shit out of your kid’ speech earlier than I thought. With wide eyes, Logan and I both glanced around his new room in utter awe.

A bed, that looked like a tree house was on one wall and underneath were two shelves of books. Hundreds of books. Over a dozen Lego sets sat in their boxes on one of the shelves, completely unopened. A bucket overflowing with cars sat in one corner, and a stack of board games and puzzles sat on another shelf. And on the dresser, sat his very own television, complete with a new gaming system and a stack of games.

I was too terrified to look in the closet. Toys R Us had showed up and vomited all over the place. It was too much.

Logan didn’t think so as he squealed and jumped. “Look mom! Daddy bought me Legos…all of them!”